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Posts
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@Baseballguy1996 Since she’s Catholic, she might not feel comfortable in your Lutheran church, but you could sometimes attend the services in her church. Placing you above God is rather vague, but I’m guessing she might have occasionally missed Mass to spend time with you doing other things. Or maybe she didn’t read her Bible as much as she used to. Is any chance she’s thinking about becoming a nun? Anyway, talking together with her Priest will give you both a much better perspective and I encourage you to do it, if she’s willing!
Please don’t give her an ultimatum or ask for a promise. Even though she loves you very much, yes, it’s too much to ask at this time. Keep doing what you’ve been doing, which is communicating sweetly with each other. I know you’re anxious and want an answer one way or the other right this minute, but please take it slow and be grateful she’s still in your life. Take her out before she leaves for college. Also ask her if you could please talk together with her Priest.
I know you want and need answers from her but I think by asking her all of these things, you’re going to put too much pressure on her and she may run away from that. The only time I would do all of that is when you’re in the middle of a serious discussion. It’s really not fair for you to just wait around when she doesn’t know what she wants which is why I was saying for you to just give her a little space and let her come to you. For her to breakup with you because she’s saying she put you before God doesn’t really make a lot of sense. She could have just as easily switched it to make God her number 1 priority while still continuing a relationship with you. It’s not that hard as some people say it is. But her being extremely religious, she may see that was the only choice. Not one I would have done or you would have done but that is what it is with her.
Ultimatums are never a good idea because she will just think of you as pressuring her into a small commitment you called it. If you honestly can’t handle her indecisiveness, then just tell her that and how you feel. But just don’t tell her to make up her mind….or else! lol Just say like how it is…. Honestly you’ve been more than patient with her. The whole indecisiveness would drive me damn crazy.
She never missed church for me or anything and we were both comfortable with each other being different denominations. Perhaps I caused her to slack on her reading or praying but I kind of doubt it. I think it was more she would think in terms of what would make me happy instead of what would make God happy. And no she isn’t considering being a nun lol. I agree talking to a priest is a good idea and I would guess she will be willing.
I won’t give her the ultimatum, at least not yet and you’re right I should just be glad we are still talking and seem to have a good relationship. I guess I am getting a little greedy when I should just appreciate what I already have, thanks Patricia!
@philthedrill
I agree I shouldn’t put any more pressure on her. Sometimes I lose sight that this was a tough thing for her too and a lot of things are changing in her life right now. It has to be tough for her because she lived a pretty sheltered life. I do need to give her space and it isn’t fair for me to wait around for her but she never asked me to so if I do it’s 100% my decision.
This is all speculation on my part but I think the whole placing me before God thing was her saying I have problems I need to fix. Towards the end of our relationship (if say 3-4 months) she had been treating me pretty badly. Not in the sense that she would like call me names or be rude or anything but she didn’t put any effort into our relationship. She would fill up her schedule and not talk to me let alone see me. This occurred at a time when I really messed we most and I think he recognized the way she was treating me. Now this is not to say I’m not culpable as well because I made plenty of mistakes. And I do think she saw it as her only choice and she has always been a little bit extreme when she puts pressure on herself.
The indecisiveness is hard for me to handle but I think it would be unwise to bring it up now. Or should I let it be known that it is hard for me? I guess maybe I should take her out a couple of times, wait for college to start for her and see what she does. If she starts to drift away, give the ultimatum. If she seems to be pulling closer, leave things be.
Well, I met a new girl tonight that basically blew my mind and tons of making out….I did not see that coming at all. She and I both like each other a lot so I’m more confused than ever since I’m still in love but omg, I think everything changed tonight. Enough about me….on to you lol
She may have never asked you to wait around but as I recall she said she would be upset if you met someone else when you had your serious talk not long ago. I think she does expect you to wait because if you met someone else, she would be devastated. As far as being indecisive, you don’t have to bring it up now, but if it gets worse, you’re going to have to scream in another room a lot more. I would try to take her out and just see where it goes so you can get a feel of what she feels and you can have fun together. I wouldn’t give her an ultimatum or anything, I would just be straight up and honest when you get too tired of it all and just say what you’re going to do about it. In other words, I’m not dealing with this anymore. But I wouldn’t ever go the route of saying, I can’t do this anymore, you stop it or else. Just take charge and say….that’s it, you’re done….maybe not that harsh, but you know what I mean lol
I’m sorry to hear you confused but I’m really glad you like this new girl! Did you ever return your ex’s things or is he not back yet?
That’s true she did say that but I guess I did the same so I’m putting the same thing on her. I just don’t get why she has to be so complicated. Like I can even understand if she doesn’t want a relationship right now but if she does love me, why can’t she just say we can be together just my now. I agree I need to take her out and kind of feel the situation out. I think I will tell her I don’t like the indecisiveness soon. We haven’t talked since Thursday night, I figured she would have texted me last night but she didn’t. She’s probably thinking stuff over and I think that actually benefits me in this situation.
Keep me posted on the new lady!
lol ahh, maybe I just need to get over my ex once and for all and I haven’t felt this way in a long time so maybe it’s overdue. Yeah, she came back on Thursday but I haven’t given the rest of her stuff back. I’ve gone over to see her brother several times this week. We were born a year apart so we can talk for hours about our childhood.
Life is complicated and yes it shouldn’t be this complicated. Why she’s making it that way, I’m not too sure, but only she can answer that. I think mostly she’s just scared. It sounds like she’s letting her fears control her even though she knows she loves you, she’s just scared. If you’re saying you did things as well to hurt her, maybe she’s scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of getting hurt too but I’m not going to wait on the sidelines letting life pass me by. Life is way too short with all of the killings etc that keep going on. My whole feel is, you get one life, so live it fully and not in fear of what ifs.
