Mass Confusion & How To Proceed

[patricia12]

Wow! That was a tough conversation, but glad you got it off your chest. Yes, text one line. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore while you have a boyfriend”. Then drop off the map and stop chasing her.

[badboybronstein]

She didn’t reply to my messages last night, so I’m assuming she either blocked my number or she knew she was in the wrong. Regardless, today marks my first day and my final attempt at no ccontact. This time, I am going to be more active in dating, physically, changing myself, and quitting cigarettes. All these other times I’ve basicslly done nothing besides not contact her so those attempts have been completely useless. At the end of this one(if I still feel like it) I am going to try a letter. This is my final attempt so wish me luck.

[patricia12]

I hope you know it’s not appropriate to chase a girl who has a boyfriend!
Glad to hear your plans re: dating etc.. Just stick to no contact. Wondering what you hope to accomplish by sending a letter?? Hope all is going well with welding school and living at home with your parents. Also I guess they helped get you another car and after the last one turning out to be a lemon.
Wishing you luck for everything!

[badboybronstein]

I’m not chasing her, that’s the point of those texts I sent her. And what’s appropriate is subjective. I guarantee he’s a piece of shit that’s going to hurt her. So I’m going to stand back and let nature take its course while I actually try to better myself. I hope she at least considers what I said, even if she didn’t reply. I don’t know, though. In this time she’ll probably forget all about me, and fall in love with him. I just don’t understand where she wants me in her life and I can’t wait anymore for her to find out. This has been a truly heartbreaking experience and I don’t think I ever want to be in love again. Despite all shes put me through, I still love her and its pathetic. I can subside the feelings, but they don’t go away. And the point of the letter is to test the water and see how she reacts when the time comes. Like I said, this is my last attempt with her albeit probably a hopeless one. If she ignores my letter at the end then I’ll know it’s finally time to go and never look back.

And everything with my parents is going well and so is school. I’ve been so busy honestly it’ll probably help me not to focus on her. And I’m still searching for a car,and my parents have helped me tremendously. I’m staying hopeful that I’ll find one by this weekend. And thank you for the luck, I really need it:). Thank you for being so supportive through this process.

[Prod98]

I read all this chat, your ex sounds as confusing as mines
But you’re best just not contacting her again
Id try talking to other girls or hanging with girls and guys and get some of your mojo back
All the best mate

[badboybronstein]

Well, here I am again. I didn’t go no contact like a dumbass.

Alright I’ll go over what has happened first:

I didn’t go no contact while she had a boyfriend. She was confused and I was jealous and confused and angry. We fought a lot and said a lot of nasty things. Eventually we started messing around while she was with him (later to find out after she was thinking of giving me another chance. But one night we were hanging out with my friends and she goes and talks to him on the phone in my car). I get really jealous and pissed. But she starts crying so I go in the back and I hug her, because I do love her and don’t like her being upset (I don’t know if they are broken up at this poiny or not). But i started drinking and it made me even more upset and I said a lot of mean things that I don’t remember. Basically, we just fight after that and she stops contacting me. It hurts so I got mad and told her I was bringing all her shit over and dropping it off. We argue over the phone for awhile, saying the nastiest things you could imagine to eachother and she says she’s blocking my number.

