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Posts
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Thank you :). It feels good to start accepting the situation and I finally believe whatever happens happens. I totally agree, it was stupid for my friend to even think about asking her to go to the river. He doesn’t really know the situa go on because I haven’t told him much. He is just a nice guy and figured the more friends the marry I think. Either way, I’m going to say don’t invite her places if or if not I am there. He’s one of my good friends so it shouldn’t be a problem. So I just read your message. Before I received it I was like what the hell do I have to lose and called and left her a voice message. My number was blocked which is no suprise. My message wasn’t smothering, wasn’t emotional, it just talked about a few things and essentially said I am happy for you and respect what you are doing. It was a good message. I literally erased and re recorded it like 10 times. I didn’t figure I would here back and was fine and accepted that. It was me giving myself peace. I even mentioned the swimming trip she went on in a non negative way and just said I hear things through the grape vine but am happy you are doing well or something. I am actually impressed with what I said. 15 minutes later she text me and said she doesn’t hate me and thanked me for putting up with her addiction and that she also put up with mine. Not sure what she was referring to about mine? I am assuming goING out and partying. I said thanks for helping me grow up and a few other things. I mentioned going golfing or to eat and she kind of ignored it. Then we talked about a few things in short texts. Anyway, she eventually asked when I wanted to meet up. I just said this evening or tonorrow. I can’t do it Sunday because of the river trip. Who knows if we will meet up and either way it’s not a big deal to me if we do or dont. I am going to continue to move on and not to care. I never want to get ducked back into feeling like I have over the last few weeks and months. I feel like I have finally started to accept it and move forward. I know it’s stI’ll going to be hard, but I am putting my effort into moving forward and not torturing myself. I know I’ll have my ups and downs but I feel good today :). Day by day like you say. As I always say, thank you for helping me through this process. 🙂 I’m sure I’ll struggle but I know I’ll keep pusbing forward in whatever directon it is. Gosh, I am so happy I have control of my emotion right now. It’s peaceful. Music help a ton to calm.
Well that didn’t last long. By that I mean talking with each other. She took forever to respond to the text of when we were supposed to meet up and then when she did which was like at 12 Am. She said we weren’t seeing each other in person. Then I just asked her what she had against me and she said nothing and we kind of text back and forth for awhile but she was completely rude and told me to get over it. I wasn’t clingy or rude or anything. I pretty much just played it like I already was and she had the wrong impression. Either way I remember how stubborn and hard she is to deal with. Back to not caring and moving forward. She needs to let whatever it is she is mad about go and act like an adult about things. It reminds me of why our relstionship was unstable at times. She was just so stubborn. I sent her a few texts which she didn’t respond to during our texting but who cares I guess.I feel like I kept my cool. I feel like I have moved on and care and am caring less and less.
OMG! The fact you’ve continued to contact her over and over and over and over, shows you’re still smothering her! Yesterday you even mentioned going golfing or going out to eat. You continue to ask to see her in person over and over, time and time again. You’re still chasing her and it’s sad. Even after she text that you weren’t seeing each other in person, you continued to text more and more. You continue to appear needy and desperate! It’s like you’re a sad kitten showing up at someone’s door step day after day hoping to be fed, but there’s never any food, or sometimes there’s a few crumbs you lick up. It’s like you’re a fish she reels in and then throws back into the ocean. You keep pestering her. She hands you a crumb and you run with it. You’ve been disappointed over and over, yet you go wherever your wild thoughts and emotions lead you, and you’re still totally out of control.
Sorry this is harsh, but it’s my opinion of the situation..Your opinion matters if it’s harsh or not. I figured when I called her I had nothing to lose so I did it. I really didn’t expect a response. The fact she did respond kind of suprised me. It all went favorable at first but by the end she was pissed off and rude. This is dumb, but I guess I was still kind of pressing for the California triP even though I never mentioned it. I just wanted to keep it as friends. At first it was like that and didn’t seem smothering to me at least. I agree though, she gave me a crumb and I took it from zero to a hundred by pressuring her to hangout. She is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met and honnestly is hard to reason with. She was like this in the relationship too. I just figured, what’s the point of being pissed off, sad or mad. Obviously she is still mad about something. I still am out of control but at the same time I feel pretty stable in a sense. All through her drug addiction I really only looked out for her and not myself. So I figured, hell, be stubborn and contact her and try and meet up. Reading you comment it sounds like I am way clingy, and smothering still and I get that. I imagine she probably feels the same since your perspectives are probably closer to each others. I have seriously gone through so much for her but she can’t be friendly? Maybe not with this situation, but in general I feel pretty level headed and I did hold my emotions well. I honnestly am nt thst upset if at all. It’s just like why would you be a jerk to somebody that literally has been there for you in your low times. Maybe I am just nicer than her I dunno. I’m not dumb though, I know California isn’t happening and I only pushed her away more. I just got tired of only having text as our contact throughout the months. At this point I don’t even know if I want to be with her. I miss having fun with her and everything but looking at it without involving the past she is a a jerk to me. It’s just like, be an adult, talk to me about repaying me, ect. I clearly said I am talking to you as just a friend and am not trying to get back together or anything. I know taking it slow and building some kind of relstionship/friendship is the way to do it if thst were to ever happen. But how she has went about it is kind of immature in a sense.
