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Wow, everything turned to crap real fast with my ex today. We were still messaging the last few days (she ignored a few). Then later today she sent me a message saying “I transferred you $100. I owe you $300 more. Then I was like woahh, you remember that other $200 I sent you in August. You owe me $500 now but we can talk about it in person. I was half way joking about the $200. She literally flipped out and screen shotted the messages when I sent her the money. Honestly I didn’t care if she paid it back. Then she said this is why I want nothing to do with you and said she is only paying me pay $300 period. I told her I gave her that money because I wanted to help her out not because I was worried about it. Also that she interpenetrated the message wrong because I wasn’t trying to fight or argue. That is something stupid to argue over and I don’t care. Then she deleted me on Facebook and blocked me.
I didn’t go full panic mode. But I did call and left a message saying I could careless about the $200. I don’t know if she got it so I followed up with a text hours later. Damn, she is cold as ice. This is so stressful. Too bad I didn’t get to block her first like you guys suggested. The worst part is I can’t even explain or defend myself. It really gets to me. I have to ask myself, do I really even want to be with someone that is so bi polar? I can’t believe she flipped out and blocked me.
Damn, I would be lying if I said getting blocked and treated so badly didn’t hurt. I feel like I am back to square one. Trying to accept that it’s all over is tough. I just don’t understand how after dating for so long and going through so much together a switch just flips and you hate the other person. I was excited to see her and give her the rest of her possessions back. Her saying “this is why I want nothing to do with you” “don’t try and pull that bull shit on me”. It’s like I wasn’t even way serious. I guess even though I have tried to fool myself and it has worked at times. I really never quit missing her. No matter how big of an asshole she has been. I guess it’s true when people say you never know when the last time, is going to be the last time. Or however that saying goes. It’s crazy to think this hurts like it did early on. Being ignored and blocked just drives me crazy. Like why block me and not handle the conversation like adults. Sorry, I guess I am just back to a low spot. This time I am not blowing my ex up like early on. Something has changed I guess. My story can be the poster for what not to do. My mind keeps trying to tell me do this, just show up and talk to her in person. I feel like I want to try but know its over and there is nothing I can do besides move on. Or at least try to. I haven’t been able to yet, fml.
If you weren’t concerned about the extra $200, why did you bring it up? That’s what started her anger again. You called and left a message, then later you texted, and now you’re thinking of just showing up in person to talk? It’s like you have to walk on eggshells with her and it must be just awful for you! But at this point, what do you have to lose? Go see her and try to have a talk and take her things with you to return even though she said she doesn’t care if she gets them back or not and she has gone this long without them so the stuff must not really be needed. The other suggestion would be to stop trying to contact her and go out with the other girl again. The one who seems normal. The one who you had a great time with. That one or someone else who wouldn’t cause you so much grief and stress!
I have no idea why I brought it up. It was a stupid thing to bring up. I think I was a little aggravated that she ignored my message before that one and then just messaged me about my money. Also she hasn’t been the nicest so I thought why give somebody that is rude to me $200. Plus she had money for a tattoo. All in all I didn’t care about the money, I just wanted to be treated good if that makes sense? I didn’t care about it but I did. It was kind of a joke but she reacted different than I thought. If we met in person I was going to clarify, you don’t have to pay it back. I told her in my message, if we ended up working out I wouldn’t have her pay any of it back but I didn’t want to say that because it’s like I am trying to buy her.
So I responded to her message about sending the money, then got off work and tried to call her to clarify I wasn’t really worried about it. She didn’t answer (at this point she hadn’t read my message). Then she read them and flipped out, and I tried to calm her down. Then she blocked me. So then I believe I left a message again (hours later) saying I didn’t care about the money and it was taken out of context (not sure if she gets my messages). So I followed that up with a text just saying look, I care about you, money is my last concern, I sent that to you because I wanted to help you, etc.
