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You have no basis to think she might want to stop talking or you’re saying you have no basis in getting mad if she does? I really wish ya’ll could go out and hang out….this whole txt messages and sometimes phone stuff is BS….you both need to spend time together. All in all, she shouldn’t be just making any decisions without exploring her feelings for you again. If she’s running scared, she needs to just let bygones be bygones of the past. I should know….my ex runs scared from anything. Her brother has told me about her previous relationships and how she stopped talking to all of them. It’s just BS to live like that.
Why I’m saying with you and her there is wayyyyyy too much history for this to be such a big issue.
I meant no basis to think she might stop talking. But as I’m thinking about it now, maybe she took what I said as an ultimatum. I mean I said I don’t like her indecision so maybe she took that as I want a decision immediately. Do you think it would be a bad idea to talk to her tomorrow just to clear up any miscommunication if there is anything? I would hate for this to blow up in my face over some misunderstanding.
I agree that the whole text and sometimes call is pretty stupid. I guess it’s just what she’s comfortable with right now. Should I ask her out soon too? Or should I wait for whatever this is to get resolved first? But yeah my ex likes to run from things too, albeit it sounds to a lesser extent, if she’s uncomfortable with something she tends to shut down and reject it.
I guess for all I know she’s just been busy and I’m overthinking things.
Really you both should be talking about this heavy stuff face to face so there is no misunderstandings….txt messages can get so misconstrued and be seen the wrong way. I would see if she would like to meet up so you both can talk and clear the air. It’s just too hard to do it other ways….over the phone is still better than txts but in person is the best.
Yeah I agree. Maybe tomorrow I’ll ask her to meet up this weekend to talk things through.
Yeah and then at least you’ll know what she’s thinking and feeling and then get facial reactions, etc….
Yeah and I can get good feel for the situation instead of guessing all the time. If things go well I could ask if she would be willing to talk to a pastor or priest as well. I’m thinking she would be ok with that so it’s probably a good idea
Things didn’t go well last night… She wouldn’t even talk to me on the phone. She thought it was an ultimatum but I told her it wasn’t. She said she’s unsure of her feelings for me and that she doesn’t even want to think about future relationships.
Like I said couldn’t even get her on the phone and she didn’t even text really. I hate to say this but she was acting like a total bitch. She kept apologizing for hurting me though.
I don’t know what my next step is, I don’t have much hope left. I’m feeling exactly like I did 5 months ago with no progress to show for it. I literally have no idea where to go from here, I’m so hurt she wouldn’t even give me the opportunity to talk. I just feel like crap. Maybe NC is my only option at this point, cut it off for good. I’m scared to move I though because I love her so much and I know she loves me. I don’t know what her problem is
Yeah, she’s really scared and running away from it then. It makes sense that she’s making it your fault by saying you’re giving her an ultimatum when you weren’t so she could justify her actions to herself. She knows exactly how she feels, she just keeps fighting it. Why? She’s scared of the unknown. She’s known you for so many years and now she doesn’t know what would happen if she gave you the chance to talk and she’s scared to find out.
As hard as it is, I would just leave her alone for awhile. She seems to just want to run away instead of talking. It’s so ridiculous. I’ve been scared of so many things in my life but never about relationships or feelings. I don’t get what is the big deal to just talk to someone. It’s like….quit making an issue out of every thing. If she’s sorry for hurting you, then quit apologizing, own up to the mistakes and move forward. You have had progress for yourself though. The sad thing is, she hasn’t made progress for herself.
You don’t have to move on or anything if you don’t want to, but to just let the dust settle for awhile but there’s going to be a time when enough is enough and you may decide that waiting around isn’t something you want to keep doing.
Yeah I’m planning on strict NC unless she directly says she wants to talk seriously and stop playing these games. She takes the easy way out and just apologizes for her actions and never changes. It really hurts me because I see how she treats everyone else with such kindness and respect and then she can’t even give me a phone call. It bugs me that everyone sees her as such a great person but then she can treat me this way. She has not changed a bit in 5 months, she thinks she has but she hasn’t. And because of her mistakes and her decisions, who gets thrown under the bus? Not her, me.
