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I’m about 6 inland from the ocean, but it’s always a little cooler here than further east. The closer one goes toward toward Arizona, the hotter it gets. Today it’s a pleasant 76 degrees. I guess call her and ask her to lunch and let her know you want to give back her things. If she goes to lunch, you can spring the trip idea on her. If she doesn’t call back after a day or two, then send a text. Don’t think about moving on yet. Wait to see how it goes at the lunch if she agrees to meet. Even if she doesn’t want to or can’t go on the trip for some reason, don’t give up. Just be patient and take it one day at a time. You will eventually get a feeling as to whether moving on is for the best or not. I’m probably going to a park this weekend to listen to an outdoor concert. Sounds like you have a lot of common sense about contacting her and the approach to use in asking about the trip.
It sounds like you live in a nice place. It gets so hot here during the summer. What’s the hottest it gets where you live? I think I will go with our plan of contacting her next week. I like your idea of giving it a few days if she doesn’t answer then I will text her a few days later. I can almost guarantee she doesn’t pick up when I call. She’s more of the texting type or has been with me lately at least. I like that you said “be patient and take it one day at a time”. It has been hard to do that. I just look at it the big timeline and it’s overwhelming. I have wanted to reach out to her so bad yesterday and today. I know I can’t though. I think she might be off work today but probably has plans so it would be pointless to contact her. Through this whole ordeal, we have always met up on Fridays. The longer I go without no contact the better right? I just hope I am not holding on to something that isn’t there. I mean letting go doesn’t really seem easy either. I am just starting to feel stuck. I need to focus more on bettering myself. I just get to thinking and wonder if she has even thought about me lately. Or if she really is over it and I am hanging on to something that isn’t there. I have missed her lot the past days and wonder if she even misses me. It’s like all of her new friends have taken my place. Like you said in your other post, her friends are what she needs right now and she might not want me involved and you are right. Her recovery is really the important thing. Feeling like I just got kicked to the curb is the tough part. I just wonder if she is moving on as more time passes. In case I do need to start moving on, do you have any helpful tips to make it easier? After all of my bad luck lately with getting my car impounded and what not, I don’t want to spend a ton of money but maybe I need a weekend out to get my mind off stuff.
Your weekend sounds like it’s going to be a ton of fun. I am jealous! I love outdoor concerts. Who is playing?
The outdoor concert is going to be performed by a local band. I don’t know the name of the band or what they’re going to play, lol. You’re doing fine by not contacting her and yes, longer times between contact is better for her because she’s dealing with a lot of stuff regarding rehabilitation. I’m sure it’s not easy for her and it takes a lot of self-control and determination to stay drug free, especially in the beginning and for some time after finishing a recovery program. I understand your feeling of ‘being stuck’. It’s like not knowing what to do because you don’t have a final answer one way or the other yet. For you it’s the waiting and not knowing that’s that’s difficult. It’s almost like waiting for a test result from a doctor. But once you find out the result, it’s different. If it’s bad news, you find ways to handle the situation or if it’s good news, your anxiety is relieved. Doing something fun, maybe with friends or family would help get your mind off her for awhile. Making self improvements and keep your mind occupied with other things would help too. When you’re alone with nothing much to do is when your mind wanders back to her and you start having thoughts that won’t help. Wondering if she misses you etc..
Haha you sound a lot like me. I go to concerts quite a bit and have no idea who is playing. I mainly just go for the experience and to hangout with friends. Sometimes concerts with local bands are the most fun because they aren’t as crowded. Most of my friends are in Michigan for a festival this weekend and it has been a boring weekend for me. I am so happy you wrote me back today. I have been really struggling the last two days. I am sure it’s because of looking at Facebook the other day. Seeing one of my ex’s past boyfriends liking and commenting on her stuff really just gave me a lot of anxiety. I hope it goes away soon. I know my ex is hanging out with rehab friends, going to meetings, and focusing on her recovery and that is really important. I really want to break no contact today and see if she wants to go get dinner or something. I think she will be at work until later this evening (then again I don’t know her working schedule). I imagine since it’s a Saturday night she may already have plans so it might not be worth breaking no contact until next week like we talked about. I still kind of want to try though. Is it a bad idea? It’s been 21 days since I last saw her (wedding) and haven’t attempted to communicate with her. Gosh 21 days doesn’t sound like a long time but it feels like it. I just want to see what it’s like spending time with her again, see if her anger has faded, and if I should still pursue her. What do you think about breaking no contact today? One thing I do fear is that she will think I have nothing going on tonight and am sitting home on a Saturday. I have things I could do tonight though.
