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So me and my ex have been broken up since May 5, 2015. In which I have completed my second try at “No Contact” yesterday (6/13/15). Upon doing so I checked her Twitter and Instagram just to see her mood before reaching out to her. Since, during my first attempt at “No Contact” I made it through 17 days before reaching out to her, where she ended up asking for her things back in which she wasn’t even home to exchange things with me, I had to exchange our things with her best friend. I was devastated, pissed, depressed, and etc. that you can’t even bare to see me when you ask for your things back. I later checked her post that day and ironically she had retweeted a “common white girl problems” post about when your ex randomly text you prior to me actually reaching out.
So I slipped back into “No Contact” for the full 30 days. So I complete the 30 days and check her post prior to reaching out since I successfully completed “No Contact.” Her post for the last few days are as follows:
When squirrels are having a better summer than you |(video about squirrels doing goofy things)
Everyone’s happy in a relationships and I’m just like I have pickle chips and a cat. Does that count for anything?
So if you ask me it looks like she’s hurting, and I’m thinking I followed all the steps and I’m ready to reconnect and it looks like the odds our in my favor. Since we’d planned our summer around each other and we’re both thinking long term. I’ve already determined she’s the one for me and I believe she’s thinks the same. She’s the woman I want to marry I’ve already made up my mind.
So I text her, I keep it light, non controversial, everything the guide says to do. No response, I’m discouraged but try again today (7/14/15). The day my step son with her turns 6 months, I keep it light just like before and congratulate her on making 6 months. Once again no response.
So now I’m confused because she’s the love of my life we’ve been best friends for over 3 years, prior to us dating and I love her son and have been raising him since birth and I wish he was my own everyday . She loves how I am with him and has repeatedly told me how proud and happy she is that I love her son and am able to take care of him and act like he’s my own. They are the greatest thing to ever happen to me. But her actions are misleading. During this whole process she has reached out to me on day 10 of being broken up before “No Contact” started. But, has also showed up at my job 4 times and ignored me, throughout this whole process. But I caught her glancing my way several times in which she would proceed to look down as if I wasn’t there when she saw me look. Then the whole exchanging stuff thing and know the not responding. After my text today she posted this several hours later:
People nowadays have like a new group of friends like every two days. They break ties so easily. Like I would be lost without my friends.
So I’m like completely lost. Can she not see that I love her and I’m right here ready to take her back so we can be a family again. I’m literally right here waiting for then she post the things she post when I’m right here. What do her actions mean. Do I keep texting her for a few days or do I slip back into no contact for a week as I’ve been told.
What do I do here, I love her and just want her and my son back. It hurts so much, I got so low at one point I considered suicide twice but couldn’t go through with it because I feared she would feel the burden more so than me and I’d leave my son without a father. Both are the last things I want to happen. I’ve done everything right so far how much longer do I have to wait. Please help I still have hope. I just want my family back, please help.
Maybe she is not ready to talk yet…who broke up with who? I feel your pain. My ex bf broke up with me. Been NC since May 29.
Also, you should have the right mindset about this. Read what to do after no contact to get her back
Thank you makeupjunkie for responding and she broke up with me, though she never actually said it or did it in person. From what I understand things had been moving too quickly, though we were both mutually in it for the long haul and ready to be a family. We both still have some college left (medical school) and I believe that she thinks life is in they way, plus prior to me she had been in several bad relationships, so she’s scared since I’m the only good one. She would constantly tell me how know had ever made her feel the way I do and that she appreciates me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me and etc. They’re the best thing to ever happen to me and will not live my life without them. I can see she’s not ready but how much longer is what’s killing me. I know patience is a virtue and as a man its not my best attribute when it comes to things I care about. We live 5 min apart in the same town but not being able to be with them is like murder. My friends have seen my step-son more than me in the last 2 months.
As I mentioned earlier she reached out to me 10 days after the alleged breakup and texted me from an Astros game she was at like everything was normal. She knows I love baseball and it’s my passion at heart. We texted throughout the game said everything was normal then after the game ended she went cold. Then we had one date already planned prior to the breakup, I gave her the option to cancel but she came and didn’t seem to interested in talking but thanked me gave me a hug and said I’ll see you later when it was all said and done. Then after that it was me trying to reach out to her being semi ignored until I started no contact. Which brings us back to today.
We used to talk in the morning, throughout the day, and at night everyday for god knows how long. We couldn’t go a day without talking at least once and know over 2 months of hell.
She has to be missing me right? How much longer can she go through this, I know she’s missing me. My son misses me when I do see him I can see it in his eyes, he remembers and recognizes me though he’s still an infant.
I’m hopeful and pray everyday, but it kills me that I know I now have to wait even longer. I’ll always wait for her but, does anyone have any idea how much longer or what I should do? Can I give it another week then try again? Should I flat out confront her? Should I just assume I’m at deaths door and right the letter? I’m all over the place now, I’ve found things that make me happy but, it doesn’t last. I was always happy with them even when apart. I know it’ll work out but I’m so close and it hurts so much. It’s starting to affect my sleep again after she ignored my first attempt to reach out to her I struggled sleeping that night. I’m going to stay positive but being ripped away from your family hurts, any advice on what to do? Wait a week before reaching out, hope she reaches out first, try her tomorrow? In just so lost yet she’s right there and I just can’t seem to reach her.
