Is there a chance even if he says ‘most likely’ there’s not?

[Alicia1701]

My ex broke up with me a week ago. We’ve been together for a year and we just had our anniversary two weeks ago. We’ve lived together for 4 months. We met on tinder and texted for about 3 months before meeting, everything was perfect. When we finally met I learned he’s been talking to other people as well even though he told me he dropped them all. That devastated me and even though I forgave him I would bring it up because it made me so insecure. I’d project things on him that he wasn’t doing. So we’d get into a lot of arguments even small ones.

Fast forward to now and we’ve been better, still arguing from time to time but not as much. I’d always apologize and we talked about therapy. He got really invested in our relationship, big plans, etc. About three weeks ago I’ve started having some issues with my family and at work and it put me into depression, I didn’t tell him about my problems I’d just take out my anger that I had with the world on him. I’d always apologize later and we’d be back to normal.

8 days ago I had a terrible day and when I got home from work, I didn’t need much to get myself pissed. So we argued. I went to sleep on the couch and the next day I didn’t text him because I planned to call some therapists and see when I can get myself in. I was going to go to work and call on my break, and once I get home apologize and show him I already took a step in the right direction. But I never got to work because I got into a minor car accident. He picked me up and we went home. At home I asked him if we could talk about last night and he said yes and then he told me he was done, didn’t let me explain anything, kept yelling at me and I was just so devastated I started getting panic attacks and kept crying.

The next day he was still very mad at me, the day after that I asked him in the morning if we could at least give each other some space at home and not talk, because I had no other place to go. He agreed but when I came back from work he asked me to cook with him and joked around, was really excited to tell me about his day. Then we watched some TV shows and after a couple episodes he told me he wanted to play video games so I left the room. Next day morning we were going to take my car around the neighborhood too see if there are any issues driving it, but he took us to get coffee and later to a store to buy some things for my car. He didn’t want to take my money for them and said it was no problem. I went to work and when I came back he told me he did some shopping and bought things that I eat. I was shocked because he was treating me like nothing happened. Hot and cold, laughing and talking to me and then pushing away because he wanted to be alone. I told him about therapy and a fee I’ll have to pay and he immediately said he’d cover it. He told my friend that he felt resentment for me for all those arguments and that he didn’t want to feel it anymore. He told me there was no hope of getting bsck together.

So I left to stay with my friend for a while so we can rest from each other. After only one day he sent me a video of our dog and I replied thanking him for taking care of her and wishing him a good night. He gave me a long response saying what’s been up with the dog and I ended it there. A couple days before we broke up he asked me if I could get days off from work so he could travel somewhere with me, just so we could both relax for a couple of days. He was making other plans with me as well that’s why it was so shocking when the break up happened.

The day I leaving to my friend’s place we were both talking normally and took our dog to the park and had a good time. He told me he was talking to one of his work friends about something and he told him ‘oh yeah, my girlfriend said it was(…)’. So it shocked me because he still talked about me like I’m his girlfriend, not really fair to me. When I packed and was about to go i told him to enjoy his freedom and to give us another thought. That I wouldn’t push, and I understand he’s scared of getting back together because he thinks nothing will change. He didn’t say much besides that it was my attitude that pushed him away and if I’d be okay if he didn’t change his decision and in case he didn’t if I had a place to go. At least he didn’t yell or say that there’s absolutely no chance.

I spoke with his mom and she said not to worry because he just holds a lot of his problems inside and then it gets overwhelming and that he’ll turn around, just to give him even a couple of days. His birthday is in 3 days and she told me to just ask him on a casual lunch and keep it lighthearted. So I did and he said he’d be down for going. I don’t know if there’s still a chance of winning him back. His mom is very positive about it because she said she saw I’m his all world, but after hurting him so many times I don’t know if it’s still true. I’m at least making changes that we’ve always talked about like seeing therapists, and I told him about my appointment and he said he was happy for me. Before i left to my friends place he also said that it’s not hitting him yet and that it will in a couple of days. Maybe thats why he’s been acting so nice and doing so much. Are there any ways i could try to get him back? Is it even possible?

[patricia12]

@Alicia1701 So it seems you went to stay at a friends place a week ago, is that correct? Where are you staying now?

The main thing to remember about guys is that they hate drama and arguments! Getting upset with him because of difficulties at work or with family is wrong and hurtful.. Guys want happy easy going relationships! The anger/resentments build up as needless arguing continues.

Right now he’s sad and disappointed that you made the relationship so turbulent! But you have to change for the better. Therapy is a good start:) I don’t know how you display anger and frustration, but never scream, throw things, or call him names, no matter what!

Okay, you spoke with his mother, but don’t do it again. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be put into the middle of the situation.

Give him some space to think and reconsider. Use limited contact and don’t push him for reconciliation! It won’t be easy to regain his trust because he probably thinks you won’t change, and he doesn’t want to be miserable again.

I think it’s possible to get back together, but you have to make positive changes to your behaviors. You must stop blaming/attacking him for things he didn’t do, such as problems with family or work.

Good luck:)

[Alicia1701]

Thank you Patricia. I’m still staying with my friend and tomorrow I’m seeing my ex for dinner. He texted me yesterday when I was at work to tell me that he can tell my dog is missing me a lot (he uses that a lot as an excuse to just text me i guess).

Then we called because there has been some things happening in our neighborhood and we were worried about it. So when we called I only talked about those things but then he went on to tell me he saw a picture i posted on Instagram of my progress with building my booty (I know, lol but I have been trying to get better with my body) and he told me he was so proud and that when he saw one trainer reposted it, he looked through his story and said my butt looked the best. I was shocked, I wasn’t saying anything and he kept going. After he finished I thanked him and said I was proud of myself too (I tried to be as confident as possible, considering that in our relationship I used to be so insecure and deny all his compliments which I know made him mad)

Then he asked me about my first appointment with my therapist and I told him it was really good and that I learned things about myself and that I will be working on fixing them. He was really happy to hear that and wanted to know more but I said I would tell him a little more when we meet for lunch.

Then he asked me where we were going on Saturday but I said it was just something casual and that I wanted to keep it as a surprise if that’s okay. He said that he hopes it’s not the place we had our first date because it’d be so corny! So we started laughing. (it’s not the same place). Then after we hung up he texted me ‘you are corny though, in the best way possible’ ‘have a good night and be safe,okay?’. In the morning (which is now when I’m typing this) he sent me a picture of a toy he was getting for our dog.

I don’t know how to feel about this. Especially about showering me with compliments and then the message about me being corny. I just don’t want to be led on.

[patricia12]

@Alicia1701 Never reject compliments from a guy! Even if you don’t agree with it, accept compliments graciously with a thank you.. I’m assuming you’re the one to ask him to dinner Saturday and he accepted. Be upbeat and tell him what you learned in therapy so far. Don’t discuss the relationship issues unless he brings it up and then answer appropriately, but don’t ask about reconciliation!

He is being very sweet and sincere, so don’t think of it as being led on!!

Good luck and keep us posted:)

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