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Boards Reconciliation Meeting him tomorrow, but doubting everything…

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
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  • #115239
    AvatarAnais
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    Hi there,

    I have broken up with him in a crude manner. I was very angry over something he did and treated him poorly during the breakup. I regret that.

    One week later I sent him a text, saying that I don’t want to fight anymore and that I want to speak like friends again. He agreed.

    Over the next two weeks it was always me then to initiate texts. His answers were short and came after many hours or even the next day whereas before the breakup his texts were loving and sweet. So I figured I must have really hurt him and his ego. I have decided then to call him and apologise for my tone during the breakup.

    On the phone he said he isn’t mad, he understands why I have reacted this way and that we can discuss this face to face. Yay! Right?

    Well he didn’t make any concrete plans, so I asked him if he wanted to meet on the day he is back from his trip to talk. Again he agreed with a simple ‘sure’. So we set a time for tomorrow.

    The problem is yesterday was my bday. He absolutely, 100 % knew what day yesterday was because I even mentioned it 3 days ago and still he didn’t wish me happy birthday. In fact he wasn’t even online throughout the day.

    I am deeply hurt and a bit angry about his lack of interest. When we were still dating, he told me he wanted to do something special for my bday.

    Although it was his suggestion to meet, he seems very unenthusiastic about all of it.

    I have worked hard on my self esteem the last couple of weeks so I am not so needy anymore but this was a blow.

    Shall I call the meeting off? Or shall I take the chance tomorrow and mend things?

    #115245
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2717

    @Anais How long were you together as a couple and when was the breakup? What did he do to make you angry and what do you mean by crude manner and how did you treat him during the breakup?

    Asking him to meet you on the day he is back from his trip to talk was inconsiderate. He should have some rest after a trip, especially if it was a lengthy journey..

    It seems you’re the one pursuing him and you’re right in that he isn’t showing much interest..

    How did you display low self-esteem? When you were together, were you both happy?

    Sorry for all the questions, but it’s difficult to assess the situation without more detail!

    Don’t be angry he didn’t acknowledge your birthday. You weren’t “a couple” yesterday and anger doesn’t help your case..

    No, don’t create added drama by changing the scheduled meeting!

    Just try to calmly discuss what went wrong and what both of you are willing to do to fix it.

    #115255
    AvatarAnais
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    Hi Patricia, thank you for your reply.

    I have tried to call him this morning but he didnt answer. I then left him a voice message, asking him if we are still on for tonight. He replied an hour later that his flight was cancelled.

    Maybe I am crazy but I actually called the airport of his hometown to check if there were any cancelled flights and there were none! He lied to me! Also how rude of him to not tell me that the meeting is off… it was about 12 pm already!

    So I sent him a longish text where I explained that I don’t really believe his story but that I only wanted to use this meet up to wish him well and all the happiness in the world and that I don’t expect anything from him, and that if he ever feels like coming to my hometown he can give me a call to grab a coffee together.

    Basically a goodbye text. He left it on read. No reply from him.

    I am trying to move on now. My question is: is there a chance of us getting back together? When we were dating he seemed so enthusiastic about our future together and after I have reacted harshly, he completely changed.

    #115256
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2717

    @Anais You didn’t answer any of my questions!?!

    Yes, it was very rude of him to not let you know the meetup wouldn’t happen. Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems his hometown isn’t near your hometown. You wrote:”I only wanted to use this meet up to wish him well and all the happiness in the world and that I don’t expect anything from him, and that if he ever feels like coming to my hometown he can give me a call to grab a coffee together.” I don’t believe that! I think you hoped you two could make amends..

    Since you didn’t answer my questions, I can’t assess what your chances would be..

    Anyway, it’s time to stop chasing him and start strict no contact!

    #115257
    AvatarAnais
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    Sorry, forgot to answer your questions:

    We were dating for 2 months. He came on very strongly, pursuit me a lot.

    At one point I catfished him on tinder with a fake profile. He immediately responded to that profile and claimed he was single etc. I was deeply hurt. So I printed this convo and confronted him during our last meeting. He said he was just looking for friends on tinder and that he wasn’t serious on tinder, that he didn’t want to meet this girl. Of course I didnt believe him, I just yelled at him, told him he was a bad person for screwing over a single mom and stormed off at one point etc. The reason I felt bad afterwards is that we actually never discussed being exclusive and I still met up with another guy occasionally too. I felt like a hypocrite.

    I suggested meeting on the day of his arrival because he was initially the one suggesting picking me up when he is back which would have been my bday.

    I didn’t display any lack of self esteem. Quite the opposite, I was actually kind of stand offish with him, a bit cold while he was already planning for our future, wanted to see my child. I didn’t quite believe in his enthusiasm. He is 5 years younger than me. We were still very happy and also had an amazing sexual connection. But on the inside I was very anxious to hear from him and to get his attention.

    #115258
    AvatarAnais
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 4

    Patricia, I just answered your questions. Apologies…

    And yes I hoped for more, but foremost I also wanted to have peace between us. I am currently going through a rough time anyway so I didn’t want to add this added burden of resentment.

    Anyway, I sent him this text wishing him all the best in the world and that if he ever wants to come to my hometown (45 mins from his), we can grab a coffee. Was that wrong? He left it on read anyway.

    The breakup was on 13th june.

    Does the no contact rule really work here? I only have him on WhatsApp.

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by AvatarAnais.
    • This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by AvatarAnais.
    #115261
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2717

    @Anais WOW! Only 2 months dating and not even in an exclusive relationship, but you got upset when he responded to your fake profile (devious/deceptive cat-fishing). He claimed he was single and he was! You were NOT in a committed relationship with him and he had every right to talk with or date others, just as you did, and YES, you were being a hypocrite. So now you’ve done enough damage by the angry things you said and not even having the right to say them.. Guys hate drama and arguing.

    And he seems immature in that he was discussing a future with you after only dating 2 months!!

    You’re a single mother, so I suggest you casually date other guys without having sex so soon after meeting them. You need to get along well for some period of time and be compatible before even considering to go to bed with a guy. Carefully evaluate their moral character, how well you interact with each other, and the possibility of having a happy long term relationship. Take into account whether that person would be able to set a good example for your child too.. And don’t come on as possessive/demanding/angry, especially if you’re not in a proper exclusive relationship. I think you might be very young and just haven’t learned some life lessons yet..

    So one more question: how old are you??

    I think it was okay to send him that last text, but now you need to go no strict contact! Yes, no contact can work as it allows time for a guy to cool off and remember the better times. But there’s no guarantee he would want to start dating you again.

    Try not to obsess about him and place your focus on yourself and your child.

    Good luck:)

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by Avatarpatricia12.
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