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I don’t know what to do… I met her last week while I was shopping, we had a nice conversation and a big hug, but nothing more! She is clearly still has feelings for me but she is still confused… She is not in the mood to take it slow neither try again… She needs space and time to find out what she wants either good or bad… But how long… I’m startnig to think that it’s a lost cause…
She will insist on the breakup. She is probably worried and confused you haven’t changed, she is afraid that if she will let herself flirt with you, she will lead you on, build up hope in you and hurt you after that. The solution to that is subtly show her that you are a new person. Show her that you are no longer needy, that you are open to whatever the future will bring to you and whatever happens you’ll be happy. Show her that you are a cool and confident guy. Help her move on from the post-breakup pain. Be honest about your feelings towards her, but don’t come off as needy or desperate. This will clear her confusion, but it will take time.
Yes, it’s been two months since the breakup, but why does exactly that matter? From dates of your posts I assume you’ve been communicating for only two weeks since the end of NC. That’s way too early to talk about anything regarding to reconciling.
And that’s what NC is for. You give yourself time to learn how to be happy again by YOURSELF so that you won’t spend next months on thinking on how to please her, make her happy or flirt with her. Of course you need to watch out for some negative and positive signs while you talk with her, but the core of communication after the breakup is just to let it flow naturally and just be ready for whatever future may bring you.
If you spend your next months just obsessing over her, you will be slowly dying on the inside.
Yeah, you are right! I’m gonna let her relax from her studies! She is going on vacations on 21-26 of july and my birthday is on 28th of the same month! I think I leave her since then and after that I’ll try to communicate again! Does that sound good?
Last time we chatted and she said the same things I sent her (later that day) a thank you text!! I don’t know if this is a mistake or not, but I really wanted to just thank her because I’ve never had the chance and I felt great, relieved! I asked her not to response and that she will be always whatever happens!
Quick update: we spoke on the phone on my birthday (she just wish me with a text and I called)! She thought that I may didn’t want to speak with her that’s why the message…
So, I asked her to be honest with me and she told me this:
“Ok, honestly I am confused, It’s not that I lost attraction with you and I didn’t get to the point to say that I can’t be with with or I can’t stand you anymore… That may would be a future problem that’s why I told you that I can’t see a future with you! The problem is that wheh we got together you made me feel confident and love my body and myself, but when we broke for the first time (a couple of days) I lost all of that confidence and self-esteem and my world collapsed and I’m still not recovered… I miss you so much and I am having breakdowns because of that! I love you so much, I miss you and I want you but I don’t want to get back to you out of need or out of fear to be alone but because I really want you and it’s too early for this… I know that you believe that we can be together again amd have a great relationship but I need to believe that too! It’s not that I don’t want a relationship with you… I think that if I try a relationship with anyone right It’s going to fail! So first I need distance from you so I can be good by myself and then to see if I’ll get back to you!”More or less that what she said… We spoke about for two hours and she couldn’t hang up… Me neither, but I had to and I did!! We talked about many other things! I don’t know if that’s good or bad… I feel good and bad at the same time!
Oh, I also started going to a therapist!
And another thing! We had the next day a videocall, we said the same things and in the end she told that it could be easy to tell me that she doesn’t want me so I get angry with her and move on but she can’t…
Wow. She seems stressed out and very confused. She also seems to have low self-esteem. But the way she worded things, sounds like she wants you to wait for her until she gets control of her thoughts, feelings, and self worth. Then maybe she might want a relationship with you again.
Resume no contact, but this time, first let her know you’ll give her space in order to allow the time she needs in order to figure out what she wants and who she is..
I’m glad you started therapy and it sounds like she might need therapy too.
I feel like my chances to get back together are way up high but I am afraid about when… I feel good and terrible at the same time because I know that she feels attraction, she wants me, she loves me, she misses me but we are not together and that hurts… A lot!
I understand it hurts, but try not to be discouraged. She has given you positive signs, but she needs time to get better. Don’t be in a rush. Isn’t she worth the wait?
Therapy will help both of you. Don’t obsess about her and don’t dwell on the negative. Be patient.
Take life one day at a time, one minute at a time, if necessary. The time will pass quickly and the end result will be you two will have a happier relationship:)
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