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Hi, just like you I’ve been trying to get my ex back. I took a no contact break for a month, and he finally texted me. And ever since then, he has been texting me everyday, and we have also been meeting up almost everyday whenever he is free. We even slept together twice which was my biggest mistake now cause the situation feels weird, but yet he still wants to talk to me everyday. He drunk calls me, he shows me all the signs of wanting to get back together & we even went for a movie date where we held hands, but also claims he doesn’t want to give me hope that we will get back together. Sometimes he also says sorry constnrly because he says that he worries that he will not be back together with me and he cares about me, but he is finding himself and he or me will end up being with someone else. I don’t understand this. He also introduced me to one of his fiends as his girlfriend though we’ve broken up, gets jelpias at other guys when I go out on dates, or when I try to pull away and limit conversations, he still wants to call and check up on me if I’m home. What should I do?
You wrote:”claims he doesn’t want to give me hope that we will get back together..” Strange because you two are treating each other as if you were in a relationship (dates plus sex). Drunk texting is a problem as people who are drunk don’t exactly tell the truth, at least you can’t count on their words. Anyway, if you stop having sex with him and just date as in the beginning, maybe he will clearly see your qualities that he fell in love with..
How long were you together and what are your ages?? I ask about ages because many times someone who is very young wants to experience different people in order to discover what they want or don’t want in a relationship..
At this point, since he’s not clear about his feelings (wants to “find” himself) I suggest not talking or meeting every day as it will get boring..
Hi,
We are both 27. Lately he has been calling me every night, and has been wanting to see me and also texts me everyday even when I try not to initiate contact. I’m pretty confused and I’ve stopped having sex with him too. But there are times where we still meet up for lunch etc. Should I still continue this? Or just end things by telling him I can’t be put in this situation?
He seems to really care about me and treats me like his girlfriend & isn’t dating anyone. But still talks about plans like going for a concert together in april. But doesn’t mention anything about us getting back together. Also he says that he is trying not to let his heart be taken for granted again.
In my idea, I think that he is scared to start things too early because he did say getting back together now would be too soon cause we both probably haven’t figured out what we want yet. But we’re emotionally & physically attracted to each other, that’s for sure.
I wouldn’t blame him 100% for leaving because there were many times that I took him for granted, and I really regret doing so and I want to win him back but I’m not sure if this is the right way. I did the NC for 30 days and then is when we started talking again, and it’s been a month.
Hmm. Help?
You wrote:”In my idea, I think that he is scared to start things too early because he did say getting back together now would be too soon cause we both probably haven’t figured out what we want yet.” Maybe he is confused about who he wants.
How long were you in the “relationship” before he broke up with you? How did you show you took him for granted?
By age 27, most people have “found” themselves. Did you ask him what he specifically means by the remark that he needs to “find” himself?
I think you should just continue dating (without sex) for a few more months.
Hi,
By taking him for granted I meant, he really did show me love and care and was always there for me but I did not show appreciation and I did not try my best to put in the same amount effort as him, it was more of a one sided effort because I was confused at that time. Also, I lied to him a few times because I was friends with my previous ex, and he could not trust me ever again. I stopped talking to TM ex after but there were constant arguments and fight where he would bring up what I did because he said he can never ever forget. But there were also many good times. In terms of emotional attachment, we both were always there to support each other but I gotta admit it was my fault that he got sick of the relationship and just fell out of love, which made me realise that I actually made a mistakeC and I really love him and want to try my best to win him back.
Now that we are in talking terms, we normally meet about 3-4 times a week and it seems to be going great and he still treats me like his girlfriend, and cares for me. But he just doesn’t want to commit because he claims he felt like he lost himself in the relationship, hence why he said he is finding himself, and he worries that maybe then when he figures out, I might not be the one for him and does not want to break my heart again if that happens.
But he also is giving me mixed signals, like jealousy if I hangout with other guys etc. I’m not sure if it’s good to still be around him, but I’ve stopped having sex with him like what you mentioned. He can sometimes be hot and cold and I’m confused.
You’re hanging out with him too often (like a girlfriend would) — but you’re not the girlfriend. He doesn’t need to know if you hang out with other guys, because he isn’t your boyfriend anymore and you are free to do as you please, just as he is. His excuse that he “lost himself” in the relationship sounds strange and vague. Then on top of that, he says when he finds himself, you might not be the one for him? Wow, that sounds like a very cruel thing to say. And seems like he’s using that as an excuse to date others in order to find someone else he thinks is better suited for him.
What effort did he put into the relationship? And what do you mean by you didn’t? Try to be specific.
Telling him you love him, always being kind and courteous, saying thank you for nice gestures, etc.. are just several ways to show appreciation.
The biggest obstacle I see here is you being unfaithful. It doesn’t seem to matter much whether that’s physical or emotional. For a guy, that’s probably the number one reason for breakups. Trust is paramount in a good relationship!
You didn’t answer my question: How long were you in this relationship?
If he doesn’t want to try and work through the issues and he keeps throwing it in your face about your ex, maybe he’s not the best guy for you. Think about how he treats you now and if you seriously want to continue the cycle. At some point, you might consider giving him an ultimatum: either try and reconcile or part ways..
Hi,
We were in a relationship for 3 years. But in between we did break up and reconciled after few days. This has been the longest that we have not been together, but we’ve been seeing each other as a couple. Also he isn’t dating anyone or seeing anyone at this point.
Yes I get what you mean about him using me. But the past few days he has been trying to make an effort, and when he heard some friends talking crap about me, he started being defensive, and he told me that he wants to see how far this goes before we both get back together again which I’m not sure if it’s a good thing, but he said if things work out again, then it does or else it’s not. (Should I follow this and go with the flow?)
Also when I mentioned that I didn’t put in effort as in I stopped planning dates, I always wanted my own space and time, I felt suffocated and bored around him, and we stopped having sex for 2 months at least, and we also started doing our own things aka he was working late, and I started going to the gym often & hanging out with friends.
Things changed when one of his friends told me that he started talking to this girl right after we broke up, which i suspected that it made him feel like we both weren’t working out and that there’s someone better out there that would treat him right. But after a month when he came back he told me that there were many times he wanted to come back and reconcile but he was afraid he would get hurt again. Yes I was being emotionally unfaithful I can say, and that led me to confusion as well, hence I was doubting my relationship & distancing myself
:/ hope this clarifies more.
It sounds like you’re not the best match for each other. He’s still dangling the carrot of reconciliation and makes it sound like it all depends on your behavior and how you treat him, not that he’s “lost and trying to find himself”. Do you understand how ridiculous it sounds for him to be lost and trying to find himself? Breaking up so many times is not a good sign! If you felt suffocated, it sounds like he’s a controlling type person which isn’t good either. There’s nothing wrong with going to the gym and seeing your friends, but if he didn’t want you to do things without him, that’s a definite sign he’s controlling! If you felt suffocated and bored around him, what makes you thing it would be any better now? You say you stopped planning dates, but usually it’s the guy who does most of the planning. If you’re happy with the way things are going, continue, but maybe you should sit down and have a more intelligent talk about what went wrong on both side and how you both intend to make a possible relationship better..
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