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Hi TJ
In my opinion it seems like she is punishing you in this break up for what you did with another woman when you have broken up previously. The fact she said “I could sleep with him if I wanted to” seems to be her reminding you that it’s just as easy for her to do this. Kind of like “how would you like it if I did that to you…because I can If I wanted to”. I think this guy is very much a rebound-poor guy! He seems to be her tool to try and make you jealous. Well done though for not getting emotional and being calm…especially when he was at her house! I think her plan to make you jealous is back firing and this is why she has become so angry and is constantly texting you. I guess this shows she cares for you in a strange way but it’s rather unhealthy! As a female Id never play such games but that’s me. she sounds a little insecure but this may be due to your fornication with someone else!! (I know you had broken up) but sometimes people don’t forget these kinda things despite it looking like they have! That’s my take on it anyway.
Hope this helps.To further your information on the topic. When she broke up with me she made it clear that it was because of the things I had done in the past and she said it still hurt her, and I also relied on her a lot.
And to provide you with more information on her new significant other, he has never had a job, has no money, no car, not much value. Although he is a great athlete and many other women want him, he doesn’t have many qualities of a man. Also my ex was deeply attracted to black men. He’s white. And they were family friend prior to their relationship.
Ps I think she needs to calm down so although you’ve done no contact maybe just suggest both of you have some space? Actually say to her that you seem rather mad and I don’t want to chat when you’re mad it won’t get us anywhere and you’re saying some pretty nasty stuff which I don’t like to hear. That might curb her contact…then give it a couple weeks. Eventually she might feel less angry and start to think of some good things….then that would be a good time to maybe get in touch. I think at some point you need to address her insecurities-she sounds a little insecure. I think it sounds like she is fighting between loving you and being angry at you at the moment.
I was in a similar situation so maybe this might help you see it from her point of view…I dated a guy who cheated (drunken kiss). It hurt a lot. I was devastated. After much talk I decided to give it another go. I hadn’t been in this situation before and I did truly love him. Turns out I couldn’t let the kiss go…later down the line it came up in arguments and I felt angry towards him all the time (not getting along). Eventually I had to give it up. I didn’t want to but felt I had to. Felt like he put a dark cloud over the relationship. I couldn’t forgive. Sounds like she is still carrying the hurt and anger about that. Torn between wanting to make it work but still feeling hurt.
I totally agree with what most people said. He is totally, 100% a rebound. There is no way for it to be anything other than that.
I don’t think this is a good time for you guys to get back together either. What helped me the first month was to think that I want a stable, healthy, long relationship with him. So there was no worth in hurrying things. Now that I have been feeling ready for basically a month it’s getting harder to take it into consideration that he needs to get to the point of being ready also in his own time, for it to really be that long healthy relationship.
So,I think that is the most important for you right now. You guys have to get back at the right time. I don’t know how old you are but I am close to my middle twenties and I know that if we ever get back, I want it to really work out. Actually, this thought scares me the hell out… The thought that if we ever got together, it could be for good. Maybe, it would be it. And we would be happy together and have everything together… Oh well…On a different note… I wish I was as well spoken as you in english. English is my second language, so it’s a bit hard to be as well spoken. Also all this talk is making me even more insecure as I too don’t have a job, or car, or college education yet. And, as I said, I am almost on my middle twenties. Which makes me feel I don’t deserve him :/
Today marks my 3rd day of no contact. I have only replied to her once in this moment of no contact and I simply said “what”. I’m still going through the no contact faze and she is currently publicizing her new relationship to the highest degree possible. 3 hours ago she tweeted “I just got my license, I’m getting a brand new phone, and I got a bad bi$@#” in reference to what her new boyfriend said. I wasn’t aware that getting your license and a new phone was a big accomplishment, especially if you have no car to drive and no job to pay for it.
Also, if you haven’t read the comments between myself and @ellie96 I’d suggest you do. I wrote a comment informing her of what my ex did last night.
