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exactly Thargus – it sucks so bad! She asked if I had spoken to him, I said no but was thinking about texting him and she was like “oooh….do you want to get back together with him then?” and I said a firm no (as shes seeing him this weekend and I knew what I would say would get back to him), but that I missed him. This is when she said “well as long as you make it so its obvious you want to be friends otherwise I think he’ll get the wrong impression…or maybe wait a bit longer?”
Its really difficult when this kind of thing happens 🙁 I know she loves both of us (but at the same time her loyalties lie with her brother) but its thrown me a bit now! i was so confident and ready to go! and it doesnt help when i ask how he is I get the “oh yeah hes good!” -ahhhhh, great :/ haha
I would try not to pay attention to it. When people on the outside (who aren’t going through the same thing) get involved, they never know what to say and give rubbish advice. If I talk to my friends about it, even my best friend, all I get is “ah plenty more fish in the sea, move on”. It’s not that simple, and I don’t want another fish lol.
It sounds like you have been gearing yourself up for it so I still think you should do it! Don’t listen to his sister…. and of course she is going to tell you that he is fine. It doesn’t mean that he is!
Thats very true KD1988!
I guess its just made me more nervous now because he was the one who broke up with me, the main reason being he wanted to be single for a while and not in a relationship. 🙁 I just dont want to feel vulnerable again!
Exactly! a week after we broke up his sister asked me if i had got with anyone else – I was lke um, no!!! and yep, Im definately “theres plenty more fish in the sea”-ed out! I want my fish back haha!
You’ve got to be emotionally stable before you contact him, that’s all I would say. You need to be prepared for the fact that he might not react the way you want him to, but it’s ok if he doesn’t! Whats the worst that can happen eh? If he reacts badly, you go back to NC (and you know you can do it because you’ve done so well with it) and you try again when the time is right.
Haha yes I want my fish back too! It’s funny how many people say that to me. Without understanding that I don’t want someone else! Or it’s just “ah well, move on, it wasn’t right anyway” oh I’m sorry what do you know about my relationship? Lol.
Exactly – I feel like I am emotionally stable now – I even went on a date! but it felt completely wrong. But I wanted to make sure I was in the right place so that I didn’t go all “I WANT YOU BACK SO BADLY” on him when we did finally talk again!
I must admit I am bummed out that he hasn’t bothered to contact me at all 🙁 we we’re such good friends before we went out and best friends during the 3 years – it has suprised me that he hasn’t even bothered to reach out and see if im okay/congratulate me on my new job 🙁 but hey ho. Exactly! at least I know I can do no contact. He better realise what he’s missing 😛
If he’s out during the day tomorrow, shall I message him the evening? he’s going to see mamma mia with his sister haha – I didnt know whether to ask about that?
Good for you for going on a date!! That’s brilliant. I got asked out on a date yesterday and originally said no, but am changing my mind and thinking I should just take the plunge and go, for my confidence and my own sake, not because I want anything to happen with him!
I know how you feel, mine hasn’t bothered either but I am trying really hard not to look into it too much! I’m just thinking that he is probably thinking the same thing as me, that he hasn’t heard from me either (apart from my one genuine mistake of sending him an email that was meant for someone at my work lol).
you could message him in the evening yeah. Do you know what you are going to say? 🙂
kaila – Noooo I didn’t 🙁 I kept chickening out and getting the opinions of my friends/parents who said not to :S and now because Ive been thinking about it too much/heard what his sister has said its putting me off 🙁
KD1988 – Im thinking about asking him about the play hes going to see tomorrow? im not too sure! Im seeing some of our old friends from college tonight so didnt know whether to mention like “guess who I saw last night!” kind of thing?
honestly i think he will be all distracted. all the times i texted on a weekend he would answer much later
@amy111 message him whenever you feel it’s right! The play might be a good way to start off the convo. BUT leave it long enough so that he’s not still with his sister!
Yeah, thats what I was thinking. Was thinking sunday night? then I would have seen our mutual friends, he would have seen the play on saturday, so sunday night I can ask him how the play was and then i can say about how I saw our friends and that they say hey or whatever… that was the plan anyway :S maybe! eeeek am so new to this!
I think that sounds like a good plan. you’ve done so well doing as long NC as you have! I’m only day 13 and already written my letter to give him haha
awww thank you! yeah the first 2 weeks were terrible i must admit – I was crying every day, sometimes twice a day! But then I got to the point where i got annoyed and angry at him instead – much better 😛 I mean I do love him and would love to get back together…but at the same time I want to make him work for it a little bit. And he must be still feeling something a month later – hopefully :S ahhh its scary
but NC does get a lot easier! for me it worked as a change of mindset. I loved him, but I didnt want him dumping me ruling my life kind of thing 🙁
Know exactly what you mean. It’s brought me pain but has given me a new lease of life at the same time!
so @geodj. i am sorry for the late reply! it sounds like you do need to just talk to her. but what you should do is be open and honest about the insecurities. a relationship is all about the working things out and working together to fix the RELATIONSHIP itself. she is clearly jealous and has feelings if she has seen you flirting with another girl and made that eye contact. talk to her, in a confident manner. dont text, just find a time you know will be quiet and just go and say hey. and let the conversation flow. she clearly still has feelings if what you say is true. its difficult i know but when she sees you engage her, it will make the difference. trust me. and see what happens.
tell us what happens when you do this 🙂 it doesn’t have to be straight away! when you feel is a nice time, take it and do it!
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