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Hi Carey,
Well I uhh sent her something last night. It was pretty late. It was a simple “hey this reminded me of you text.” It was sort of a running joke between us. It came from a joke from one of her favorite stand up comedians. I think it was a really good thing to start with because we always kinda joked about it to each other.
I sent it, she took about an hour to respond. She seemed pretty neutral. Not good not bad. I guess it could be worse. Idk if she just doesn’t have any feeling or care for me anymore or is just being cautious or something idk. she sent me one thing back. I sent her something back. She sent me something back. I sent her something a little bit later and then she didn’t respond. It was pretty late at that point. I know she usually goes to bed at around that time (given I used to live with her lol). But she didn’t send me good night or anything. I was going to try to end the conversation shortish like Kevin suggests but I wasn’t given the chance. I figured maybe she went to bed and would maybe send me a reply in the morning but haven’t gotten anything back today.
I don’t really know what to do. She was pretty neutral from what I could tell, maybe she needs time to think and be reminded of the nice times that I brought up. I think I might send her something again in a few days but idk. I know I have to be patient and slow but it’s really hard. But I also don’t want to blow my chance either.
I feel like the fact that she at least sent something back is good? Even if it wasn’t that much, maybe she needs a few days to think about me before I send her anything else idk. I don’t really know what to do from here. Any advice? I’m scared that maybe she’s continuing to build a relationship with him while I’m here moving at snails pace so I don’t ruin things and cause her to put up her defenses.
I’m hoping maybe she’ll send something soon idk. I know I need to go slow but it’s really making me anxious.
On your end I am curious, what are you majoring in at college? Sorry that girl wasn’t at the gym yesterday, maybe she’ll be there today. Any updates on your end my friend?
I’m going to try to remain cool and self improve for a few more days before trying to reach out again. Always makes me feel better to have a plan I find. Hope all is well.
One more thing, I’m hopeful that maybe she thinks about the nice time we spent together in college. We nearly spent the last two years of college together, it was really nice honestly. Since we used to work at the same job lots of people we used to work with formed a chat room that we all still kinda talk on. I used to go on it a bit after we broke up but she kept posting stuff on there about her new friends, or how the guy was doing in the hospital, or getting married or having kids. I don’t think she meant anything like mean by it to me but it was really really hard for me to be on there while she was talking. It made me really angry sometimes, really sad other times, I never said anything on there though. Because I didnt want to piss her off or ruin my chances. Since she told me not to talk to her, I haven’t really gone on there. It only really hurts me, it could give me some insight as to what she is doing because she tends to share a lot on there but it also makes me check in on her way too much.
The reason why I break it up is that I haven’t been on there in a few weeks. I know people have been asking her and me where I have been. I don’t know if she’s told them all if we’ve broken up or not. We are both mutual friends with like everyone on there so it’s a little embarrassing to me if she has told them. I haven’t talked to any of them about it except for one guy.
My point I’m trying to get to is that I feel weird not talking to her and not knowing where she’s at when she could be saying a bunch of stuff on there. Like she likes to explain some things that are going on in her life. But I can’t really go on there since it hurts to much, but that might mean I have to play catch up. Idk how to really explain it or if I’m making any coherent sense.
First, it’s great she responded to you! It really is. And she wasn’t cold toward you. Which means she has no resentment towards you. Maybe ahe knows she kinda screwed up a little. It was a little late so yeah the conversation was bound to be short. It’d be a good idea to wait a little bit to text again.
Second, the chat thing might not be all that bad. It’ll actually give you two something to talk about. Catching up. I would still avoid the chat. Whatever you see on there may be intended for you. Some of it may be embarrassing to her if you k ew what she said. Not to mention a little obsessive checking up on what shes saying. So it might be a good thing that you don’t know what’s going on.
Third, for the next few days before you text her again, don’t think too much about her. Not till the day you’re trying to text again. Make yourself busy. I know the whole snails pace sucks. But it’ll be good in the end. Youll have to start slow then build that attraction again. So it’d be good to just start out as friends. Takes a lot of pressure off her.