So then, I go no contact for 3 weeks (up until 2 days ago). I cracked and it was obviously too soon and heated. I add her on Facebook and she likes my profile picture. So I got up the guts to text her that night. It hurt so bad what I’m about to say next. It’s hard for me to even talk about. So, I text her and she asks who it is and then I tell her. She said she’s hanging out with her boyfriend and is confused to as why I’m texting her and then sent me a picture of her and her boyfriend. I don’t say anything after that. She calls me when she gets home and apologizes saying it was him (later she said that it was her but i don’t believe it). We talk about a lot of things and she said he’s the first person since us that she has even had a fraction of the feeling she had for me. She also asked me if I had been seeing people (idk why) but I told her I’ve slept with a couple girls but I don’t want anything serious. We argued some and talked about good times. The next day I’m still pissed at her boyfriend and we get in a giant facebook messenger argument and I get all emotional and mad and say dumb things. She said if I cared or ever cared that I would realize that she’s happy and that she’s never been happier. Anyways, she called me after. I was still really upset. I don’t know why she would call me anyway. We argue and say really nasty shit to eachother again. I get mad and start yelling and so was she. The final time I call her we argue even more and she tells me it’s not her fault I’m psycho for not being over her and why dont i try dating all the girls i fuck She texts me after, saying to not call or talk to her again or she will file a restraining order on me. I dont understand, my actions were just a reaction to her actions. I guess she is still hot from what happened before between us. Shes fucking psychotic and hurts me. Why do I still love her? Ive never stalked her or threatened her or even laid a finger on her. So i dont understand why she would threaten me with something like that. I can tell her new bf wont last long. They are going through the honeymoon stage, but I call it everytime just like I have the last couple times. She said if she gets a text he texts off her phone. I told her it will only get worse. They havent even been dating a week.I care about her even still. Ive already made improvements so I can only do better here. I plan on going no contact for 60-90 days so I have time to heal and she has time to not be a bitch. I know she has mental issues and overreacts so I know she was then when she threatened me, and I know damn well Im not a creep and dont deserve a restraining order. I will see how I feel after this time. I know this has been a crazy ride. And I know you probably think I am insane for all of this. But “love” makes a man, specifically me, do crazy shit. She admits she never had a conection as strong as when we were together. I still have a shed of wacko hope. She needs time and space to better herself mentally and so do I. God, what is wrong with me.

[badboybronstein]

I haven’t missed a single day of class, slowed down on weed, and I have a car now. So it’s not like I haven’t been trying to improve. I know now how severe her problems are now, as well as mine. I will prove to myself I can do this even on the off chance she tries talking to me. She’s blocked my number and I’m deleting Facebook because that has always been my downfall. I don’t need to know how she is or what she is dating. I need to focus on me and this is where I have failed no contact several times. I haven’t even given it a chance. I’ve been talking to other girls so hopefully that will help a bit. When February 7th rolls around I will have to see how I feel. A lot can change in just 60 days. If i feel the same then, I will be mentally stronger and my emotions will have subsided. If I do decide to contact her after this time, I will use extreme caution. But now, I am going to try to forget she even exists. I hope she doesn’t forget me, I know this is probably crazy sounding but her and I aren’t exactly normal.

[patricia12]

@badboybronstein – I’m glad you’re still attending classes and have a new car, but I thought you gave up drinking and weed as your parents requested. By now you must know that drugs and drinking only cause more problems! Honestly, you two can’t seem to get along for very long as something always happens to cause ugly arguments. Neither of you have changed the toxic ways you interact with each other! You seem to have a short fuse that erupts into explosive anger too often. You slept with a couple of girls and she messed around with you while still in a relationship with her boyfriend. What a mess! It seems both of you have some growing up to do. Sorry, but I wonder if you even see or understand how childish you both act. I hope time will make a difference in that regard. You say your actions are reactions to her actions, but that only means you have no self control. It sounds like she wants you to leave her alone and you can’t, that’s why she threatened you with a restraining order. You ask why you still love her? Maybe because you’re addicted to the drama. It’s like a drug. Please do yourself a favor and break free of this misery! Maybe much later on if she ever decides to break up with this guy (on her own volition) and you get rid of the anger and jealousy issues, you might have a chance, but I don’t see it happening any time soon. And if she has mental problems, the future doesn’t look bright or happy. I’m glad you’re deleting Facebook as it only seems to cause even more problems. I’m very glad you’re trying to improve, but still sounds like you have a long way to go. Yes, focus on yourself and go strict no contact! But I’m secretly hoping someday you will find a very nice girl to have a relationship with.. I know you’re a nice guy and you deserve to be happy:)

[badboybronstein]

