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@Cantsum her stress propably speed up her reaction to breaking up but there is always something that pushes person to the limit where they say the words so I agree with dragongirl that she had been having those thoughts what was causing them only she knows it could have been stress and depression etc so only she can say something to that but the thoughts were there. That embarrassing incident and your words suggesting break was just the sraw that broke camels back I think.
@Finntoga @Dragongirl @Brokenhearted123 …
Thanks for your advice since I’ve joined this site, all three of you.
I’m just wondering, after 11 days of No Contact, do you think my ex misses me at all?
I’m starting to get worried she’s walking away from me completely 🙁
I recently found out my ex made a new Facebook account. he already had a few friends he added. The next couple of hours he added me. I never accepted it. I also unfriended him on the old one he had. Which I shouldn’t have done. Why? Because I read that social network can actually be useful. Your ex will tend to check on your profile time to time. And while doing NC, you can post up statuses or pictures that you’re doing fine and having fun with friends (only if you’re that type of person that posts up things often. She will get curious. Thinking “I wonder if he misses me?”,”is there someone he is probably interested among those friends in the picture?”. It will get her thinking and maybe help her realize that if she made the right move to end things.
Well that’s what I just read. And I wish I didn’t remove him or just accepted his new Facebook friend request. But oh wells. Il just follow the flow on NC for now and still post up pictures and status about your days and fun times. Because maybe you’ll have mutual friends that will show her.Honestly I think that is everyone’s fear of pushing that person away, that person is probably looking for someone new, or is forgetting about you. If you seen my post that you comment on. I mentioned that I was also afraid I was pushing him away that might lead him to find someone else.. Like what @peacewalker said, just have faith. And think about the good qualities you do have. Feel great about yourself. Exercise, buy new clothes, get a new haircut- anything to make you feel great. We should all be here for each others support. (:
Hi @cantsum
I have the same fear, that my ex doesn’t miss me at all either. I am only on day 5 of NC, though.
The truth is that no one knows. Speculating doesn’t help us (I need to take my own advice, I know!)
It is likely that she does. Especially if you were together for a while! However, depending on her and the situation it may take some time for her to miss you more and more. I’ve read on this site or another that days 20+ are prime missing time? Not sure if that’s true or not and that doesn’t guarantee she will say anything then, either, but I definitely emphasize with the feelings you are having.
I also am feeling my ex doesn’t care at all and “how could he do this to me” and “he hasn’t said a thing, does he not care?”
Speculating doesn’t help anyone but it is sooo hard to avoid.
In therapy I’m learning that there’s something called the evil eye of suffering. The pain itself (ie the breakup) is the pupil.. every thing else (like the red veins coming out from the center of the eye) is unnecessary suffering… thoughts that we have such as “I’m not good enough ” “he/she never loved me ” “I regret doing xyz” “will he/she come back ” “do i have a chance” because as hard as those things are to avoid, they end up increasing our anxiety and making us suffer more and feel worse, yes, I need to practice this as well and typing it out to someone else makes me reinforce it in my mind as well 🙂
Cantsum, It could be any number of things that pushed your ex to the breakup point. No it wasn’t all because of the embarrassing moment so don’t be so hard on yourself. There were definitely other factors but what those were, I couldn’t say because I don’t know her. Think back to your relationship. Somewhere along the line, there had to have been some other things that were making her unhappy with your relationship. It was those particular things that caused the relationship to unravel into what it is today.
She hasn’t been in contact and it’s now day 12. According to Kevin’s guide and someone else I’m getting some help from, she will start missing me in a few days.
I had a break down last night and was unable to sleep for some time.
I keep thinking “She’s never going to contact me again”.
The break up wasn’t all that bad, we ended it on a decent note and I haven’t bothered her, pleaded or begged her at all.
I still feel as if she has completely forgotten me … I constantly search up on Google “Does my ex still think about me”. I’m happy when I read “There’s no way your ex has forgotten you or doesn’t love you any more, so long as you had a meaningful and long term relationship”.
Your thoughts?
hey man i had a VERY similar situation. I don’t think mine was depressed but she has extreme mood swings and everything seemed great right before the breakup. we had sex the night before, she texts me lovey dove thing 3 hours before then were done. No signs leading up to it. Ive been NC for a month now and heard nothing from her. So i think you have a good shot here, but i think its gonna take a while! id prepare yourself for the long haul.. if you’re relationship is great like i think mine was then one day shell be back! the waiting game is the hardest part.. but finally like you i feel good again all the time 🙂 just be careful.. a few days in NC i felt great too but it didn’t alays last ya know? so be prepared to maybe not feel so good again in the coming days.. don’t wanna sound mean but i just wanna prepare you so it doesn’t hit you as hard 🙂
I think the amount she misses you is dependent on a number of factors like: How long were you guys together? What was your relationship like? How often did you guys communicate? Did you text/email often?
You did great after the breakup-not bothering her. She has to live down this embarrasing event and she hasn’t yet.I think that’s why she resists contacting you-even if she does miss you.