I’m majoring as an aircraft mechanic. I should be done by may 2017. She was there again. I just couldn’t do it! She was right next to me working out and I just froze up. I’m def going to tomorrow though. Not gonna pussy out this time. As far as my ex goes, nothing new. Still silence. Which is what I expect for a while. Maybe even for good. Sucks to think about. I’ll try texting her one day. For now I’ll just go on with life.
Hi Carey,
It is nice she responded to me. I suppose the fact that she did is a win in my book. I didn’t really get much out of her so she still could act cold to me or have resentment towards me. I suppose that’s why I have to take things slow. I don’t want her to shut me out again. I haven’t talked to her since. I thought about sending something today but I think I’ll wait until tomorrow. I don’t want to jump the gun or take things too fast.
It’s really hard for me right now. I’m trying not to think about her or read into things or figure out where she’s at but it’s really tough. I had kind of a rough night last night. I’m like still holding onto the idea that she might reach out to me and initiate contact instead of me doing it but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I freaked out for a while last night just kinda thinking about things and feeling sad. I guess this is what I chose to do though. I chose that I wanted to try to be with her again. It’s probably a lot harder of a path but it might be worth it in the end. It’s just frustrating to think that I might have to compete with this other guy to get back with her or she could be thinking about him constantly instead of me. We were really wrapped up in each other’s lives. It’s hard not to think about that. I really miss her.
One thing that kind of upset me yesterday was that my one good friend who pretty much supported my plan really upset me. All my other friends and family told me to move on because she’s probably already gone. Maybe they are right. Maybe it doesn’t matter idk. He is my one friend who knows that I’m going through with this plan, I’ve kept him up to speed. He told me I should try to move on yesterday based on how she replied. It really made me sad. Maybe he’s right I don’t know but it just really messed me up.
I think as far as the chat things go I’m probably going to wait for a bit to go back on there. All it really ever did was distract me from work so it’s not that big of a deal. And there’s a lot of pain there when she talks on it so I don’t want that to effect me negatively. Gotta be patient and take my time. I honestly think if I do this properly it might work. I just have to be patient. Maybe I’m being silly and she’s already long gone. If that’s the case I feel I don’t know what to do.
You talk to that girl at the gym today or yesterday? Hope all is well. Any other updates
I would definitely say it’s a win that she responded. Sorry you had a rough night. I kinda did too. Lay down to go to sleep and I just thought, “man she just isn’t the same anymore.” It’s sad to think how much my ex has changed. She’s not even close to the same person I used to love. But I still love her.. it’s a terrible sinking feeling. Maybe some day soon it’ll go away. Idk what happens for me from here.
Other people just don’t understand. I haven’t told any of my friends what I planned on doing. And I’ve known them for over 10 years now. It’s just something they don’t understand yet. One of them even makes jokes about how I’m single now. He figured out pretty quick that I’m not ready for that. Everyone just tells me to move on and that there’s plenty of people out there. I realize this but I just can’t move on yet. It’s too much. So I say don’t worry what everyone else says. They aren’t you. If you want to get back with your ex, then do just that. It’s all about the pursuit of happiness.
And you know it now. Be patient. Make yourself busy and focus on you. Going over all these scenarios in your head isn’t helping. You’ll drive yourself crazy. You need to just let it go. Don’t worry what shes doing g or saying. Youll find that out when you finally get a conversation going again.
Still nothing new with me. I’ll probably talk to that girl today. I’m nervous though.. hopefully I get the courage to do it. Hope things go better for you today.
Hi Carey,
Sorry you had a rough time. I know how that feels. I had a really terrible day yesterday at work, mostly due to work related things but all that stuff getting piled on top of all this stuff I’m feeling was really tough. Thankfully my friend had a day off from work so I spent some time with him after working late. That helped quite a bit. I feel like my emotional state goes so up and down its crazy.
I had a nightmare which woke me up early this morning. I don’t usually remember dreams much less wake up from them. We were in our apartment talking about stuff. She told me that after the other guy recovered she was going to start seeing him. And that as soon as I left she texted him all the time. I know it was just a dream but it freaked me out. Couldn’t really fall asleep again after that.