Walking on egg shells is right? I have no idea why she would flip out like that. It is awful! I have seriously been so calm and cool with her and I don’t get it. So yes, I do want to go to her house because I feel like I didn’t even get to explain myself and talking vs messaging is always less confusing. I am scared to take her stuff back to her sober living though (it’s just a house 4 girls live in). They can’t have men there and if I just showed up, they might try and say I am stalking her or something. They could even call the cops I don’t know? So all of that scares me. Recently she told me she moved to a new sober living a block away. I looked up the address up online so I know where it’s at but that’s creepy too. It’s all way to risky right? Plus it has the potential to blow up. I could just see the other girls egging it on saying I am crazy or something. Getting the silent treatment drives me crazy. All this over a stupid $200. I could try texting her and saying I am bringing your stuff over. I know your address. I doubt she would reply. This is stressful. Or I could message have a friend message her for me? My mind if running wild as you can tell. Simply it comes down to, she must not give a fuck about me. I just don’t
I would love to go out with that other girl again. I just feel like her saying “I don’t want to lead you on” translates to I am not interested in you. In the mean time, I will keep trying to meet new girls.
You keep trying to figure out why she’s acting the way she does and it’s gotten you no where near understanding! So why don’t you STOP trying to analyze? You’re only torturing yourself and you’re not getting any answers about it. Yeah, write a text and say you’re bring the stuff on a certain day at a certain time and then just do it. If she’s not there, do it another day until you meet up with her. I highly doubt that police would be brought into this, but if they are, you could show them the stuff and explain you were just trying to return it.You might trying contacting the other girl and see what happens. Going out with other (normal) girls is a good idea too, lol. In so doing, your laser beam fixation on your ex would stop.
Good luck..I really think that you need to cut all contact, this sounds really unhealthy. It sounds like you are both damaging each other by trying to maintain normal contact.
Do you really need your money back? If not, just tell her not to worry about paying you back and leave it.
I owed my ex £400 when we broke up and he hasn’t asked for it back.
I do really feel for you because breakups are difficult but so much has now happened between you that it may be irreparable.
Could you imagine how difficult a relationship with each other would be like after all of this. There would be so many issues and how could you ever completely put the past behind you?
Maybe sometime in the future after complete no contact and moving on from the mess, you could be friends.
No, I wouldn’t contact my ex now. I have no idea what I would say to him, and I don’t think I could be with him again. Like I said before, I’ve started to untangle what went wrong and im some ways he treated me badly and I deserve better.
I’m actually looking forward to starting fresh with someone and having none of the old issues I had with my ex.
It’s a really positive step that you have been out with other girls. You had a great time, surely that feels nicer than all the conflict with your ex. Just go out on dates with girls and have fun and you will naturally fall into a happier and healthier relationship in time.
Why is your ex so special that it’s worth all of the drama? Honestly when I read your posts I can feel how tortured you are.
Please for your own sanity stop all of this now.Hi sdub,
Sorry to see your enormous pain and sorry that I’ll be honest with you in my message.
I think you made a big mistake in bringing that $200 up, when you love someone (as you love your Ex), you want to bring that person the moon, so I can understand why she was disappointed and insulted(!), and her reaction shows exactly that. The good news is that her extreme reaction also shows that she still cares about you and she has a big internal conflict.
On one hand she feels you are not the right person for her and she was disappointed to learn it again from this incident, feeling that you care more for these $200 than your care about her love (this is how she perceive this incident) but on the other hand she has feelings for you. Blocking you again clearly shows that she has real feelings and had some hopes that now she needs a brutal act again to get detached from you.
I think that going to see her in person is a really bad idea now. I personally would send her a written letter by physical mail. Stating how sorry you are that there was such a miss understanding. Say that you dont need your money back, you turn it into a gift, say how much you love her, but clearly state that you decided this time to really let her go because of all the bad blood that was created between the two of you.
Then block her too (she will realize it once she trys to unblock you, which will happen sooner or later, I believe). Block her everywhere and really disappear. Then strictly follow SaraiD’s suggestions. I fully agree with her.
Date other girls and try other relationships. If after at least 6-12 months you still feel she is your future wife then and only then, you can start trying to reconnect again. That’s what I would do at this point.
