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He also said ‘I’m shaking’ and smiled whilst saying it when we were making out. He said ‘wow’ as I was kissing him. Do I wait until he contacts me first? But am I likely to even hear from him again in the first place?
The way I see it, if he wanted to be with me he would say so. He hasn’t said that, so I have to assume he doesn’t want to be with me.
I don’t want to be the first to bring up the break-up because it will come across as needy, make him put up his defences and ruin the positive, relaxed experience of yesterday.
If I don’t hear from him again, I have my answer…?
So you mentioned he leaned in for the kiss? Then you guys made out.
Even after this if he doesnt contact you then you want to have him back? Doesnt that mean he just misses your physical being? If you’re happy with that arrangement then continue trying to initiating contact on your own.But if you wait and he contacts you then you have a real chance to talk things out before again going for the ‘positive, relaxed experience’.
I can imagine the feeling but if you’re letting it cloud your long term judgement then do it at your own risk of being heart broken again may be. It is not uncommon for ex’s to get hot n heavy after a break up and that DOES NOT mean it is all okay. It means both miss the physical presence and it means there is a chance to ignite the spark and get the relation back. You’ve done your part by initiating contact after 3 weeks. Lets wait for him to do something concrete now.
Like I said earlier, he misses your physical presence so he’ll come back. Try to not give that to him easily and let him realize what he is missing out on. Also, keep improving yourself which will make you more irresistible.
If you keep on over-thinking why is he not contacting, why is he kissing, why is he not calling, why is he hugging, etc then you’re just obsessing and not really making any progress. That means you’re still the same person before break up and am not sure that will make him want to get back. The physical attraction that you guys still have can be leveraged to get back the emotional connect but if not used wisely then this could also fade when someone else comes along.
I sent him a text yesterday asking if he would like to get together sometime e.g. watch a film or cook dinner together. He sent me a text saying ‘it was lovely to see you yesterday, it’s great to know you are doing well in yourself and at uni. I don’t think we should get back together, I’m very sorry’.
I asked him why, he said ‘the trust is gone’. I told him trust can be rebuilt in small steps, and that I would like to give him back a book of his I still had and that I had something to say. I asked if we could meet at a bench inbetween our houses.
We met there, we talked about the issues which led to our relationship’s demise, mistakes that had been made, what I would have done differently, and how I felt misunderstood. He was very cold and distant and looked like he wanted to leave throughout. I told him that I never said I wanted to get back together, I just wanted to court/date and build a solid foundation and see what happens.
He said he had to go to eat dinner and because he had arranged to meet his friend. I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too. He said ‘I’ll have a think about some of the things you’ve said and I’ll be in touch before Christmas’. I told him I may be going back to university on Tuesday, but he just said ‘ok, I’ll be in touch anyway’. We hugged and said goodbye.
He also sent a text before we met at the bench saying ‘I’ve reflected on it, if we got back together I would be telling myself it’s ok for you to treat me however you like’
Hello,
I would absolutely not say it’s over for good, it’s actually great you sat down and talked about some things. From what I have read here I think things look pretty good for you two. I don’t know exactly what he means with that text message honestly because I don’t know your situation that well.
I would say the fact that he was willing to sit down and talk with you about things is great. He also said he would think about things. At this point I think I would just leave him alone for a bit and let him think about things. Maybe you could send him one text saying it was nice to see him and that you are always there if he wants to talk or needs something in the conversation Reiterated to him.
He said he’d get back to you before Christmas which is great, I wouldn’t really pressure him into anything before then. I wouldn’t initiate contact with him unless he does first. Give him some time to figure it out. I think he seems to be just on the fence right now and pushing him to make a descision might not be what’s best. This should be his decision and I think he’ll choose to get back with you :). Just be patient and hopeful. I think it’s going to work out
I think it’s okay to step back and let him think about some of the things you said. I say just leave him be for a bit, he said he’d get back to you which is great. I think you’ve done what you needed to do. You’ve put all your cards out on the table for now. Take it easy for a few days and be happy, I know he’ll be thinking about you a lot.
Hi, I appreciate your response.
From the way he was behaving when we spoke yesterday, he seemed very guarded and cold. He is also a very stubborn and sensitive guy who is easily hurt and shuts down often.
I mainly think he came to meet me to get his book back. He heard me out but don’t think he was expecting us to ‘talk things out’, he probably thought I only had one small thing to say because that’s what I put in my text before meeting.
I don’t think I have much of a chance to be honest.
Is there any point in sending one text tomorrow or on Wednesday? For example:
‘You’re beautiful inside and out and I want to show it to you. I have a lot to offer, and I feel that you deserve it. I want to treat you with everything I can give you.’
Would that make things worse?
I understand how you are feeling, my ex met with me for coffee to catch up and partially because she needed to sign a form thing since we were living together. Since then she’s been pretty distant from me. We haven’t even really gotten around to talk about the relationship. She’s crazy stubborn so I think she wants to stick with her descision to break up. But I’m pretty stubborn too and I want her to be with me again.
I think he was probably a little cold and distant because that’s the only way he knows how to deal with things, it’s probably a lot for him to deal with. Remember this is a roller coaster for him too. I know you think you don’t have too much of a chance but I don’t think that should be what you are focusing on. He seems to miss you and he seems to still be attracted to you.
I think it’s just a lot for him to handle right now, I’d say let him know you are there for him if you want to talk and that you appreciate him listening. I don’t think there’s a whole lot you can do. But you should be happy, you put your emotions out there and opened up to him. That was very brave of you to do. I think you just have to be patient. It doesn’t really matter what you think the chances are, because I think the ball is in his court now, and I think that’s okay. He’s got to make the descision to come back to you. Give him some time I think. Also he might not be ready to make a descision by Christmas, maybe it’s okay to tell him that he doesn’t have to make a descision by then, takes a bit of pressure off him.
For now try to relax and take some time to yourself. Try to distract yourself and hang out with friends/family. Who knows, it might be the last few days you are single 🙂
Wishing you all the best. I think it’s going to work 🙂
I see what you are saying.
Would sending him this text on Wednesday be a bad idea?
‘You’re beautiful inside and out and I want to show it to you. I have a lot to offer, and I feel that you deserve it. I want to treat you with everything I can give you.’
Honestly I say wait on the text, I think send him a simple, I’m always here if you want to talk text maybe. Maybe don’t even send that. But honestly I’d say back up a bit. He just needs some time. I know it’s tempting and you feel like there are some things you haven’t said but I think. Remember you did really good putting yourself out there, but you don’t want to look desperate. I think being vulnerable is okay, desperate isn’t really though. I think sending something like that might be a little too much right now.
Just my two cents
In my opinion Id send a “hey, I just wanted to say thanks for listening to what I had to say. Take some time to think about it. I’m always here if you want to talk or if I was unclear about something I said. It was nice to see you.”
It’s a bit less connected emotionally but I think it’s a bit less heavy while still being considerate.
You can always send that text but I don’t think you have to right now. He’s still probably thinking about what you said, so I’d let him focus on that
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