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Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • #115166
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    Hello everyone!

    Me again, I haven’t posted in awhile.
    I’m in week three of NC. And before you all think , I’m going to break it: don’t worry I won’t.
    My issue is something else: I don’t feel like I’m healing well enough.
    My thoughts are still too occupied by him for my liking. I wonder what he’s doing and whatnot.
    Which is fine ’cause I can redirect my thoughts doing to something else EXCEPT for at night and my current sick state (but this is temporary so let’s ignore this one).
    I keep rethinking everything, I have questions on whether it’s true he threw me under the bus or not (which it shouldn’t matter but it does matter to me right now for the reason I don’t know if he’s the untrustworthy one or those friends that back stabbed me before), I wonder why he hasn’t texted me whilst he had told me he wanted to see me when the cafes are open again (which they are!), does that mean I wasn’t worth it etc.
    In a way they’re all basic questions I suppose. But it keeps me up along with the sudden ache I sometimes can’t ignore. I honestly felt stronger when I started NC than now and wonder what you all do to keep your mind from wandering?
    I tried reading (I’m currently reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy), watch ASMR videos and keeping a diary. It also gets worse the second time I get up at night.
    And even though I would say I don’t feel devastated, it bothers me it still has an impact and especially has an impact on my life and productivity.
    During the day: I picked up learning a language, work on my driving license, try keeping up a skin care routine, a morning cardio, cut my hair to feel like having a fresh look, bought new clothes and perfume, I’m not one that needs social contact but I have scheduled meeting friends twice a week nonetheless, I play video games and watch videos/series.

    Tldr; how to heal better, feel more confident in your shoes and sleep better?

    #115167
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2668

    @Magnolia Sounds like you’re doing a lot of good things to stop/interfere with your obsessive thoughts of him. A proper diet and exercise can usually help minimize disruptive sleep patterns. But make sure you don’t drink fluids before bedtime. You stated in a previous post that you have a pessimistic outlook on life so I suggest you start going to the church of your choice. Most sermons and congregants are optimistic:) You could even schedule a meeting with the pastor to discuss how to approach life and problems with a more positive view. Read self-help books too..

    When no contact ends, you could initiate a message to let him know all the great things you’ve been doing:) Good luck.

    #115168
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @patricia12 I’ll keep it in mind not to drink too many fluids before bed! I’m afraid I’m not too religious. But I have been thinking of possibly seeing a psychologist or a coach (which should help me in my career as well). I’m also going to a few doctors the coming days to check up on my health because I haven’t felt too dandy. I hope that if I can tackle my tinnitus and maybe I’ll have a better outlook on life!
    I do like the idea of self-help books. Do you have any you would recommend? I don’t know where to begin. I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck this quarantine during the break-up and as much as the person wasn’t false I didn’t feel like I had much I could imply on my life to guide me. I would need some kind of book that gives me training tips.

    Thank you, we’ll see! <3

    #115169
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2668

    @Magnolia You’ve probably heard the expression “Count your Blessings”.. Everyone has some blessings/good things in their lives. Focus on those things and be grateful! Any sort of self-help book dealing with positive thinking would probably be a good start. And seeking out a counselor/therapist would be helpful too..

    You’ve got to believe that guys want to be in happy relationships and anything that detracts from that causes a guy to be dissatisfied and unhappy with the partner. Arguments, especially petty ones, will cause a guy to build angry resentments and frustration which will eventually lead to a breakup.

    Sorry about your tinnitus and glad you’re going to see a doctor:)

    #115173
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @patricia12

    I would get a therapist but those are too expensive and I kind of already wasted a lot on my previous one 🙁 (lost my job with corona so don’t have too much money anymore).
    That’s very true. I get the tendency to treat my man too often as one of my female best friends but they’re just not that emotionally wired and I should be more attentive towards that.

    Thank you! Just came back from my appointment today and will get the pills tomorrow. Fingers crossed for an improvement!

    #115175
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2668

    @Magnolia What do you think or your doctor think caused your tinnitus? If you google ‘tinnitus, you will find that some medications can cause it.. Did you have a CT scan or hearing test? What pills did the doctor prescribe?

    Yes, you have to remember that men are a little different from women emotionally. They have a tendency to be action oriented and not so much emotional.. Don’t argue, but if an issue arises, calmly discuss it in a very respectful understanding way. Guys hate drama!

    Good luck:)

    #115176
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @patricia12 Yes, I had all tests done, but since it’s a bit different than your regular one tone sound they’re guessing stress and my mental state is a huge part of it (I already had prior my breakup so I guess I need some fixing). But for now I got pills to regulate the water in my ear channels (is that the word?) so we’ll see if that helps. And I got a next appointment next month :).

    Yes.. that’s very true. I need to work on that. At least get on the same level as my man and not appear like a nagging mom.

    Thank you for the encouraging words!

    #115178
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2668

    @Magnolia What’s the name of the medication? I hope it helps and I’m glad you have another appointment next month..

    Yeah, men hate nagging too!

    You could look up some positive thinking type articles online. But being grateful for the blessings you already have is a good start:)

    #115180
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @patricia12 Betahistine Mylan I think?? I’m hoping for the best as well. It would definitely improve my outlook on life :). Even though my mom says I’m pretty positive but I feel like I might be forcing it a bit too much. Then again there’s a saying: fake it till you make it? And it does work sometimes so who knows.

    Yess, I have lovely friends. I was really afraid I was going to lose them because many are also tied to my ex but they have separated us well and have been there for me. I’ve also quit bringing him up in conversations because from what I read online, mutual friends will pass on the message if you’re sad. Now, I don’t think they would but I don’t want to take risks. And it’s not like I’m in a huge grieving period anymore. The shock has passed. I just miss him in a very nostalgic but also still loving way.

    #115182
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2668

    @Magnolia I looked up Beta-histamine and looks like it’s ordered for vertigo (which is dizziness). Are you also dizzy?

    I’m glad you stopped talking to friends about him! Yes, whatever you say might get back to him, and not only that, but they want to help and yet feel helpless. And sorry, but they probably get tired of hearing about the situation.

    Missing him is normal, but try to put your focus on other things..

    #115187
    AvatarMagnolia
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 23

    @patricia12 Only at times, I don’t think that’s tinnitus related though.

    Yes of course they would get tired! But no worries, considering this ain’t my first break-up with a man I haven’t been obsessively talking about him. Only replied on questions about him but decided to ask my mutual friends to just not bring him up anymore :). I need to redirect my mind anyways.

    It’s just tougher when you’re in bed alone with your thoughts.

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