A few things are certain, no she hasn’t forgotten you. And yes, you guys will very likely talk again. With time, she will reach out.
@Dragongirl … I’m 200% certain the embarrassing moment had nothing to do with the break up. It is what I said to her after it and her thoughts of breaking up all blowing up at that point that caused the break up – possibly a loss of attraction too, but having sex just before that makes me question that last bit.
The embarrassing thing only affected me, not her. It was nothing against her at all in fact. I was seriously embarrassed about it. She told me she wouldn’t tell anyone, and I’m sure she hasn’t.
We had a strong relationship with as many ups and downs as any other. I think the relationship I had with my GF was reflected by the relationship I had with her immediate family … really good.
Her parents really liked me, her sister (although she’s very timid/shy) seemed to like me too and her grandparents couldn’t stop talking about me.
We communicated as often as we could. Some times we wouldn’t text the whole day, but that’s primarily due to the fact that my ex was so busy, and still is.
We used text primarily, but there were times we had long phone calls – sometimes lasting over an hour.
Our conversations barely ever ran dry; we always had something to say.
We were together for a year and we were both planning 2 trips we were going to take together: one with just us two, and the other with the rest of her family.
I don’t know why she might be “resisting” contact, but I know her well enough.
When I invited her on a date when we first started dating, she told me “I’ve already planned something with my friends”. I thought she lost interest, but in fact she told her close friend this and her friend had to text me to ask when I was free.
My point is, she’s not good with texting, etc … in fact neither am I.
I think a nice handwritten letter will show her how genuine I am, and I think will mark her well.
I obviously won’t talk about getting back together or anything of the sort, but I think she’ll just see I’m genuine and will reply in some shape or form.
Thanks for your help so far!
@Dragongirl … I also hope we talk again. My door is very wide open for communication.
Even though the relationship is in the past now, I like to think back to the “better” times we had. Minus the honeymoon stage, I always knew she really liked me, and I barely had any doubts. I also see when things started to change, but I feel as if that was just us becoming more comfortable(?)
She wouldn’t, and couldn’t, stop touching me at times. Sober or not, she was almost always either leaning her head on my shoulder or grabbing my arm. Even after the last time we had sex (moments before the break up), I could see love in her eyes. We were cuddling and still playing like two loved-up idiots.
This is why it was such a shock to me, this is why when she said “It’s been coming on for a while now, I’ve been thinking of it for months” really confused me. She probably had thoughts about it when we argued, but it couldn’t’ve been all the time(?!)
I’m still very emotional, as you may see, so if she does contact soon I don’t think it’d be wise if I answered!
@Phonis … I’m glad someone is in the same boat as me, and is sharing similar circumstances.
Yes indeed, NC is a very up and down process. Some days I’ll feel strong, confident and at ease, others I’ll feel horrible and will over think everything!
My GF suffers from severe anxiety, she’s taking these beta blockers (http://www.anxieties.com/159/beta-blockers#.VTFIWdzxtfc) to help her get it under control.
She also works far too much, my mum agrees, from 7 am to at least 8 or 9 pm every day including weekends.
I unfriended her from FaceBook immediately after the break up and deleted her details. I noticed that she removed some pictures of me and some pictures that might remind her of me … but that was to be expected, and was probably out of revenge. She HASN’T blocked me which is strange because my 2 previous exes did.
We shall wait and see if she contacts me first.
similar kinda haha.. mine is going through GIGS (grass is greener syndrome). we broke up 2 months ago and she already had a rebound relationship in which the guy just stopped talking to her.. i think now she might begin to realize cause even her best friends told her that i was good to her.. altho her mom and roommates who are crazy are telling her the opposite. but the circumstances leading up to it are very similar! did ur other 2 exes ever contact you after you NC them? Also i wanna assure you it does get a lot easier haha. I know everybody says that.. took me roughly 2 months and just now I’m starting to feel good on a regular basis! hopefully you start to feel good everyday soon 🙂
@Phonis … my ex isn’t dating anyone, although it has only been 12 days since the break. She’s probably buried up to her forehead with her maths work. She’s currently in her last year at University and has 8 exams in the next 2 months – she studies Maths.
My first ex of 3 years took roughly 2-3 weeks to contact me. She got into a rebound soon after we broke up and I was away travelling. Travelling helped me get over her completely, and besides her parents hated me, and my parents didn’t like her one bit.
My second ex, if I can even call her that, didn’t contact me at all and was actually ignoring me completely. The “relationship” lasted 1 month (!!) lol …
In terms of my ex this time, all her friends really like me, her parents really like me and there’s no one I can think of that would tell her I don’t deserve her, or that my ex deserves someone better. Her ex was a prick, and consequently she ended up cutting herself on many occasions.
One of her closest friends even told me “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her happier with anyone, friends included” … says a lot.
I just don’t get why she wouldn’t even think about contacting me to call us friends or whatever?
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