-
Posts
-
Basically what the title says.
If you don’t mind the story (scroll down for tl;dr): I’ve been with this guy for quite some time, and while our relationships had some ups and downs, now that things are over, as we all know, it’s the ups that replay in my mind.
To make this quick, he’s someone who’s been cheated on in the past, since that will add context to the situation.
Everything had been going great between us, but I started my period. I’m usually on the pill so I skip periods often. It took an emotional toll on me and we argued often, so we took a tiny break until my period was over. During the break I obviously missed him, and corona didn’t help much with having something to do. I watch a movie with a guy friend, not thinking much of it, and here’s where I fuck up.Once break ends, he asks me what I did. I said I talked to some guy, nothing more. I lied, panic reflex. I came out with the truth right after, admitted everything, and he was upset, naturally so.
He blocks me everywhere. 30 minutes later, he unblocks me and calls me. I explain, I cry, I apologize. He asks why I did what I did, I said because I wanted something to do and didn’t want to bother him. It was the truth. He told me that it’s fine if I’m being clingy. He wants me to need him, and so on. I tell him I do, that he means everything to me, you can imagine what I said. I told him that I would never do this again, and I’ll make it up to him, however long it takes to rebuild the trust. Eventually things calm down, we’re good once again, and things are bliss for the next while.
One day, someone I knew bad talked him and I told him that evening, because I thought it was the right thing to do. He was upset. Says he’ll call me back, never does.
Later I call, I ask him what the hell is going on, he tells me he just doesn’t feel good in this relationship. He wants it over with. I ask what exactly, he says he doesn’t know, it’s probably related to what I did. I’m confused, and of course, like an idiot I do everything wrong. I cry, beg a bit, and so on. We calm down. It happens later again that evening, and I realize I don’t want to put my dignity on the line anymore. He tells me he doesn’t appreciate me, doesn’t feel the same way, I should go and find someone who does.
I tell him I tried my best, I did what I could, but I can’t do anything else. He’s angry, saying that I promised to let him have time to rebuild the trust. I tell him I did, and I meant it, however if this isn’t what he wants, there’s nothing I can do.
And that was it. I’m blocked everywhere. I have no method of contacting him.
tl;dr – ex boyfriend and I had constant arguments after I broke his trust, even though I tried to repair it the best I could. He said he didn’t appreciate me, said to go find someone else who does, and was very upset at me when I finally accepted the breakup.
Does no contact even make a difference? I’m blocked on everything. This wasn’t in the book and I have no idea what to do. If anyone can offer some insight on the situation, I’d be extremely grateful.
Ah, it seems I have forgotten to mention. I was a doormat during the relationship. When he got upset, I truly believed I was the one at fault so I would do everything to please him. Since this ended, I have been trying to regain my individuality and come to better terms with myself as a person.
When he got upset, I would always try to suck up and sweet talk him, thinking that was the right thing to do. I should’ve just given him space, in retrospect to sort out how he feels.Any advice on no contact, the advice on what to do when blocked, and how to recover from my past mistakes would be appreciated.
Oops, sorry. Another side post. In mentioning that he wants me to need him, would it still be wise to find a way (make another account, etc) to contact him to reassure him I care? Or do I stick to NC, and once again, I am blocked everywhere. What can I do? Please help.
@quietus You broke his trust by being unfaithful. No, don’t make another account to contact him. He knows how you feel, so don’t try to repeat it. If he has time to think, without interference from you, it will give him a chance to reconsider and if he decides he wants to try reconciliation, he will get in touch with you.
Don’t create more drama! Never lie if you get another chance and never break trust again by being unfaithful.
If you feel like a doormat because he’s too controlling, you might think about whether or not he’s the guy for you..
Good luck:)
Well, I wasn’t by definition unfaithful. I watched a movie with someone else, I wouldn’t call it cheating as it was purely platonic, but it made him upset regardless. He was also upset that I lied about it, since I panic lied but immediately told him the truth afterwards.
Also, as for the doormat thing, I’d say perhaps he is a bit controlling, but in general things are fine between us.
What I don’t understand though, is he blocked me the first time everywhere after. And then unblocked me, called, and we talked it out. I thought things were good, but after, what I mentioned happened and then I finally just let it go, thinking that’s the right thing. I don’t understand why he’d unblock me to begin with, and why he’d feel the same away again. Those few days in between between us were really good.
@quietus Try to stop agonizing about why he would block/unblock. The only person who knows the answer is him. It won’t help you to ponder over it. Just continue no contact!
actually, I broke NC. I talked to a friend of his and then my ex and I talked. we came to the conclusion that the breakup was due to circumstance, he wants self improvement and to better his life, and isn’t ready for a relationship before he’s happy with his progress. we called on a break and says we’ll rekindle when the time is right.
@quietus Okay, give him lots of time and don’t contact him in order for him to work on self-improvements and you could also work on yourself.. Every time you contact him it’s going to bring the incident with the other guy up front and fresh to his mind.
Wishing you luck:)
yup well I screwed up. he had another mood swing, blocked me all over again and then I made the mistake of just begging for him back and crying in his messages basically. really bad. really desperate, and he told me that we’re done for good and I should just move on.
should I just start NC all over again? is it possible to recover from this?
he has BPD, something I forgot to mention. small things just set him off so easily and ever since I broke the trust it’s been getting more and more volatile. he blocked me again the other day because I made one mildly snappy comment and then he got mad and blocked me. I made the mistake and tried to reach out on another account, and his reasoning for finally being done was just that he can’t do this anymore, that I should just accept that and move on. I was a desperate idiot in his messages and cried and all that, and he told me just to please stop messaging him. that it’s over. I finally gave up and told him I accept it. my last message to him was ‘(i’ll always love u maybe as just a friend if u ever need someone to talk to or u ever want to rework things out i mean we can always discuss but yeah ill leave u be for now and wont message u again)’
anyway, do you think I fucked up irreparably? is there still hope? should I give up? should I start NC? please give me some advice.
@quietus OMG, why couldn’t you just keep no contact?? Now he probably thinks you’re a needy desperate stalker type person. He told you it’s over and obviously doesn’t want to have any contact with you. I don’t know if you have a chance or not, but you have to honor his request for no contact!
I did. I stopped talking to him since that event i last mentioned. he called me last night, angry over something I did (which was indirectly related to him, and completely unintentional.) anyway, i didn’t pick up as i was asleep. this morning, i respond, he asks why i did what i did, i calmly explain, he gets really angry, tells me we’re done and that he hopes i never contact him ever again after this block. he proceeds to block me before i could say much else.
what i did was that i told a friend of mine something he had told me, in confidence, because it was very important to let her know. i trusted her to not tell anyone, but then she did, and it bounced back to him.
i assume he was very angry that i breached his trust, even though we had previously agreed upon that if she asks about this certain thing i would morally have to tell her.
i am continuing NC. do you think there’s still a chance? from what I know he no longer cares about me and is over me.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.