You hit the nail on the head about “being stuck”. Sitting around wondering what will happen is like waiting for a really important test result to come back and my life feels like it’s on hold until I get the results back. I figure, even if things don’t work out how I want them to it’s going to be really hard to get over everything because even after all of this time of being officially split up (I think like almost 2 months) I still haven’t gotten over it or moved on. I try to stay busy and active but even then I catch myself thinking about her. I’ve heard girls move on faster than guys so maybe that’s true? All in all, I really just miss her a ton. Talking to her briefly about paying me back the money she borrowed on Monday was nice. You are so right; sitting home alone is when my mind really starts wandering and wondering about things.
A few girls I know invited me to go to Tahoe for the 4th of July weekend. Part of me wants to go because it might help me get my mind of things. It’s probably a bad idea though because one of the girls my ex’s absolutely hates and in the past it caused problems in our relationship when we would hangout as friends even in a group of people. I know tons of pictures will be posted on Facebook too which my ex will see and it might push her further away. So it is probably a bad idea to go to Tahoe with her even though she has a boyfriend and we are all just friends. I thought it might make my ex jealous and could work in my benefit but I can’t think like that. Plus it could backfire horribly and a seven hour drive doesn’t sound like fun.
Really the only reason I even would want to go is because I know a girl that lives down there that I met years ago at my sister’s wedding and if I go down there she wanted to meet up. She’s always been my friend but I’m sure we would have dated years ago if we didn’t live so far apart (we’ve been friends for like 11 years). I could always go see her later during the summer though depending on how things go with my ex. I am just looking for ways to keep my mind off things. I don’t know why I am having such a hard time with this. I feel depressed about it all.
Sorry that my posts have been so long. I have had a lot on my mind and talking to you helps me get it all out and your responses help me out a ton. It helps everything seem less overwhelming. If I don’t hear back from you today, enjoy your concert and have a good time tonight. :).
So did you do other things last night instead of contacting her? I know you’re tempted, but I encourage you not to look at Facebook. From some of the posts I’ve read on this site, a lot of people look and it just causes agony trying to guess what things mean. I don’t know if girls move on more quickly than guys. I guess it depends on the individual. My advice about going to Tahoe is don’t do it! You’re right, it will probably backfire and cause more troubles. Just hang in there for now. Next week will be here soon enough and you’ll be able to get a tad bit more information. I understand that you would be depressed, but stay strong.
You can do this:)Luckily I didn’t end up contacting her yesterday. I was so bored sitting at home and almost gave in but then my friend called me and I went to an arts festival and then went out for a few drinks. It was exactly what I needed to help get my mind of things. I also went to church today for the second time in years. Staying busy makes things a little bit easier and it’s nice to remind myself that there are other girls out there. I still thought about her a lot but it helped cheer me up a bit.
The posts you have read online about Facebook are totally correct. Looking at her page and snooping has caused so much agony, anxiety, and has made me want to act impulsively and call her after my mind starts guessing what things mean. I am trying to not snoop on her or her friends Facebooks anymore. I really hate thinking about that guy she dated commenting on her stuff. In some strange way I like to know what she’s doing but at the same it drives me crazy and prevents me from being emotional stable.
I totally agree, going to Tahoe is a horrible idea. It helps getting reassurance from you. If my ex saw pictures of me and that girl who knows how she would react even though me and her are just friends. I do know that nothing good would come of it. Tonight I just went and got sushi with the girl my ex hates. I was able to say goodbye before she moves away to Tahoe. It was nice chatting with her.
I hope next week gets here quick and I hope my ex answers her phone. I guess only time will tell what happens. I’m just trying to figure out what day to call. It’s hard because I don’t know her schedule and when she has rehab meetings and what not. Maybe I will just shoot for Tuesday or Wednesday night. I’m kind of nervous about her not answering or just responding with a text. Tuesday would make about 3 ½ weeks of me not contacting her.
How was your outdoor concert? Did you have a good weekend? Sorry for the delayed response. I was really busy today. I hope you are doing well. Do you have anything fun planned for the 4th of July?
Ugh, just a follow up. So I totally didn’t follow through on the Facebook thing. I just saw my friend and hers (her best friend) online and clicked on the profile. I noticed her friend posted like 4 pictures of them together and that my ex wasn’t tagged in them. I was like no way she blocked me again. It turns out she did. I knew I shouldn’t have looked. I wasn’t blocked earlier today because I saw her comment on my friends wall.
I am clueless why she would block me out of no where again. I guess she was thinking about me on the plus side. She dyed her hair to my favorite color too :(. It’s like she knows I have been snooping. Do you think I lost some of the gains I made? Sorry for posting back to back. I really need to stop torturing myself.
