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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • #113863
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    ctk
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    • Total Posts: 6

    I had been with my now ex fiance for 16 years. Just after xmas she decided to finish it with me, which totally broke my heart. I done the daft thing and pushed to try and get her back. She tells me she feels nothing for me and there was no spark now. I’m at my wits end and not sure what to do I think I have blown my chance with the best thing that happened to me. I did say I’d struggle to be friends but since that I’ve told her I’d rather be friends than lose her completely. I just dont know what to do. Any help would be appreciated.

    #113871
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2342

    @ctk Why didn’t you get married within the 16 years? Were there problems/issues?

    Trying to get her back is normal, but apparently it didn’t work. So if you can accept a friendship, just be honest and let her know you’re open to being friends..

    #113872
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    ctk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 6

    We had spoken about getting married but finances weren’t great and we were both happy to postpone for the foreseeable future. She has since messaged saying anything can happen in the future but just now she feels nothing. It’s as if she is playing mind games with me. If I thought that she just needed a break I’d give her it but it sounds more serious than that and I’ve lost the best thing that happened to me.

    #113874
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2342

    @ctk What are your ages? Young women usually want to get married while still in their good child-bearing years. Were you living together? She stated she has no feelings for you anymore and there’s no spark, but did she mention other reasons for the breakup??

    Two married people with 2 incomes can usually manage to maintain a functioning house hold.

    Lengthy relationships usually lose some of the spark and passion compared to early dating times and that’s normal. For more information you could look up the 5 stages in a relationship https://dating.lovetoknow.com/Five_Stages_in_a_Relationship

    Saying anything can happen in the future might be her way of stringing you along and keeping you as an option, but it’s very difficult to know for sure.. You could let her know you need space (no contact) for a while so you can process the breakup. Maybe it will give her time to miss you. It will also give you time to recover from the extreme shock and grief of the breakup. Then you might be able to look at the situation in a more realistic way and make a sensible decision as to what you should do going forward.

    #113876
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    ctk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 6

    I am 35 she is 32 and yes we were living together for 12 years.
    She never gave me any other reason other than she had lost feelings for me and the spark had gone. I get that these things can happen but you would think after so many years together she would be willing to work at it and not throw in the towel.
    We had a decent income for the household enough to get us buy and go on our annual holiday. It was a mutual agreement to delay the wedding.
    I am just about to start no contact we had a few words tonight about things and I asked her why she said that she doesnt know what the future held. She said we never know what the future can bring it’s just a saying but i told her it was mind games. She then said I need to get my head round things and get used to us not being together. So I now start no contact and see what happens. But thank you for your understanding and messaging back.

    #113881
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2342

    @ctk Did one of you move out or are you still living together? Any children?

    I have a feeling there’s more to the story.. Anyway, wishing you luck:)

    #113884
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    ctk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 6

    My ex has moved out and back to her parents house and no there are no children involved. What do you mean more to the story? Ask any question I’ll answer honestly that’s why I have put my story out there.

    #113886
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2342

    @ctk Were there any problems during the relationship? If you read the link I gave you, maybe you can share it with her.. If there were no serious problems during the relationship, maybe she’s just confused about her feelings regarding no sparks. Passion is more intense during the early days of dating and tapers down as time goes by. But the deeper love and care remain if the relationship was good and each treated the other well with respect..

    #113889
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    ctk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 6

    Nothing major. Yes we had the usual arguments over stupid things but nothing that was really serious. Im hoping she is just confused and realises what we had. But for now it doesnt look good. Ive lost the woman i love and there is nothingbi can do just now because she is set in her ways.

    #113891
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    patricia12
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    • Total Posts: 2342

    @ctk There is a direct relationship between the number/frequency of arguments and the level of frustration/mounting anger/resentment buildup. Some of the exact topics of arguments may be forgotten, but the accumulation has an overall negative effect..

    Most successful relationships proceed with harmony and only rarely have disagreements.

    If you’ve apologized for any part you played in the breakup, no contact is a good next step. You stated on Jan 14th you’re “just about to start no contact”. Did you?

    #113893
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    ctk
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 6

    The frequency if argunents over 16 years wasnt massive. Sometimes over daft things a couple times more over more important things (finances etc).
    I came to realise the other day that over the past few months i hadnt really attended to her needs. Which is where we prob lost the spark.
    I did start no contact then but she did contact me yesterday regarding few things i wasnt in the right frame of mind and proceded to talk about the relationship which i know was stupid. She said again that it was over but you never know what will happen in the future. Told me we both need space and to realise that she doesnt have feelings for me just now and if thwy will come back.

    #113894
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    patricia12
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    • Total Posts: 2342

    @ctk Start strict no contact..

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