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Keeping it as short as possible as my posts tend to drag on. I want to sum it up in 5 short (shortish ) paragraphs including this one. Me and my ex were together nearly 2 years. We’ve broken up and made up before. This time it’s different.
She broke up with me a couple days ago telling me she didn’t feel the same and that she’s never felt a 100% the same like we were when we first got together. She ended it and told me at the moment she doesn’t feel we can ever get back together. I go no contact for a day and i crack. I tell her i miss her and she gives me these cold replies. The next day when i went to another city i messaged her saying “can we talk i want to be honest with you”.
She replied as soon as she woke up. She phoned again 2 more times. And i kept ignoring to see what would happen for the whole day. She then said if i had cheated or slept with some one that she would be done and she would hate me.
I wanted to make her jelous by telling her i talked to a girl but there was no flirting or physical contact involved. I wanted to tell her that i still care for her and that i miss her and that i felt guilty for even talking to another girl even though it was nothing cause i still care. It sort of back fired. We argued and she ended up saying “do what you want”. But she also did mention that she doesnt belive me and that its ruined chances of us getting back together. But she said a couple days ago we aren’t?
Anyway here comes the most dramatic bit. I go to her house inorder to prove I’m not lying. She lets me in we talk i tell her nothing happened and explained my feelings and opinion on why the relationship went wrong. She disagreed with my opinions and told me she feels like it’s done but she didn’t know what the future held. She kept saying throughout the night she was done and told me to move on but then would say at the moment i think i dont want to be with you then sometimes she would say i know i don’t want this. We ended up arguing and going back and forth but also brought up some good memories between us. She told me she didn’t want to end on a bad and that she doesn’t want to keep doing this. I let her know i still waned to fight for her and she told me not to. Before i left i made her say ” you need to move” to make me be able to leave. at first she said ” i think you should move on” then i said think? Then she said i know. Then i finally asked her to say ” you need to move on and stop fighting for me” and she did. Then i walked away. She watched me walk down the road. Throughout the night she was cold but she did cry when it got too much. She did say before i went that she didn’t want to force me to leave but it was upsetting her that we’re talking about this and that i havnt even gave her a chance to breathe.
Has she moved on? Is there even a tiny bit of chance?
Hey, Paul here I understand your pain. Since nobody is replying to my post “Where am I with NC” I might as well tell you what i think of your situation. I think your situation screams for NC! You need to give her a little space. She needs time to miss you. If she is responding to texts and talking to you in person or on the phone. Then you’ve got a really good chance! Indifference is the killer, if she is being nasty and mean it means she is dealing with the pain by lashing out at you which also means she still cares for you. Not sure what your ages are sounds like you and your ex are young. This is good. Give her a week or two, you’ve got to let her mind settle a bit, if she can’t have time to miss you things won’t get better. If you do get back together for any other reason than her missing you and wanting to be with you probably won’t last and you’ll be back here real soon. My ex is a total pro, she’s had me figured out since the beginning of July, I did NC for 30 days 100% stuck it out completely. My situation is a lot more hopeless than yours and I’m still trying. But it doesn’t look good for me. Ex has demonstrated she can is better at this than me. Best of luck!
Sorry paul i didn’t see this. Just like to say thank you for your advice and glimpses of hope. The people on this site have gotten me through this everytime.
I really do understand I wasn’t giving her space and texting her and going round was a bad idea. I will have to do no contact for the 3rd time and stick at it. I need to evaluate the situation and build a better me. It’s currently day 3 and it’s hard but not as hard as before. I’ve accepted the fact I might not ever get another chance but I am still willing to fight. P.s I’m not sure if this makes a difference but she blocked me on one of my social media accounts but kept me on the most active one?
Could you maybe explain your situation here? I can’t see your post. I’m sure there is hope within your bad situation also. Not sure if this will help but considering I’ve been here 3 times this year… keep a positive mind. When you accept you might not ever get her back you will feel better, read over the nc blog and don’t stop fighting till you know it’s over for good.
Was with my Ex for 6 years. We are total opposites, She’s black and I’m white she has a master’s degree and I barely graduated high school. She’s a democrat I’m more of a redneck. I can’t see her face anymore because of how much I’m thinking of her now. But, the thing i miss the most has nothing to do with how beautiful or smart she is. It is now how its always been I love the way she moves. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally. This was the first thing i noticed about her, I am a convinced she controls the balance of all things in this world. Our downfall came after some time of me not getting my act together. I’ve been married have half grown kids but i perpetually keep them as kids in my mind and usually put them first in my life. My ex put up with this far longer than she should have. I made a bad choice and kept her second in my life. In truth I don’t deserve another shot with her. Just trying to except that.
From what you are saying if that is the main reasons it ended it seems you have an opportunity to have another shot at this considering you’ve been together 6 years. You need to go no contact for a while until you have changed your self for the better, improve. If you do belive you still want her back simply show you’ve gotten your act together. No contact will help alot during this situation. When you see your ex again she should see and feel a new and improved you. I’ve learned that if you do eventually talk keep it interesting short and casual. Act like friends at first. Listen to her when she speaks and how she responds. Show her what she is missing out on. And don’t take her for granted ever.. like I did.
