Just trying to sort things out

[fierygator]

So question, today is day 30 of no contact. I think about all the advice about how NC makes them feel like the break up is real and they will miss you. But he’s “missed me” since the beginning of April. It’s been 4 months. He’s use to not having me around now. How will that make him want to reach out? I absolutely would love to reconcile with him.

Before the situation that was out of my control that caused the rift happened, we were doing great and were looking forward to merging our families. We were together for two years.

The first month plus, I panicked and became needy when he asked for space.
Second month in my panic and reactive state I went to go get my stuff thinking he was done with me. It was hit or miss with the txting. Mostly me saying I need him and miss him, etc and him sayin hope things work out for you
Third month I got the rest of my stuff. Talked to a muntial friend and she felt like I jumped the gun and that he probably thought I was done with him and broke up with him. I don’t think I txt’d him that month at all
Beginning of fourth month I write an actual letter apologizing for being so emotional and needy and not giving him space and that when I came to get my stuff the first time I was just reacting and was NOT trying to break up with him. I txt him a week later and he said he wasn’t sure what I wanted him to say about it and that there was no miscommunications about what went wrong. And I just left it alone because I didn’t want to argue.

That was 30 days ago today. I do want him back. We had something pretty awesome with not just us but with our families too.

So I go back to my original question. How will this NC make him miss me if we’ve been apart for so long?

[patricia12]

@fierygator – Since you were in a relationship for 2 years, I’m sure he misses you to a degree. But it depends on what went wrong in the relationship and to what degree. Missing someone doesn’t necessarily mean wanting reconciliation. I’m sorry to say, but if in 4 months he hasn’t asked to try to work through the problems in order to reunite, it might not happen. However, during the first 3 months you didn’t give him a chance to miss you because you were texting and also went over to his place twice to get your stuff. Therefore, you did NOT respect his request for space. Especially with the texting and acting needy. Saying you need and miss him was the truth of course, but at the time, it probably wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

You wrote:”..Before the situation that was out of my control that caused the rift happened, we were doing great..” What was the situation?? Think about what you could have done differently and what you could do in the future to be a better partner if you two reconcile.

I suggest you continue no contact for another 30 days. He might reach out in the meantime, but if he doesn’t, try ONE more time and ask to meet for a conversation.

Good luck:)

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