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Posts
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S.H
Thats true, I’m going to give him space but I guess I’m just not sure how long for. I did it for 3 months last time…but he said he needs longer this time. I dont want to lose him – we’ve even said we’re perfect for each other but the timing is wrong 🙁 I feel at a complete loss 🙁
the lame thing is as well – neither of us have deleted our relationship on facebook….:(
Hi guys,
SH, you need to remember WHY your ex isn’t contacting you. What would she look like if she started texting you all the time straight after you broke up? That’s right, CRAZY!! And she doesn’t want to look crazy. She may well be missing you, but she has the sense to take a step back and think about whether this relationship is right for her and can be fixed. If you don’t give her that space she will never work it out. Pretty sure you don’t want to be crazy either right? Thought so. 🙂
Amy111, I just read your story, and I’m sorry things haven’t worked out a second time. That must be really hard. You say it’s about commitment scares; what did he say exactly? It sounds a bit like he wants to have his cake and eat it too… which is very damaging for you. He needs to figure out what he wants and stop messing you about. One thing you can do is start NC. You don’t have to remove your FB relationship but I would recommend deactivating your profile for a while. This way you will stop the influx of information from him, and you will stop providing him with information about you. It’s likely he will try and contact you after that, but I think you should stay strong and take some time to figure out whether this guy really is who you want to be with.
@SH Day 6 right? I hope you’re doing okay! Amy111 started 6 topics of her own and now it looks like she’s hijacked yours, lol.
Hey guys..so heres what happened… Yesterday I meet up with two of my close friends (both guys). And they advice me that I should text my ex a short message to let her know that i miss her and still care about her and our relationship and that I want to make it right. (They are both quite experience with girls and relationships)
So in the end they convinced me to send my ex that one short message( i was not needy, no begging…just tell her how i feel and that i really do care about our relationship…..) My friend’s point was that she may said BU because she mad and its like a test(?)……for her to see how serious i am about us and how i would react..and that the 30days wait may make her think that I was really not serious about the relationship and may actually move on or something…
From my friends exp, he said that he had a few ex that are the one that said the break up…and he just agreed to them. But later his exes told him that they actually didnt mean it and wanted to test him/see how much he cares. Thats why he advice me not to do the same mistake as my ex may think the same way too.
I really dont know if i did the right thing…she hasnt reply to me yet too….im so confused now.
Why would you do that?!
I’m hesitant to put a lot of energy into giving you any more advice if you’re just going to ignore it. There are hundreds of people on here following the no contact rule. It’s called NO CONTACT!!!!!
By all means do whatever you want, but doing the same thing you’ve been doing thus far (messaging her all the time) isn’t going to bring her back. What makes your mates experts exactly? They have a lot of EXES? Do you see the problem with that? Yeah, that doesn’t scream expert to me.
I’m afraid if you’re serious you’re going to have to stop contacting her again and start from day 1. Or else ignore that advice and do your own thing and good luck.
