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I don’t think it’s a bad idea. Gives her a chance to see you. Make yourself look good. See how youve improved. But you have to be ready. You cannot show any signs of wanting a relationship already. Just be a friend. Also make it professional. It’s something that you guys have to do. So try to make it enjoyable for her as well. Don’t make it feel forced. Dont drag things out.
It’s also a good thing g to stay away from the chat. I’m sure it’s a little too much right now. And as far as her slipping away from you, that’s not really going to happen. It’ll be a good 7 or 8 months before she’s completely over you. Until then she’ll actually go through the missing g you badly stage of breakup. It’ll take her even longer if she sees that guy at all. So try not to think like that. It only makes things harder on yourself.
You’ll never know her intentions or why she’s doing what shes doing. Honestly she doesn’t even know half the time. One day I’m sure she’ll figure herself out. Right now I think shes still trying to figure it all out. Hope things go better for you these next few days.
Hi Carey,
I’m glad you think it’s a good idea. I’m not sure I’m ready for it though, I think I can get through a coffee session without bringing anything up but I’m not sure I have enough new things to bring up. I suppose I should keep the conversation focused on her.
My problem is that I think she might head back to her hometown on Tuesday night this week since its thanksgiving and she probably gets Wednesday off. I was thinking I would maybe call her on Monday night and ask her to coffee on Tuesday but she might be driving back home that night. I know timing is important when t comes to these things so I don’t know what to do. I could wait to ask her to coffee on Monday after thanksgiving but idk what is better for me. Since she’d have a few days at home if our coffee thing went really well it might be good to go home and give her time to think but maybe it’s better to wait till Monday after thanksgiving because theni can be more prepared but I really don’t know. I don’t even know if she’d say yes. She might already be seeing this other guy. I have no idea. Ughh this is so frustrating sometimes. Especially when I really don’t know where she is at with me mentally and emotionally.
Maybe I am trying to rush things too much I don’t know. But she did mention we might have to sign this thing so it might be good to ask early while it is in her mind. I don’t really know.
Sorry you didn’t really get a chance to talk with the gym girl but it’s great you seem to be doing better my friend. I wish I was doing as well as you are. It would probably help my chances lol
My advice is to wait till Monday. Don’t try to rush. Especially if you don’t feel prepared. It’d be smart to have a plan and know what you’ll say. Youll be nervous no matter what, but at least you’ll be more prepared than a rushed visit. You could make the plans this week though. That way it’s set in stone more or less. Either way it’s a good start. Gives you a chance to show yourself off. And to make her comfortable with you again. Show her you’re cool about all this (even if you’re not). It’ll really get things started. Those first steps. Hopefully you make a good impression on her. It might not be huge, but it’s def a start.
Today was rough for me. Had a lot of free time. Just played games and watched football. I’ve been thinking about her almost all day. I got on Facebook and went to her profile. Idk why. She uploaded a picture of her with him. It’s a simple one. Just them smiling looking happy. Just made me feel pretty down. I’m just confused. But it’s part of this breakup process. It’s just emotionally draining me now. Times left me her to heal and all I can do is feel the emotional strain of the breakup. It’s just tough. Today was “one of those days.” Hopefully tomorrow goes better. Maybe I’ll finally talk to that girl if she’s there.
Hi Carey,
I think I might wait until Monday as well, given how things are going with her lately. Which isn’t too well. But I don’t know if she’s just trying to play things cool or if she is just really not wanting to talk to me. Maybe she still just feels nothing for me, I don’t really understand why. So I don’t know what I’m going to do still, might be good to wait a bit idk. But I kinda want to see how things go tomorrow as I don’t know what else I’d really send her as far as texts go.
I snapchatted her earlier today but she didn’t reply. I didn’t really expect her to reply though honestly. I just feel like she doesn’t feel anything for me and is talking to this other guy all the time. It leaves me really sad and confused :(. I just don’t know what to do. This is really hard on me. I imagine it’s probably hard on her too i suppose. I just want to be with her again. I don’t think she does though. Maybe she will and I just need to take things slow I don’t know.
I had a pretty rough day today as well. Sorry you had kind of a terrible day :(. I thought about her a lot today too. Most of it was me being pessimistic about this whole plan not working which was really tough. I just feel like she only has feelings for him right now and that just makes me want to cry. I think all she does is sit on work chat and talk to him. It makes me so scared. I don’t know how to compete with it. I don’t know what to do.
