-
Posts
-
Swearing is a habit that can be broken, even during times when you’re upset. You are a good person, but just been in a slump for a couple of years like you said. When you say you hope you can prove everyone wrong about you, it implies to me that people are disappointed in you and that they’re hoping you will live up to your potential. You say it feels like your ex is talking down to you or that she seems to derive enjoyment in her ease of getting her way over you or that she’s playing games. Please don’t think of those things in that way. Think of yourself and what you want or need to do in order to move past your current difficulties. Maybe it’s watching your language, quitting alcohol and weed, getting another job that’s full time or pays higher so you can afford your own place or going back to your fathers place and obeying his house rules. Whatever you can do to improve, do it. You will be proud of yourself and gain the respect of others too. You mentioned uncontrolled anxiety at times so maybe work on controlling your emotions. Maybe you could talk with a wise family member or wise friend to get more perspective on how you’ve been dealing with circumstances in your life and what you might do to improve certain situations.
Yes, I think you need to leave her completely alone until you get back on your feet. After that, you could talk with her about your improvements and plans you might have to make a possible relationship better and happier. The only way to move forward with her would be for both of you to agree to want to be together and ways to fix your personal issues with each other.
I hate to say this, but if she rejects you, your improved temperament, self worth and self respect, will make it possible for you to have a great relationship with someone else down the road.
Your advice is really sinking in and I guess I’ve just been so nervous and scare that it’s hard to do much of anything. I always feel tired and I’m so scared that I barely feel anything anymore. The only things I feel are fear, anxiety, and pain. I need to make some serious changes in myself like you said and I guess now would be the perfect time in my greatest time of need. I just hope the reason I’m going through all this is because good things are going to come later on. I find it really hard to find the light in a situation like this. She’s the only one I’ve ever felt this way about before but maybe it’s time to let go. I usually don’t have a hard time letting someone who has caused me even a little pain go, but she has caused me tremendous amounts and for whatever reason I still want her and only her. I’ve done no contact before and it was mostly a success but maybe I gave in too early. I guess now it’s time to face my biggest fear, uncertainty.
Below is the last email I sent her, and I took a bit of advice from another poster. I’m just wondering if I was efficient in getting everything out. It’s a bit lengthy but it’s how I truly feel. She hasn’t said anything and she went out with a guy friend tonight so I’m assuming I have my answer.
“C**,
I’m sending this in hopes you’ll want to mend things after yesterday’s argument and possibly talk tonight. I will apologize in how I acted and take most of the blame because my decision making hasn’t been the best and I don’t do well under heavy stress. And you already know and I’ve let you know how much I appreciate what you do and have done for me. Why you think I’m being ungrateful I’m unsure. I’m extremely grateful and I thought I expressed that but if not, I am very grateful and thank you. As for you saying I’m miserable, yes that is true. Right now it feels impossible for me to be happy and I know that’s probably hard to understand. But I’m at a point in my life where there many obstacles and it’s hard to keep my mind on one thing. I’m just really scared if you want me to be honest. My mind is all over the place and I’m trying to figure everything all out at once. And yes I know you saw me smoking again and probably also noticed that I took my cigarettes back. I didn’t go through your belongings because that’s not the type of person I am, I just heard you put them in the drawer so I took them back when I was cleaning the rat cage like you asked and I touched nothing else. You’re disappointed in me and I understand that and I shouldn’t have done it. But right now quitting smoking is really on the bottom totem pole of my concerns and another stresser I really don’t need right now and I hope you can try and understand and that I’ll quit when I’m actually ready. I’d like to clean the cage and make sure they have food and stuff if that’s okay.
On another note,
I have questions about where we stand. The other day you told me you loved me. And maybe I’m looking too much into it and it could have just been the liquor talking.But, if you still do love me and what you said is true and that’s how you actually feel:
I’m not going to try and manipulate you or guilt trip you into wanting any kind of relationship with me. But if you don’t love me, although it may not be what I want to hear, I would like for you to tell me. I hope you can understand my uncertainty after trying to have numerous conversations about it because it is still something that bugs me. I understand that I’m not the most tempting guy out here, especially now. But one thing is for certain and it is that I do love you and always will if you let me. I understand you trying to look for love somewhere else because I put nothing to the table. But if you don’t love me, then tell me straight because I can’t try to guess anymore. I don’t know if past events have been out of resentment for me. But as much as they hurt me, I still have powerful feelings for you. I know these type of long messages annoy you, but you’re not here right now and I need to get some of it off my chest.