I only drank that one time, I only drink on occasion now. And I’ve cut down tremendously on smoking and it helps that I have responsibilities to pay for now. And you’re right, I have no self control and and get angry when I have my feelings hurt. I need to work on my emotional center and acting rationally rather than impulsively and based off emotion. And I lied about sleeping with a couple girls. I only slept with one, but I wonder why she would want to know anyway. I definitely have a lot of growing up to do. And i know this, I’m doing the best I can and will do even better without her as a distraction. And thank you, I really needed to hear that. Sometimes I wonder if I really am a nice guy and deserve happiness. I need to work on loving myself more also. I have a lot to think about and act on. Thank you for your continued support 🙂

[badboybronstein]

Day 7 no contact. Its really difficult staying sane. I’m extremely anxious and I can’t seem to get her off my mind. I just keep wondering how someone who used to love me so dearly, hates me and wants nothing to do with me. What’s worse is she’s so happy without me and will probably fall in love with this guy. I would take any pain over this pain. I can’t even focus on anything without thinking about it. And the guilt for the things I’ve said out of anger is drowning. I’m nothing to her now. Not an acquaintance, friend, anything. It’s almost as I don’t exist to her yet she is an important aspect in my life still. During no contact, I’m going try to get a new job, and quit all my nasty habits. I wonder if she’s ever coming back and it hurts. It feels like my heart breaks a little more everyday to the point where it’s almost unbareable. I feel insane for having feelings for her still and my mind is going in a million directions at once. I always have a sinking feeling and I can’t sleep. This is the worst kind of hell.

[patricia12]

@badboybronstein – Hello and I’m sorry to hear you’re so sad and hurting. Please stop thinking of the past and the good times with her. Everyone who breaks up can think of good times, but it doesn’t do any good because it hinders you from moving on. Stop wondering why all this happened! The past is gone. She has moved on and so should you. The way you were treated brought out the worst in you and that past behavior is gone too, so don’t dwell on feeling guilty. All of your negative thoughts have become a habit and you can break it. Drinking and smoking weed will cause you to revert to sad thoughts, so I’m glad you’re quitting. A sober mind will help. Please try to focus on your own life and the improvements you want to make. You deserve to be happy! I pray you will heal completely and that you will be happy again someday soon.

[badboybronstein]

I’ve finally come to the terms that my ex is narcissistic. The reason I kept coming back is because she manipulated and emotionally abused me to the point where I became dependent on her because she fed off me already feeling down about myself and her insults made me feel worthless. She took advantage of how I felt about her to get what she needed out of me whether it be sex, attention, complying to her demands, etc. She would be nice sometimes and then be cruel to me when I pointed out she was hurting me. She will never care about anyone but herself because she is insecure. Time to slam the door. I will need counseling for the damage that’s already been done. She knew my insecurities and it joyed her to see me get angry or hurt because she was getting attention from me even if it was negative. It will most likely take me awhile to bounce back but I just have to resist the urge to ever have her in my life again. You’ve been right this entire time. She will never change but she’s plucked me like a guitar string for so long that it will take months or even years before I can truly get away. Oddly enough, narcissitic victims still have a feeling of needing their abuser because they make them feel weak and like no one else will love them. That’s why I’ve kept coming back to her. It’s got me in such a bad place, but from here on out I’m getting the strength to break away and get myself back together again. I might post occasionally so we can keep in touch, but there are so many bad memories here and she has plagued every aspect of my life. I hope I’m strong enough, and I’m not very religious but please continue to pray for me. I need any positive light or though in my life.

Thank you,
Brendan

[patricia12]

Hi Brendan, I’m so glad you finally understand why she wasn’t good for you. But at the same time it makes me sad that you’ve been terribly hurt and you never deserved the bad treatment you received. I know you’re a good person so please don’t think no one else will love you! And I believe you have more inner strength than you think and that you can accomplish whatever you choose in life. Counseling will help and you have loving parents who will help too. Every time I come to this site, I wonder how you’re doing. Yes, I will continue to pray for your well being, strength, and happiness always. Take good care of yourself my friend..

[Author]

Posts