Hi lin91
Im sorry i didnt mean to ignore anyones help or advice. (i also didnt see your last post, before i did what i did)
I just have so much going on in my head and what my friends said kinda make me feel better or give me some kind of hope..?( also to point out the points he gave was also from his current gf..that girls may think like that) So i thought from a girl point of view, maybe my ex is waiting for me to show that i care and that i should not wait another moment to let her know how i feel…
Either way I did what i did and i can only hope for the best for me. I will keep doing NC too
And sorry if I make you feel that you wasted your time on me, it was never my intention and i am very thankful for everyone that have been helping me
It’s not that – I just know exactly what you’re going through and it’s frustrating to see you mess it up for yourself! It’s super confusing and your brain will try and trip you up, but you have to stay strong. It’s hard, but next time you feel yourself being weak, post on here instead. 🙂
thanks lin91, i am feeling weak..and really confused….my brother told me i should just take the break up and be done with it…but i cant help but feel that she didnt 100% mean it….i dont know i just really think that if she wan to break up she should just did it when we had the big fight and not a small one when were on skype…..also im so scare and heartbroken because i dont know why my ex is acting this way(ignoring/not replying me or contact me) I feel like she is a totally different person right now….i not saying im was a perfect boyfriend but except for my short temper, i was a good boyfriend. we really had a connection together…we both meet both of our parents and stuffs. Her family like me and mine like her too(my mom loves her). So i really dont know why shes acting so cold/different just because of that skype fight? i know it may be a built up of all the old fights…but still couldnt she give me one for chance to prove myself? she shouldnt be angry anymore now..its been more than a week…i feel so weak right now….want to wake up from this nightmare so i can find her laying next to me, and i want to hug her so bad…damn i miss her
@SH Of course she (100%) wanted to break up with you. She didn’t want to go on with you the way you were treating her. Yes, all those temper outbursts added up to a mountain of unhappiness for her! So how could she be over the hurt you inflicted upon her in just one week? She witnessed your intermittent angry outbursts over 2+ years of the relationship. You don’t understand why she won’t give you a chance to prove yourself? If you think about it for a minute, nobody changes for the better in one week and she knows that. You need more work on your temper and 30 days no contact will give you a better opportunity to do that.
Hi patricia12,
I understand what you said…I know ive hurt her but for what kind of connection we had i just though and still hoping she will have feelings for me and that will give me a chance to prove to her and show her i’ve change and will continue to be better and have a better relationship than we ever had.honestly right now im so afraid that she IS 100% wanted to be done with me and not even giving me a tiny chance /hope that i would be better for myself and us. At least she have to sure I AM hopeless before dumping me for good. I have been doing my best at trying to make myself better like reading books and going to gym and meditation. But my one fear is losing her. I KNOW i should be doing this for myself as a person, but I want her to be with the better me, not another girl…she stood by my side when I was “bad”, she deserve to be with the new and improve me.
I really love her so much…and for what we had i only hope and wish that this is a obstacle that we can overcome and not to be our doom..
and yea i guess i cant expect her to know that I’ve have changed even if i magically 100% a changed man in one week….the 30 days of no contact…this is my first break up…and ofcourse my first time doing NC…I may be asking a stupid question but after 30 days…does things really just be better? Like my ex stop ignoring me…we can talk normal again? My only worry for NC is that it may not do anything to her(she just keep ignoring me/ still hasn’t change her mind about giving em second chances etc) and will make things worse like she may think i really dont care about her anymore, or she feels that she is better off without me and my temper..etc) Again this is what i fear…I COULD BE 100% WRONG!
After 30 days, hopefully you will have a better temperament to a degree, but it’s something you will need to continuously work on for a long time to be able to consistently handle stressful situations in a good way and feel calmer inside your own mind. You also smothered her by wanting too much time with her and getting upset when she had other things to do. So that’s something else to work on; Being able to appreciate and enjoy whatever time you can spend with someone without behaving in an extremely clinging manner.
There are no guarantees with no contact as far as the other persons willingness to reconcile. But it gives you a better chance. By working on self improvements, later you might be able to display and prove that you’re a better you. Hopefully she will be ready to at least talk with you. If she ever agrees to see you in person, she would probably want to start out slow so that she can witness the improvements for herself over time.
You’ve already texted her to let her know you miss her and the relationship you had, so she already knows you care about her! It’s time to back off and not worry about what she may or may not do or what she’s thinking.
Good luck with the improvements & hope for the best.Thanks patricia12, what you said made me feel better.
So small update today…I still miss her terribly..but am planning to keep doing my NC. I am hoping what i did is for the best for me. I already let her know i miss her and still care about our relationship and wish we could make it work…so all i can do now is to give her space and time for me to continue work on myself.
I just have a few questions though…I am wondering which system i should buy? I am currently working on myself but without a “textbook” or “guide”..plus i think the “worksheets” would keep me busy from going crazy. What do you guys think? Any recommendations?
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