Outdoor concert was great and very pleasant cool weather. No plans for 4th of July yet. I will not even venture a guess as to what all the Facebook stuff means! Try to be strong and just follow through with your plan next week. Good luck:)
Glad to hear the concert went great and that you had cool weather . I hope you are enjoying the beginning of your week. It was 100 degrees here the other day, it was horrible. I have no clue what the Facebook stuff means either. It makes me wonder if her rehab friend told her I liked a post or something but who knows and there is no sense in dwelling on it. I plan on calling her tonight or tomorrow but honestly I am so nervous and kind of worried about the whole thing. I’ll let you know how it goes after I finally get the courage to call (not sure when that will be). I am scared it won’t go well or I won’t get any response at all. It’s been 25 days without me reaching out to her.
Ouch, I just tried calling and it went straight to voicemail after a small pause. Pretty sure my number is blocked again. I thought it wouldn’t be since she called me last Monday. Don’t know if I should text her, call back, or if she will see that she has a missed call even though I am blocked and call back.
I don’t know if you left a message on voicemail if it would even record it if you’re blocked or if it would show as a missed call. I’ve never been blocked so I don’t know how it works, lol. Don’t call back just yet, give her time to call back. If she doesn’t do so by later tomorrow or early Thursday, maybe send a text asking to meet for lunch or something. Best of luck:)
I think when you are blocked you can still leave voicemails. I know you can still get texts. I called back once more (about an hour later) and it went to voice mail. Then she text me saying “hey” and asked if I called. I said yes and asked how she was and then she asked how I was. Then she asked if I needed to talk to her about something. I told her I did and thst I needed to give her some stuff and asked if we could grab a quick lunch or dinner. She has been asking constantly in short sentences what I need to give her. I just said some of your stuff and I can’t remember it all and I am in bed. She wanted to know the most important things so I named a few small things. She keeps avoiding the question about meeting up to eat. Ive mentioned it twice. I probably need to end the conversation. Let her text me back about it?
If you wait for her to text you back about her stuff, she might not for a long while or she might say to mail them to her. How about if you pack all her things into a box and text her today or tomorrow saying you have the box ready and would like to meet for lunch or dinner and give her the box?
I think that is a good idea. My original plan was to wait for her to text me back but I feel like she was trying to determine what stuff of hers I had to decide if it was worth meeting up for or not. So who knows when she would actually get back to me? I will take your suggestion and try and arrange a time to meet Thursday or Friday but won’t text her until tomorrow. I was talking to my friend while she was texting me and they are a pretty negative person and were saying she is blowing you off, she’s over it, get straight to the point about California and don’t make small talk (they don’t understand you have to take it slow). Below is our short conversation. I didn’t think it was that bad. What do you think? I probably joked more than I should have or beat around the bush about her stuff. I took a sleeping pill and didn’t read our texts until just now. I honestly couldn’t remember everything that was said. Perhaps I did irritate her a little. I was trying to live room for question about her stuff. I know this is going to take a lot of work.
Her: Hey
Her: Did you call?
Me: Hey, how are you?
Her: I’m good. How are you?
Me: Good to hear. I’m doing great, thanks,
Her: Did you need to talk about something?
Me Yes I do. Maybe we could meet up for a quick lunch/dinner this week and chat. I have some stuff I need to give you too.
Her: What stuff?
Me: A bunch of stuff I found.
Her: Ok like what?
Me: It’s too much stuff to text. There is quite a bit.
Her: Ok can you give me a hint?
Me: Let me know what day works best for you to grab a quick bite and we can compare schedules.
Me: I would have to go look and I just got in bed. I’ll say that there is a little surprise included lol.
Her: What do you need to give me?
Me: Lol you want me to name it all?
Her: Not all maybe the most important stuff.
Me: How am I supposed to know what you think is most important (laughing face)
Me: I know what I think is most important.
Her: What?
Me: Clothes, bag full of stuff, make up. There is more but it’s all bagged up. Skull (something I got her in Mexico).
Me: I also want to chat with you about a few light things.After this she never responded.
Oh dear, it sounds like it was a bit of an awkward conversation. If she’s gone this long without her stuff, it maybe isn’t so urgent for her to get those things back. When you text her, don’t make jokes. Like your friend said, “Get straight to the point”. Text and ask to meet her for lunch or dinner to give back her things. If you wait until tomorrow to text, it would be very short notice. Anyway, if you meet up with her, ask her about California. That would give her time to think about it before the trip. If she can’t meet you, ask her what she wants you to do with her stuff and ask about the trip. Wow, this must all be so difficult for you and I’m sorry. But don’t take it as all negative, it may be that she is really trying to focus on her recovery and it’s not easy for her!
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