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I’m doing alright. The 4th was good to get my mind off stuff. Glad to hear you had a good 4th too!
Yeah, just did the fireworks stand in the heat, but it was good, lots of people shooting off fireworks and good a good scene. Now I’m back in town, it’s time to start working out again later on this evening….continue to move on.
Good to hear the fireworks stand picked up and I hear you.
I’ve been pretty lonely, I don’t know if I should start focusing my energy on moving on or not. I still love her so much but everything feels so strange. We’ve texted a couple more times and sometimes it feels like she genuinely still has feelings for me and other times it feels like she’s distant. I hate feeling so conflicted lol
I think that whole loneliness thing is normal when you’re going through what you’re going through, hell, I feel that way, even when I was at the stand and there was nothing to do but sit there. If you’re not ready to move on, don’t…there’s no rush….as long as you’re doing what you want to do and taking care of yourself, you don’t have to necessarily move on. If she’s being distant, a lot of it may be from feeling remorse for how she treated you and just doesn’t want to hurt you again. No doubt she still has feelings, she just may be conflicted on what to do with them just yet. Just keep doing what you’re doing and just hang back for awhile and let her make the move. It will come crashing down sooner or later that she’ll get tired of just being friends. Love doesn’t go away just like that and the fact ya’ll are still talking, it’s impossible for it to just go away.
I have a dinner set up for next week with my ex’s brother just to hang out. It’s more of a thank you to him for being there for me when she walked out on me. He really is a true friend so I’m thankful to those that were there for me. It might make you feel good to do that to a friend or 2 that have been there for you as well….take them out to eat and just say “thanks for always being there for me through my hardest times.” lol Just a thought….
That’s good advice Phil, thank you. I probably should hang out with my friends more and take it easy a little more instead of worrying about work all the time.
I guess I just overthink too many things lol, I don’t know why I feel so conflicted. But we’ve been talking well over a month now and it’s been over a month since I last saw her and when I did we didn’t even talk. Do you think I should maybe ask her to meet up sometime? She has hinted that she would but I’m not sure if now is the right time, any advice?
Well, the next time you talk to her on the phone, be fun and flirty and say….I’m going over….here to get….etc and say you should come join me. That way it looks just like a friendship date and she won’t have any pressure. Then she shouldn’t have any problems going with you. This way it doesn’t look like a date, it just looks like you’re going anyways, she should go along. I overthink all the time and overanalyze every little thing so I can understand you doing that. Do you know any of her friends?
Good idea what do you think would be an appropriate activity to go out for. I mean like shopping? Going to the zoo? Going out to eat?
And yeah I know all of her friends and get along with them but I never really talk to them outside of when they would hang out with us. I don’t have their number or anything and I don’t have/use social media so I don’t really have any way to contact them outside of showing up at their door if that’s what you’re getting at.
I would just say something simple to start off, maybe to the mall to look at something….is there a new restaurant you’ve been wanting to try? “I’m going to go try this new place on…..you should come….sounds like good food.” If you don’t talk to her friends, then just talk strictly to her. Just keep it a simple meetup and then from there if the feeling is right, you can go for a walk or something to just talk. If she hem haw’s about it acting like it’s a date and doesn’t want to, tell her I’m not asking you to run out and get married lol just thought you might want to join…but keep it playful.
I guess a little good news and a little bad news. The good news is we talked on the phone and she said she’s noticed how much I’ve changed (in a good way) the last 4 months (how long we’ve been apart). So that’s a good thing I think and she was very friendly and borderline flirty (she’s not much of a flirter to begin with.)
The bad news is I can feel some mild depression coming back and with it comes all my insecurities. Also because of it I didn’t have the courage to ask her out yet. She told me she was heading out of town next weekend with a couple friends. For some reason this really bothered me an made me feel insecure. It is taken me a whole lot of effort for me not to call her and beg for her back again. It’s frustrating how tough this is.
Ok, here is how it is….the whole friends thing….just friends, that’s all, no one she’s interested in, so try not to think of it as anything more than her having a good time when she goes out of town. Think of it as her thinking about you the WHOLE time. Yes, this is possible. Think about it…she won’t be talking to you maybe as much and at the same time anyone who has fun thinks….”I wish they were here”….that is what she’ll be doing. The mild depression is absolutely normal. Remember….talking to her is going to stir up those old feelings of insecurity. Don’t worry if you haven’t asked her out…there’s no time line. Just relax and you’ll ask her when you’re confident and ready to.
So, like I said….try to think of this going out of town thing as a good thing because I know she will be thinking of you the whole time. Think about it…you’re the one she talked to the most, you’re the one she still obviously loves, so you are the one who she will think about everyday. Also while we’re at it, think about it…she’s never one that flirts but she’s borderline flirting with you now? All good signs. Your mind is going to play some horrific tricks on you. Talk to yourself and tell your mind that she still loves you. She’s talking to you, she’s giving you positive signs like you changing in a good way over the 4 months.
Thanks for sticking with me Phil, it means a lot to me. Just typing everything out makes me feel better. Sometimes when I go back and read what I say it sounds so silly. When I get down my mind messes with me. The mind is a very powerful thing. I just have to keep my chin up and keep working on myself. I’m not sure what I would do without this site..
It’s totally ok you feeling the way you do, because I get down at times too. When you love someone as much as we do, it’s takes a lot of energy out of you if/when things don’t always go your way. But it’s not all that silly. You feel the way you feel for a good reason. Your mind is a very powerful thing to deal with and unfortunately it gets us in trouble (depression)…. I think given the whole situation, you’re dealing with it the best you can and that’s really all you can do and count on the support of us and your friends through those dark times. Try to stay positive and remember you’ve come a hell of a long way in the past 4 months, so you’re stronger and a newer version of yourself. It’s positive and it looks good to her and betters your chances of getting back with her.
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