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The advice in your last message was great. For the most part I have followed it. Although, sadly I didn’t follow it to a tee :(. She ended up commenting on a Facebook post of mine on a friend’s wall. I kept my response short. I thought, since she was warming up to me again, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to small talk and call her.
She was in a meeting and called me back a bit later. She mentioned just seeing the texts I sent her in the beginning of July “demanding” my money back that I lent her. I just said, that was a long time ago and things are different now. She said ok.
We talked for like five minutes. I hinted about doing something over the weekend (we didn’t make plans). Anyway, she sounded kind of sad because her roommate’s brother hung himself. I said some comforting things to her. I could tell she wasn’t in the best mood. She told me how she was kind of struggling with money but never asked me to borrow any. I offered to lend her some but she was like no I can’t ask you for help. After our conversation, she messaged me and said “sorry if she was snappy, that wasn’t my intention. I’m just struggling.” I figured this was a great opportunity to show her some change in me.
During our phone conversation when she said she was struggling I had already decided that I would help her out. I had her account number in my phone and I transferred her $200 and then messaged her telling her to check her account and made a joke about not spending it on shopping. She said she couldn’t accept it she already owes me money. I just said, “take care of yourself” things work out how they are meant to. We text a little bit more but essentially she thanked me a bunch and then text me again the next day thanking me and saying it helped her out a ton and went to her health insurance. I kept my response short and said” You are welcome. I am glad I could help. I tried to keep all my responses about the money short.
Which brings me up today, during our previous conversation, I said that I didn’t realize that football game was on a Thursday and there was a baseball game each night Friday through Thursday. We never made official plans to go since it was the beginning of the week. So today, I called her because we are still on good terms, and she messaged me saying she was in a meeting and asked what’s up and to just message her.
So I asked her about going to the baseball game on Friday because it was the last night with fireworks. She said “I can’t I’ll be helping with a service project :)” Then I said “there was more. Just call me when you can.” “Service Projects are awesome”.I left it at that. I didn’t want to drag things out in messaging and my mind went blank. I should have just gone with” I understand maybe another time.” My mind just went blank and my emotions kicked in but I didn’t drag out the conversation anymore.
I’m not sure if she will call back or not. If she does, I am not really too sure of what to say. If she doesn’t then I will defiantly just leave it at that because all of this is stressful and I don’t get why she keeps me close but not too close? I haven’t been diligent on staying off her Facebook page. I really need to work on this. I just start to assume things and see guys commenting on her stuff and I get anxious. I need to delete the app again because that worked for me. I don’t know how to feel about sending her the $200. I wanted to show her I changed and would hold her owing me money over her head. It just seems like talking in messages really doesn’t go anywhere even though all of the times we recently hung out were arranged this way.
Back to no contact right? It just seems hard to distance myself when she is starting to warm up but at the same time she keeps her distance. I feel like if I don’t make the first move. I’ll never see her. Yet I was wrong on that before. In person things go great and we are touchy feely. So it makes no sense.
We ended up talking a bit on messenger and I mentioned a new season of a show came out. She said “I will have to come over and watch it and we can make dinner or something sometime”. She sounded pretty excited. No set date to do it though. I’m more confused than ever. Just an update.
How long do you think I should go no contact? Part of me feels like I need to try and set a date for her to come over? It seems like her coming over is one of the best situations I could ask for.
Don’t contact her until she contacts you first and then just go with the flow of her conversation, but don’t prolong it. I know you’re obsessed about seeing her again and she knows it too. Ask her over, don’t ask her over; we both know you will do whatever you feel like doing, lol. Good luck..
Lol believe it or not I really do take into account what you tell me and try to follow your advice even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes. I drive myself crazy and then obsess, no contact is rough. My ex and I have talked over the last week briefly once or twice. I have kept conversation as short as possible and always end on a good note.
