I was honest, we've talked but now he's turned cold

[Chloe1]

Hi all,
My ex and I were together for around 18 months. We talked about a future together, with family etc. Then we broke up over life stressors and bad communication habits.
I did NC for 7 weeks and then contacted him via text. It started off slow and then we were talking quite happily. We hit a few obstacles in the beginning, there was forgiving on both sides etc, but I managed to stay calm and cool about the conversation even though it was really difficult for me. Then things were fine, then one night he removed/untagged all the photos of us on Facebook. I asked him why and he said that what we had was unhealthy and that he wanted to move on. He said he felt like he wasn’t the one for me because he never felt like I loved him. (Which is untrue. I love him so much.)
We went through a long text chat and I finally explained to him how I still love him and never stopped loving him. I explained that I knew I wasn’t perfect, and that we had tough times, that if he still loves me and if there is a chance for us to work things through then let me know. But if he didn’t still feel any love for me at all, then to let me know and I will stay out of his life forever.

I sent that text to him in the afternoon and he didn’t reply. So I rang him in the late evening, he didn’t pick up. I asked him if he awake and he said he was at a friend’s BBQ and would call me the next day.
So the next day he called me around 10pm and we had a catch up chat (strange for me as it was as if nothing had happened), then I brought up the topic….I explained to him how I felt in the relationship..asked him if he just wanted me to move in with him to help pay the bills only. He said no etc. I told him why I felt so unhappy in my previous job, and said that I didn’t blame him, and that it wasn’t his fault. He listened to me and I appreciated it.
At the end of the call, he said he would call me during the week perhaps and I said ok. But he didn’t call me. It was his first week back at work and he had a lot of things to catch up on and he felt annoyed. I asked him if we could meet sometime soon as I would really like to see him. He replied back the next day and said do you want to meet tonight? I didn’t feel well that day (shoulder pain), and asked if it could be next week and he said it’s fine, and to play it by ear as he might be taking a day off work to do some DIY (he’s redecorating his house so he can sell it).

This whole week he’s been slow at replies and these tend to come across as quite cold. I’m being patient and I’ve been reading a book called Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus – the author talks about how men go into their *cave* when they have a lot on their mind or are stressed etc.

What do you think I should do? I feel like I’m being needy and contacting him too much. I’m keeping busy with work and my own social life, so that I’m not thinking about him too much, as I know that it’s unhealthy.

Is he just being a polite and cold in the hope that I give up and let go?

I would appreciate your views/comments/what to do.

Thanks
Chloe

[LA]

I’m not expert but I am a guy and I’m also try to get back with my ex. In my opinion he seems like he is putting things off with you because he may feel like things are moving fast and probably doesn’t want to rush into anything right now as he has other important things to worry about as well. Also don’t show that your needy that will only push him further away.

As for the comment about men going into there cave it’s all true. I am that way. I’m also aware that most women don’t like it but we do it because we feel overwhelmed sometimes and just need time and space to get through it. My ex girlfriend would hate it when this would happen to me. But trust me it’s not all bad when we go into our cave. It saves us from saying things we doing mean and looking stupid.

[Chloe1]

Thanks IA. What you said really makes sense. I always need to remind myself that when a man goes quiet it’s because he needs space and time to work things out or just to de-stress…and not to take it personally. Often, it is just me worrying over nothing!! 🙂
I want to take things slow too. If my ex and I are to get back together then I can imagine there will more conversations over time about us starting over and work things through together. I’m not a fan of just jumping back into a relationship and reliving old patterns that led us to break up.

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