I made all of the wrong mistakes. Strange situation.

[sdub]

Hi TLV,
It is good to know the way I am feeling is normal. I have been thinking there is something wrong with me because a normal person would have moved on by now. The silent treatment has been brutal to me this time around because I really didn’t push it like early on with begging and smothering right after we broke up. This time, I feel like I was making slow progress with her and the messed it up.

Thank you for explaining the symptoms of what my brain is doing and explaining how no contact makes me want to react. That make complete sense, I keep catching myself trying to come up with new ways that I could get on good terms with her again. In reality there isn’t a thing I can do. Yesterday was one of the roughest days I have had in a long time. I went back to feeling like I said I never would again.
I have remained no contact the last two days. Although I have to sadly admit, I did kind of break no contact but not by directly contacting her. My ex is really stubborn, in the past when we were dating, we got into a fight and she blocked me and wouldn’t respond. So I had a best friend that is a girl contact her for me. So today, I figured my ex might respond to the same friend. Essentially my friend just said “Hey cute girl! It’s good to see you are doing well. I talked to XXX and he said he felt really bad about things went between you two last week. It might not hurt to hear him out”. I am sure my ex saw right through that and knew that I told my friend to ask. I just wanted to admit that.

You can be as blunt as you like with me. I won’t take any offense. Everything you are saying is true. I would hate for her to think I am unstable or crazy. Who knows, she probably already does. I am going to disappear like you said. Sadly I think she might not even wonder what happened to me. I am afraid things will change between us for the worse like her dating someone else but at this point disappearing is my only option.

You are probably right about me not loving her as much as I think I do. I mean I know I love her but my ego, and emotions have gone crazy after trying so hard for so long. I have to remind myself, that there will be things I didn’t like about her that will never change. How many times did you and your ex break up and continue the vicious cycle? At times during my relationship I felt the same as you did and thought that I deserved more. I never broke up with my ex, but I probably didn’t treat her the best during those times. Before my ex and I broke up, things had really improved between us and the things I didn’t like about her she started improving with her addiction recovery. At that point I should have started working on my issues or insecurities but didn’t. Perhaps I kind of pushed her away by bringing up old issues why she was trying to press forward? I don’t know.

In the end, I felt like I was a good boyfriend, I supported her through all of her rough times, what I really want is closure. What made it so she could live without me? Why did things go from being good, to breaking up, to her eventually hating me? Did rehab and her recovery really change her that much? I will take your advice and start running or going to the gym. That is good to hear that it worked for you because I need something to save my life too. Yesterday was such a dark place for me.

Hi FishingTheSky,

Thanks for commenting. I am plan on following TLV’s advice. Trying so hard and fighting with my ex has left me broken. It’s hard to fight the urge and convince my brain that this can’t be fixed. The pain today isn’t quite as bad as yesterday but it comes and goes.

You are totally right about wanting what we can’t have. After my ex blocked me on social media and began ignoring me, my mind went crazy. Since my ex and I broke up, I have pursued her at any cost. It seems like I would make a little progress and then take ten steps backwards. It has been hard to take it slow. I keep beating up myself for not doing so. I know my ex wasn’t the best to me. I guess she hasn’t been that great to me lately either. I don’t get how she can be so cruel towards me after all the years together.

Focusing on myself seems like a good way to keep moving forward. I have become so consumed and obsessed with getting my ex back I really haven’t pursued much self improvement. Or if I did start it, I would fall off and start focusing on my ex again. It sounds like I need to get back on track again. It’s just hard when I feel so low. Even going to work the last two days has been tough.

Hi SaraiD,

I took your advice and made a list of pros and cons about my ex. I keep adding to it when I think of positive or negative things. As far as the money is concerned, I haven’t came to a decision on what exactly I want to do. She has been making payments of $100 whenever she chooses. So I have no idea when she is going to deposit it. I know she doesn’t have enough money to pay it all back at once. Ugh it’s horrible to think, that I sent her $200 and months later it blew up in my face. The only time I even considered the additional $200 not being a gift was when she became cold and wouldn’t make plans with me.