So today has been rough so far lol. Trying to make it through. I think I might text her again today. I have a friend at work who is trying to look for a new job and I want to see if her workplace is hiring. Might be a good way to start a conversation and help another friend of mine maybe even find a different job. But I’m not sure I’m ready to try to talk to her again. I guess the nice thing about texting is I can take a bit of time to reply. Gotta remember to take things slow and be patient. Do you think this is an okay idea?
I’m sorry your friends are also telling you to try to move on. I understand it’s a bit frustrating. At least it is for me. So I’ve just kinda kept most of them in the dark about what I am doing, maybe that’s a bad idea idk. Maybe it’s best I just don’t bother with her anymore idk. But I did take a long time to decide that I wanted to try this.
I’ve just been having a hard time lately but this is the road I decided to go down. I just hope it works. It will be worth it if it does, I just hope that she is willing. Idk if she is or if she ever will be. And that’s hard to come to terms with.
You talk to that girl at all? Hope all is well. Any other updates?
I do think it’s a good idea to start a conversation. It’s very mutual and it makes you look good by helping out a friend. Glad to see you are being smart and patient. I know youd like things to move much faster. But slow is the game right now.
Sorry about your dream. I also had one last night. It wasn’t a bad one though. It was a really good on. My ex and I were still together. I was kissing her and we were just happy. So I guess you could say it was a bad dream.. cause I woke up feeling so sad. Because reality hit pretty hard. I hate dreaming because I only have those bitter sweet ones.
The friend situation is a little frustrating. But all everyone knows to say is, “it’ll be okay. Youll find someone new.” I mean yeah that’s true. But we also still love the person who’s no longer there. So it is best to maybe keep them in the dark for the most part. Kinda sucks because it leaves you with pretty much no one to talk to. That’s why I’m glad I found this site. Its helped a lot.
She wasn’t there yesterday.. I guess she goes every other day. Pretty nervous cause I bet she’ll be there today. Just gotta get the courage to talk to her. No updates with my ex. Doesn’t look like there will be for a while. Just trying to get through these days now. Trying to stop myself from thinking about all the memories. I guess I’ve started to move on. I might text her next month or a month after that. But right now, not much hope for me. As long as she’s with that new guy I don’t really have a chance. Her getting high with him all the time probably really helps her not think about me. I hope somewhere inside her there’s still love for me. I just don’t know anymore though. No point in dwelling. I’ll focus on college and get a weekend job sometime soon. Hope your day goes better. Try going out one of the next few days. See a movie, do something fun. I’m going to see the new Fantastic Beasts movie. I loved the Harry Potter books and movies. This one looks great. So I’m excited for that. You should go out and have fun though. Don’t stay at home. You’ll feel a lot better after you have some fun. And work out or run! Excellent ways to take your mind off things. Good luck!
Well I sent her something, she sent something back, then I sent her something back to that and she hasn’t responded. Its been about 3 hours now, I don’t know what she’d bd doing but I’m kinda freaking out right now. What if she just doesn’t want to talk to me anymore? I don’t understand, maybe I didn’t send the text in the form of a question well enough, or maybe she’s just ignoring me. What did I do wrong? I feel weird sending her another message but I felt like she should respond to my original message I sent. Idk what to do…
Just keep calm. It’ll start out like this. Little tiny conversations. She is probably busy. She might’ve ignored your text too. Which isn’t a bad thing. Just the faft she responded is another win. Thats twice now. She may even be trying to play it cool. “I’ll just not respond to make myself look busy and not interested.” She might even be freaking out inside that you’re texting her. Right now you don’t know. And you shouldn’t care. Ik that’s the opposite of what you’re feeling. Ik you care about texting her and getting things started again. But it’s just a tiny step. It may feel huge, but it’s really not a big deal. Try not to worry. Just text in a day or two. Keep avoiding any conversation about your past. Focus on the now. Don’t worry too much right now. You’ve only just started the contact again. It’s not gonna be text after text after text. It’ll be small. Like the conversations you’ve had. Continue to be patient with this. You’re doing really good so far.
