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Hi
So I’ve been on and off with this girl since I was 17 (I’m now 22) witch lead to me completely forgetting about her for a year whilst we were both at the same uni. After a night where I’d had gone out on a night out and she was in. I relactuntly popped up to her on instagram. Which led to me going over hers. Long story short we both said we’d missed eachother and decided to start seeing eachother again. I’d always loved her since we first met and she’d known that. And this time around she told me she loves me and would tell me a lot and things were amazing for 5/6 months. But due to me being insecure and personally not thinking I’m good enough for her I began to become uptight and at times paranoid which led to me and her arguing one night when she was staying round mine this was partly because a lad had been messaging her before me and her had even began seeing eachother and she’d never met him and said he’s just a friend from her old school. But it had seemed like we had patched things up but I think deep inside her mind it was still an issue.About a week ago my Insecurities came out again and I asked to meet her. When we met I told her what I was feeling and asked if she hasn’t gone off me. She told me she hasnt and she loves me but didn’t know what she wants. We both talked about being together officially but were both scared as we’ve never really committed to a relationship. She told me being insecure and thinking I’m not good enough at times isn’t attractive.she said I’d become uptight which again isn’t attractive. During this we were holding hands and were all over each-other. She said she needs some space but it will probably all be fine because she loves me. She just needs time. Previously in our younger years I’d message and pester Untill in the end she’d block me. I began to do this after the first week for a couple of days. And then snapped out of it realising it will only drive her away. The last things that were sent over text was me asking for her to give me the time of day to talk at some point. To which she said yes she will. And I asked to sort things out. And she said ‘sorting things’ isn’t a promise that we will get back to how we were. She told me to give her time. And focus on myself.
Now my plan of action is to not message her for just under a month around 25 days with hope that it cools down abit and that she potentially messages me first. Im hoping this is the right approach to take. And after the 25 days. My message would be on the lines of ‘I literally sounded like the old me with the messaging after you said you need time. I’m sorry about that it’s really not me anymore it just took me a moment to realise’ is that any good for the first thing to send after the 25 days?
I think you need to do no contact longer than 30 days to give her time to think and for you to sort yourself out. By that I mean you need to fully realize that being uptight and paranoid, arguing, being jealous, and telling her that you don’t deserve her are all signs of low self esteem and neediness. No woman wants to be in a relationship like that. A good relationship requires good communication, respect, kindness, being positive and fun to be with. Work on your self confidence and a better way to interact with her. Do not fall back into your old pattern of pestering her!
You have to stop being so negative! She told you to focus on yourself so you would change your thought patterns and behaviors. The first contact should be asking if she’s ready to discuss what went wrong and how you plan to change. IE: What you would do differently if she gives you another chance. If she’s not ready to talk, do no contact for at least another month after that.
Yes, hopefully she will get in touch with you sometime soon when she’s ready to talk..
Good luck:)
Thanks for replying. Another worry of mine is that the longer I leave it the more she may drift away. I understand that NC right now is my only option as if I do constantly message her she will block me which is the last thing I want. And I’m also very worried that when I do message her she won’t meet up with me or even want to speak to me and just will be over me. So when I do message I don’t want to go to heavy to quickly. As it will potentially push her away. Hence why I’m thinking of saying to her that I recognised I was being to much after she asked for some time to think and that I was being like my old self
She said she loves you and I know she wants you to change for the better, so it’s highly unlikely that she will drift away. She asked for space, so you must honor her request! If you contact her too soon, she might not be ready to talk or might start avoiding you. Don’t rush her and don’t worry about meeting up with her. The first step would be to simply talk with her on the phone or maybe over texting. Don’t remind her of the “old you” and what you used to do. Keep the conversation positive by apologizing for your more recent actions and telling her that you intend to change the way you behave in the future. Again, continue no contact and stop obsessing!
And sorry I forgot to mention. She’s gone from wanting a relationship with me. To now since we’ve argued not wanting anything at the moment due to me being how I am and creating stress. But I’m not sure if she’s just saying this. But I will continue with NC and give her space and time. Thanks
@patricia12 so today she was pulling out from work in her car when I was driving by. Totally by coincidence. She was struggling to get out and could see she’s been there for a while. So I stoped and held up the whole traffic so she could get out. She laughed put her hand up to me and gave me the biggest smile. Am I still right to wait or should I message now about it
Continue no contact! You need to honor her request for space and stop looking for reasons to contact her this soon after the breakup!
Unfortunately I messaged today and well… it didn’t go well. Again she just told me to focus on myself and for her to focus on herself. I jumped to conclusions and said do you want me to just give up then and she said yes. Which made my heart sink. She’s gone from being absolutely lovely to just cold. I reiterated the fact that she wants me in her life and she said yes as I friend. I’ve then said I need to see her to talk and after some persuading she’s agreed to at some point next week. But said if I even try and persuade her to start thins again she’s leaving and going home
OMG! You haven’t changed at all. You’re still a pest and nagging her to meet with you wasn’t good. You’ve never really honored her request for space. I wouldn’t be surprised if she cancels the meeting.
If you want any chance at all (to reunite or be a friend), maybe you should contact her to tell her you’ve reconsidered and that you want to give her the space she asked for.. Then don’t contact her for at least a month!!
I think if I did that. She wouldn’t meet me at all as I had to really persuade her. I don’t think no matter how long I give her will do anything. We need to talk now and I personally need to tell her exactly how I’m feeling and explain what’s gone wrong without coming across as needy
Too late, you’ve already across as needy, insecure, controlling, and inconsiderate. And you were paranoid, jealous, and argued too much.
You didn’t have to “persuade” her to meet, instead you should have respected her request for space. But oh no, you had to force your own needs over hers by begging for a meetup. Doesn’t that sound pathetic?
It sounds like you might have stalking tendencies..
And I don’t see any of this changing for the better unless you get therapy.
You’re probably right. I have made things worse by messaging and I know that now. But there’s no need to be out of order and call me a stalker as I’m already feeling low enough. All I can do now is plan for when I do see her next week. But I’m literally restless at the moment
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