I made all of the wrong mistakes. Strange situation.

[sdub]

For some reason I have been thinking of my ex a lot and asking her to a NBA basketball has crossed my mind. I know it’s a horrible idea. Especially since last time I text her she didn’t respond. I just need some support. No contact is a struggle sometimes.

[patricia12]

@sdub I’m glad you moved into a nicer apartment:) Please stay strong and don’t contact her, especially don’t fall back into your old patterns and ask her out again. Stay busy with your life and have fun going on dates with nice ladies.

[sdub]

Thanks for your response patricia12, I felt kind of anxious when I posted my message the other day. I feel a lot better now though thankfully. I stayed strong and didn’t fall back into my old ways and remained no contact. I still have my days, but overall remaining no contact has gotten a lot easier. I am defiantly going keep going out with other nice ladies :).

So check this out, I was chatting with one of my best friends last Friday. I pretty much talk to her every single day. She asked how my week was going and why I felt anxious earlier in the week. I told her it was a combination of things (my ex and getting the silent treatment, work, etc.). Then she said something that I didn’t expect.

“don’t ask okay. Just know you were right. And your feelings aren’t uh…. Non mutual. Don’t ask. You were right. That’s all I can say. I’m sorry you still miss her dude.”

I was like what are you talking about, and automatically assumed that my ex changed her relationship status on Facebook or something. I was clueless. After a few minutes of finally trying to convince my friend to tell me what she was referring to she finally did.

Essentially my ex contacted my friend last Wednesday and asked her not to tell me. I guess she really didn’t want me to know she contacted my friend from the sounds of it. My ex wanted to know how I was because she had been thinking about me as much as she would rather not be.

My friend told her: “I said you were ok. You missed her and you just moved to a new apartment. She said ugh she misses you too even though she shouldn’t. But that’s good she needed to know if you were ok. And glad that you are and said thanks bye. So basically she wanted to know how you were.”

My friend said a few more things but you get the point. I was really surprised to find out my ex contacted my friend. I would assume she would think my friend would tell me but then again maybe not. I did have to convince my friend to tell me about it and it took me a bit.

I still remained no contact and am not getting my hopes up or anything. I don’t want to get sucked back in and be where I was previously. I actually really want to go out with one of the girls from the other week again. I just found all of this so strange and thought I would tell you. I wonder why she just wouldn’t contact me? Just gotta keep pushing forward :).

[patricia12]

@sdub
It’s no big deal that she would be curious as to how you’re doing. Everybody that breaks up wonders the same thing. Don’t get excited about it, especially since she didn’t even ask you herself. But don’t even wonder why she didn’t. She just didn’t, and that’s all you need to know. Definitely don’t get sucked back in!! Continue no contact (proud of you) and go out with the other girl and have a nice time:)

[patricia12]

@sdub – So how’s it been going this past week? Hope you’ve been having some fun times out with other people or girls. Are you still in no contact? How long?

[sdub]

patricia12
It is so good to hear from you :). I really needed some support today and was excited to see your message when I logged in. For some reason over the last 3 days I have been struggling a little bit out of nowhere. Overall the past week was really good though, my friend from Texas came to visit for a few days and it was a lot of fun.

Oh, and I have been talking a little bit to the girl I met a few weeks ago. She’s pretty cool.

I am still no contact :). It hasn’t been easy, or very long, but I have stuck to it. On 10/22/16 I text my ex telling her to not repay the money I lent her and got no response (I doubt she read it). On 10/28/16 I was half asleep, heard a song she would like and sent it to her. I doubt she read my message or listened to the song but this restarted no contact for me (mad at myself for slipping up). Since the morning of 10/28/16 I haven’t attempted to contact her. Not even after she messaged my friend asking how I was doing and saying she missed me. So it has been a total of 18 days of straight no contact. I wonder how she is doing but I don’t want to break no contact. I still have all of her stuff in my car’s trunk :/. I don’t want to put it in my new apartment haha. I’ll probably end up throwing it away sooner or later. So overall, things are getting better when I look at the big picture even though I miss her a bit today. How are things going for you? Are you ready for the holidays?

[patricia12]

@sdub – I’m glad you had a nice visit with your friend and that you talking more with the “nice” girl, lol. That’s great you kept no contact for 18 days. Keep up the good work! Yes, you’ll have your up and down moments, but over time you’ll have more happy ones than sad. Ready for Thanksgiving, but not Christmas. Family dinners for both, but haven’t bought any x-mas gifts yet. What a great idea to keep the ex’s things in the trunk of your car. Out of sight, out of mind, lol. Doesn’t always work though.. Anyway, hope you’re enjoying the new apartment:)
Happy (early) Thanksgiving. And take care of yourself..

[sdub]

patrica12,

It sounds like you have a busy holiday season coming up. Haha you sound a lot like me. I haven’t done any Christmas shopping either. I usually wait until the last minute to go shopping. Out of sight out of mind is the logic I used when I put my ex’s stuff in my trunk. You are right though! It doesn’t always work unfortunately.

