My personal experience. NC Attempt

[Kodak]

Hey FishingTheSky, I hope you’re holding up well. I’m on day 7 of NC and it’s been the longest week of my life. I feel your pain. I feel all the heartaches you’re going through. You’re not alone. Although mine was only 8 months compared to yours. I remember my last relationship of 3 years (psychologically abusive, that ex never trusted me) and that was really hard for me to get over too. In fact, I can relate to your situation in that my last ex probably did some sort of damage to my insecurities and affected how I deal with issues with this ex which led to this breakup.

Life is all interconnected, whether we like it or not, we bring our past into the present and it affects our future. The only thing we can really control is the present. Then that becomes the past… then it affects our future. So, it’s great to see that you’re taking control of yourself by seeing a therapist. Because, by working on yourself now you will directly affect your future. I’m going to see one soon for my own issues. Please let me know if your therapist has helped you. I’ve never seen one before so I’m not sure what to expect.

I’m tired of hurting as you are. The best chance we have in stopping this from happening again is to work on ourselves. You can’t love others until you first love yourself. Please don’t beat yourself up. Be a friend to you.

[FishingTheSky]

Hey hanswang123,
I am on day 11 of no contact and I am still holding on okay I guess. I’ve had my low moments this week but they have gone away after a couple days.
Unfortunately I’ve realized not too long ago that what’s happened in a previous relationship can really affect the present and future ones, even if they are far behind us. I should have gotten help immediately after the story with my abusive ex was over, instead I’ve underestimated the damages that it has caused by thinking I would have eventually gotten better in time, maybe with someone else. In fact, after three months I’ve started to date my current ex.

I feel incredibly sorry I’ve dragged my ex under with me, for things she is not responsible for, only because someone else before her has done to me. It’s totally unfair towards our partners.
I’ve made many terrible mistakes with her that I’ve tried to make up for, mostly failing at, but not everything can be forgotten despite the efforts.
So I’ve ended up with losing her trust and wearing her out, I understand why she has decided to leave me.

I am trying to change definitively, for myself, for the people I love. I am not sure if she will get to see this considering she’s moving on, she has probably lost any hope in seeing a real proof.

hanswang123 I recommend you to see a therapist, it does help but you need to be patient because it can take times before you see actual results. And the most important thing is that you need to be committed to it with the right spirit. If you think that just by talking about your problems with a stranger and asking for solutions will do the magic, it’s not the right attitude. It requires a lot of work on your part, LOT of it. You have to re evaluate yourself as person and as lover.

Good luck to you man and keep me updated

[FishingTheSky]

Today it’s two weeks since my ex has left me and day 12 of no contact.
This morning I had what I consider a nightmare I guess. I only remember the last part of the dream which consists in me looking at my phone and seeing her new horrible rofile picture on WhatsApp where she’s posing in an explicit sex position (you can imagine)with a guy. I woke up panting, I wanted to grab my phone and call my ex but I didn’t. I am still trying to shake off that feeling and those thought of her with another man.
I hope I won’t have such nightmares again.

[Kodak]

I’ve had those. It hurts and it ruins your entire day. A few times I woke up and felt numb. It sucked. But please remind yourself that it is not real. It is a dream.

Have you signed up for Kevin’s e-course thing? The more I do them, the more I’m convinced it’s helping me become a better person. I believe the worksheets help me see the entire relationship with a little bit of clarity. It’s not an instructional worksheet but more of a map to help you point yourself in the right direction.

If you dream or think of such things, write them down in a journal. It’s been a huge help to me.

If you need to, vent it out here. It’s better than contacting your ex about it. Stick with NC. You need time to heal, as do I.

[FishingTheSky]

It’s just a dream but unfortunately the situation is real, she’s with another guy now.
Yes I signed up for it and I am keeping my journal, hence I happen to write all the time because I write for living. I know how theraupethic it is.
I have been feeling better since I’ve started but it’s extremely hard sometimes. I tell myself to be strong.
And on Sunday it’s her birthday..

[FishingTheSky]

I just sent her an email with a polite and short happy birthday note. We will see if she replies, not gonna happen I bet.

[FishingTheSky]

I am really having dark thoughts today.
Pain in unbearable.

[Mister Handy]

Hey @Fishingthesky, How are you today?

How many days in NC?

This weekend was difficult for me too! And look, I’m almost 30 days without contact! Will one day this pain pass? Worst of all is that we do not want the pain to go away to forget our ex, we want to pass pain with her back in our arms …

My ex said that phrase that makes a lot of feeling:

Those who pass by us, will not alone, do not leave us alone. They leave a little of Themselves, take a little of us.

Let’s think about it! Even without them, we have a piece of them still here with us. And that makes us better people than we were without this little piece! 🙂

Yesterday I watched that movie “HER”. It is very good and makes us reflect on how we relate to people.

Stay strong.