I do have a lot of her belongings still. She knows I have them but doesn’t seem extremely interested in getting them back. Last week my ex said she wanted it when I asked. But things have changed. She didn’t respond when I drove up to her neighbor hood and said I wanted to drop it off. I thought she would for sure, at least with somewhere to put it even if it was outside.

Sadly I don’t even know if she has read my texts. I don’t think she does. Months ago when she ignored me , I text her quite a bunch of long texts. After we started talking again, I called her one night and she didn’t answer but she must have looked at her texts. She told me that she just looked at her messages (ones I sent weeks before). My messages were kind of angry ones and then I sent a few nice ones later on. So I assume, she isn’t reading them now. I don’t know if it’s even worth attempting to contact her only to get no response. I’ve thought about texting her and say you mean more to me than money and I am sad we had a falling out over it. Let’s go to lunch next weekend and we can forget about the money. “yes I am buying your love haha”. I know that’s a stupid idea but my mind was wondering earlier.

I didn’t end up messaging her friend or trying to meet up with her. Sadly, if you look at my response to TLV, I had my friend contact her. She didn’t even respond to her. It’s rough because she still talks to my friends and got lunch with one of my good friends that is a girl. I think them going to lunch and talking about me actually made my ex curious and eventually led to us talking again and hanging out recently. I think I picked the better option by having my friend contact her vs. contacting her friend, but it was still a bad idea. I probably only made things worse?

Do you think your friend and your ex have ever talked about you at the pub? I would think you would be brought up in the conversation eventually? You don’t need to worry about sounding harsh. It’s completely true. I need to gain some strength back and move forward. It just seems like I am stuck in a cycle and can’t seem to break loose. I never would have imagined I would still be in this position since the end of April. Even writing that sounds crazy to me.

Waiting for her has been painful and I think it has defiantly has taken a lot of the happiness out of my life. At the same time it’s hard not to try to get her back either. It’s just a horrible cycle to be in. Sadly I think it’s easy for her to just brush me off though. I hope you are right and with time things get easier. It’s sad because I still base decisions on what area of this city I am moving to based on her. Like she doesn’t like the area of the city I am in so I want to move to another one to impress her. Or I just want to move somewhere else because there are too many memories with her in this area. When realistically this area has a great night life, is close to my work, and is the best place for young adults in this state.

What do you think you will say if you bump into your ex? I think occasions like that are so hard to plan for. Usually when things like that happen you are so caught off guard you almost have to wing it. You are awesome! Deleting your ex’s number is defiantly a step in the right direction! You inspire me! Did you delete all of your text message too?

It’s possible that too much has happened for things to ever be repaired. That really could be the case. As of now I feel like I would take her back in a heartbeat. Even with all of the pain she has caused me. Maybe that will change once I get back on my feet and recover. My biggest fear is, sitting and waiting for her, only for her to date somebody else. That would kill me. If that ever does happen (knock on wood) hopefully I am in a strong place.

[SaraiD]

