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Either way don’t send him anything :P.You should try to stop thinking about it and worrying about it. personally, I think you should go, put your phone away for a bit, and go to the gym or go exercise somewhere and try to get your mind off things. I know you are thinking about this a lot and its a big deal but thinking about it constantly is going to drive you crazy. I do the same thing. I know how it feels. Put your phone away for a bit and go hang with friends or family or go to the gym. Can you do something like that? Try to get your mind off it for a bit. You are making yourself crazy my friend.
It is frustrating because during our relationship, whenever he did something wrong he would start calling me up the next day telling me how he felt terrible and wanted to make it up to me, and I would always hear him out and take him back in a heartbeat. Yet when the tables are turned he can’t do the same for me it seems :/
At this rate I feel like he’s going to tell me it’s over for good on Christmas Day!
I know, I get how you feel. Lots of doing this is frustrating. Its a harder path than just moving on from somebody else in my mind. You never know. You might get back to that point with him one day.
Trust me, he’s not going to tell you its over for good. You should stop thinking about it. You are driving yourself crazy. You did all you could and feeling powerless hurts right now. But that feeling of powerlessness is only temporary. You’ve done a lot over this period to get your life sorted out. I know its frustrating when your ex doesn’t seem to be doing the same. I’m in the same sort of boat. I haven’t talked to a lot of my old work friends because she hangs out on our old work chat and it hurts me to be on there. Its so frustrating.
My suggestion is go work off that frustration. You like to run or do any sort of cardio? I want to help you, you can get through this, I believe in you. What are you going to do to get your mind off things. You should start thinking forward rather than back. What am I going to do for the rest of the day to get my mind off things?
Make sense? What you going to do to keep your mind off him?
I’m trying to revise and focus on my studies at the moment but been finding it hard to concentrate over the past few days. Today has been a bit easier but the reason I’m getting increasingly annoyed is because I know he’s home from work now and still not saying anything even though he lives 5 minutes away.
You don’t know that he’s not going to say it’s over for good
No I don’t, I don’t know what he’s going to say. I believe he’s going to give you a second chance. That doesn’t mean he is, but thats how I feel. Is there a close friend or family member you could call or vent to for a bit? I think you should try to find some way to calm down. I still suggest you go for a run or walk or go to the gym or something. I think it would really help. Idk what the weather is like around you.
Ahh perfect. Well is there a close friend or family member you could call or talk to for a bit? Maybe you could head to the grocery store or something. Maybe it would just be good to get out of your apartment/house for a bit
He sent a text just now saying ‘I’m not up for meeting again. It felt strange the other day, good and bad. There is a part that still cares about you, and as I’ve said I’m glad you’re doing well in your self and your studies. I hear you when you say you’ve changed and that’s great but I feel I’m still the same person who got hurt and I’m still angry and scared that you can do it again. I’m sorry’
I’m really sorry to hear that. I thought he was going to warm up to you. It looks like he kinda wants too honestly but something is holding him back. Probably the lack of trust he has spoken of. Way I see it you have a few options. Honestly I have no clue what to do or what I would do.
1. You could try to talk this out with him via text, get him to go into why he still feels angry and scared. I don’t think its going to change things but it might give you some more insight.
2. You could try to go over to his place, this is what we Americans call a “Hail Mary”. And try to talk things out with him then. There is huuuuge risk to this and I don’t think I’d advise it, but there is a chance, not a very good one, that it could work. It could also totally backfire and pretty much ruin any future chances because it might really upset him if you went over there and tried to talk to him.
3. You could step back from this and not even respond to the text and try to get him to miss you again. Basically start up no contact for a bit and see if he reaches out after a while.
4.You could send him something non desperate back via text, something like “I understand, I’m always here if you want to talk but I have to do what’s best for me. And that is try to move past this whole thing.”
5. You could ignore him and not respond and try to find somebody else.
I’m so sorry he said that. Its going to be okay. You deserve to be with somebody who wants to be with you.
So here’s what happened…
I didn’t reply to the text and 45 minutes later I got a text saying he was outside my house and some missed calls. I opened my door, let him in and we went upstairs to my bedroom and sat on my bed and talked. He said he had just been at the pub alone and had had 2 pints. He said he wants to see me, go places with me, see how it goes and not commit yet. I told him ‘if we can get through this, we can get through anything’. He told me he loved me and missed me. He told me he feels angry yet drawn to me. We agreed we should communicate more often and directly via phone calls. He said he didn’t want my passwords to social media and my phone etc because he didn’t think it would help.
He was cuddling me and said he couldn’t stop kissing me. We spent the next two hours just kissing each other basically. When he left he said ‘see you soon’.
How do I take this slowly and rebuild the trust? We will be long-distance once I go back to uni in a few weeks.
See, I told you :). I told you you should trust me :P. I’m so happy for you. Patience is key. Aren’t you excited? When he says he is angry with you it means there is some emotions there at least. Anger means there is something there for you. Its not necessarily a good thing but at least its something. You take it slowly by taking things slowly. Be patient. It took you a long time to get to this point. Remember all the work you did to get to this point? Let that fuel you. Be careful especially early on. I would say early on, just focus on having a good time with him. Don’t have heart to heart conversations all the time. Have fun :). It should be like you just started dating for the first time. Trust isn’t something that is suddenly there. It is built up slowly over time from both ends and can easily crumble. Its easy to crumble it. I ruined a 2 year relationship because I violated her trust. At least it feels that way. You should know going forward. Do not break up with him on a whim. You can’t do that anymore. I’m sure you already know that. Not saying you couldn’t break up with him in the future if it comes to it but you need to be sure. At some point you can talk about some of the things you can do to help trust each other. There are plenty of things you can do to increase trust but mostly it just takes time.
His ego & anger is slowly melting down but if you allow this thing to re-ignite without discussing the issue why you guys broke up, trust me, it will come back again and each time you guys fight the distance increases.
You’ve again allowed yourself to be dictated by his terms (when to meet, talk, get intimate, patch up, etc) which is not healthy to begin with.
Anwyays, both of you need to sit and discuss how to handle things going forward. If both of you havent tried improving anything in yourselves during this time then it is not a good sign. Even while getting back together both of you have to EVERYDAY remember what was the reason to break up and how to make sure it doesnt happen again.
Take this advise lightly at your own risk cos am telling this from a personal experience.
@AGuyWhoMissesHer, thank you, I am excited but I don’t want to screw it up this time
If there’s hope for me, there’s hope for you too! I thought my situation was doomed
@amcee, I will try not to be dictated by his terms. We have discussed how to handle things, but I think further discussions need to be had once he feels more comfortable
Yeah make sure you slways remember that. It’s very important if you want your relationship to work. Take things slow, very slow, im sure if you take it slow you can get him to commit to you.
I’m glad things seem to be working out for you, I don’t think it’s going to work out for me. She hasn’t said anything to me in like two weeks. I don’t know what to do. She said she wanted to be friends with me a bit ago but each time I try to talk to her I feel like it pushes her further away and she doesn’t respond. And the longer I take the less likely I feel like she’ll want to get back with me. She’ll just want to go be with this other guy instead
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