I think I might call her tomorrow and ask her to coffee. Maybe I am just screwed. God I miss her.
I just don’t understand what I am supposed to do, she doesn’t seem to want to talk to me anymore. I feel like she’s on work chat talking with this other guy all the time, I feel like he could be a rebound or is just trying to replace me since we always used to talk a lot on that chat. I am so confused. I want to call her today and see if she wants to meet for coffee. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet though, but I don’t know what else to do with this other guy in the picture. Maybe they are already together and just haven’t told me. What do I do? I hoped things would be going better with her by now.
I’m not entirely sure what you should do. You’ve past me in terms of progress. I haven’t gotten a text, call, email, Snapchat, nothing.. you might just have to take a leap of faith. But if you don’t feel ready then don’t call yet. Continue to take time and be ready for when the time comes. You’re still thinking a lot about her. Yeah it’s part of the process, but you need to learn to not care so much what shes been doing or if she’s with him or why she’s not texting you. You have to remember she loved you. So she’s going through a breakup too. Just in a different way. Ik it’s hard. But you should stop worrying aboyt her so much and start worrying about you.
I honestly thought at this point my ex would be talking to me and her and I would have already met up. But things didn’t turn out like that. But I planned for the worst. Right now I’m just trying to go day by day getting through the emotional battle within me. No one else can help me. I’m the only person who can make it all better. And I’m doing just that. I still have some pretty sad days. But I know one day I’ll be okay. It might be a year, two years, maybe even three. But I’ll get through this. No matter what happens you just have to keep moving forward. Life will beat you to your knees and leave you laying on the ground if you let it. But it’s not how hard you can hit. In the end it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. Right now life is taking some hard shots on us. it’s taking its toll. But you’re strong. You’ve come this far. I know things may not seem so great. Things didn’t go the way we wanted them to. But that’s okay. No matter what happens you have to go forward.
For now, try to get that paper signed. It can be a week or two from now. But you’ll have to take a chance. It could pay off. Stay strong. And stay patient.
Hey Carey,
Well I had an interesting day yesterday. I was going back and forth about calling her all day. I was feeling pretty down most of the day. I was honestly pretty out of it and depressed. Had a rough day at work, worked like 3 hours late because something blew up at work, figuratively. But it did mean I was super busy. Since I was so busy I was thinking I would maybe just wait a few days to call her. After I finally got off work it was pretty late and I wasn’t really sure I was ready. I talked to my friend about calling her and asked what he thought. He said he wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t think I was ready but I wasn’t sure when I would be, and I didn’t know when she’d be driving back home. Then I got a call from my college asking me to donate money. I had a lovely conversation with a nice person on the call and I felt really good. So I said screw it, I’ll call her.
I called her, she didn’t answer, left a message, I said the form needed to get signed and to call me back when she had a few minutes. I think I sounded pretty confident.
She called back like 2 minutes later, which was great. Wasn’t really expecting that. I think I sounded pretty confident. I said the form needed to be signed, she said she was driving back in a few days and could swing by my place and sign it. I said that was okay, but if she wanted we could also meet for coffee and catch up. She was hesitant at first, then said “can I think about it?”. I said that was okay and to let me know and that it was just coffee. God I was shaking so much for a long time after that call. I think I sounded good on the call, but man I was nervous for a while. Thankfully I had a few things to keep me busy so it wasn’t too bad to wait. Like 3 hours after I called she asked what time I would be available if we were to do coffee.
So uhh long story short we are going to get coffee after work today. I feel pretty good today. I was so happy when she said she could. I don’t expect too much to come of it. I am rather nervous for this, and I don’t really get nervous for things. Are there any things that I should avoid? Are there any things that I should bring up? Anything that I should prepare for? I never thought it would get to this point.
I feel like its weird she would take long to answer, my guess is she probably called some people, her mom or her friends to ask what they thought. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, probably best to try to not read into things. I know I shouldn’t be too hopeful but I feel like this is a good thing. I’m trying to be optimistic but I know I have to be realistic that it might not work.
Any advice or thoughts?
Any updates on your end?
Hope all is well my friend.