Please stop doing this to yourself, like I said it takes time to fully recover from a breakup but it’s been 6 months and you don’t sound like you have moved on at all.
When you gave your ex money you should have made it clear how it was given. If it was a gift then you shouldn’t be asking for it back, if it was a loan then it should be paid back. But it can’t be a gift when you are together and change when you break up.
My ex paid £7000 towards the holiday we had 2 months before we broke up, I owed him £400 go my small contribution buy he hasn’t asked for anything back. He paid for our holiday because he wanted to and no other reason.
I don’t understand why you think driving to her neighbourhood was a good idea, she has blocked you on all social media, won’t take your calls and doesn’t respond to your text so why would she want to see you? You probably are now coming across as a stalker and that will scare her.
I would never involve anyone else in my breakup, my friends and family of course know we have broken up but if they saw him they wouldn’t mention me. They would set hello to him and keep conversation neutral. I still have my exs aunt on Facebook as we get on well but we never talk about him.
Your ex is going through rehab, that must be hard enough for her and I can imagine the only thing on her mind is recovery. The last thing she will want is to have to deal with other stress.
You sound like you are obsessed with her. Deciding where you will live based on someone who you are not with anymore and who won’t talk to you isn’t right. I live 2 minute drive from my ex and would never go round to his.
In fact l avoid anywhere he may go! If I saw him im sure it will be a shock but it would be a shock for him too. I would say hello and walk on.
Everyone wants closure in a relationship but if someone breaks up with you thats closure. My relationship ended during an arguement so it was bad but when we last text 7 werks ago he told me he would always love and care for me but it is what he wants.
That was closure for me, I won’t beg someone to be with me, I want someone who happily wants me and not forced.
I am still using his netflix account though! Lol.
Ask yourself why you would take someone back that caused you pain.It sounds like you are romanticising the relationship, there’s a reason it ended. Think logically as to why it didn’t work.
Have you thought about having therapy, it may help. As I said before this is so damaging to you.

[SaraiD]

I will tell you how it feels being the dumper….
Years back i started seeing someone, I realised after a few months that he wasn’t right for me so I called him and told him I dust feel he was right for me long term.
He didn’t take it well and harassed me for 6 weeks! He called me about 20 times when I was out with friends, threatened to turn up where I used to go out. Text me that he loved me, then text that he hated me. Kept texting and calling etc. It drive me mad! I nearly called the police!
He eventually stopped and I was so relieved. He text me 6 months later, I ignored him.
He then contacted me about a year after, I responded to his text, he asked me out for dinner, I said no. I was with the boyfriend I have just broken up with but even if I hadn’t been I wouldn’t have gone out with him again, firstly because he wasn’t right for me but mainly because of his behaviour when I broke up with him. If he had left me alone and I had been single I may have met him as a friend but he ruined any chance by not leaving me alone.

[SaraiD]

Another story how NC works.
I had a 2 year relationship and we had lived together.
He ended it and I moved out. For the first couple of weeks I text him and kept asking him yo reconsider, he said no it was for the best. I got a friend yo text him and he still said no. So I stopped go tactics him and started to move on.
A few weeks later he text me and asked if I wanted to be friends, I said no. In the few werks of NC I realised we were not tight for each other.
He then text me every couple of werks for a couple of months,I responded friendly. And about 4 or 5 months after he ended it he text and said he had made a big mistake.
I had moved on and didn’t want to get back with him. That is why NC and how you behave after a breakup is so important.
He still contacted me occasionally 5 years after he broke up with me!!

[SaraiD]

Sorry predictive text is a nightmare!

[sdub]

Just an update, in my last message I said that my friend ended up contacting my ex yesterday and my ex didn’t reply to her. Late last night she ended up replying and I got a screen shot of part of the conversation. I didn’t get the entire conversation but what I do have is below:

EX: “Thank you for the kind words, you are too sweet. Your baby is adorable. XXX is a good guy. I’m just not interested in all of that anymore. One of the main reasons I’ve used drugs was because I was searching for validation from relationships and once I don’t get it I fall, hard. I need time for myself. Please tell him I love him but I need to let go as does he. I pray for his happiness, peace and that he’ll be able to move on in life with someone that can make him happy and that they can grow together. Thank you for trying. You are a good friend to him and that I am grateful for”.

I don’t have the rest of the screen shots because my friend said she deleted them and cleaned out her inbox. It seems strange to me but perhaps she is trying to protect me or something.

My friend did say what’s below though:

And she said exactly what I have been telling you forever is that she said “when I wanted him, he didn’t want me, now I don’t want him and he wants me.” That she’s sorry for your pain but you guys aren’t good together and that she was sick most of the time you were together. She wishes you the best and just wants love and happiness for you and doesn’t want you to be in pain.