Her coming over to my place has got brought up and she seems open to it but usually has something going on like a meeting and says maybe she will be able to come over after depending on when they get over. Like for example this Saturday she is going to a ski resort with “the girls so it depends on what time she gets back”. I know she really is busy and started a new job but then again it makes me feel like just an option. Maybe she is just leading me on and then when I get close making excuses? Who really knows and I guess it doesn’t matter.
I wrote the message above earlier in the week but never sent it. Today my ex and I briefly spoke again and she seems cold again. Essentially I messed up again I know by speaking to her. The hot and cold messes with me. She didn’t even reply to my last message.
Even though you don’t think I will be able to, I am going to prove to you and myself that I can go no contact again. If she contacts me, I will keep it short. I won’t ask to see her or anything. I doubt she contacts me though.
So today I am going no contact for at least a month so hold me to it ok? I want to prove I can. I’m leaving to Europe next week for a vacation so hopefully that helps me move on a little because this is going to be tough and I know I deserve to be treated better. I am way upset I sent her money and she doesn’t even have enough respect to respond to my message. It’s rude.
One month starts now. :/
Thank you! I know it hasn’t been long but I am still staying strong and will remain no contact. It’s kind of rough from going from talking to her to not at all. Looking back, last time I feel like I asked way too much to hangout over the past few weeks and kind of shot myself in the foot. I wish I would haven’t of slipped up and followed your advice better. It was tough. I know she read my last message and never replied or called me. I know I defiantly took a step backwards. So I will focus on getting back on track and pushing forward. I don’t think she will be contacting me during my no contact period.
I wrote all of that above earlier in the week.
So Wednesday night she messaged me asking “who did XXX cheat on XXX with?” I didn’t see the message until the next morning but read it and didn’t reply. She also changed my nickname in the chat to “XXX the geek”. I thought it was rude for her to ask a question about gossip and ignore my questions from the other day. She saw I read her message and didn’t reply then sent “??”. About ten hours later finally replied with “I haven’t heard the whole story yet and changed an emoji in the chat”. No small talk or anything. She read it and still hasn’t replied. I am staying strong.
So on my end; I will not break no contact. I am holding myself to it. If she asks questions or contacts me it’s ok to reply isn’t it? Just as long as I keep it short? I thought her question was dumb. I am starting to realize how cruel she has been to me and it helps me stay strong. Going on vacation to Europe is going to help me distance myself further (no phone service).
On one other note, I got invited to Vegas this weekend by this girl that is my friend. Five other really attractive girls were going. The girl’s boyfriend was paying forever everything (hotel rooms, table at a pool party). I was really indecisive about going because my Europe trip would be two days after I got back. I was also hesitant because my ex doesn’t like the girl that invited me and I knew the girls would post pictures on social media and me ex would see and it wouldn’t help my cause or it could have by making my ex jealous (I would have been staying in a room with 5 girls and just me which could have been awesome). Anyway I procrastinated and was indecisive because I was unsure and the opportunity passed. I made the right call didn’t I by essentially by not going? Although I wish I would have went now because my ex isn’t in my life and shouldn’t affect my decisions. I missed a fun trip that could have helped me move on a bit and would have met new girls. Obviously my ex doesn’t consider me when she makes decisions.
So this brings up my next point, girls are going with us to Amsterdam; pictures are defiantly going to be posted on social media. I have no interest in the girls that are going whereas with Vegas I did. So, will pictures hurt whatever relationship I have with my ex or help?
Sorry so long. After your response, unless anything drastic happens, I won’t respond until after my 30 day no contact. I am going to make it! Honestly I wouldn’t mind meeting somebody new that it isn’t so hard. I think I’m starting to get tired of all this and am slowly moving on :). Have a good weekend. Thank you for everything. You have helped me so much through this.