That’s pretty damn awesome that she called back. AND took your offer to have coffee. it’s a great opportunity for you now. I bet you’ll be pretty nervous about it all. Don’t think too much into why she took so long. She was just thining about it. And if you think abiut it, makes her look kinda laid back about like. I think maybe she was trying to play it cool. But it is just coffee. And thats all you should make it. Bring up some of the good things you’ve been doing and let her talk about what shes been doing. Do not being up the past relationship. Or that guy. If she wants to talk about it she will. If she does, be calm about it and forgiving. Don’t let her feel any hostility or ill feeling about it. She’ll put up her defenses. Other than that have a good time. Be easy going and a good friend. Be cool about everything. Don’t let your past cloud the future. When you with her, let go of all the frustration you’ve felt the past month. You’re not the emotion wreak you were before. So wear some new clothes, shoes, ect. And have a fun time. If it goes by quick, you got your foot in the door. It’s a start. No matter what let her make the choices tonight. And if you feel things are going bad all of a sudden, tell her you have other things to do and it was great seeing her. Don’t let it get too bad. If you have to, just leave. Ik sure it won’t get that bad, but it’s good to be prepared.
Other than that have a good time. Be funny and friendly. Most of all forgiving if she brings up your relationship. It’s important you don’t make her feel pressured or like you have any hard feelings for her leaving. Just kinda give her control of how things go tonight. It’ll make her feel more comfortable. And dont forget the paper she needs to sign.. that’d be awkward.
Nothing new on my end. Just college and workouts. Thanksgiving is coming up so I’m preparing for my family..
Good luck tonight. I’m sure everything will go just fine.
Hi Carey,
I’m about to leave work soon, I’m really kinda nervous. I don’t think I should be. I should look at this as something fun to do. I’m not expecting much. Hopefully should be a good time though. I’m going to try to avoid bringing up the relationship or the other guy. I figure that would be a bad idea. I’m going to try to be confident and not super nervous. Hopefully things will go well on her end too.
I’m really really nervous right now. I’m scared I’m going to do something silly. Hopefully I don’t. I’ll update how it goes here later. But for now it’s time to see how this goes.
Wish me luck. Hope things are good with you my friend.
How’d it go? I’m pretty curious. And excited for you. All the progress youve made. Ik it’s just a simple paper signing and coffee but it’s still pretty big you’re seeing her. I hope it’s going really good for you so far. Looking forward to hearing from you. Best of luck.
Hi Carey,
Well I think it went well. Met up with her for like an hour after work today. She smiled at me right away when I got there. It felt really nice. I don’t know if it was because of something she saw on her phone or if she was just happy to see me.
The conversation went pretty well. We talked for about an hour and caught up. I didnt bring up our relationship, or our apartment, or the other guy. She brought him up a few times. I didn’t really ask about him. She got her coffee and I got mine. I offered to pay but she said she would get her own. Not sure how I felt about that.
Conversation went pretty well, lasted for around an hour or so. I think it went pretty well, I think I sounded pretty confident.
After about an hour she said she was going to head out. I thought about maybe asking her to dinner or to go shopping but the weather was kinda crappy so I thought shopping was out. I don’t think either of us were ready for dinner yet though so I didn’t ask. Even though I really wanted to.
She signed the form, we hugged, I said I had a good time. She said she did too. Then we left and I drove home.
So things went well I suppose. I felt pretty good. I sent her “I had a nice time tonight, it was good seeing you.” Which she hasn’t replied to yet. I kinda thought she would.
I opened work chat a bit later, I read she was playing a video game with this other guy. She mentioned him by name in chat which means some people in chat know him or are familiar with him. She said she played something with him yesterday. I really really don’t know what to do with that.
Honestly I think she’s just replaced him with me. I feel like she’s direct messaging him instead of me. Like she’s trying to fill a hole that I left. Then she just talks to him instead of me. I am so confused about what to do with that or how to deal with it. They aren’t dating from what I know but I feel like they are just getting closer together and I don’t know what to do.
I felt really good about today and I felt like we really connected. I just don’t know how I am supposed to get her to want me when she is talking to him and playing with him and introducing him to everyone else. I am so confused and scared she’s just going to choose him. Even though I don’t think she is good for him. I was feeling so good today until I saw she was playing stuff with him. I am so confused.
I suppose I should look at the positive of this. She said she would meet me for coffee, she said she had a good time, I think we connected well. I just hope it was well enough. I’m kinda scared though
God dammit it’s one in the morning, she is the only person on the chat, I think that means she is talking to him late at night. I am so sad. I can’t do this. I don’t know what to do. She left me for him and is probably really happy to talk to him and I just want to not do this anymore.