I wasn’t planning to message you until after Thanksgiving but here I am. This week is seriously kicking my butt. Today was just adding some icing to the cake. I just came back from my parent’s house where I watched a football game with my dad. While I was out there my mom asked me how I was doing and out of nowhere she said something about my ex. She said “xxx” messaged me last week and she asked how you were doing. I was kind of shocked by this news and asked my mom what she responded with. My mom just said I am pretty private and said she wasn’t really sure (my family doesn’t know how much I struggle with the break up).

Long story short, my mom’s Ipad was frozen and she couldn’t get it to turn on. So she gave it to me and I did a factory reset for her. Having her Ipad and being curios was a bad combination. I clicked on my mom’s messages and looked at what my ex said because my mom tends to forget

What really happened was my mom would send my ex memes about addiction and positive pictures in messages. My ex ended up responding and thanking her for sending them and then said “How is XXX?”

My mom responded with what I said above, but also said “the break up was tough” although it was the single best thing for both of us. For some reason her saying that kind of irritated me. I was still curios so I went to my ex’s Facebook page. She was at the football game I was watching with her dad. It made me wish I would have asked her to the game a few months ago instead of the girl I took (which went nowhere) because at that point and time we weren’t on bad terms. I briefly scrolled down my ex’s page. She looked great in all of her pictures and it looks like she is doing well. I only saw pictures of her hanging out with people in recovery and is enjoying life. Which I am happy to see but it makes me sad I can’t be a part of it. I was glad to see that it didn’t look like she is dating anybody. It also made me feel like she has forgotten about me. But at the same time, she did contact my friend and say she missed me. I know there is nothing to be excited about. It just got me thinking.

I am at 22 days no contact and am still going strong. I am not going to lie; part of me wants to contact her in the near future. My friend that my ex messaged offered to ask her why we aren’t talking if she misses me and I miss her. Or something to that extent. I don’t know if I should have her do it though. What do you think?

Don’t worry, I am not back to my old ways. This week has just been rough and I really miss my ex. I feel like if I wouldn’t have pushed it so hard when we started talking again, maybe we would have worked things out. I was just so eager and excited. As much as I want to because of my emotions, I won’t send my a ex needy message and pour my heart out haha. I have learned from my mistakes and won’t do this. No good is going to come from that. Wow, I realized I have taken some big steps :).

Regardless, I am still going to keep pushing forward and intend to hang out with new girls. Moving on from my ex has seriously been one of the toughest things I have had to do.

Sorry for the long message and I don’t want to disappoint all of you. So I am staying strong today and won’t give in. I am going out with a bunch of friends tonight so that should help clear my mind. I just needed to get this out.

[patricia12]

@sdub – No!! Do NOT let your friend ask her why you two aren’t talking or if she misses you! To be on the safe side, don’t talk about your feelings to your friend. Just talk about whatever it is friends talk about and avoid the ex talk completely.. Don’t be upset with your mom, she just told the truth and it’s no big deal. And don’t regret not asking the ex to the football game. Just remember how many times in the past that she’s blown you off!! Please stay strong and don’t get sucked back in again! I’m sorry you have sad thoughts, but I promise it will get better as time goes by. Glad you’re going out with friends to have a fun time tonight. Maybe focus more on going out with normal girls who will treat you better. You deserve it:) PS: Don’t stalk social media again.

[sdub]

Thank you for the advice. Going out with friends Saturday night helped to get my mind off things quite a bit. One thing I did realize based on feeling down all of last week is that I need some change in life and need to work on improving myself again. I haven’t really followed through on that very well. I need to get back in the gym and also enroll in grad school or something. Self-improvement has been hard over all of these months since I have felt down.

Now that I have had time to think about what my mom said to my ex. I realized it really isn’t even that bad. I am not really upset about it anymore. Also, about the football game, you are right. In the past she blew me off so many times when I asked her to go out. I am sure the football game would have been no different so I shouldn’t regret not asking her. Plus I had a good time with the girl I went with.

My friend that offered to talk to my ex is one of my best friends. She has seriously been there for me through all of this. She’s really the only person I talk to about my breakup in my personal life. My ex obviously knows that too because out of all my friends she contacted her. I don’t think my friend has contacted my ex. If she did, I think my ex would be more open to talking to her than me. I’ll have to ask her to see if she did. I am pretty sure she was just going to see if my ex would talk to me or something? Either way, I don’t want my ex knowing I still think about her even though I am trying not to.

I am trying my hardest to not get sucked back in or get my hopes up. Stalking social media Saturday was a bad idea and I am still paying for it. I have no intentions of doing it again. Then today I logged into my account, first thing I see is a picture of my ex and two of her friends out for a birthday dinner. I am like how is this happening to me when I am not intentionally looking for this stuff and my ex has me blocked. Haha it’s like I can’t get a break. I found it kind of funny but tormenting at the same time.