At some point I have to ask myself, is this the kind of person I want to be with? I mean the answer is no, I don’t want to be with this version of her but I don’t know what changed. I know the real her is in there. I’m not quitting yet but it’s getting closer and closer to that.
NC starts today, it will be tough but I have to start moving on at least somewhat just to protect myself. I gave her my trust not to hurt me again and she blew it. She didn’t even say goodbye or anything when we were texting last night so I know she will text me sometime again, probably tonight and it’s going to be very hard not to text back but I mustn’t. This will be one of the hardest things I’ve done
I hear ya, totally understand what you’re saying….it’s all about respect and right now she’s not respecting you by being selfish and running away. The version of her you’re saying she is right now is being scared of everything. She’s scared of you, her feelings, her life in general, school, everything and she’s taking it out on you because you’re the closest thing to her to take it out on.
The real her is in there for sure, but how do you pull the real her out? I wish I could tell you. I would have done the same to my ex if I knew of a way. I’ve prayed, I’ve done candles, I’ve tried talking to her higher spirit….believe me, I would love to show you a way. I wish I knew of a way to break down her walls and her barrier. There is a way, we just haven’t found it yet.
Protect yourself at all costs, because that’s what it looks like she’s doing. But absolutely don’t talk to her because giving in isn’t going to help her make up her mind once and for all.
Hey, Phil.
I’m feeling a little better today, which is good. She hasn’t tried to contact me which in itself makes me a little upset but it’s probably best that she hasn’t. Im not sure what to think at this point. I’m conflicted. Part of me wants to walk away but that would be very difficult knowing she loves me. Maybe I’ll start to test out the market to see what I find? See if she really is who I want to be with me. It’s somewhat of a scary thought since she’s the only person I’ve been in a relationship with. Or maybe I should wait longer.
Anyway, enough of me lol. How are you doing?
I’m glad you’re sticking to the NC and taking care of yourself. I would probably wait it out before trying to meet anyone new at this point….reason is, I tried within a month or so of meeting new people and it pretty much backfired since all I could think about was her. Even sitting here at 3 months, I’m still trying to move on with someone and every single one I’ve met, it hasn’t worked out at all. I went to the dog park tonight just to stargaze and all I did was walk around and then sit down and talk to God about my ex again, how much I miss her, etc….and I’m talking to yet someone new from a few days ago and it’s not moving nearly as perfect as it did with my ex, so it causes me to compare. With my ex, we talked a few times, met up and hit it off really quickly and this one I’m talking to, I’m having a hard time just getting her on the phone to talk to me. I guess she’s scared….who knows…she says she wants to but then it ends up being an excuse. A friend of mine recently said it best when she said “you’re looking for that instant gratification you had with Alicia and you’re not getting it, so you’re depressed and frustrated.”
So, honestly, I would just keep focusing on you because more than likely if you met someone new right now, you would be comparing her left and right to your ex. And since you’re still in love with your ex, it probably wouldn’t go that well with someone new right now.
You’re probably right, meeting new people now probably wouldn’t be fair to me or that other person.
At least you went to the dog park with good intentions, it didn’t work out but it’s a start! And it’s only human to compare things, maybe when you start a relationship it won’t start as smoothly but the end result might be better. Just take it slow and things will be fine. Yeah that instant gratification thing is big, especially when you’re feeling lonely. It’s important to stay grounded and put things in perspective, which it sounds like you are.
I agree, I should just work on me right now. There’s no reason for me to force things.
Yeah, exactly, just take it 1 day, 1 step at a time and if you focus on you, everything else will fall into place. I mean, the dog park wasn’t that bad. I’m just tired of being alone all the time, I guess. I’m a loaner anyways I guess. I really don’t have friends here in town. But, I guess my only thing is trusting people. I have a lot of trust issues, but at the same time when I like someone, I can fall hard and fall fast. lol Like that great kisser a few weeks ago….I could have fallen for her super quick because not only was she a great kisser, she said all the right things as far as being romantic and things I wanted to hear.
I really believe once your ex stops running away from everything (and people can only run so far before they get tired), she will seek you out. Definitely don’t wait around for her because you have a life too and it’s not fair for you to just wait for her. But as far as other people go, no harm in making friends or people to hang out with. Ya know?
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