If you love me,
There is an easy way and a hard way. The easy way being we don’t talk anymore or try to work things out, you move on, find someone you love and hopefully live a full happy life. And that’s what I hope for you honestly.The hard way being we work through this and figure both of our stuff and lives out together. Because in all honesty and maybe even selfishly, I can’t think of a life without you but if that’s how things need to be then that’s how they need to be. Anyways, if this is the path you decide to take I will be by your side through anything. Once I get my life figured out, I will do my best to give you the world if you’re patient enough for the time it takes for me to become a better man.
Please consider what I’ve said and if not and you just want to leave things how they are, I will quietly leave your life and you won’t hear from me anymore. If you read what I said then you can just reply to me in any way. If you don’t, then you simply don’t have to say anything at all.
Hope you’re having a good day at work and I’ll hopefully see you tonight.
With much love,
B******
Sent from my iPhone
Anxiety and stress can make a person feel tired as well as not enough good nutrition and sleep. It will take courage and determination to make the changes needed to improve your life and current situation, but I know you can do it. Yes, good things will happen later on, but only if you make them happen. It’s all up to you. I’m no psychologist, but when you say she’s caused you tremendous amounts of pain and yet you still want her, it might be because you don’t believe you deserve to be treated better, but you do! Once you gain your self respect, you will realize that. The unknown and uncertainty is scary for almost everyone, but we have to push our fears aside and take charge of our own lives and pursue what’s best for us. Another idea for getting help is to maybe seek counseling from a priest or minister. I don’t know if you’re a member of any particular church, but most have counselors on staff who specialize in helping people with all sorts of life problems.
Your email to her was wonderful and I know you poured your heart out through your words! I hope she will at least respond or if you see her before you move out on Sunday, that she will give you some sort of answer. One of the things you mentioned in your email is that your mind is trying to figure out everything all at once. But if you focus on what should be your very first step and go for it, you’ll be on the right track toward changing your life. Then tackle the next thing and so on. I wish you well in whatever you decide to do..
Thank you, and I definitely need a little help. I’m not much of a religious person but it couldn’t hurt. She was outside long boarding when I came back from the store. All she had to say was: “you went in my drawer,huh.” And I said “yeah.” She said I shouldn’t go through people’s shit without asking and then I said I didn’t go through your shit, I got my shit back. She said it doesn’t matter and that I promised to quit smoking and that I’m a liar. So I just said I don’t care. She just said of course you don’t because you don’t care about anyone but yourself.
I did pour my heart out. I always do. And she always has nothing to say. That’s really all she’s concerned about instead of trying to fix our relationship. I guess I’m just some big joke to her. It’s so frustrating.
Do you think I should send her a text saying “I guess I should take your silence as your answer?” Or should I just leave it alone? She’s been gone all day so I’m guessing she’s with that dweeb again.
Okay, so she came back. She came in the guest room and apologized and said she wishes me well and such. I told her we can talk about it tonight. She hasn’t read the email. But, she’s very dressed up so I’m assuming she’s going on a date. My heart hurts.
Okay, when you talk, don’t raise your voice or swear! Just be very calm..
I know you’re hurting, but don’t jump to conclusions about a date. She broke up with you, so it’s not like she’s cheating or anything. You’re also free to go out on dates, but guess at this point you don’t want to. Where are you moving to tomorrow? I pray someday you will be able to rent a nice place for yourself and never have to sleep in your car again!Depending how tonight goes when I get off work I’ll be able to make a verdict on what to do next. It’s got me so nervous that I’m trying not to think about it by keeping myself busy but it isn’t helping. I just feel like it’s going to go badly.
She’s not cheating you’re right. But I take the L word very seriously and she told me she loved me not even a week ago. It’s not something I feel very often and when I do it’s intense. And I’m not worried about getting angry tonight, I’m worried about the exact opposite happening. I’d take anger over heartbreak any day. It’s the worse feeling I’ve ever felt.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.