I’m sure she’s thinking over stuff and most likely overanalyzing everything. She’s going to have to just stop and trust God has her and he wouldn’t have you both still talking and both still in each other’s lives if you were bad for each other. (oh boy, makes me think of why my ex and I aren’t still talking….could be God) But like I said, God is overseeing you both and at some point she just needs to let her guard down and let things be.
Well I’m glad you met this other girl, you deserve someone who makes you happy! I think it’s cool that you and her brother still hang out, he’s a good friend.
I think she’s probably scared too, she’s never been much of a risk taker. Yeah at some point she’s just going to have to have to take a chance on me. Or at least I hope she does anyway.
Well, like I said, just give her some space for a little bit, let her miss talking to you and then soon you meet up with her and have fun together. Yeah, she really needs to just stop worrying about everything. You get hurt in life, you deal with it and move on, sometimes you hold resentments like I have and it leads you to nowhere. She just needs to trust God and he wouldn’t put you both in each other’s orbit if he thought you were bad for each other.
So we talked two nights ago, and it got serious again… I told her I didn’t like her indecision. We talked for awhile more and she asked me more questions and I told her what I didn’t like about the situation. I didn’t give her an ultimatum or anything but I did tell her that crossing the road analogy and that I felt she was using God as an excuse to justify her actions. I didn’t make accusations and I wasn’t rude but I was firm. I was just trying to tell her the way it was (from my perspective anyway.) It was a little strange because she wasn’t angry but she wasn’t happy (obviously). Normally I’m very good at reading her emotions but I couldn’t quite get a handle on her this time.
She told me she needs time to think and I told her to take as much time as she needs. I hope it’s not too and I don’t think it will be. My birthday is Saturday so I’m expecting she’ll at least say something then. Do you think I did the right thing? I’m at peace with my decision but I’m a little worried it wasn’t in my favor. Anyway your thoughts? Lol
You absolutely made the right decision and I’m very proud of you for it. You were firm, stated how you felt and told her straight up without being needy or argumentive and I honestly believe she respects you more for it. She may not have been showing you how she felt, but I honestly believe that when a guy tells a girl bluntly how they feel without being rude is sooo much better than crying to them and begging them to take you back. It lets them know that whatever happens, you’re not afraid to be upfront and won’t let anyone walk all over you using excuses.
Being said that, I’m different in the fact that if it were reversed and a girl I was with was crying to me that she still wanted to be with me, etc…I wouldn’t judge her and call it unattractive. You feel what you feel regardless how you come across but everywhere I read says that women want a strong guy who knows what he wants, in control at all times, etc….it may not be that way necessarily with her but I have seen it work in action with my ex in the past.
So, yeah….I would let her think for awhile and let her soak it all in and she probably will contact you for your birthday. You feeling confident in how you told her is great. You should be proud of yourself.
Thank you for your support and I hope I made the right decision lol. I don’t think she realized she was making excuses and I hope I opened her eyes to it without offending her. She is quite naive, but she has a good heart.
I’m the same way, I’m a helper. If someone came crying to me as well I wouldn’t be judge mental either. She’s quite independent and very stubborn so that’s working away at me here but I hope me saying what I did was a little bit of a wake up call for her. Just have to hope for the best at this point I guess.
I am pretty proud and in one hand it makes me feel good and confident. On the other hand it’s hard to not feel like this is a crossroads for this situation and either this is the start of something new or the beginning of the end… Again. Which makes me nervous lol
Well, you did what was necessary for you….otherwise who knows how long she would keep being indecisive. Now, she may pull back….that’s a possibility but you had to do something. Being in limbo really sucks. It’s just no way to live. Like I said, you did the right thing no matter what the outcome but I really believe it will make her think more.
Things didn’t work out with me and the other girl from Saturday. She was the best kisser I’ve ever had and she always said she was upfront and blunt but she stop talking pretty much after Saturday after saying we clicked so well together so I guess she used me to make out with lol Oh well, back to square 1 again, how fun.
But keep your head up and keep knowing you did the right thing for yourself. It’s a lot better than begging her or giving her an ultimatum. Now she knows where you stand.
Yeah at least she knows where I stand and I’ll soon know where she stands. Not sure if I’ll like it or not but that’s life lol. I think the fact that she’s thinking more is good too, she used to act more impulsively and not look back.
I’m sorry to hear about that other girl, I guess she just doesn’t know what she’s missing out on! Women are so strange lol but at least you’re getting out and meeting people. Heck of a lot better than sitting at home watching The Office to distract you from your ex (aka me lol). You’ll find someone soon, someone like you can get along with a lot of people which helps in relationships soon.
I’m not sad about my decision but I feel strangely empty right now. I actually haven’t been thinking about her as much, which is good but I love her the same nonetheless.
Yeah, I think you would probably feel strangely empty because you put a ton of energy into letting her know how you felt so it can leave you drained because you’re not too sure how she’s going to react after thinking. She’s taking time to really think which I think is really good. Sometimes people need that extra push.
Yeah, I’m sorry too it didn’t work out. She was pretty damn hot, we clicked so well sparring back and forth and I can’t believe I’m saying this….a slightly better kisser than my ex. They both kiss very passionately which I love. lol I’m trying to meet people, it just never works out. Maybe God says it’s not time.
I’m glad you’re not sad. You don’t deserve to be. You deserve to be happy regardless. Women are very strange but what can ya do?
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