Then I asked my friend, she didn’t say anything else besides that, and my friend replied “Nope, we didn’t talk long. She said what I sent you. Then the you not wanting her when she wants you thing. I told her I have been telling you that, that’s most likely the reason she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. She said you guys weren’t good together that she was extremely sick most of the time because of it. That she hopes the best for you and is sorry you are in pain but hopes you find happiness and love that you soon will be ok. She said she’s glad we are friends and that you and I talk and it saddens her that you are hurting but to tell you everyone is human it’s ok to hurt. I said he will be ok eventually just take it as a lesson learned. We said good talking to you and said goodnight.

Then I told my friend I think if I wasn’t smothering she would have wanted me because you want what you can’t have and I was always just right there. My friend refreshed me memory and told me how it was. She was like think about it. She wasn’t referring to recently; she was refereeing to over the past few years early. Early on you wouldn’t even call her your girlfriend; she would confess her love to you and wanted to start a life with you. She would tell anybody that would listen that she was in love with you. But you were on the fence about dating her back then because of past issues, or she didn’t have a great job, or we argued, and that I kept stringing her a long back then and I needed to either cut her loose or get serious with her (this was all early on). Gosh I was such a douche bag back then and so young and dumb. That was long ago and things changed a lot since then. My friend is pretty blunt and said it how it is or was and essentially said, I told you if you didn’t figure it out eventually you would want her and she wouldn’t want you.

Those messages were the worst things I could have woke up to this morning. I feel so bad about everything. I don’t even know what to think. I wasn’t the best guy at times, but then again I changed over time and wasn’t the person I once was. I was just young and dumb. It sounds like my ex is completely over me or at least thinks that I am bad for her and contributed to her addiction by the way I treated her. Which in part could be true but that was so long ago and I am different. I think she started talking to me again and hungout with me twice because she was curious if I grew or not. Last week when I referenced the money she figured I hadn’t changed at all and blocked me in every possible way from contacting her because she also needed to move on from me and not see what I am doing in life on social media.

I am completely lost on what to do and am heartbroken this morning. It sounds like moving on is my only option because she will never come back around which makes me sick to my stomach.

I know we have all determined no contact is my best option. Truly I just want to see her in person and tell her that I don’t want her to pay the rest of the money back and that it’s a gift and also give her stuff back to her. I just don’t want the money weighting over her or my head. I have changed so much even since we broke up and I want to show her that. I don’t know if I will ever get the chance. I don’t want to be judged on things from years ago because that’s not who I am.

I am thinking I want my friend to respond to her and just say I told XXX what you told me to tell him. He says he understands you don’t want a relationship and need time for yourself. He wanted me to ask you if he could come bring your stuff back to you, and discuss the $300 you plan on paying him back. He said he would ask you himself but he has no way of contacting to you.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like this is my entire fault. I know she messed up a lot too and that’s why I acted the way I did at times. No contact is important, now I see that she will never come back around. I am crushed.

[SaraiD]

Hi, I know you can’t see it at the moment but this is for the best.
Your ex has sent a lovely message to your friend explaining clearly the reasons why she doesn’t want to be with you. She has no ill feelings towards you and knows it’s best for the both of you. She has also explained that her recovery is ultimately the most important thing.
You have to respect her decision and her reasons.
Please do not respond to her or try and talk to her anymore. I think she has made herself clear and there is no going back.
She will pay the money back wen she can and she’s probably not bothered about her other stuff.
Please, if you genuinely care about her, and care about yoyr self leave it now and start moving on.
NC should be a permenant thing for now, and not just until you think she will come back.
You need to heal and move your life forward.

[SaraiD]

Also try and learn from this relationship.
For the first 2 years of my relationship my ex in sone ways kept me at arms length and acted stupid at times. That never left my mind and even though he changed I never really trusted him and I often doubted his feelings which in turn caused a lot of our arguements which is why we broke up.
In your next relationship be honest and open from the start.