Patricia12,
You are right, I keep trying to analyze why she is acting how she is. Sadly, I will never be able to understand. I don’t understand any of this after all of this time. So I ended up writing her an email. Instead of summarizing I will just copy and paste it below so you all can see. It was kind of just saying what was on my mind and how I felt at the time. She never responded to me about it. I followed up with a text just saying I sent you an email. Read it. Since I am not sure if she checks her email or not. As much as I want to just show up and give her belongings back, I am terrified to do so. Really I just want to give my point of view and try and smooth things over. I just don’t know how she would react or her sober living if I just showed up. I just don’t want them to think I am stalking her or anything. Last time we hungout she mentioned they weren’t supposed to tell guys where they live because one of the girls had some guy show up and caused drama or something. I really just want to text and say I am dropping your stuff off at 6:00 come out side around then. I would love to go out with other girls. I am going to keep pursing that. I just don’t know why I am fixed on my ex. I just miss her I guess. Even if she has been shitty to me.
SaraiD,
Gosh this is all really unhealthy. Yesterday I literally felt so much anxiety I thought I was having some kind of panic attack. The fact that I can’t explain myself or even talk to her at all literally drives me crazy. Last night I noticed that around 8:00 she blocked me on Instagram. I feel like she blocked me in part so she doesn’t have to see posts I am in. Realistically I would be fine without getting any of the money back. I have a decent amount of money in savings and getting the $300 or $500 back wouldn’t really make a difference. So I don’t even know why I mentioned it. She has been making an effort to pay the original $600 back that she borrowed like a year ago so I don’t know why I mentioned it at all. I just think at the time, I was kind of joking about it, that why I just said “you owe me $500 but we can talk about it”. When and if we met, I was going to say don’t worry about paying it back. Although, part of me doesn’t like the idea of just giving her money when she has been treating me poorly.
Hearing about your story helps. How do you think you would have reacted if your ex asked for his money back? For some reason my ex thinks in the past that I would always hold money over her head. Which may have been true at times but I wasn’t trying to at all Thursday when I referenced the $200. Which I assume is why she got so pissed off. Last time she deposited money in my account, she told me they gave her my account balance (I am not rich by any means). She was like I know how much money is an account you really don’t even use and then said a pretty accurate number for that time period. Just thinking of this, makes me realize that maybe she really was offended like TLV said. I could see her being mad about me hassling her for money when she is “struggling” and I really don’t need it right away. I wasn’t even trying to hassle her. I just wanted to talk to her.
That is a great question about it working out after all of this. I guess the answer would be, I don’t know. I think the biggest long lasting issue would be trust. I would worry that she could easily just kick me to the curb again. I’ve already been through so much with her over the past years trying to help her with issues. This time it’s different because it’s painful and I am not on her side. After all of this, I wish I would have just given her the space she wanted early on. I probably wouldn’t be where I am now.
When you talk about your past relationship you have so much clarity. Your thought process is right on point. Nobody deserves to be treated poorly. Even I know that. Do you miss your ex at all anymore at times? The feeling of missing mine hasn’t seemed to go away. Perhaps knowing I can’t talk to her has made me miss her even more. You said everybody handles break ups differently which is so true. I guess at this point if I don’t end up giving my ex her stuff back, I will be forced to go no contact like you and TLV suggested. What’s the point of sending a message to somebody if you get no response? I know I deserve better but I am having a hard time forgetting the good times. Thank you for being so encouraging and positive. Maybe my self esteem has taken a shot and needs to improve like yours.
As for as my ex being so special. I don’t know if anyone is worth all of this drama and stress. There were actually things I didn’t like about my ex. Then again, there are things that I miss about her too and did like. This has been one of the most painful mind torturing things I have ever been through. I know relationships are supposed to just flow and be easy. This certainly isn’t though. Letting go hasn’t been easy either though. Not fighting for somebody you love is tough. I guess she just doesn’t love me back is the thing.
I wrote all of you responses throughout the day.
