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I have a random question for you. I noticed you have commented on a lot of people’s posts so I am sure you have seen a lot of lot of people reconcile and a lot of people that haven’t. Based on my situation, do and from what you have seen, do you think there is a chance things could work out? I know I need to keep working on moving forward. A few post ago you asked if I was ever going to try no contact? Do you think that could help me at all? I mean at this point the only thing I am left with is no contact and moving on. I saw a picture of my ex last night and it caused a lot of heartache. Its strang my old ex wants me back too and she pretty much has said she missed me. I enjoy talking to her and she definitely has her life together probably even more so than I do. Unfortunately my heart is still somewhere else. In a sense I understand what rebounding is now. Isnide I am a wreck even though I’m trying to get it together. Like we said, some days are easier than others.
No, not a lot reconcile. Some post for awhile and then disappear, so I don’t know what happened with them. No contact is your only hope because you’ve done all the other stuff and it hasn’t worked.
That’s too bad that not a lot reconcile :(. It’s also unfortunate that people just stop posting and you don’t know what ends up happening. I assume you get to hear a lot about people’s moving on process. Yeah, no contact again is my only hope and it literally sucks. So I read some of the five steps again and have been looking and the internet and keep reading about a letter. If I sent one to her sober living that’s still smothering right? I never handwrite letters and she knows that.
Yes, it’s still smothering!!!! Sorry to be harsh, but when are you going to figure out she doesn’t want you to keep bothering her?
No worries, even if it’s harsh it needs to be said. I don’t want to be smothering. It’s just being in a position where there is nothing I can do besides sit back see what happens. I guess the fear about her just forgetting about me if don’t do anything gets me. The whole concept of the letter was to say sorry for how I acted during the relationship and didn’t treat her great and also for blowing her up and that I have came over past issues with the help of therapy. Through self growth and time I am a better man and realize what I want in life ect. And also how I want to be positive with each other. I mean after writing that it sounds like you said “I am trying to sell myself”. Really I just wanted to make her curious about me. I thought about sending it in the near future but that’s probably not a good idea. You are right though, she doesn’t want to be bothered. If she wanted to talk to me she would. I guess I just don’t get it :(. How long no contact should I go? Forever? I heard my friend commented on her stuff and said they should get coffee so I was like what the hell. So I looked at her facebook on a friends page and it looks like she has just been hanging out with her rehab girls. It made me mad about my good friend asking her to coffee so asked him about it. The comment on the post seemed flirty. He said it was just as friends or whatever but agreed it sounded sketchy to hangout with a friends ex. It just upset me.
Yes the only thing you can do it sit back and see what happens. She won’t forget you. How could she, with all the pestering and smothering you’ve done. It’s a horrible idea to send a letter. You’ve already tried to sell yourself and if she was curious about you, she would ask. She doesn’t want to be bothered by you and you still don’t get it. Leave her alone! Yes, no contact forever. If there ever comes a day when she reaches out to you, then go from there, but you need to seriously consider moving on. Don’t be bitter and stop trying to understand why things turned out the way they did. You’re still obsessing. You’re still checking her Facebook. You’re still hoping for something that probably won’t ever happen.
So I figured I would give it some time to pull myself together more before I replied to you. Everything you said in your last message was completely true. I understand that I was blowing her up and honnestly not getting a response only hurt me. Its been two weeks since I have attempted to contact her. It’s been filled with ups and downs. I went back to my old therapist that I related to more and she is awesome.
I am still working on letting things go and not obsessing. My ex from eight years ago wants me back and I’m just not ready for that. I’m trying to let my hope fade.
