-
Posts
-
Into week 4 now. I have been thinking about how to break no contact. Originally I was going to send a good memory text but now I think an hand written letter is better.
I will accept my role in our break up, try to outline the progress I have made without looking like I’m begging and gently ask for another chance. I don’t think saying I’m fine with just being friends is a good idea since she will just read that and instantly accept it since that is the safer option.
Thoughts?
Yes definitely, a hand written letter would be better and your idea as to what to write is very good. She needs to know you’re willing to try and make the marriage happier than it was before..
I agree, if you say you’re fine with being friends, she will think you don’t care about being married and wanting to be a family again..
Good luck:)
I was accepted to teachers college. I told everyone except my ex. I then came to the house and she found out from my mum that I had news so I was forced to tell her. She didn’t understand why I kept it from her.
Am I screwing this up?
Yes, you screwed up. You should start being more friendly and open with her!
Good reciprocal communication is important now..
Congratulations on your acceptance!!
An interesting development. Not long after we got married we put the story of our marriage into a magazine.
Today I found that magazine sitting in our living room. It turns out her mum had brought it from her house and my ex had been reading the story to our eldest daughter (9). Our daughter didn’t ask to read it, my ex just did it. I’m sure that this would have only happened in the past couple of weeks.
Was she reminiscing? What do I make of it?
I think it’s a positive sign. I’m assuming your daughter told you that your wife read the story without her asking. There’s a possibility that your daughter saw it sitting out on a table or something and asked about it. Either way, the fact your wife read the story to her is a good thing because of course you’re daughter would be curious and your wife didn’t hide the magazine, but felt okay to read it indicating she’s probably reminiscing and doesn’t harbor angry feelings:)
Try not to over-analyze everything as you go forward..
Well today we went out to a trampoline park for our sons birthday and his friends. We had friendly talks but nothing more than friendly. We then went to McDonald’s but I had to sit apart from everyone because I was hurting. My ex saw me in tears but I told her I was OK. I took the kids home but I have been in tears since then and I have only just pulled myself together.
Its not the hurt of the separation but I have such deep feelings for her. I don’t know what to do. I’m going to go to church with them tomorrow to seek advice
I’m so sorry for your sadness. Hopefully your pastor/priest will have some good advice for you.
Don’t give up hope..
Well I screwed up. At church I broke down at the end and two guys prayed for me which settled me down. I told them how I still had strong feelings for my ex. Someone else took and looked after the kids. My ex wasn’t there.
When I took the kids back home my ex was there. As soon as I walked in I gathered up my stuff but I didn’t speak while I did it and my ex was quiet too. I had every intention of telling my ex that I wasn’t angry at her but I just had to leave. She asked me first what was wrong and I told her that I wasn’t mad and that I wasn’t trying to be cold or distant but I just had to leave. I could not look at her when I said that. I walked out the door and put my stuff in my car but she followed me and kept asking what was wrong but I kept telling her that I just had to leave.
We got to the car and she held the passenger open so that I could not drive off. I told her that I just had to pick up my stuff and go and see a friend. She still kept asking me and I asked her to not ask because I would have to give an honest answer. She asked me again and I was forced too tell her that I still loved her. By this time I was deeply in tears and she started to cry too. She finally closed the door and I got in and drove off.
That was over two hours ago and now I’m sitting in the library because I just don’t want to talk to people right now. Eventually I will go home.
Well gosh, why didn’t you just say “We had a nice day” and maybe add something about the activities when you dropped off the kids??
Also, I understand you’re heartbroken, but you could have and should have answered her question the first time she asked “What’s wrong?” You can’t close yourself off from her at this point!! And instead of telling her you weren’t mad at her, you should have told her you’re just sad about the separation. By not looking her in the eye and expressing yourself, you disrespected her. But I’m glad you told her you still love her. The fact that she cried too, is probably a good sign.
I’m glad you told the two guys at church why you broke down and glad they prayed for you. I know some men have trouble expressing their emotions, but women love it when they do so. I think it’s vital for couples to find the strength to express themselves honestly as it brings them closer to understanding each other and deepens the quality of the relationship.
Like I said I screwed up. My head was clouded with strong emotions and I was not thinking clearly.
The kids saw me at church and one of her friends and someone else she knows looked after the kids so they would have noticed something was up. Her mum is there now so I’m sure they will be talking about it now.
I am at home now and my parents don’t know about it so it is likely my ex has not talked to them.
Something I don’t understand is when I told her that I still loved her she said “Do you?” I am sure she has suspected for a while that I have feelings for her yet she seemed surprised by what I said.
I have no idea what to do now. I will finish my letter but I don’t know when or if I will ever send it. It will be two weeks until I see her again so I guess I will just have to wait to see what she says.
When you told her you still love her, she replied;”Do you?” because you haven’t been acting like it and she was surprised you would say it. It seems you’ve been acting rather cold and stand-offish. You’ve been avoiding telling her anything personal, like news about your interview and acceptance to teacher’s college.
The letter you wrote is beautiful:) I think you should send it next week sometime so she has a week to think about it before you see her again.
Well my ex called my parents to check if I was OK and she told them what happened over the weekend. I told them I still have strong feelings for her and they were supportive.
Interesting to note is that she called them and not me.
That’s a very good sign. I’m sure she was concerned about you and she wasn’t getting much information as to your distress from you, so she called your parents. I hope you intend to be more open and express your feelings to your wife from this day forward.
Haven’t your parents known for several months about your strong feelings for your wife? I’m glad they were supportive and hope you plan to be more open them as well.
I wrote this comment on your other post:
The revised version of your letter is perfect:)
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.