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Tomorrow would be the deadline for no contact. I’m thinking I’m going to stretch it another week and see how I feel about things. I’ve made changes, but not big enough I don’t believe. Lately I’ve been missing her a lot, and I don’t really understand why but it’s really annoying.
Yeah, I agree you should stay no contact. The missing stuff comes and goes.
Hope all is well otherwise:)Well, all was pretty well until I totaled my fucking car at 2AM and my parents totaling their $52K truck to come and get me was really icing on the cake. There was a storm and I couldn’t see how high the water was and my car basically turned into a boat. And plus I was out past some bullshit curfew they tried to set for me and somehow he already knew when I don’t even have data on my phone. So I’m guessing he’s been using a tracker of some sort. My stepmom decided to make snide remarks and my nerves were already so shot so we both started yelling and she told me to get the fuck out. So I went inside and started packing and then she decides its a good idea to lie to my dad about what she said to me and make me look like an idiot. I’m so close to losing my shit.
I’m sorry to hear that you totaled your car. I’m in California and it’s very dry. Haven’t seen a storm in years, lol. I’m a little disappointed and surprised you were out past curfew because I thought you were following the rules?? Surely you can do that until you get out on your own someday. She was angry, but she was wrong to yell as it doesn’t solve anything! But you didn’t have to yell back. I know you were stressed, but try to control yourself, even if others are behaving badly. If you continue breaking their house rules, they will lose all faith in you and you will get get kicked out again. I still have some faith in you that you can change yourself into a more responsible man if you try harder with all your might! Life could be so much worse than living with parents. Try to be more grateful that they gave you another chance to live in their home. Imagine if you had a son who misbehaved in the ways you did. Wouldn’t you be upset and disappointed? How many chances would you give your son before you asked him to leave? You’ve already made some good changes, but sounds like you have a ways to go. Be strong, I know you can do it:)
Thank you for your honesty, I really did need it. And I’m trying. I haven’t been taking my meds regularly and it’s most likely one of the reasons I’m so out of whack. Things have cooled down and we’re all thinking more level-headed. They also got a new truck that was even nicer than the one before! So all things aside they are pretty happy about that. I feel such guilt over the things I’ve said to them out of anger, when they only try to do what’s best but I have a hard time controlling my emotions. And looking at it that way, they’ve had more patience with me than I would have.
I just feel so all over the place all the time. And the absence of my ex comes and goes like you said, but when it comes it hits me really hard for some reason and it always seems to linger at the back of my mind. It’s quite annoying, honestly. Everything seems to be falling apart all at once.
Pot and drinking alcohol can mess with your mind. When totally clean, things become clear and realities of life are easier to deal with. So it seems so weird to me that your ex didn’t want you smoking cigarettes, but she smokes pot! What kind of meds are you taking? (for depression?) Glad to hear your parents got a nice new truck:) Don’t feel too badly or guilty about the things you said in anger. I’m sure you apologized and they forgave you. But in the future please try to keep a lid on angry outbursts. Calmness can become a good habit when you work on it. To be honest, your ex has a mental issue which will always keep her confused and conflicted about things. There would be times of serenity, but the bad times of arguing always came back and it probably won’t ever get any better. The two of you together would probably never work out to be happy in the long run. Jackie had mentioned trying to find another girl and I agree. There are girls out there with sweet temperaments who you would be much happier with. I know it sounds harsh, but it’s true. Consider keeping no contact. Believe me, it will be the best thing you can do for yourself not to allow all the confusion and hurt feelings back in! If you see her, you will be miserable again. Focus on you and your own happiness and continue to improve your life. You will feel better and have more self respect. If you feel all over the place, try to focus on one thing at a time, one day at a time. If you feel things are falling apart (doesn’t sound like it), but if they seem to be, do whatever you can to fix the situations and go from there. You have things in your life to be very thankful for. A nice place to stay with your parents and a job that gives you spending money and maybe money for trade school too. When are you going to start technical school for welding? With a welding certificate you can earn a much better salary and you’ll probably be able to get your own place too..
I hope and pray things will get much better for you very soon!Just an update,
I test drove a car yesterday and I’ll probably get it if I’m able to get get loan so that was pretty nice. I also bought a new phone and school starts in two Mondays. So everything is decent, nothing to complain about right now.
On another note, I decided to add my ex again on Facebook. She’s messaged me twice. I haven’t opened them but I saw what they said when I got the notification. One is something about a message when we were in an argument before she blocked me. The second one says: “If you don’t totally hate me I’d like to catch up.” Should I ignore these or are they justified a response?
Are you saying trade school for welding starts in two Mondays? Why in the world did you add her to Facebook again? I thought you wanted to avoid the drama and agony? If you answer the notes, she will probably be pleasant at first, but the meanness will start up again, as it always does. The wisest thing is to delete, block and ignore her, but I have a feeling you won’t do that. Proceed at your own risk if you want to.. How are you doing at your parents place? Are you staying away from alcohol and pot? Hope you get the loan for the new car! Best wishes..
I think I’ll continue to not talk to her for a bit, it was on a whim. I’ll let her wonder. Besides, I feel like I’m at a place now where if she starts shit I can just drop it then and there. If I end up contacting her, I’ll just feel it out. And everything else is going awesome. And yes trade school two Mondays from now, I’m starting to get kinda nervous now that it’s getting closer lol. And thank you, I also I hope I get the loan because I really love the car.
I’m glad everything is getting better on your end! Did you get to go on any dates yet!! Your an awesome guy and you deserve someone that loves you back the way you do. And I know you will find that girl. You have a big heart and you care a lot about your ex, but how she is just doesn’t complete you and balance you out. You need someone that will give you that love back! And I know it will happen! How is everything going to this day?
I haven’t gone on any dates yet because I’ve been busy with starting technical school and work. But I’m actually getting another car today so that’s a plus. And i think you’re right, I’m considering going on no contact again for 30 more days even though I just ended it like last week. This is so confusing and frustrating.
But this time I’m not giving her a warning. She needs to realize I’m no disposable and I don’t need her but want her.
So idiotically I didn’t go on no contact again. But I got upset today because she was supposed to hangout with me tonight at 10pm when I got off work. But she bailed because she said her boyfriend is coming over. It hurt my feelings. So I text her:
Me: Don’t talk to me anymore
Her: Ok
Me:You don’t even care, do you?
Her: What that you hate me?
Me: You’re hurting me
Me: If I hated you, I wouldn’t be so stupid as to keep coming backHer:How am I hurting you
Her:By having a boyfriend
Her:I don’t get itMe(I’ve been holding my frustration in for awhile so I let loose):You always say I hate you. But I think you say it to hide that you actually hate me.
Me: You always talk about him to me and about fucking him. Just like you always do. The more you say the more I realize that maybe I took us to heart too much. You’ve shit on all our memories, tell me our breakup was all my fault, you only talk to me when you’re bored or he’s not answering you. You treat me like I’m disposable to you, but you aren’t to me.
Me:I know youre with me him now. But call me later and at least have a civil, honest conversation with me. If you can’t even do me that justice then that’ll give me the answer I need from you.
Me:You can’t keep continuing this cycle of holding onto me just because I give you attention until you find someone new.
I doubt she will call but I think i obviously think i need to tell her that I just can’t talk to her while she’s with someone else. I just need opinions and advice. Really bad. I hate this old familiar pain again.
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