[sdub]

Hi SaraiD,
It looks like we both posted at the exact same time. So I will respond to your last post. I really wish I could stop doing this to myself. It’s like there are so many ups and downs I have hung onto anything I can. Even though it has been six months, I probably haven’t moved on at all due to the cycle of not talking to her, talking to her, not talking to her.

I agree, about the money, she said she was struggling and was going to need to borrow some from somebody. I said I would lend her some and she said she couldn’t accept it from me because she already owes me $400. After we got off the phone I sent her $200 and said things will work out how they are supposed to. I never said it was a gift of a loan. At the time I figured it was a gift. When she was rude I kind of wanted it back but really could have cared less. It’s just money. I was just upset by the way she was treating me.

I wish I would have been more like your ex and not asked the money back. The reason she owed me the additional $400 is because she got in trouble and I helped pay some car impound fees to help her out. I didn’t want money going to that so I wanted her to pay that back. Before we broke up, I took her shopping and spent like $1000 dollars on clothes and wanted to take her on a vacation we had planned. I would never expect her to pay any of that back similar to yours and your ex’s situation. Now I look at the rest of the money she owes me and I just want to say don’t worry about it. If you look in my other post I wanted to try and do it in person and have my friend arrange it so I can also give her stuff back to her. I am thinking, if that doesn’t work. I will just text her and say, money isn’t important to me, your happiness is. You don’t need to pay me the $300 back. Which method is better?

I was afraid of coming off across as a stalker too. I have no idea why I drove up there. I was just figured I could give her stuff back to her and be done with all of this. Or at least not have any ties. It was a stupid idea I know. I also think she is stubborn and a similar situation happened between us in the past and it kind of helped things out seeing each other face to face. The difference is, when I went up there last time, I spoke with her before, we decided to go to lunch, and that I could pick up a few of my things. So this time I just thought I would try. It was stupid I know. I just wasn’t thinking clearly. Honestly I probably am a little obsessed. Like the fact I can’t talk to her has made me want to more. Or when her and I were talking and she wouldn’t give me straight answers if we could go out or not. It just all sucked me in and made me anxious.

You are completely right about her going through rehab and that being her only focus as it should be. Getting cut out has been hard on me though. More than anything I want her to succeed and enjoy life. I just wanted to be there too.

I should probably clarify a little bit on the part about deciding where I live. So I live in the downtown area of my city. I have lived here for over 4 years. With any big city, there is a homeless shelter in this area and that comes with a lot of drugs being in certain blocks of the city. When my ex and I were talking, I thought there was a small chance we may get back together. If we ever did, I didn’t want her around all of that. The other thing is, I kind of wanted to move out of this area even though I enjoy it, basically because her and I have to many memories in this area and I wanted a fresh start where I wouldn’t have memories pop in my head when driving down certain streets, going to bars, or even bad memories dealing with her addiction. So essentially just to move on.

I think your logic makes sense with not going around your ex’s house even though you live so close. So is just creepy so I don’t know why I did it. I actually bumped into an ex from like 10 years ago a few months ago. It wasn’t awkward at all (we were both out drinking). It was good seeing her but I don’t want to be involved with her. We have since gone our separate ways.

As for closure, your relationship ending with your ex, I think it helps that you guys were at least able to talk. It sounds like you didn’t drag it out or anything. You just accepted what is and started moving on. Hearing your story make me wish I would have done the same. It’s just the circumstances of my break up were so strange. Things weren’t always great in the past, things got better, she went to rehab, I supported her through it, she goes to a sober living, and then we end up breaking up. I am glad she went to rehab because it saved her life. I also think, our relationship ended because of her counselors encouraging her to break up with me. In the end her life is way more important.