I think I remember your ex calling you a party animal and you tried to convince her you’ve changed, is that right? Anyway, trying to make her jealous if you’re trying to get her back will cause trouble. If you want to explain any vacation photos that are posted you could do it later and hope it doesn’t set you back even further.. Have a great vacation and stay strong:)
You are totally right about me trying to convince my ex I am not a party animal. So far I think I have done a pretty good job. I should probably stick to that plan. If she does see some pictures she will see I am out enjoying life without her which is good. I will also trash the idea of trying to make her jealous. It seems like that could backfire horrible.
I went on a date with this girl yesterday and she seems pretty cool. I want to go out with her again. I feel like I am making progress on moving forward. So I was thinking, I am not on bad terms with my ex, I just needed to give myself some space so I wasn’t so clingy and could get back on track. I am staying strong and feel like I could do the entire 30 days without a problem.
I was thinking, maybe I would cut no contact short and contact her after or during (which I think she would like) my trip at the 2-3 week mark. Do you think that would hurt? I mean it makes sense to talk to her while she is still kind of warm towards me? On my part I just need to make sure I am ready for it even if she doesn’t respond to my message or I don’t get the response I want. Things have improved a lot between us over the past months so maybe it wouldn’t hurt? What’s your opinion? I know I can do the 30 days if I need to without a problem. I have done it before. I am not struggling this time.
I know she would like it if I bought her something on my trip so I will probably get her something small and just say I have surprise for her or something. I use to never buy things for her on trips so I think that shows change. Her birthday falls two days before the 30 day mark. So if I need to go the full 30 days and just throw out a happy birthday on her birthday I can do that.
I feel like I am staying strong and the thought just crossed my mind. I am not sure if I even want to break no contact for sure just a thought. I really need to determine for myself if I am ready to break it. Does her contacting me the last week and asking a question break it? If no contact helps stop her from being hot and cold, I will defiantly stick with it.
I leave for my trip tomorrow and it is a much needed vacation. I’ll look forward to your response. I’ll look for it when I get wifi. Thanks for everything.
If she knows you’re going on vacation, don’t contact her until her birthday, send a happy birthday card if you know her address. Send a text around the same time and tell her you bought a gift for her while on vacation. Don’t say you have a surprise, say it’s a gift. Have a safe and happy vacation:)
Last night I ended up calling her and she didn’t answer and said she was in a meeting. We ended up talking on messenger for awhile. She was playful and joked around. I asked her to do something Wednesday but she said she had birthday plans with her mom and brother. I said maybe this weekend and she said she couldn’t Friday and Saturday she ignored.
Today we chatted a little bit more and I straight up said to her “be honest. Is there a reason why you don’t want to do something with me? Are you interested in somebody else or something? I am only asking because it’s like you can make time for everyone else but me. I miss having fun with you”.
She responded with “no and I have no intention of getting involved with anyone anytime soon.” We chatted a little bit more and I asked her why she was scared to do something with me and she said “stop” and was probably annoyed. I asked her if I could be honest and I almost let her have my mind but I knew I couldn’t do that so I said never mind. I told her I had a gift for her from Europe too. I held back but at the same time I wanted to just say anything I wanted to. I guess it’s back to no contact right? I guess I wasn’t ready and somehow let myself slip up. It drives me crazy that I see her hanging with other people but won’t with me or that she would ignore my questions so I called her out on it. Probably not good to do but oh well.
More was said that everything I mentioned above but nothing negative. I just don’t get her.
Some how my message got a cut a little bit short. That message began with my liking photos I was tagged in from my vacation. I ended up drunk messaging her and we briefly talked. That led into me talking to her once I got home. I messed up. Damn drunk messaging.