Are you Portuguese or Brazilian? Also these are thing you could work on during no contact. All of these things are essential to not only the benefit of your relationship, but the stability of your life. I promise you if you get a car, a job, and become educated your confidence will sky rocket regardless of if he is with you or not. But don’t do these things because you feel as if he will take you back, because if he doesn’t you will no longer have motivation. Do these things because they well benefit your life at the moment and in the future.
Ahhh sorry TJ I thought I read somewhere you had done a month of no contact already! If you are only in day 3 then I think you need to keep going. If at the very least for a week or so until she calms down a little.
Kaila…just because you don’t have a job or feel established in your life doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of someone!! Or worthy of happiness. We date people for the person not what they do or how much money they have so don’t let that make you think you aren’t worthy of him. It’s really dangerous to think like that.
@TJ I am portuguese. What about you, where are you from?
Yes, I know. Actually… when we started dating, it was almost my third year of being single, and I wanted three more years. I just wanted to be free to live my life, travel wherever I wanted, even live abroad for some time. But the problem was if I did that, when was I going to progress in my education?! Also, I was getting worried because most of the good guys seemed to be taken for good. By my late twenties I would have the scraps?!
So, when we started dating, I was in conflict with myself over that. But with time, and now that I am single again (it even hurts to say it), I completely changed. Now I just want to focus on growing, on my studies, on having a job, and yes, a car. My insecurities and lack of trust in myself, have even made driving hard for me. I just don’t trust myself enough. But I decided I am going to get a car and drive. Hopefully within a year at most. I have even requested for an appointment with a psychologist. But I am still waiting for it 2 months later. I hope that helps me overcome a lot of my issues that I know half of them come from my childhood.Thank you again for your help and support. I have no doubt things will work out for you and if they don’t it will be because you changed your mind, not because she won’t see your value and come back. I wish I could be as sure as that for myself
Jen8720
The problem now is that she is in a relationship with the guy, but I don’t know what to do after 3o days of no contact. Although I’m doing substantially greater than I was when I was with her, I want to know if my success will be enough to make her leave this guy and come back. Also, I was her first and it bothers me to see her open up to this guy immediately after our break up. But I have not let her know of what I been up to since the I’ve started no contact. She has not heard from me.
He is so humble of a man, I know he worried about me having such an uncertain future, because he shared that with me. But at the same time, he loved me for me. And he always said that he liked the way I talked about what I wanted/was going to do, but that I wasn’t moving towards my goals.
So as soon as we broke up, I started doing what I wanted right away. One of them was to start going to the gym 🙂 and although half of the reason is I want to show him my true worth, I am really excited to do this for myself. When we had the talk about breaking up, I felt peace. Like life has shown me what I wanted, and where I needed to be. And now I was having this opportunity to focus on myself, to be who I want to be. And that in time we would get back hopefully. And I want to get going with that.
Thank you again @Jen8720 I won’t talk about myself anymore in this thread, I don’t want to shift the focus from @TJ sorry TJ!
Yes but if he is a rebound which we all know he is then this thing will be short lived. She is doing it to make you jealous because she is angry. Once the anger goes away all she is likely to feel is a sense of loss. She will start to think this new isn’t what she wants and that she misses you. But that will take time. At the moment she’s trying really hard to make you jealous and I think she will do that for a good while yet. When she realises it’s not working-it doesn’t seem to be making you jealous then she will probably just give up with him. I tried to date after breaking up with someone just because I felt angry and thought I’ll show him ive moved on…after chatting to guys and arranging a dates eventually I thought no I can’t do this anymore…it just makes me miss my ex even more. So just give it some time I think! I think the no contact will do you both the world of good. Get a better perspective on your situation.
Sorry I didn’t tag you in my last post
Oi! Sorry I’m not Portuguese but I do understand a large amount of the language. And also to boost your confidence, you are foreign! Men think that is so attractive, use that to your advantage.
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