My BreakUp Story and the start of my NC

[lin91]

Yes I think that’s right. Good luck! I hope things work out for you. Keep us updated with what happens!

[S.H]

I will! thank you so much and god bless!!

[S.H]

So Im on Day 5 of NC….trying so hard not to message her. But i miss her so bad…..its times like this that I feel Im not doing any progress and going backward. I want to be stonger than this in order to be better but i cant help it…i feel so sad and lonely right now….doing the exercises that kevin suggested in the emails help a bit but still im hurting so bad…. but i know i shouldnt feel like this if i want to get her back.

Also, did any of you bought the EBP advanced system? Is it worth it, did it work? I could really need some extra help…

[patricia12]

You’re making progress if you’re keeping absolute no contact and working on your anger issues! We all know you miss her and how difficult it is to maintain no contact, but you must. She needs space, just remember that!! You have family, friends, maybe church activities, hobbies etc etc.. Focus on these things and the improvements you need to make. Knowing you can’t offer her an improved relationship at this time will help you deal with the no contact. Also distractions are the key. The very second your mind wanders back to her, distract yourself. You said you’re doing things to change your temperament and that’s great! Keep going on that.

I didn’t buy the system, but maybe someone else has and can advise you.
You can find lots of free stuff online. Good luck and stay no contact!

[S.H]

Hi patricia12,
Thanks for replying, Im feeling better. But I also been reading a lot of other people cases, some people commented that waiting 30 days eventually push their ex away or make them(ex) feel that “we” no longer care about them anymore…. or that its rude of us to suddently want to talk casually after disappearing/ignoring them(if the texted or called)…Im kinda worry(trying not to freak out) that what if this happens to me….i know “what ifs” is stupid and unhealthy but it is very scary and hard to ignore….Im trying to stay strong, im doing stuffs..going to gym..but my mind just cant stay completely away from her….

I feel so weak when Im feeling like this… so worry if i can really change anything..

[lin91]

I bought the guide about a month ago when my ex broke up with me, and to be honest it has really kept me going and helped me see myself and my relationship in a whole new light. Kevin gives away a lot of him information for free, but the worksheets in the guide make you feel like you have someone with you throughout the process. They really helped me right at the beginning when I felt I was completely alone.

You can’t really compare your relationship to anyone elses. If 30 days of NC pushes someone away, they really never cared about you at all. I haven’t read any cases like that, and you shouldn’t really expect that to happen to you. After all, you can always explain why you did it when it’s over and if you reconcile. Also, she hasn’t contacted you right? If she was so bothered about being ignored then you would have something to ignore… right? I bet a lot of these cases you refer to are people who’s exes never stopped talking to them and felt ignored when the NC started.

Thoughts like that are just going to make you contact her, and then you’ll be back to square one.

[S.H]

Hi lin91,

Thank you for replying. I guess i should know better than anyone else that I should compare us with other people..everyone is different anyway…

And no i havent contacted her and she hasnt contacted me too (which may be why I am also really sad about, i guess i just really hoping she’ll say something to me….)

I dont want to go back to square one, and i dont want to lose her. I think im just really scare 30 days would be too much, and she may think that I have accepted the BU or hate her(for no saying anything to her for so long)

I also watch a video and they say 3 weeks is the peak for your ex to really miss you dearly and that I can start my contact with her after that. Again everyone is different, so maybe that would be a good idea?
But no matter what i have to feel and be better before then

[lin91]

It’s so easy to do, so don’t beat yourself up over it! We all feel weak and feel like our exes will move on, but honestly 30 days is not that long. If anything, she will be thankful for it.

I don’t know about the 3 weeks thing, it feels too soon. I’d say if she contacts YOU after 3 weeks then go for it but if not, you should really stick to 30 days at least.

[S.H]

Thanks! Ok that sound like a plan. Finger crossed that she contact me first, I just need a hint to know that she really miss me.

[S.H]

So a little update at the end of my Day5 of NC…..I try to keep myself busy today…I went to the gym, read some books…but i also been doing a lot more research online trying to find any free or helpful system that i can invest in because I really feel i need the extra tips and guidance.

I found a system which seems to be quite popular, by the name of “Text your EX back”. I studied and take notes of from a free preview version of it and it did make me feel better.

Honestly I am just terrified and lost when I think about what am I going to say or text to my ex when NC is over? Do i really need “text your ex back ” system? or does Kevin’s system provide any guide on texting/talking to her? Like what to do if she dont reply or etc. (from my research “text your ex back” is quite resourceful in that)

I am so scare to make another mistake and end up losing her. What should I do?

[patricia12]

@S.H Your focus should be on managing, controlling, and changing your anger tendencies! After all, that’s the main reason she left you. Reading tips on texting her later is probably very helpful and you could do that too, but concentrate on anger. You said your little brother tests you patience sometimes, so when he does, measure your reactions. Also pay attention on how you react to little irritations in life, such as congested traffic, long lines waiting to get into a movie or event, situations at work or the gym etc..

Lin91 gave you encouragement and good ideas on how to manage your anxiety.
Good luck and take it one day or one minute at a time. You’ll make it..

[S.H]

Hi patricia12,

Thanks you for replying. I understand you point and appreciate it. I am constantly reminding/controlling my anger. The meditation im doing is really helping.

Also yea today my older brother was kinda being mean and acting he’s “asking for a fight” mode. But I totally control my temper( the old me would have a fight with him)..i just old him how i feel about whatever our situation was and that it. I can feel that he was kinda surprised too. SO that is what I am a little proud of today…except the fact i still miss my ex sooo much and it still hurts me….

I guess Im just trying to learn and want to be prepared for whats coming after NC…I do over think stuff sometimes…

[amy111]

Hi SH….

How are you doing with your NC/is it hard to start? Im doing it again (did it once before, got my ex back, now hes broken up with me again a year and 3 months later because of commitment scares) and i dont want to go through all this pain of NC again just incase it doesnt work a second time 🙁

[patricia12]

@S.H Overthinking things is a habit that can be broken. Try everything you can think of to break it. And then the habit of NOT dwelling, imagining, and over analyzing will become the new better habit:)

[S.H]

Hi amy111,
Yes NC is pretty hard for me, even when I first started NC i know its not going to be easy..but it still hurt not being about to talk to my ex and she didnt contact me too.. Im sorry to hear about you and your ex…maybe you need to give him so time and space and i think NC will be good for both of you.

Hi patricia12,
I know and i will try my best! Thanks! 😀

[Author]

Posts