I know how you feel. It’s just too much to handle. You stay up late thinking all the different possible things our ex is doing. I know exactly what my ex is doing. She’s having sex with the guy who stole her away from me. The guy who gets her high all the time so it’s easier for her to forget about me. And it only took her a month. Seems like two years didn’t mean anything. It just kills me inside. Really took a shot at my confidence. But the last two weeks I’ve just leaned to move past it. I never wanted to but I’m just trying to move on. The last few days have been hard. It’s almost like starting over. All my progress just pretty much vanished.
Now if she is up late at night talking to this guy, you shouldn’t panic. You kinda knew there was a pretty big chance she’d be seeing him. Just because she is doesn’t mean your chances just automatically disappear. But you’re being too nosey or obsessive about what shes up to. You finally met her and it went well. Don’t tell yourself it didn’t. I think right now you should just take a step back and worry about yourself. I know it’s hard to do. But it’s not healthy to check up on her. It’ll just drive you crazy. I’m sorry she’s being like that to you. I wish I could help you out more. Because ik how you feel. And there’s really no one who can make it better except time. Just focus on yourself. Try not to think about her too much. You’ll have some rough days but you need to get past them. If you don’t your slight chance of getting her back goes to no chance. You’ll never know what shes thinking. Maybe she is just filling in that missing space that was you. But nothing can replace it except you right now. That will change some day. Not anytime soon. Before it does she’ll realize that nothing can fill it. Think of it as a shape. Each person is their own shape. We fit into that space for a long time. No one is like us. But right now you can’t worry about that.
Just get things together for now. Your emotions are everywhere. Take a few days to just settle down and focus on what’s important. Improving yourself. I’m sorry things aren’t going so good. I hope they start going better soon.
Hi Carey,
Hope all is well. Had a pretty rough day yesterday with the family without her there :/. Probably was the same on your end if I had to guess. I didn’t contact her at all yesterday though. I think I’m going to stay off work chat for a while now. I’m not ready to be back on there. If things don’t work out between us, I don’t know if I’ll be ready to be on there for a long time. And that really sucks because a lot of those people on there were some of my good friends. And I can’t really talk to them because my ex being on there and talking hurts me too much.
I wish I could get some insight as to what she was thinking. Did our coffee date not go well in her mind? is she already committing to this other guy? I know I shouldn’t think about it but its difficult when at least I feel our coffee trip went well.
I can understand what you are saying about your progress just vanishing. I haven’t felt super confident the last few days. I think if she would be more responsive to me I wold feel a lot better. I would feel like the plan is working. And I don’t know if it is. I just don’t understand why she would say yes to coffee and I think we both had a good time and now when I try to text her she goes back to being super unresponsive to me. Maybe she is just being cold because she is confused. She is back home these next few days. Maybe she is talking to her family about what she should do. She really likes talking through things with her mom, she used to talk through things with me too. But that’s not going to happen right now. I just have to learn to deal with that.
While we were on our coffee date, she mentioned twice about how she really wasn’t doing too well after the other guy fell, and she said she was “going through lots of other things then too” which I assume she was talking about the pain of our breakup but I didn’t want to bring that up during coffee so I just kinda ignored it. I wanted to dig into it but you aren’t supposed to talk about that sort of thing for coffee, I can save that for later. She also said “we” once or twice like we were still in a relationship and then caught herself and changed it to “me”. I thought that was interesting, probably shouldn’t read into it too much though.
I think I might send her a snapchat or two tonight, see if she responds, I doubt she will. Maybe I’ll send her a text tomorrow. I find it helps me to have a plan. I just wish she would be more responsive to me, but maybe she needs time to decide how she wants to move forward or is confused. The way she smiled at me at coffee, even though it might have been at her phone, has just stuck with me in my head the last few days. In my head its telling me she really missed me and wants to be with me, but then I don’t know why she would be cold to reply to my texts. Maybe it was her mom or this other guy saying something funny idk, but she looked right at me when she smiled. God that felt good. I wish I would have dug into why she did that more but I was honestly taken aback by that.
I hope you made it through thanksgiving okay, if you celebrate that. I had a pretty rough day yesterday, but trying to remain optimistic. Trying to hold on to the hope and the memory of her smile and use that to move forward with the plan. Have to be patient. Any updates on your end my friend?
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