I'm done with my ex

[Napoleon]

Hello everybody,

I’ve been dumped by my ex 4 months ago from a 8 year and half relationship. I did 120 days of no contact! Since then I’ve doing self-improvement and trying enjoying life. Many people were surprised how I “moved” so fast and how I was doing great. The truth is I had the goal and hope to have my ex back.

I was planning doing some more months of no contact to maximize my chances. However 3 days ago I found my ex is with another guy. I found on facebook in a photo of a group of people of a an acquaintance (I removed her from facebook 3 months ago).

I was very suspicious by this guy since the beginning. This guy is a friend of a friend of mine. Several months ago when me and my ex were together we were at this bar, as also my friend and several others friends. I remember noticing this guy looking at my ex. At one point I also saw her glancing at him, very discreetly. I didn’t talk about it because I thought it was not big deal so I let it through. Two months before the breakup I noticed that my ex is facebook friends with him. It was odd since they didn’t know each other and I didn’t see them talking neither.

Anyway she break up with me and then 4 months later she is with this guy! What bothers me more is not her being with another guy, but she’s with a guy which probably started talking behind my back when we were dating. When she dumped she told me she never cheated on me – which I honestly believe! But I noticed her adding some suspicious guys on facebook months before our break up. Basically, what I believe, she was analyzing her options. Now I can clearly see this. She was so distant and I didn’t felt any love from her, I was miserable. She was waiting for the right moment to leave the boat.

Believe me, I loved her beyond reason. I was prepared to do anything for her! I almost lost it when she left me.

I also have been with some girls in this last 4 months, nothing serious, some dates and some one night stands. It did wonders to my ego and self-esteem, as also all the self-improvement that I did.

So since today I conscious decide that I’ll never get back to my ex. Even she begs me to get accept her back! For me it’s over! I simple can’t get back with her when she did all that stuff in the last months of our relationship. The last months of my relationship were a nightmare, I tried to please her, tried not to piss her off, I sacrificed a lot for her…I was a doormat. Never again! A part of me wants her back, but I know my self-respect will collapse if I get back to her I simply can’t!.

One of the reasons why is very hard to get over a break up is because hope, when there’s hope, even a little, that you’ll get back to your ex, you never can’t recover from the break up. So I’m removing all my hope, just like that it’s the end. It still hurts but deep down it’s a good feeling to let it go, I feel free.

I can’t be friends with my ex, neither I hate her, I guess we are just some strangers with some memories, almost a full decade of memories. Looking back I know we were truly mutually in love. It was good but now life is different…and it will be better 🙂

Don’t be discouraged with my story. Stick to no contact and self-improvement do as this website instructs. It’s simply your best bet to get your ex back! I probably could win my ex back now, maybe yes maybe not. But I know for sure that my odds of getting her back increased significantly. So keep it up.

Don’t forget to be positive. If you attract such a amazing ex once, you can do it again or even attract a better prospect, it’s simple logic.

This all experience made me suffer a lot! With suffering comes growth. Right now I’m stronger than ever and I feel my future will be positive. Now I can contemplate moving to a new city to a better job, etc, etc

My state of mind right now:
“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”

[kaila]

You are so strong 🙂 Thank you for inspiring me to be strong as well. I needed to read that. I too put aside moving somewhere else. If I can’t get into college this year I might do just that! Other country actually 🙂
Keep going and if you need anything you know you can always count on us here

[Napoleon]

Kaila, neither did I knew I was this strong. This is life testing you, if you can endure a traumatic breakup you can endure almost everything. For me there was a point when the pain was so terribly unbearable that I thought my heart would just explode and I would just die right there. It was then my instinct to “survive” kicked in. I was willing to do everything in order to live a life worth living.

Traumatic experiences like this are necessary catalysts to stimulate our self-consciousness. It’s at these points in our lives that we do our best introspection, we have our ‘moments of clarity’;. It’s a wake up call. You have two options: throw in the towel or fight with all your strengths.

During these 4 months I did a lot of reading, talked with smart experienced people and draw my own conclusions, these are the lessons aI learned:
– There is no soul mate. It’s a myth! It’s illogical from a evolutionary point of view. This false belief hurts your healing.
– Never be afraid to lose your partner. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
– You need to be happy and feel good when alone/single. Only then you’re ready to have a relationship. If you aren’t happy alone, any relationship you enter will be bad.
– Romantic love isn’t as idealized in Hollywood movies. It’s just a combination of some hormones which leads to sub-conscious decisions that motivates a person to find or select the best partner possible that he/she can get in order to reproduce. It’s nature in action – ruthless and cruel. Basically your partner left you because he/she thought they can do better.
The good news is that you can be better :). Knowing is half of the battle. If you deny reality it will work against you.

Here some sites with really good information:

For those who are still trying to get their ex, very inspiring:
http://www.powerfulintentions.org/forum/topics/yess-you-can-attract-your-ex

A blog especially for men with some harsh true, for understanding the women mind:

The Best of Rational Male – Year One

I recommend this article to everyone:

There is no One.

A blog for helping women understand men better and improving their dating skill:
http://www.therulesrevisited.com/p/about-this-blog.html

Those two last sites I posted avoid political correctness so read it with a open mind.
If you any question just ask.

[Author]

Posts