You said you were going 30 days no contact on the 10th. You said her birthday is 2 days before no contact ends. (When is her birthday?) Anyway, you didn’t even make it to 3 weeks. You contacted her two days in a row Tuesday and again on Wednesday, showing your neediness and smothering behavior again. You asked why she was scared to see you? That was a strange remark and she showed her irritation with you by saying “stop”. So yes, of course she was annoyed. I had suggested simply getting in touch on her birthday to wish her a great day and let her know you have a gift for her. You could have even said you would like to take her out to a nice belated birthday celebration at her convenience and leave it at that. Then she could have let you know when it would be okay. The ball would have been in her court to respond and she wouldn’t have felt the pressure you put upon her! But you asked about Wednesday then about the weekend. Maybe you should stop getting drunk and try harder to control your drinking. I’m sure it doesn’t do any good to help with her recovery if she knows your drunk. Yeah, doesn’t seem like you were ready to talk with her, you showed your insecurity. You had made a little progress the last time you saw each other and I thought you were going to take it very very slow and wait for her to let you know when she could get together again, even if it took a long time. No contact would be wise, but I’m not sure you can do it..
I completely failed on the no contact thing. I am not sure what made me break it while on vacation but I think it was something to do with social media. I wish I would have stuck to the original plan we discussed. I am mad at myself for breaking it. Once I got back home, I figured I had already broken no contact so why not go with it. Once she started being playful in messages, I thought I would ask her out. Sadly I took it too far. Her coming up with excuses to why she couldn’t hangout only drew me in more (maybe they really weren’t excuses after seeing her post today). Honestly I have felt like shit seeing her hangout with other people but make no time for me. It’s just hard to see her going out with friends that weren’t there for the shitty times and now they get to be around for the good? I can’t change that but it sucks. Sadly I got upset about seeing pictures while I was out of country. I guess I just got jealous and it hurt that I kicked to the curb during this.
Her birthday is on the 7th of October so I broke my 30 day no contact period quite early. I am defiantly going to work on not drunk texting her. Really I don’t even drink much anymore. I tried to hide that I was drinking on vacation. From pictures she saw on social media she called me a party animal jokingly. I said I really didn’t even party on vacation. I think our previous plan would have worked perfect. Sadly I messed up and I know I made myself look smothering and needy. Not a cool I will be fine without you style. I literally asked her out way to many times. I just lost it. When I asked her about Saturday I just said can you tell me yes or no because I am trying to make plans with somebody else too.
I saw her social media today and it looks like she really did go out with her family. I have such a hard time taking it slow with her. The belated birthday thing would have been perfect. As much as I wish I could, I can’t change that now.
So at this point I need a plan. Her birthday is next Friday. Should I simply wish her a happy birthday and continue no contact and maybe ask about taking her out for a belated birthday later on? Today I want to message her and apologize for yesterday to try and recover from asking her out so much but I am not sure if that is wise. I just want to say something like “Hey butthead, sorry I was such a baby yesterday. I was just overthinking and I was excited about meeting up to give your gift and catch up”. Or something to that extent. Or is it better to say nothing at all?
Our conversation yesterday ended on me asking if I could be honest. She said yes. Then I said never mind. Then I said, “I am proud of you, I wish drugs were never invented, and that you weren’t an asshole. Now that is being honest. Haha”. I was just grasping at straws and didn’t want to say something needy or what was on my mind. We joke around and swear at each other.
I really want tell her what’s on my mind but I know that will do no good. When I look back, our conversation Tuesday night it wasn’t bad at all. I think I sabotaged that yesterday. I should have just accepted her saying she had plans and dropped it. If another girl said she had plans I would never repeatedly ask her out. In a strange way, I think she likes having the power and knowing I am chasing her. I don’t get how she goes from saying she misses me weeks ago to not wanting to see me. Maybe she really is busy I don’t know. I think I can do no contact without a problem. I just need to control myself. I can do it. I can prove it to you and myself. I guess I kind of feel like as time passes she will care less and less. Plus it’s hard for me to focus on other girls while my heart is with her. I am so confused. At least she isn’t trying to be involved with anybody so that’s comforting. In the end, she really is treating me like crap. 30 days no contact or longer? Oh and on one more note, I hate seeing her spend money eating out with people when I lent her money. Or spending money on clothes, etc. I held back on asking when she could pay me back yesterday.
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