TLV,
I appreciate your honesty. I did make a really big mistake by bringing up the money. At the time I said it, I was frustrated and kind of joking. Whenever she met me in person I was just going to tell her not to pay me back at all. It didn’t go as smoothly as I planned. I agree with you, when you love somebody, you want to give them the world. I messed up. I have apologized to my ex a bunch of times since saying it. Through text messages, email, voicemail. I most likely violated everything on this websites no contact again. I received no response at all. This time though, in my email and texts messages, I pretty much said farewell and I am moving on but I still care about you. I wasn’t needy like early on. It just kills me she could go silent and ignore me.
I also think you are right about my ex having an internal conflict. I think I just made it a lot easier for her to walk away by mentioning the money. She looked at it as me not changing. I have seriously been kicking myself in the ass for mentioning it to her. My ex mentioned to a mutual friend long ago that she was hesitant to unblock me on Facebook because she would hate seeing posts of an ex. So in part, I think she blocked me for her sake too. It just made it easier for her to push me away. Even as of last Thursday she was sending me screen shots of posts I was tagged in. That was part of the reason I was hesitant to block her last week and go no contact. I wanted her to see I was doing well without her.
So above earlier today I mentioned to Patricia12 that I was scared to go up to her house. I didn’t necessarily go to her house but this evening I went golfing with some friends. After I decided that I would call her and leave a voice message saying I was going to shower and then head up that way. Which is exactly what I did. I text her when I left, I text her when I was in the area and essentially just said is there a place I can ditch your stuff at? I am trying to be nice and do you a favor and apologized about everything again. I said I am assuming you aren’t home because I didn’t see your car. I sent a few texts while driving around. Eventually I just said I wanted to give her all of her stuff before I move to a new apartment just for a new beginning and to cut ties. I essentially sent a farewell text saying I have to accept that she hates me and have to keep moving forward, moving on, and that she will always be my best friend and that I will always love her. It was a pretty long text but it will defiantly be the last one I send her. In the message, I referenced the money once more and said it was wrong for me to bring it up but I wanted to tell her something about it in person she would like and I wanted to see the smile on her face when I told her. That’s why I said “we can talk about the money in person”. Looking back over my message, I never directly said she doesn’t have to pay back the $300 she is still going to pay me. Do you all think I should follow up with a text clarifying saying don’t worry about the money at all? I want to but I would like a response and I know she won’t reply if she is even reading my messages. It would have been perfect to say the rest was a gift last Thursday after she messaged me about transferring me $100.
When I got home from driving up to her house I saw a post on social media from a mutual friend she went out to dinner with even though I was blocked. She looked so beautiful and made me miss her like crazy. It kind of hurt seeing that and not getting a response to my messages. I think at this point I really have to follow both yours and SaraiD’s advice. What is the point of texting her if I don’t get a response. So at this point, no contacting her is all I am left with. Last time this happened months ago I was in the exact same situation and there was no point in contacting her.
TLV, let me ask you this as a guy. Do you worry about your ex doing things with another man? Even the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I guess that’s part of the reason I am so anxious and it has been hard to give things time. I am afraid my ex will meet somebody else and do sexual things. My ex recently said she isn’t going to get involved with anybody so I have to believe that. Who says that will always be the case though?
I just want to take all of your advice and get to the point where this doesn’t hurt like anymore and move on. It’s tough though because I miss and truly do love her. Here is a question for all of you. It may be a horrible idea. I thought of it while driving home. I have actually considered this for awhile but never have done it.
The picture I saw my ex in with our mutual friend on social media (her best friend) is the person that introduced me to my ex. I know she defiantly has my ex’s back over mine but is still my friend. For some reason it kind of gave me a peaceful feeling when I thought about asking the mutual friend some questions about my ex and this entire situation. I would assume she would tell my ex but I would ask her not to. If she did, I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t ask anything very hardcore. This would kind of be a last ditch effort. At this point, I mean what could it hurt? I don’t know if I would meet up with her in person or just do it all through messages. I had it all planned out what I was going to say but ultimately I would have to wing it. Or is contacting the friend just continuing the torture?