Have you posted anything on social media lately? Has she even seen what you’ve been up to? You have to make yourself look happy. That’s why I wanted you to go out this weekend and have fun. So you could maybe post something about it. It’ll show her you’re happy without her. And you’re still having a good time. It’ll perk her curiosity. Maybe making the new conversations you have last a little longer. But for now, don’t sweat it. Try not to really care what shes doing. It’ll drive you crazy. Focus on other things. You’ve already gone over a month without texting her at all. You can go another day ir two. Stay positive. Baby steps. I hope this helps.
Hi Carey, well she sent me something back like 5 hours later. I sent her something back and then she never replied again. I don’t know what to do with that. Is that a bad sign? Or should I just continue to try to take things slow. I don’t really know what I would send her next. I’m really scared and I just want this to work.
I don’t really go on social media, I didn’t really when or even before we were dating so I feel like if I start to post stuff maybe it will give it away slightly or like make it obvious what I am doing. Does that make sense? I don’t think she has any idea what I’ve been up to. I was kinda hoping she’d ask about it or something but she hasn’t, I don’t know what to do next.
Any updates on your end? You talk to that girl?
Hello,
From a woman’s perspective it seems as if she had feelings for this guy for quite some time, even if that’s not what you want to hear. It’s new, it’s fun, it’s exciting.
However, the good news is, when he messes up, when he’s not there for her like you were there for her, when he doesn’t spoil her the way you spoiled her, I do believe she will think to herself what a nice guy you were and how great she had it with you. The thing is, this may take 2 weeks, may take 2 months, or it might take 8 months. Give it time. Go to the gym. Get your confidence up. Buy new outfits. Do not make yourself so available to her anymore. She is being cold to you. It’s time for you to show her you are doing ok without her so she can miss youand play it cool. I do feel confident you will get a message from her, it’s just unfortunate she had to be the one to tell you that she needs space. It might have been more beneficial to you if you were the one to have said that. However, give it time. You seem like a great guy. I hope this works out in your favor.Hi Jenna,
First off, thank you for the reply, I know the first post is quite long :). It does seem like maybe she had feelings for this guy for a bit, but I don’t know if I believe she would do that. I also dot understand why she wouldn’t tell me that she was leaving me for him. I really do hope she realizes she messed up, a lot of people have told me that but nothing that I’ve seen her do is really indicative that that will happen, which makes me sad.
I’ve done no contact for 30 days, have gone to the gym again and bought some new things and tried to pick up some new hobbies. I think I’ve done a pretty good job about that. I started to contact her slowly again. I sent her a text a few days ago and she responded. But not for very long, she seemed pretty neutral. I sent her a text two days ago which took like 5 hours for her to respond to, but at least she did, then she didn’t respond to my reply. She seemed pretty neutral then too. I don’t know what to make of that. I domt know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing or just try to move on. I just feel like this isn’t going to work and she is going to put up her defenses again soon. I know I have to take things slow but it’s hard when she could just be talking to this other guy all the time. Any advice for that?
Hope you are doing well on your end.
Hi Carey,
Well I had kind of a terrible night last night. I went on our work chat where she often posts personal things. Usually I just lurk like a creep but I haven’t been on there in a few weeks because it hurts too much when she talks about things. And it upsets me because those people are some of my friends too and I feel I’m losing connection to them because my ex is talking to them herself.
Anyways the first thing I saw was that she was freaking out in chat because her ex ex boyfriend (the abusive one from like 3 years ago) apparently has been sending her stuff lately. She said she didn’t respond to it. I’m just like of fucking course this would happen right now. I know she really doesn’t like that guy because he abused her for like a long time and everything I’ve heard about him has been bad news. Anyways, it’s like why does this person have to do this now, I’m trying to reconnect with her and everything but I feel like if I’m trying to do a similar thing he is trying to do: I just feel like I’m going to get associated with his negativity by texting her as well. I don’t know what to do ughh. At least our relationship was good and I like to think I was good to her. I’m just really scared. I don’t know what to do.