(If you read my comment that I posted at the same time you posted your last one.) I think my ex messaging my friend kind of gave me my ex perspective which kind of gave me a little closure. I just want to respond though is my problem.

So in a way closure for me, is at least getting to say the last few things I want to. I don’t want somebody that doesn’t love me to be with me either. Although I can’t say I didn’t beg for her early on lol. Which only caused more damage ultimately.

Haha you should keep using his Netflix account as long as possible lol.

I know I am romanticizing the relationship. No doubt about that, the only thing is, things were much better between us when we did broke up so I struggle with that. Also, trying to help her out and going to rehab meetings, supporting her, and then getting broke up with after made it so much tougher.

I actually am in therapy. Early on I went to get over issues between my ex and I that I absolutely hated. She had slept with someone I knew way before I met her. It hated that thought. I got over it and thought we end up getting back together. Now my therapy sessions are based on working through all of this.

In response to your next message, I just wanted to start with how awesome you are! I seriously appreciate you so much! I love your clarity and you kindness. You are helping me a ton.

As for you being the dumper, reading your story makes me think one thing, that guy is a creeper. Then unfortunately I realize I sound like that guy just not as intense. Granted my ex and I dated for over 3 1/2 years but none the less. It sounds like that guy was close to becoming a stalker. I see how him constantly calling you and pestering you would be annoying. So I have been in a similar position and strangely enough it was with my ex keep in mind this is when I was young and dumb. When I met her, we hungout a few times and I could tell she liked me. At the time there was another girl I was also interested in. I went out with my ex a few times and we ended up sleeping together. One night we went to the bar with some friends and she got really drunk and was acting in a way I didn’t like. So the next morning I took her home and was like I need to cut ties with her. The next I went out with some friends and she literally called and text me like 30 times. I was literally turned off by this so much the next morning I text her said I was over everything. She was heart broken but I left it at that. Like a month down the road she text me out of nowhere are I felt like I didn’t handle things the best and went out with her and she was pretty cool but I didn’t know if I wanted to date her. We continued hanging out for a while without becoming official and then eventually we did. Thinking back, her blowing my phone up was such a turn off. The thing is she left me alone for a while and I forgave her.

Your next post about the guy you lived together with for two years. Also remind me of my situation but I am on the guy in this situation. The thing is, you would be my ex-girlfriend in the situation. It makes me sad to think that my ex has moved on during no contact and that I haven’t. So essentially I need to go no contact to try and move on. It’s just hard. It sounds like I have screwed my chances of getting back together and haven’t moved on.

Oh one more thing about my therapy sessions. My therapist said it seems like every time I pull away from my ex, she finds a way back to real me back in. Then when I start to pull away or get to far, she figures a way to real me back in. Although, I think after what happened last week and what she said to my friend in my other message. She won’t be pursuing me again.

I just saw your last post before refreshing my browser to post this.

I would say my situation was also similar to yours with your ex keeping you at an arm’s length. I did that at points during my relationship to and sadly it only hurt my ex. Like I have said a few times, I was just young and dumb. Apparently that hasn’t left her mind. The only difference between your situation and mine is that I feel like past arguments won’t be a big deal anymore. I have let the bad things that happened go. I am just not sure if my ex has. Going back to closure, part of my closure feels like I need to tell my ex I am not the old me. I just want to explain things. Perhaps I will never get that. Do you think the way I acted made things impossible? I know I need to move on but something in me wants to keep trying. I just don’t get it.

[sdub]

SaraiD,

It looks like our messages are all out of order. I didn’t see your response to my ex messaging my friend until now.
My ex was straight to the point about how she felt and the reasons for not wanting to get back together. Her recovery is the most important thing to me overall. Also, it is really hard for me to see that this is for the best at the moment. I know I am not thinking rationally right now and my brain is jumping all over the place. I guess my main thing is that I want her to know, I am not that person. I am going to focus on moving on.