It seems you’ve have lost all self respect as you continue crawling after her. You “had nothing to lose” so that’s a reason to call again? You’re still not getting it, you are smothering her to death by constantly contacting her. You supported her through thick and thin and yes, you’re a nicer person than her. Of course it’s entirely up to you if you want to continue holding onto a very toxic relationship.
I don’t even know what to say anymore except I wish you well..This time was different simply for the fact that I didn’t care what happened and that is a good thing that I didn’t. All of the other time I was crawling back to her or trying really hard to get things to workout. Honnestly you are right, it is toxic and I need to distance myself from her. Even though I use to kind of be a jerk, I have never put so much into a relationship and tried to help someone out with their problems. After all of that, she is rude to Mr and treats me horrible after I have done nothing wrong to her? Who wants to be with a person like that? I gurantee she would have never done what I have done for her and that’s just how it is. I understand her recovery is important and should come before everything but that doesn’t mean be a jerk to somebody. I get that me calling her a ton and pestering her smothered her. But when you look at it, if she just simply would have answered I wouldn’t have been sucked in. So I guess what I meant by I had nothing to lose is that I have gained a lot of the respect back for myself and I realize that I deserve to be treated better. Maybe someday it can work out, maybe not, either way I need to be fine. Holding on is getting me nowhere so trust me I am trying to move forward in life. One thing I did think was, if I text a girl I started hanging out with and she never responded, I wouldnt contact her again until she got ahold of me. Or would wait months or years before talking to her. Throughout this ordeal I neve followed that because I figured hell, I dated her for years so it doesn’t matter. Sadly it did start to matter and I came off as clingy or smothering. Sadly I really was clingy there for awhile. But regardless it was messed up of her to ignore me and cut me out when she starts doing well. I always appreciate what you say and know you are right. I just had to push it the other day just to say screw it. I don’t deserve to be treated like this. I did get a little excited when she was responding but I have to look at how it is now and not remember the past because things aren’t good like the once were and relasticly she is unkind and has only cared about herself for quite awhile.
Patricia12, did you give up on me? You were right, I really have lost all self respect for myself. Even when I thought I gave up I didn’t. Why am I having trouble getting over this? I feel like I have been desperate and all interaction with my ex has been negative. I know I have messed up and even did a few stupid things the other day. I never use to be like this. Getting the silent treatment has broken me down so much.
You’re having trouble because you’re not accepting the reality of the situation. You keep trying to change things, but people do what they want to do and she doesn’t want to be with you. That’s the reality! What stupid things did you do?
My problem is that I have held on to hope and I guess that is part of not accepting the reality. You are going to be upset and think it’s pathetic. Well, essentially I was stressing about the California trip and thought maybe it would be worth a shot to see if she wanted to reconsider going as friends, and if she didn’t if we could try and change the ticket to somebody else’s name. I didn’t think it would do any harm. So I called and left a voice message asking that. I also said I was proud of her still, and at the end of the message (this is where I really screwed up) I said, I’ll be stopping by at four tomorrow to drop of your things and try and change the ticket to somebody else if you don’t want to go. (Smothering I know). I just figured if she doesn’t want to go she doesn’t want to go but no sense in not trying to switch the ticket to somebody else. Her response was really angry and said she cant have men at her house! To stop calling! And if I went against her wishes she would be forced to tell her staff at her sober living. Thank you! Oh and she wasn’t going to California. I think my response to that wasn’t horrible. This is what I said, “Gosh, I am trying to be nice, no need to be a jerk. Can we try and switch the ticket to somebody else.” “Also, I am trying to be your friend and civil. I don’t have anything against you. But obviously you don’t want to be friends and are being a jerk. So we aren’t friends and I would like my $500 tomorrow to cut all ties.” I just figured no sense in leaving the money hanging over my head and better to end it and cut ties. I know I shouldn’t have mentioned stopping at the house. I just figured it would get a response. I haven’t heard back from her. Part of me wants to follow up and saying something like “I didn’t see you transfer me the money yesterday. I am assuming you don’t have the entire $500. I don’t want to put pressure on you and want to keep things positive. Even though you have been rude lately,I still care about you and I am ok with you repaying me back when you can. Take care of yourself and get your tooth fixed (part of a filling she had fell out). I am going to take some time for myself and give myself some space. Sorry for pushing things so far. This has been hard on me. Best wishes.” In your opinion, would that be bad to send? I need to accept the situation and get some closure and work on myself. Honnestly I miss her, but know things aren’t the same so I need to look at the things I do have like good friends. I just want to get back to being myself. I know you sre going to be upset with me. I’ve impulse acted a ton. I actuslly wrote her a response to her message that was more harsh but got control of yourself and don’t impulse act when you are angry.
Send a text “Pay me back when you can”. All the other stuff is unnecessary!
When are you going to get it through your head that she doesn’t want to see you.I’ll do that. I wasn’t saying I was going to try and hangout with her again. I know she doesn’t want to see me.
Sorry for the delayed response. For some reason I am not getting emails letting me know you have replied. The river was a lot of fun. The water was freezing but it was nice getting together with friends. How was your weekend? I ran into my ex from 10 years ago while bar hoping. It was the strangest night.
Glad you had fun at the river. Yeah weird, running into an old ex.
Take care of yourself..
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