Gosh I have never been so stuck on somebody in my life. I guess part of it is that after all this, back when things were going good, I was thinking about asking her to marry me and then doing kids and all that. She would talk about it back before we broke up and now just looking at my situation it’s completely devastating. I regret being an asshole at times during our relationship and doing things that I did. I was just young, dumb, and didn’t know what I wanted at times. Or maybe I am looking back through rose colored glasses. This weekend has been tough and my heart aches. Looking back, I never thought we would be broken up this long. I could have never imagined it. When I went to my first counseling session I thought, I am just going to work on my issues and when we get back together things will be great. I thought it would happen right away. Here I am months later. I don’t know if I will ever get over this. It’s depressing. I just don’t get it. I have my good days and bad ones. In the end, I am stuck.
Hi sdub,
Believe it or not, but you have only one option now, go no contact, a long one, a very long one. As I said, at least 6-12 months. Believe me I felt just like you, I couldnt let her go, but now I feel awesome, you’ll never forget her but eventually you will heal yourself and move on. Regardless of how you love her right now, you’ll move on. I know it’s hard to believe, but this is a fact.
To your question, I know that my ex slept with someone, back then it drove me crazy, but now I couldnt care less. I think of her a lot but never about this issue. Our brain just get used to any horrible news over time and stop reacting with panic, like it does in the first place. After knowing your ex is sleeping with someone for the first time you feel as bad as bad can be, but not for long, at some point you’ll just couldnt care less.
Lastly, I’ll say it just one more time because it’s the most important thing for you at this point, go no contact, move on, stop anything related to her. I care so much for you without knowing you just because I was exactly where you are right now and I know from the bottom of my heart that you MUST let her go, at least for a while, 6-12 months, this will save your life, nothing less then that!
Hi
The money I owed my ex was from a holiday we went on 2 months before we broke up. If he asked for it back I wouldn’t be offended as I owed it to him. I would try and pay it back all at once, if I couldn’t I would just pay in instalments but I wouldn’t make a fuss. If you decide to tell her not to pay the money back make sure you stick to that decision and don’t then ask for it back another time.
Yes I still miss my ex sometimes, yesterday I felt a little down and had a cry because I missed the good things. Today I feel ok again. That’s why breaking contact and healing is so important. I know that my feelings will be like this for a while and I accept that but I don’t act on it.
Everyone hurts when a relationship ends, there’s a loss of someone in life. It’s compared to the grief of a death. Don’t feel you have to fight your feelings of sadness, go with it. Sometimes they come out as anger but don’t act on it.
Do you think it could be that you feel rejected more than anything?
I know how hard you are finding this but as we keep saying you have to cut any type of contact. Delete her from Facebook,Instagram even delete her number. Stay away from anywhere you know she will go.
Keep going out on dates with other girls. Make a good life for YOU! You owe it to yourself!Hi TLV,
I hope you are right about me getting over her. Because today it feels like I am dead inside and I don’t know what’s going to make this horrible feeling go away. Today is really rough for some reason and I am defiantly at one of the lowest points I have been at for a while. Who ever knew letting go would be this tough? I hope time heals all of this and I can move on sooner than later. How long would you say it took you to get over your ex? Or at least be ok with the way things are between you and your ex? I just don’t understand how she could walk away so easily. It really sucks that we had a falling out last week over something so small as money. I don’t even know what to do about that situation and I want to make it right.I think I understand how you feel about your ex sleeping with someone. Long ago, I dated a girl and after we broke up she slept with someone else. I found out and it was horrible. Today, I could care less about what she does. Oddly enough that girl wants to date me again but I have no interest in her. I feel like this breakup with my current ex was a lot more intense than that one so I don’t even know how I would react if that happened this time. This breakup has been really rough because I still love my ex and the circumstances of the break up. Would you take your ex back even though she has slept with someone else? Do you think that would cause problems between you two?
As you all have said, no contact is my only option and as much as I want to contact her I don’t think there is a point in doing so. Even in six months I don’t see her contacting me. The only way she might, is to say she has deposited money into my account. It kills me that I can’t see her in person and talk. I think my ex knows that I hate the silent treatment and she is intentionally doing it to hurt me. Or maybe she has really moved on?
