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Hi everyone,
i was supposed to meet up with my ex tonight but he had to reschedule saying he was working so much because he took off last week for thanksgiving. he asked to reschedule for brunch on saturday. i am really nervous to see him and not 100% sure i should go and if i go what to walk about. i know we are not supposed to bring up the break up or relationship but it feels unlikely that it won’t be acknowledged at all after we catch up. i do not think he is in a place to get back together. we dated for 7 years and when we broke up two months ago he told me that it was because he needed to look around to confirm I’m “the one” and theres a good chance we could end up back together but he needs time away from me right now. in this case, i don’t think two months is enough time to rekindle in but i really do miss him and want to see him. i just don’t want to set myself back. any thoughts?Well, to leave the relationship to see if there’s something better out there is not getting to tye actual problem(s). Did he tell you why he feels like he needs space and time? If you haven’t had that kind of honest and open conversation, how can that be fair to either one of you?
Go ahead and meet him. Try to think of interesting and funny things to talk about. Dress to impress and be confident. If you usually let him get the attention of the waiter or do money transactions etc.. you do it. Show him you can be independent in small ways. You’ll show him you aren’t needy or clingy by keeping a positive attitude and if the breakup does come up.. just remain calm. Don’t cry or yell. Just have that open and honest conversation if you haven’t already. Otherwise, act understanding and keep cool.
thanks for replying. he told me he needs space and time because we started dating when he was 16 and i was 15 and we are now 22 and 23. he said without having other relationships and experiences we would always wonder if we did the right thing always staying together. he also told me he loves me and hopes in the long run we can end up back together but he thought the spark and passion was gone from the relationship and breaking up might restore it. i have no idea what he’s thinking or the real reason. i think he is very confused.
That’s the downfall of long term relationships when starting young. My ex and I started young and lasted about 9 yrs. She, I believe, was curious about whether I was the one or not because we had never experienced anyone else. Add the problems that were quite severe the last year or so, and it was only natural she wasn’t in love anymore.
Don’t drive yourself crazy wondering if the reason he is giving you is the real one. No reason will set well with you. All that matters is that he needs time. And during this time, you have freedom you didn’t have while in the relationship. This is a great opportunity for you to find more out about yourself. Get into things you never felt like you could before.
Change your style up, change your hair up, exercise, do something that scares you every day, read books that pertain to subjects that are new to you, play a sport. LIVE IT UP.
If there was no cheating, if it wasn’t just a hellish roller coaster ride, if the communication was more good than bad, you have a really good chance. Take this opportunity by the balls and stay positive. All your time and energy can be spent on expanding your horizons in so many areas.
Every end is a new beginning. Follow the steps, live it up, and when you’re both ready to reignite the passion, it will happen, if it’s meant to.
The worst thing you can do is let this beat you down and become someone that pushes him away even further. Stay positive. Don’t get needy or clingy.Ok. Lol I’m done.
sounds like we were in a similar situation! any advice for how to get through this? i just feel sad all the time 🙁 we are in very limited contact. maybe 1 or 2 texts once every 3 weeks. it is killing me 🙁 i just want our relationship back. he never initiates conversations but always responds when i initiate and when i asked him what he wanted two weeks ago he said i don’t want to lose contact and want to slowly start talking but he doesnt initiate and idk what that means. i really don’t know how to act in this situation
Do not contact him first. In fact, go for NC for 30 days. He might not be initiating because you are and he assumes you will. He’s not expected to.
My ex loves me. There’s no doubt about that, but how she ended things was selfish and I was treated like crap because she met a rebound and thought she found “the one”. We fought a lot before the official breakup and things were miserable. Now, she’s dating someone that isn’t the original rebound. And it makes me severely sad.
Im only on day 2 of NC. I debated for weeks whether or not NC was the right route to take. My ex wants us to “rediscover” each other and has apologized sincerely for what she has done. So, at first, I was going for the false friendship. Then, my ex initiated contact every day. Wanted to sleep on the phone. Called a lot. After a few days when I warmed up to her again, she backed off. She waited longer intervals before texting. Then said “it doesnt matter” when I asked if she wanted me to sleep on the phone. So, after reading posts from ppl on here about my situation, I decided to forget false friendship and go with NC. We had a great last conversation. Day 2 and she has realized I wont be responding to her. She has hit me up three times now. I refuse to respond.
I can understand if she’s confused about whether I am the one, if we can make anything work at this point, or if we can travel on different journeys and come together after she realizes Im probably what she wants after dating for a while. She uses promising statements like, “we can’t be together right now”, “I love you as more than a friend”, “Maybe we can reconnect in the future. Anything is possible.”