I plan on no contact for my sake. But I also want to let her know, she doesn’t have to pay me back the rest of the money. I don’t care about it. Or I guess I could continue no contact and when she makes the next payment, just tell her that she doesn’t need to continue.

Like I said before, it’s just hard that she wanted to watch a movie and cook dinner a month or two ago and now we aren’t even friends. I am hung up on the littlest things. I need to let go it is just hard. I know keeping this up will kill me though.

[sdub]

SaraiD,

I’ve been thinking about our conversation throughout the day. I have literally been on a roller coaster today. For the majority of the day, I have felt pretty low about the situation. My friend that received that message from my ex is a pretty negative person when it comes to relationships. She tries to say it how it is but sometimes I think she is wrong. None the less I need to get my life back together. I have seriously been fighting the urge to contact my ex by text message today. I doubt she would reply though. I just want to show her I’ve made changes and I think telling her not to pay me back could help. This has been really tempting all day! It’s like I want to follow up to the response she sent my friend. Then again, she might not even respond or read my message. I know I need to give it time to get myself together. Six months to a year just sounds like such a long time to not contact her. It freaks me out. I am trying to be strong and listen to TLV’s and everybody’s advice. I guess her response to my friend just got me really worked up.

[SaraiD]

Hi
You need to buy a book called Attached. It’s by Amir Levine and Rachel (something).
It’s about attachment styles and is brilliant. I’ve been reading it the last few days and it’s changed the way I view everything. I’ve learnt more about myself reading this than anything. And you will understand your ex relationship.

[sdub]

Hi :),
It is so good to hear from you. I logged in today and hoped that that you responded. I kind of needed some encouragement today and enjoy talking to you. I will defiantly have to buy that book and read it. I could use a good read to help change my perspective on my situation. How are things going for you? Has everything continued to improve for you?

I have to say, things have improved quite a bit for me since last week and I am not such a train wreck or as depressed as I was. Last week I met with my therapist and she helped me realize I need to change my behavior. I went to Nevada to gamble with some friends Friday and won around $700 and then lost it all plus $400 of my own money by the end of the night. That kind of drew my attention from my ex because I am mad at myself for winning, walking away, and then giving it all back plus some later haha. It was a good time either way.

Saturday, I sent my ex a nice text message saying that I care about her and want to give her the $300 I lent her as a gift because I care about her more than money and am proud of her so she doesn’t need to worry about paying me back. I said a few other nice things in my message and left it at that. I don’t know if she read it because she never responded but it felt good getting that off my shoulders. Not getting a response didn’t sting as much as it had before.

I went to a Halloween party Saturday and got a really attractive girls number and we have been texting a bit. So that was a confidence boost and if I get the opportunity I would love to take her out. It helped refresh my memory of what it’s like to be treated nice by someone.

The only thing that has made me feel down or miss my ex a lot during the last two days is I have been moving to a new apartment in my city. While moving I have found a lot of my ex’s clothing and other items that have brought up past memories of good times with her (I actually kind of laughed after finding something and was tempted to send her a picture of it but knew I couldn’t). I have also found tons of love notes she would leave laying around for me. I can’t lie, that has made me struggle a bit. Plus one of our mutual friends (my good friend) and I spoke last night about her for a bit (the good and the bad). I don’t know if that was positive or negative for me. Looking back over the weekend, I had a good time even though I had my ups and downs. I hope this trend continues and things keep getting better.

[patricia12]

Hi sdub, Is the new apartment in a safer part of the city? Glad you met a new girl who treated you nicely:) You deserve it..

[sdub]

Hi patricia12,

It’s good to hear from you. I hope you are doing well and life is treating you great :). Thanks, hopefully I get the chance to go out with her sometime (fingers crossed). Actually my new apartment is right across the street from my old one. It’s a lot nicer though and brand new so that’s a plus. There are defiantly some pros and cons to living in the heart of the city. It’s nice being close to everything though but is also rough having all of the memories I do in this area.

[Author]

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