my soon to be ex husband says he wants to be friends.

[adam23]

hey, my advice would be concentrate on you, you and your children, do things that make you happy, being happy is the key, my situation was totally different, but i made some changes ( i now play football, i run, spend a lot of time with friends ).

once you get that happy feeling back you will feel great, its hard, it takes time, but it will happen :).

[aamls]

@adam23 thanks, do you think I should do no contact or how should I act when Im around him? and talk on the phone? is this plan made to work on yourself and move on or is it really about getting your ex back? also do you think he’ll come back around and would want to be with me or do you think I have a lost case? I do know for sure that he loves me and misses me because of what he says to our children. but with that said has his head put on divorce. 🙁 thanks

[cassie]

The no contact i think is a plan made to work on yourself. It seems like no one here comes back after no contact with their ex wanting them back.
I think you have a chance with him because he still loves you and you are the mother of his children. But as i’ve saif before, I think you need to work on yourself also. If you need space from him to heal, take space.

[aamls]

thanks cassie for explaining this no contact thing. 🙂 it’s true everyone is a mess after a break up and no matter what you do need this time to work on yourself and figure yourself out and or time to heal from those wounds. So by being nice to him and not being harsh would have an impact on him? I feel at a lost here, actually I saw he called again but my mother in law sleeps in the day so she didnt get the phone. I felt so bad like calling him when I was feeling really sick with a panic attack. I havent had them at all that often anymore, and felt I needed him because he would always be there when I really needed him, it was so hard to not call him, but I may find myself calling him one day out of desperation. I hope not, but don’t want to look at him in that way because I cant get my hopes up, I really wish he would change his mine,but I dont know what to do then what you already mention. this is horrible what I feel and am going through. ugh, thanks cassie 🙂

[aamls]

what do I do if he comes over, if I see him, or if he calls? how should I act or speak to him?

[aamls]

cassie he just called again and I gave the phone to my oldest. he asked how they were and said my youngest has to go to school. he didnt talk long either and he didnt ask about me. 🙁 ugh now what. I cant deal with this anymore. I wonder whats the real trick in getting back with your ex. on the article it says its easy to get them back the hard part is keeping them. well I think I know what I need to do to keep him if I get him back, now my question is, how do you get them back? lol im going crazy here,lol, ugh, im gonna give him space. then see what happens, but even then how do I get him back after he keeps wanting divorce. 🙁 I wish someone could answer this for me. 🙁

[bguarino]

The first kind of confidence is false confidence.

I recall in my relationship being so angry, like your ex in your first post, that I would get mad at her calling me during a fight. In that moment all I wanted was space. It sounds like that is what he wants. I don’t know why he left, but if it was after constant fighting and arguments, you may need to let that dissipate. He may find that he does care for and is better off with you and the kids than apart. He may have fantasies or ideas that the other side = single life is better- you know the grass is always greener expression.

[aamls]

@Aaron4 thanks, I dont ask him questions and have been giving him space. your right since I gave him that letter I think he may know I care about him ect. So I’ll act like I dont care about the marriage then. so when Im around him just treat him like a friend? so you think by him seeing me with other guys would make him jealous? could it back fire? but I agree, I do need a night for myself. 🙂

[aamls]

@bguarino thanks, yes he probably thinking single life seems fun atm but then he’ll turn around and change his mind most likely. im trying to give him space but seems like its not working very well,:-( so what should I do in the mean time? what do you think I should do to get him back. this is stressful. 🙁

[cassie]

You should be calm and nice, not emotional and not all lovey dovey. You really need to not be dependent on him now. You need time for yourself, you need to work on yourself and you need to figure out if this is what you really want! If you get him back and you dont work on yourself, then you’ll be having the same isssues in your relationship, you’ll cheat again and in 6 months you’ll be right here again. I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s the honest truth. I think you have a chance of getting him back, but with the way you are now you are confusing both him, yourself and your children. You can do the no contact, but dont communicate through your oldest child. It’s not fair on them. Be the adult and speak to him if you have issues to discuss – but dont discuss anything besides the children. I dont think you at this point are able to establish a fake friendship with him which is why you need to do the no contact to get yourself back together. When you get to a point, where you can control your feelings in front of him and also when you’re alone, then its time to do the fake friendship! I believe you can do this – a little bit of willpower goes a long way. And just keep hoping that everything works out – hope can move mountains!

[aamls]

thanks cassie, your right, but after all the hell I’ve been through cheating would be the least thing on my mind. I just like to know if he asks for me which is why I ask my oldest. I was thinking about 1 week to 2 weeks no contact again especially to cool everything down. what amount of time do you think no contact should be? and your right its not fair to the kids because theyre put in the middle and are feeling it the most. its just that at this point and time i feel so desperate and lonely, i miss him a lot. Im gonna to continue losing weight and getting better. for me of course but to be healthy for my children as well. also im gonna study as well, and maybe come up with some other things to keep busy during this time. then hopefully i can start fake friendship soon after. lets see how this works out. ugh lol, I still have hope believe it or not. 🙂

[a.z]

Hey,
You should start NC and continue it for a month.The only reason you can contact each other is to talk about your kids and you have to keep the conversations short.Stop asking your kids about him.You should try to be a happy confident person without him in your life.Thats the first step.

If you see him,act like you have no special feelings for him.Be confident and talk about nothing personal.

[aamls]

Thanks a.z for your advise, ugh I hate when he calls, of course I dont get the phone, but hes off today and since he hadnt called all day im scared he might show up unexpectedly and I dont want to see him, as I’m doing no contact and hes acting like an a$$ to me. ugh

[Aaron4]

Aamls! I posted something on my post cause you asked for advice, I haven’t seen you post at all to me 🙁

[a.z]

I totally understand you but doing NC is your best chance.doesn’t matter even if he doesn’t contact you.you should try to be happy.be patient.it takes time but this way,you will increase your chances.

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