Thank you for caring about me and understanding for what I am going through. I really appreciate you, saraiD, and Patricia12 more than you could imagine. I’ve been so confused, heartbroken, and anxious lately I have kind of lost myself. (I have question for both of you at the end of this).
Hi saraiD,
The way you explained handling with the situation if your ex-boyfriend asked for his money back is completely reasonable and the way I think most people would deal with it. There is no sense in getting mad about it. I think my ex got mad because she thought it was a gift and then I asked for it back. I haven’t fully decided if it’s worth it to tell her not to pay me back. Mainly I don’t know if I should break no contact with her for something I probably won’t even get a response to.
I am sorry you felt down the other day and cried. I am glad to hear that you are feeling better today though. It really is hard to forget the good times and easy to forget the bad. I admire your strength and that you don’t react on it. I wish I could have done that over all of these months. I don’t know why I have struggled so much with it and over all of this so much. I am beginning to think there is something wrong with me.
I also think dealing with a death is similar to a break up. In some strange way I think a breakup can sting a little more at least if you want your ex back. With a breakup you know that the person is out there somewhere and doesn’t want or care about you. They choose not to contact you or ignore you and that hurts. With death all of this is out of the persons hands. You miss them but there is nothing you can do.
I think rejection could be one of the ways I am feeling but it’s hard to put a finger on it. I guess you could say I feel rejected that I don’t get to be in her life after everything we have been through together and her best friend who also has a substance abuse problem pops back into the picture after years of not talking and now they are all close (they had a falling out around the time I started dating my ex. I remained friends with the girl but we weren’t close). That use to really bother me but not as much now. Her best friend is my mutual friend too but while my ex was in rehab her friend showed up to support her.
At first I was really worried by this because I didn’t want the friend to bring down my ex. So I essentially told my ex, choose your friend or me. My exes choose me but I guess not in the long run. We made all of these rules about them hanging out its kind a funny now looking back because I wouldn’t care now if my ex hungout with her friend. I was just really worried at the time. I guess it just sucks I don’t get to be involved and how everything played out.
The silent treatment really gets to me though. Being ignored is extremely painful and gets to me. Over the past little bit, it was hard for me to ask my ex to hangout and never get a straight answer from her. I don’t know if that all falls under rejection or not. All in all, I really just miss her, having fun with together, her sense of humor, being intimate with her, etc. Just a lot of memories and things I feel like I neglected in the past.
So as far as any type of contact, she has me blocked on absolutely everything (Facebook, Instagram). So my only method of contacting her is by telephone or by text message which I know I won’t get a response. She has completely cut me out of her life and it makes me feel like crap. I wish I could turn back in time and be friends on social media with her and just not say to her. I think it’s unlikely we will ever run into each other. We live pretty far apart.
Thanks for the encouraging words. I have been so wrapped up in this I forgot how to live and enjoy life.
So I already know the answer to this I am sure. Yesterday I asked you and TLV if it was a bad idea to contact our mutual friend (her best friend) and ask her any questions. Like essentially if my ex is over me and also just make small talk. Or does that break no contact and also make me look needy? I kind of feel like I wouldn’t necessarily gain anything from this, but maybe our friend could at least tell my ex to be civil with me? Then again, the mutual friend is defiantly on my ex’s team and would most likely tell her I asked. I am just grasping at straws today. This is probably one of those things I shouldn’t act on but I am struggling today.
I don’t know how I am going to do this. I hurt so bad and all I want to do is reach out to her. I miss her so much. I feel like if I would have handled things after we broke up we would be together right now. Being on bad terms just eats at me. Last week I felt better being on the terms we were on. I am struggling right now.
