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Boards No Contact Rule I pushed my ldr gf to my brother (self fulfilled prophezei). What to do?

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  • #114101
    AvatarMaximilian
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1

    I meet that really smart and shy girl on an app, when I was In Asia. She is a student like me and very educated. We had just a really limited time together and even though she was sceptical about the distance, I draw silver linies in all seriousness. I am a rather insecure person, after all the experiences of my past. I made really bad experiences in the past with my brother. He was really manipulative as he always tried to influence relationships to my girlfriends by lying or belittleing me in front of them. He always acted as he was the caring “big brother” which has never been true at all. It is not his obligation and I never asked him for caring even though I went through depression after a family member died I was close to.(hided that weakness from my girlfriend 🙁 ) As I said: I did not ask for him caring as I have known is character for years but using me to get credit and doing that with people I love was to much and I developed a deep mistrust towards him over the years. After 2 months of long distance relationship with my asian gf, there was a moment, when I got “weak”. I told him about her. It was really naive. I know that. In a course of 2 weeks she changed her behaviour towards me, asking weird questions and being really doubtful. As I never introduced the two and as the problems with my brother were over for some time, I did not connect her behaviour to my brother. But it became more obvious that something was not right (he must have found her by name and via fb). I confronted him and he was really avoident, not wanting to talk. 20 minutes after that she blew up my phone with calls and messages asking if something “happened”? I asked her the same I had asked my brother and she denied after hesitating. I told her about my brother and what he used to do in the past. He always made me look like a loser while he was spending the money of his uncle (godfather). He made a small business after several jobs in his pasthad not worked out at all. I always was happy for him (no envy at all!) even though he kept putting me down and even if I knew that he basically got everything he owns (car etc.) from his godfather. He would not be able to start a business without him, but let’s be honest: he appears more attractive then a university student that way. Several days after our talk my gf broke up for literally no reason (she had not got me by phone for 3 hours). I said “ok, i am sad but accept”. I made the mistake to block her afterwards but after two hours she called me with another number asking why I was so cold (?). I explained to her that she just broke up with me. She said I owed her a explaination about the 3 hours she couldnt get me the day before. I replied that I dont owed her anything as she just left the relationship but that I was open to get back together if we talked frank and open. She said that she needed time. A day later we came to the point to try again, but she still avoided to talk to me open and held back her feelings displaying doubts as the weeks before. After my brother avoided me as well, I asked her again, what was going on. She said, that she would accept if I would not want her to contact me anymore (what I never stated) but that I should please not block her again. I asked her what was the point not in doing that if whe were separated ( i felt like getting monkey branched by hanging arround any longer, even though I did not want to breake up and as she had brought it up for the second time). After she insulted me for not being caring (believe me, I acted like a typcial nice guy, always being available for her), I blocked her . After that she wrote me with another number saying ” I can not believe you did that again”. She were insulting and said, that she would contact my brother now in any case. I was asking her if she was serious or if it was just her way to finally come clean. She kind of gaslighted me saying that I was a cheater, as I am clearly not. After that I blocked her finally saying that I needed space (she actually had already broken up with me after that). I told her that she was doing me wrong and that I had warned her about my brother’s ways. She blocked me as well because her profile disappeared but at the evening it seemed that she had unblocked me. One day later, my brother’s godfather approached me in a weird way texting in english (he never did that before) asking how I felt. Why that question in the first place? My brother started posting a lot of english textes lately (he is really bad in english and never did that while my asian ex and I just communicated in English. I think I should confront them (my uncle and my brother again after all that and after she told me she would “finally” get in contact with my brother but I do not expect the truth after all these years of his unfair behaviour). On the other hand I feel the need stand up against them. More important: how to reverse my blocking of her? I can not just unblock her like that I don’t think she will be open for me after getting played about me by my brother (it is really obious by now that they are texting). I still like her. What should I do? I know all of that sounds like a big mess.

    #114114
    Avatarpatricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2422

    @Maximilian You both sound immature and your brother doesn’t sound like a nice guy. I don’t know why you would you want to prolong all this agony and drama in your life. Find a sweet more mature girl to date in your own area. Put some distance between you and your brother and don’t tell him everything going on in your life. OR you can confront them all to try and find out what’s going on. It’s up to you..

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