[FishingTheSky]

Hey Mister Handy,
Today it’s two weeks of NC exactly.
I don’t know if the pain will go away completely, but eventually it has to get better.
Congratulations to you, you are almost at the finishing line! Have you started to think what to do yet? Will you extend the NC period or you wanna begin to move on? I suppose it’s too soon to give up.

My ex hasn’t replied to my birthday message but I am suspecting she’s been out of town for the weekend, maybe she’s on vacation for more days because she checks her email almost all the time.
I have watched that movie with my ex. Frankly I can’t watch any movie with little romance right now, because it just brings memories. I told you I can’t even look at my ex’s pictures.

I hope you feel better too today and don’t watch sappy stuff!

Let’s be strong buddy

Anyway, it will be alright, I am getting used to the ups and downs. I am just sorry for my friends who have to bear with me and my emotional instability, they understand though.

[Kodak]

Hey @FishingTheSky how are you feeling. It’s been about 4 days, I figured I would check in on you. I hope your family is safe? I read in another thread that they were in an earthquake?

Today (well yesterday) was my birthday and she never texted or anything so I’m assuming she forgot, maybe doesn’t care enough to say it, or probably does remember but choose not to say anything. We all make our own stories about what we don’t know don’t we?

Stay strong friend. I’m rooting for you.

[Mister Handy]

Hey Kodak and FishingtheSky, How are you?

@FishingtheSky Your family is well??

@Kodak, My birthday was on August 3 and also did not get wishe from my ex. I thought a lot of the reasons that even made here in the forum search for old posts with this issue ….

I think it can be for these reasons:

1- She just thinks we’re very angry after the end and want to avoid stress;
2 She is trying to put the idea in place yet to have courage to speak with us;
3- It is really moving forward.

I do not think we stay cool thinking about it will only make worse for us.

The Truth Kodak is that we here in this forum, not stop thinking about our ex, and they do everything not to remember us. I feel that my ex wants to forget really! I still find myself thinking of us back into a relationship, I think of the conversations we had, the mistakes I made, but I know she must be doing her lessons, meeting new guys and do not want to remember me ….

I finish my 30 days of NC Sunday, and got some versions of letters to send, but no longer know if I should send. And if I send, I will use a card that has a farewell tone.

I know my sessions in psychologists are helping me to think things.

[FishingTheSky]

Hey guys,
Thanks for asking, my family is alright. My sister and her family visited Amatrice (one of the most damaged towns by the earthquake)last week, thank God they didn’t decide to go when the tragedy happened.

I am sorry to hear your ex didn’t send you wishes Kodak, I know how much it hurts still even if you weren’t expecting anything. It will pass in a few days.
As Mister Handy said, they have their own reasons not to reach out, they could be plausible or not, we just have to try not figure them out all the time.
Although in your case Kodak, I am 100% positive that she did remember your birthday but she decided not to contact you.

Mister Handy, what are your doubts about sending the letter? Are you giving up? Maybe take more time, I wouldn’t want you to rush yourself into a choice that you might regret later. I understand you believe your ex is done with you, but if there is still a little hope, we need to fight for what we love.
By the way, how are your therapy sessions going? How are they helping you improve the perspective on your relationship and yourself?
Some months ago my therapist told me something that many don’t agree with it: cutting people off your own life drastically is not a good option. Even when the relationship is poisoning and it might seem inevitable, that behavior doesn’t REALLY help us to analyze deeply what went really wrong, how we can do it differently in the future, and most importantly, to elaborate an emotional/physical separation.
Leaving the way our exes did, it’s easier but it won’t prevent them to have similar experiences ahead in their life.

You all keep going guys!

[Kodak]

That’s good to know your family is okay @FishingTheSky . How are you holding up with your ex and stuff?

Yeah, whatever the reason behind it was. The fact was that she didn’t and anything beyond that is just an assumption. It still hurts, not gonna lie.

@Mister_Handy I think about the letter, I think we should send it only when we are comfortable of being without our exes. I don’t think it should be sent to say goodbye though. I feel you should always keep that possibility open (getting your ex back) but also keep the possibility that you will find love that may not be your ex. I dunno! I’m still torn about the letter. I guess I’m just not ready to write it yet.

[FishingTheSky]

Hey Kodak,
I guess I am ok, trying to be as much as busy as possible. I keep changing my mind on what I really wanna do after the no contact is over. I don’t feel very confident about a positive outcome for my story but who knows, something surprising might happen in the following week. I am not dating right now, the only girl that I might be interested in hanging out with has a boyfriend lol.
About the letter, I suggest you to write some lines everyday, any thoughts you have on your mind. Do this for a couple weeks and then re read them all, try to highlights the most remarkable things that make sense and put them together. When you feel the moment has arrived, send it out.
I already tried the letter with open possibilities in my previous broke up and it did work but I can’t guarantee it’s effective for all the cases.

[Kodak]

@FishingTheSky I think started NC around the same time and although our situation is different I feel you’re already making a lot of progress. Me too! I also keep changing my mind if I even want to contact her. But, I feel I should contact her just to tie up loose ends and know for sure there isn’t another chance with her you know?

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