Hi sdub,
Everything you feel right now is by the book, nothing is special about the way you feel, and I say it in a good way. Your mental state is exactly the same as almost any other person on earth that is going through a rejection and a silent treatment. One person may feel it stronger than the other but the basic symptoms are the same. You have endless pain, your brain has the false belief that if you only do the right thing now you can solve it and you chase like crazy after that right move. But this is false. Believe it or not there is nothing in the world you can do right now to bring her back to communicate with you, needless to say nothing will get you back together. You need to let it go. One day, a year from now or 5 years from now she may come back, and you may let this “hope” give you some relief, but you must let her go for now and let that false belief that you can solve this problem by anything you do go as well. Just let her go, just go no contact.
The last thing you want is her thinking of you as an unstable man who may become dangerous because then you’ll lose her forever. Show her that you are stable, strong and in sane and just DISAPEAR. Sorry that I repeat saying that and so bluntly but I was exactly were you are and you need to understand it the hard way, your brain just doesnt want to get it, it wants to solve the problem to relief the pain and it drives you crazy.
Let me tell you one last thing, the truth is that you dont really love her now as much as you think, you think you are, this is a false impact of being dumped and going through a silent treatment, you feel that you miss her like crazy, love her like crazy etc’, but the truth is that even if you could have get back together now you would find yourself in 2-3 weeks exactly were you were just before you broke up. Your feelings now are mixed up and your ego, that got hurt so badly, is causing all of this. I broke with my ex multiple time, went through this vicious cycle, but once we got back together I got back to square one quite immediately and felt that again that I deserve more than that. So just accept the fact that the chemicals in your brain are now controling your emotions and misleading you, causing you a real torture and just let your brain heal itself by going no contact. Start running!!! This will be your best relief right now. I started running after my breakup and it really saved my life. Do it!
Hey sdub,
TLV is absolutely right about everything. There is nothing in the world you can do right now to change things, you just need to accept it’s time to let go; it doesn’t mean you have to give up on her forever. Giving yourself and her space will make you both think it all over and heal at the same time; maybe in the future there will be another opportunity for your relationship or maybe not. What matters is that you continue to live your life and feel better; the pain will go away day by day and you won’t even notice it.
TLV made an excellent observation: you don’t love your ex more than how much you did before; it’s a strong chemical response. After we have been dumped, we tend to idolize our exes and put them on a pedestal even though they haven’t treated us well. Also, I repeat, it’s proved that we desire what we can’t have; right now you can’t have her and in your mind she’s become a fantastical utopia to pursue at any cost.
Focus on yourself, set yourself goals to achieve, they can be minor like losing weight, learning a new hobby, going to the gym and volunteering at your local shelter; anything that can make you feel proud of yourself.
Life is not like a chick flick; showing up at your ex’s doorsteps with flowers and declare eternal love doesn’t solve the problems; despite I have thought about it too myself sometimes.
Time will tell what this was meant to be. Stay strong!Take control of the situation.
I would decide firstly what you want to do about your money, and I believe you said you still had some of her things. If you want your money back ask her to either pay it all back at once or ask for a certain amount a month to be transferred to you. Explain those are the 2 options and thats it. If she pays monthly don’t contact her each time she pays you.
Ask her what she wants to do with her things you have. Again tell her she has a week to arrange for someone to collect for her or you will throw away. If she has blocked you on all social media you have no choice but to text. Don’t ask anything personal, or how she is. Don’t suggest meeting or talking.
You don’t need to be horrible or cold but be direct.
Don’t even think about speaking to her friends or trying to see them. It will make you look so desperate and a little like a stalker. My friend sometimes goes into the pub my ex drinks in, they say hello and have a brief conversation but never mention me……don’t involve anyone else.
I know it sounds harsh but you have to start taking control of the situation. Not for any other reason but to gain some strength in yourself.
Honestly I know how difficult breakups are but you will recover and move forward. Your emotions will go up and down but being in contact and waiting for her to come back will destroy you.
My ex literally lives a 2 minute drive from me and im sure I will bump into him one day but I will be strong enough to deal with it. I deleted my exs number today and I feel empowered!
They say time is a healer but I think we heal ourselves too.
This is way too messy to resolve and im sorry but if im brutally honest I think too much has happened for it to work now. Be strong!
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