She also talked about how she was going to bed really early on a Friday and was complaining about how she could hear her neighbor through her new apartment walls. Maybe this means she’s having a rough time. It made me feel kinda sad. This also means that she probably told everyone that we were broken up at some point which makes me really sad. To them I feel like it looks like I did something terrible since I just up and left chat. And they just keep talking to her like everything is normal and they are all friends with her. I feel like I did one thing wrong and none of them know the story, or probably they know a bit from her end, she probably didn’t include this other guy thing. Maybe that means this other guy really wasn’t involved idk. I’m just so frustrated right now. She seems to be having a bit of a rough time. I wish I could help her but she doesn’t seem to want that from me for some reason. I don’t understand and I don’t know what to do…
I say you need to relax and take it easy for the next few days. That other guys timing was pretty bad. Now she’s getting g texts from two ex’s.. it’s just piling on top of her. That’s most likely the reason for the limited responses from her. She does sound a bit stressed out. Just be more patient. She’s just not ready yet. She’s not going anywhere though.
As far as other people knowing about the breakup, they’ll never know the whole story. There’s always two sides. I’m sure she told everyone her side. And I bet she left out the new guy. It’d make her look pretty bad. I’m sure my ex has told everyone how rude I was all summer and how I didn’t show love for her and blah blah. They’ll try to paint you as the one at fault. It makes them feel better about their decision to leave. But after a while they’ll regret this. That’s when they stop talking about it all together. I’ve learned to just say, “things didn’t work out.” It doesn’t make either of us look bad.
I say just stop worrying about all this. Maybe just step away from it all. Right now you’re frustrated and confused. You have to be happy. You need to learn you can be happy without your ex. Ik that’s hard. But if you’re not happy without her, you won’t be happy with her. People who are happy, for the most part, are stress free. Right now things have been pretty stressful. That’s why you need to really separate yourself from all this. Just live your life right now. You have to let her go in order to win her back. Yeah that’s tough. But with her always in your head, you’re not moving forward. You’re just standing in the same place. So I guess my advice is to start being happy again.
No updates here. Only saw that girl for a couple of minutes on Thursday so didn’t really have an opportunity. And yesterday came home early to hang out with friends. The last couple of days I’ve been trying to not think about my ex. Ive made it to where I don’t see her status updates or even her friends updates. I’ve really focused in on my career. I’m getting pretty close to finally being done. I still go to the gym. I might even get a weekend job for the holidays. I’m making myself as busy as possible. I’m actually starting to feel better. I’ve found some new music to listen to. I’ve been hanging out with friends a lot. Things are improving for me. With or without my ex. I honestly don’t even care what shes up to now. Her life honestly seems pretty hollow if you ask me. Makes me happier with mine. I have a pretty good life. Great family and friends I can always rely on. A promising future. And I’m still young. Right now I’m just living my own life. I don’t really need anyone else in it. Maybe some day my ex will want to work things out. Maybe not. Either way I’ll be okay. No matter what, just remember that everything turns out okay in the end. You’re a good person and you deserve some good things in life. You’ll get those good things. Your ex may or may not be one of those things. Life will take care of you though. Stay strong. I hope this helps you right now.
Hi Carey,
I don’t think I’ll go back on the chat thing for a while, that was the reason why I didn’t want to go on there in the first place because there is only really pain for me there. I don’t think her ex texts her often or anything but apparently he did sometime last night which she said she didn’t respond to.
I kinda wanted to send her a snapchat or something simple tonight to see if she would respond but maybe that is a terrible idea. I don’t know where she’s at, I don’t know where she’s been at. Maybe she wants me back deep down but is trying to play it cool by not responding, maybe she just doesn’t actually want to talk to me. Maybe she thinks ive moved on or something. I really don’t know.
I know I probably need to take some more time for myself but I feel like every day I don’t talk to her or something she gets further away from me or gets over the missing me badly phase. I don’t know what to do.
One other thing is that there is a form we both have to sign for some insurance thing, which was mailed to me. I think she would need to sign it for something. The last time I texted her she said she got a call saying she might have to sign something and to let her know if she needs to sign it.
I’m thinking about maybe calling her in a few days and asking if she wants to meet somewhere so we can catch up and she can sign the form. Maybe that’s a terrible idea, but it probably means she’ll say yes. I’m a bit surprised she mentioned she might have to sign something. Maybe it means she wants to meet somewhere to sign it too? Idk. Is this a bad ideA? Am I crazy?
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