Today I kind of have anxiety and this is why. You are going to day I’m still holding on a little bit and perhaps that is true. My friend that is a girl and is friends with ex went to dinner and hungout with her awhile and then ended up coming over to my house and hungout for awhile and mentioned that they talked about me and told me about their conversations. The conversation was mostly goof but also has a little bad. My said she will always have love for me and that she thinks about me sometimes and misses me. She also feels bad about blocking my on facebook and has wanted to unblock me at times so I can see how good she is doing but thought that would be cruel because who wants to see their ex’s pictures. Unfortunately, my friend told her that I used my roomates facebook to look at her page once and I guess my ex was like Aww that is cute. It sucks because I don’t want her think I’m still stuck on her becsuse I truly am moving forward. She also asked if I ended up going to California and said she felt bad for not going and asked if I got the tickets refunded. My friend told her that I was able to get the vouchers back but couldn’t get her name off and they are valid for a year so who knows what could happen in a year and my ex seemed open to it. Also, my ex isn’t daring anybody. I guses some guy from a addiction meeting got her number and they went on one date and she didn’t like him. My friend said that most of the girls in the house were dating or having sex with people but my ex said she is the only one that isn’t and is planning on holding out on dating on sex and dating for a year because those are the rules. Who knows if thry will hold up but it’s not my problem. Really the only bad she did have to say about me is that 6 months into the relationship she said she loved me and I said nothing back. I don’t even remember this. Also, she said that now things are over I’ve been trying really hard and doing everything she wanted me to do back then we were together. That and I guess I never use to call her beautiful enough and what not. She is loving life in there and it doesn’t sound like she has plans to get out anytime soon. Hearing all of that makes me wonder why the hell she gave me the silent treatment or maybe no contact is working? My friend told her I don’t drink and party as much and seem to be doing good. I just feel like my ex got an update on me and I just wanted her to know I was moving on which I truly am trying to do. It kind of took the wonder out of it. I’ve been staying active and improving myself. I know thst sounds like I’m holding on to her and I do love her still but I have to keep moving forward. What’s your take on all of that? It sounds like some of her anger has faded a little. It’s strsnge becsuse my friend said my ex acted or believed that she hadn’t been mesn to me.
One more thing. I like hearing all of that kind of pulled me back in. Obviously more waa said then I can write. My friend is hanging out with her again and said she will put in good words. I just don’t know if it’s even a good thing. Oh and my ex repeated th I’ve been in relationships most of my life I need time for myself. My previous ones were toxic. I think well duh, if drugs are involved of course they were. Overall it was good to hear she is doing great. And also accepted a tag of me on Facebook. I’m going to continue to pursue othee girls I find interesting. I can’t wait for this to play out. I’m not doing that and obsessing like before.
I don’t think it’s wise to get information from this girl or for her to pass on info about you. This and using your roommates Facebook to look at her page are signs that you’re still stuck on her. You say you’re moving on, but your stuck. Moving on is accepting the reality that the relationship is over. You haven’t done that fully. You’re still “wondering” about things too. Everything your ex said is in the past, but sounds like you’re using it to give you more hope again. So if you want to keep holding onto a glimmer of hope, do so, but it’s making you miserable whether you admit it or not.
I’m glad your ex is doing well. Who knows what will happen later, even much later.
Good luck and take care of yourself..
That’s so true. I felt like I had moved quite a bit forward. Met new girls, hungout with a few, but hearing the information that was passed on to me from my friend made me question, and wonder. I don’t miss this feeling at all. It kind of sucked me back in and I don’t want to be where I was two weeks ago or go or even two months ago. So you are right, all of what she said is in the past and really it doesn’t matter. Her bringing it up last night obviously means she hasn’t let that stuff go. Ugh, it sounds like I am assuming things. I realized holding on to a glimmer and hope has made me miserable. Hope is a dangerous thing. Trust me, I’m working on accepting the reality of the situation and not living in the past. I feel like I have came a long way and accept it for what it is. Who knows if I will even want to date her in a few more weeks. I don’t see her contacting me anytime soon. Maybe I haven’t moved on completely but I’m starting too. At least I better be. Would you say moving on is not caring at all anymore? Like how I feel abut my old ex? She wants me back but I don’t want to date her.
I’m kind of in panic mode on what to respond to this. So I went out with the mutual friend of mine and my ex last night to a party. We ended up taking a picture together and we decided she would post it on Facebook. My ex just unblocked me, told my friend she looked beautiful and the said “hi my name”. Then there were a few comments and my friend was like I don’t think he can see that. Then my ex said ” haha” and probably unblocked me. I know I need to keep my response short like “hi xxx, I hope you are doing well”. I’m so nervous. I plan on just keeping focus and trying to move forward but this breaks my no contact. Last time I messeged her 2 weeks ago I said I was taking time for myself. I shouldn’t ask how she is should I? It’s better if she keeps the conversation going if she was to and I keep it close ended?
She ended up liking my comment and then responded an hour later saying “Hey xxx, everything is all good here. This just seems so strange. She text my mutal friend a sing if we talked about her. She also said she prays she doesn’t have to delete me again. I want to keep it light and am wondering if I should even reply and maybe wait a week and tell her congratulations on making it six months being sober.
More social media shenanigans .. when will it ever end?
Yes wait a week to congratulate her on her sobriety.Hopefully all of the shenanigans end sooner or later because I can’t let this stuff drive me crazy anymore it’s so unhealthy. This time I didn’t even reach out to her,she contacted me so that doesn’t even make sense. I just don’t want to have hope when I shouldn’t. Why would she contact me?
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