I would like some advice I’m considering to go visit my friend in another city where he is at university again but i don’t want my ex to react like she did before and push her away. How do i go out without pushing her away? Will she think I’m with other girls? I’m hesitating to go due to what happened a couple days ago. Plus it’s freshers week so she probably will assume the worst. You might be wondering how she would know… she has my friend and I on snapchat and my friend will most likely document what’s going on even if i way not to as he’ll most likely get drunk.
I would go and have a good time. Besides this is your NC period you should not be worried about what your ex is going to think. Have a good time! However I would resist the urge to hook up with someone new right now. It would be a big waste of time for everyone. Plus making an ex jealous usually back fires. Good Luck!
Heads up. I will paste this at 2 different posts.
So I’ve just come back from the capital city from visiting my friend again for real. I’ve had fun had pictures with my friend and his friends in some land marks and very cool archetexure and its been fun. Ive just got in. And i seriously can’t cope. I’ve kept strong and havnt contacted her and kept my self busy while looking confident and fun in my social media. Am i doing the right thing? I broke down as soon as i got home.
I miss her severely and everyday seems to be getting worse. What do you recommend I do to initiate contact and when? Do i follow the 21 day no contact while showing that i am a confident person? Or what? I’m so scared that i will drive her further away. I want a last chance to make it right.
Most of what you are feeling right now is the reality of the way things are after you’ve returned from the city. Completely normal reaction, but this anxiety won’t last. Take a few deep breaths and settle your self. I strongly would not recommend contacting her in this state. You need to get back to a time when you were most confident with yourself. Probably wasn’t that long ago. You absolutely cannot contact her now! You are too vulnerable and she will pick up on the state you are in. When this happens your chances go way down. Every woman wants a confident guy to be with means a lot to them. How long have you been in NC?
What have you done to improve yourself?
You do understand that NC is for you right?
I cannot give you the answer you are looking for. I can reinforce the fact that she does miss you and care for you but she feels the need to protect her heart. She will not move on only after only a couple weeks most females recognize if they try it would only be a re-bound kind of thing. So simply understand that you have plenty of time, just RELAX and RESTORE yourself!Thank you paul. It has been a week and a half since we broke up but a week tomorrow since we last spoke. I have made changes to my self , for example I’ve been talking to random strangers at the university accommodation which i normally wouldn’t do. I took my self out my comfort zone. I’ve got a new look including clothes shoes ( which i havnt changed since last year) and jeans. I’ve tried to become more positive and happy although deep down this break is killing me cause i can’t make my self move on. I do still belive there is something here. Whether it’s right or wrong at the moment i don’t know. All i know is i do want this girl back in my life.
That’s great! glad to hear it. I do a good bit of reading and have identified with a lot of what i read on this site. New clothes, shoes and attempts to change your attitude toward life is the right course for now. Your old self before you met your ex was not in pain your old self was not carrying around that guilt and anxiety everyday. Why? Because as humans we have the ability to be self supportive, self sustaining and we are rational beings by nature. Build yourself back to that not because you are trying to rid yourself of pain but because you deserve to be happy! Once you get to that place again all the fear and doubt will be gone and our opposites will see this. This is building confidence and its very attractive!
Thank you I have been trying to improve my self but i can’t stop thinking… what if she really is done?
Her birthday is on the 12th of October and last year she was looking after me during my time of need with severe anxiety attacks on her birthday and still managed to say she had the best birthday. She’s so kind hearted but at the moment she’s so cold. I wanted to take her to Amsterdam for her birthday this year. But now this has happened.
This sucks. I really want her back. I do generally belive she is the one. No one has ever been so close to me ans vice versa. We were best friends and lovers. She means so much to me it’s crazy lol. I do understand I need to get my act together and to not just suddenly stop putting effort in just cause i have her. She deserves more and so do i. That’s why I want to change for the better… to hopefully be back to the person she fell in love with.
I am only guessing here as i am in no way an expert, just relate to what you are going through because i am going through it. I think I would wait until the 9th of Oct. and send her a simple txt message, try to say something that would make her smile. Don’t mention her birthday here. Gauge her response and on the 11th if appropriate ask if she would like to go out for her birthday. But settle yourself between now and then and also try to accept the fact that it can go either way and be Ok with that. If you do get a date for the 12th DO NOT MENTION THE RELATIONSHIP!!! This is her day it should be about her and making her happy. Hope this helps.
Thanks paul but the problem is she works full time 8am to 4pm and I’ll be at university starting monday so this could be a problem let alone if she even replies or even wants anything to do with me.
I’ve accepted I may not ever get her back. And I can understand why. But I just don’t feel like i can let her go just yet.
If logistics are going to be an issue (not sure what distance is involved here) can you explain?
She doesn’t live that far like 10-15 mins in car if that. Around 30-45 mins on a public bus ( due to weird long routes ). Distance is not a problem it’s just the fact we don’t see each other everyday like we use to in college. Now we’re at work or university and i think she’ll be too tired to meet after work. That’s if she even considers it. Lol.
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