She wants me in the picture in case I become exactly what she wants again or she wants to settle because she can’t find a better match. Is that wrong of her? Idk. She’s going through something, and if I try to understand her..it only drives me crazy and causes pain. So, I don’t. The details don’t matter. The only thing that matters is that I keep living. I improve my life and emotional health. And she doesn’t want to make a new life together right now, so I can’t hold on to any mixed messages she sends my way.
I handle it like most. I cry. I occupy my time. I stay busy as much as I can. I started working out again. I’m getting back into school. I got a new job. Most importantly, I surrounded myself with people that love me.
I’ve done NC twice before. Didn’t make it past two weeks, but I can say at two weeks I was stronger. Still sad, but cutting off all contact helps. It gets a bit easier the longer you go. I’ve spent my time wisely. Never allowing myself to get depressed.
Now, Im starting over with NC. I’m determined to last 90 days.
Enough about me. Back to you. Just stay strong. Don’t concentrate on the details. You are what matters. NC helps build a stronger you. Easier said than done, but focus on you. He is doing his own thing. Do your own thing.
Act like you are all that matters. Don’t reach out to him. No matter what. Five steps! We can get there together! Lol
its so nice to talk to someone else going through this situation! our break up was not a messy one. we weren’t really fighting before, but he just started acting more distant and for a few weeks told me he was just stressed but then finally admitted he wanted to break up. as of right now neither of us are dating anyone else. that wasn’t a reason for the break up. unfortunately i think the only thing to show how this will work out is allowing more time to pass. i try to focus on school (i am in the first semester of my masters program) and spend time with friends and family. i spend a lot of time in the mornings and at night crying but of course have my good days and bad days. i go to the gym often and that helps as does talking to other people on this forum! i think i am going to meet up with him saturday and catch up and try to be casual and hear him out on what he has to say. depending on how that meeting goes i will decide whether or not going NC is the right decision for me. we have done it but the longest i have made it is two weeks as well. anyway thank you for the support!
See. You have plenty going for you! If the meeting doesnt go how you hope it will, do not break down. You can express disappointment but dont make the mistakes it mentions on this site! Be strong.
Keep us posted. Good luck!
And I find supporting others in the same boat gives me strength. So you are more than welcome!
do you think i have a chance?? if so, how long do you think it will take him to want to give us another chance?
I do think you have a chance. I can’t say how long it will take. I can’t even begin to guess. It’s a matter of him being able to feel the passion and spark again.
And don’t ask him how long. Do not pressure him.
Start doing some of the things I’ve listed and (after the meeting if it doesn’t go how you want) start the five steps. Time will fly if you keep busy.
Have you really sat back and evaluated your relationship? Have you narrowed down some areas that really need improvement? I’m not going to ask about your sex life, but he said the spark and passion was gone. Was there a contributor in that area? (Rhetorical)
My ex said she still loves me more than a friend, but she doesn’t have in love feelings anymore. I don’t know how to get her to feel it again. I suppose all the bad things need to be wiped away with time. Then maybe she can allow herself to be emotionally open with me. The really messed up thing is, whenever we fought, most of the time it was because of her. Very jealous and insecure. And in the end she’s the one that falls out of love. Lol Irony.
to be honest, I’m really not sure what caused the spark to die out. i wasn’t feeling that way at all. we had been in a long distance relationship for the past 4 years and have just moved to the same city so I’m thinking maybe spending a lot more time together and because we’ve been dating for so long it just happened. he just started a new job with very demanding hours and said he was feeling a lot of pressure from everything. he was very vague with me and just said basically he was “falling out of love” and it started to scare him and he wasn’t sure if taking time apart would bring us closer together and strengthen our relationship because he wasn’t appreciating me the way he used to. we took two brief “breaks” in the past but they never lasted more than a month and we never really have gone this much time without talking, so this time definitely feels more real to me.
It could have become boring and more of a routine than a relationship. Add on the other factors creating stress and it wouldn’t be surprising if he felt a change was needed.
Relationships… who the hell thought them up?!
i agree. i think it was in combination of us nothing moving to a new city and the stress of him starting work and me graduate school and we had been in somewhat of a routine. i just wish he would have spoken to me about ways to make it more interesting. anyway nervous but anxious to hear what he’ll have to say about what he’s been thinking the past two months. i saw him about 6 weeks ago when he came to my apartment to get his things and he was crying and saying he loves me and feels so natural but he isn’t ready to commit to being in a relationship with me right now because he knows i deserve more effort than he is capable of right now.
i agree! this has caused so much stress for me! i think about it constantly no matter what he’s doing and always wonder what he’s thinking or if he misses me 🙁It’s a good sign that he’s able to show genuine feelings and he can communicate with you about not being capable of giving you what you need/expect.
It’s hard to know someone loves you that much but something is keeping them from stepping back over that line. Its hard to understand.
Life happens and everyone handles it differently, I suppose.
Sway with the tide.
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