So I am at 24 days no contact. If you don’t count my little mishap of texting her that song you can add another week on to that. I know at this point the plan is to keep moving on and never contract her again. Like I said in my last message, I would be lying if I said I don’t want to reach out to her. Do you think it would ever be worth a shot? Gosh maybe my hopes are up today for some reason? I don’t know. I think if I ever did talk to her, I could take it slow this time. I am defiantly going to keep meeting nice girls regardless.

My family is going to Disney Land in a few weeks and I wish I could take her with me. That plus the holidays just has me missing her I guess. It will pass I am sure.

[sdub]

Just to follow up.

So my friend did end up contacting my ex. I don’t think she said or went about it how I would have but it is what it is I guess. I wish my friend would have reassured my ex more about me but unfortunately she didn’t. I was going to summarize their conversation but it will be easier to just type it all out (see below). After typing their conversation I almost feel like my friend was arguing against my cause. She was blunt and honest but my hell sugar coat it a little bit. There is some positivity but damn. It’s good to know my ex still misses me but probably at a huge set back since she thinks I am stuck on her now. On the bright side, my ex probably has no idea I got to read their conversation based on how I was referenced. F**k . Just knowing my ex, if she would have got some encouragement she defiantly would have reached out to me with a small push and hearing that talking to me wouldn’t be toxic. Now she knows exactly where I am dealing with the break up. I feel so fucked. I know she’s not going to contact me.

Here is their conversation.

Friend: “ Hi sweet girl. How are you? Sorry to bother you. But XXX mentioned he really misses you. And I know you told me you miss him. I understand why you rather not talk to him and are trying to move forward with your life. But I was thinking sense you both miss each other that you should try and talk. I understand if you wouldn’t want to but it might not hurt. He has made some changes in his life, he thinks you would be proud of. Just thought I would let you know. Take care (heart emoji).

Ex: What did he say?
Ex: Don’t be sorry you aren’t bothering me at all.

Friend: Oh girl… more than I can type. Lol. He really misses you and talks about you a lot. He wishes you would unblock him. He wants to see you. Stuff like that.

Ex: Well damn… I don’t know what to do…
Ex: I want to talk to him but it could be toxic.

Friend: I understand. And I have explained that to him. I understand why you are trying to move forward. Trust me I do. It’s just he is stuck. He has tried to move forward but he just wants you. I know too little too late and that’s on him. But seriously he really misses you . It drives him nuts that you guys don’t talk.

Friend: I’m sorry to bring all this up to you. I don’t want to mess you up.

Ex: Your fine lol
Ex: I truly miss him. I need to pray about it.

Friend: I know you only want positivity and happiness in your life and deserve it. XXX means well. He is a good person. I would like to think if he got another chance even to just be your friend, I would like to think he would do better this time around. He knows where he messed up and has been working on it.

Friend: Ok love. You do that. Whatever you decide it’s up to you. Your happiness is what’s important. I just think maybe some good come out of another chance for you two.

[sdub]

Sorry for posting so much. This is actually unfolding a lot different than I thought it would based on my last message. My ex is going to go visit my mom and really wants to see me but is scared. TLC I have a few questions for you tomorrow. I hope you are still reading these.

[flhsjt68]

Hello SDub

I have been reading all your reply posts on your woman situation, I don’t know your issue that well just what I have read so far, but how long did you guys date? I would give up the California trip up all together and far as facebook you are killing yourself looking at it. I was just involved in a 6 month relationship and dumped her over numerous issues and I was in your situation for like a month and being ignored and all that, but after a while you have to just sit back and LET IT GO!! I work with my ex which makes it not so easy to go back into how it was, but it will never be the same, as well as in your case. In time it will get better you know and there is soooooooooooooooooooo many other women out there to conquer..

[flhsjt68]

To patricia12 i give you alot of CREDIT after reading all your responses to SDUB

WOW!!

[sdub]

How embarrassing, I took a sleeping pill last night and apparently stayed up. Lol I don’t even remember posting all of that last night until I saw my phone this morning. I wish there were some way delete the posts from yesterday but oh well.

flhsjt68, I defiantly need to stay off Facebook no question about that because it seriously is torture. I feel a lot better today than I did all of last week. My ex and I dated somewhere between 3-4 years (she pretty much lived with me for most of it). As far as the California trip with my family, there is no way I would even consider asking her to go. Honestly, I don’t plan on contacting her at all (not for a long time if I ever do) and I wish my friend wouldn’t have, not how she did at least. I guess they did talk for a while after everything I posted in my Ambien rant last night. But I have no control over that so that’s between them if they continue talking. I bet its tough working with an ex and kind of awkward at times for you. I have had friends in the same situation and they ended up switching jobs just to not work with their ex anymore. Sitting back and letting it go at this point is the only way to go. I totally agree with you. It does get better with time, in my case it has taken awhile but honestly it has started to. Getting blocked and the silent treatment drew me in as strange as it sounds. After dating for so long, getting ignored is pretty brutal.

Also patricia12 is such an amazing person. I appreciate her so much and all of her responses. She has seriously helped me so much through all of my hard times and has been a great voice of reason. She deserves so much credit for all of her responses. I am seriously thankful for everybody else that has commented on this thread and has given me great advice too.

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