P.s. I apologize if I become redundant in my statements and etc. I’m just trying to clear my chest. Thanks I look forward to everyone’s responses.
Hey John,
Judging from you email you are having a terrible time at the moment and it’s just one of those situations you have no control. To me it sounds like both of you need space to work out things. I’m not the greatest fan of doing this but in your case I think you need some closure. Pick up the phone and call her, have a list of bullet points you want to go through i front of her which you will flesh out and most of all be calm and don’t break. If she doesn’t answer then just send a text saying “Hey was just calling to say a quick hi, nothing major. Call me when you get a chance” If she doesn’t respond to that you will need to go and live your life, who knows months or even years down the road you guys may reconnect. But for now you need to recover and not panic. Don’t ever contemplate suicide because it’s a long term solution for a short term problem. At the end of the day there are more people in the world that love you than there are that don’t so don’t deprive those good people of you. Mate all of us have gone through what you’re going through….you have your life mapped out and then all of a sudden boom…..it’s gone. But the good news is after time we all recover.
Villans_army thanks for the insight. It’s just so hard being so close yet so far away, it’s so frustrating that she’s ignoring me when I know she loves me. Plus all the things I’ve missed in my step-sons life because of this really hurts, all the things that I could’ve been there for but wasn’t allowed too because she didn’t want to see me. He’s grown so much and I’ve missed it all, when I was ready willing and able to be there. It’s like driving a stake throughly heart. So now I’m faced with a new dilemma, some of my friends want to go by her job and hangout and I was invited. She works most Friday’s so she’ll probably be there. But, should I go? Should I not go? Should I ask if she’s working? Should I tell her that I might stop by to give her a heads up so things don’t get worse. Should I try calling her to get some closure as Villains_army suggested? Should I do it in person if I go? Should I not go and try reaching out to her again in a week? If I go and I’m ignored or I can see that my presence is hurting her I’m going to be devastated. I only want things to get better not any worse than they already are, but what if I go and we work things out. I’m just so lost like I said earlier all I want is my family back. Any advice?
Man this seems harsh but don’t go anywhere near her work place, your mates should know better than to suggest going there. Surely there are other places you guys can go. You will see her living a normal life and chances are she may ignore you and you will feel like shit. Trust me you will. You just need to avoid the girl at all costs until you at least chat to her on the phone. Sounds like you aren’t ready yet and that if you did talk you would pour your heart out. I was doing NC and my ex was one of the coldest hardest girls known to man kind. I missed her so bloody much, every time I logged on to facebook all I could see was her in pictures with loads of new guys. Imagine looking at that crap. My friend said just stay off facebook, he’s absolutely right. Why do something that upsets you? She soon saw after some time that I wasn’t going to contact her and no matter what pictures went up on facebook I wasn’t going to react. Eventually I started living my own life, going out for beers, weekends away etc and of course my friends posted pics! Not she likes everything that goes up on facebook with me in it. Trust me dude the no contact works…..not for getting your ex back but to build your own self esteem. Join a gym, go for a run but just put her to the back of your mind for now. But DO NOT go hang out where she works. You really need to remember that you did nothing wrong and this is out of your control, the ball is in her court and you just need to leave it there for her to move next. I can’t stress how easy it gets. Don’t let her see that you can’t go on without her.
Thanks for all the advice I’m probably not going to go with them. Her and I used to work together and have some mutual friends, so when she changed jobs it was common for my friends and me to head over there and visit. I’d get to see my girlfriend, hang out with friends, and she got to catchup with old coworkers and etc. But, since the incident I haven’t been over there, while several of my friends have. I’m sure she’s noticed, but then again she’s been by my job several times. But I’ve yet to show her that I can’t live without her as there’s nothing on my social media profiles to begin with. They’re really there just to find people I’ve lost contact with and business purposes. If you really want to find out what’s going on in my life you just text or call me. So I’m quite sure she has no idea how I’m doing. But, her ignoring me after nearly 47 days of NC (17 from try 1 and 30 from try 2) was a huge setback for me. I’m still hopeful and I believe truly that things will work out. I do understand this time is for me but, I thought I was done with the hard stuff which was the waiting but now I have to wait longer. I’ll give her the time she needs, but our relationship was so close. We were looking at houses though we can’t afford them yet, but it was like “This is where we’re going to live and raise our son.” I’ve read (in Relationship Rewind) that the harder she tries to push you away the more emotional she is about it. Is that true? But, if that is true that’s a good thing right? That means she’s having trouble coping with her decision, which means she’s not sure if she made the correct one? I don’t find comfort in knowing if she’s missing me or not, but knowing she’s struggling as much as I am with it, lets me know that she still cares about me and makes me more hopeful that we still have a chance. But, her being cold doesn’t let me know what’s going on in her head and makes me fear that she’s becoming indifferent. But, like I said I’m hopeful. It was just a major setback for me and Villan_Army if you don’t mind and you think it will help, were you able to get your ex back?
Plus I hope your right, I hope it does get easy soon because I’m staying strong but it feels like I’m starting to loose grip. But, if it does get easy can you give me an example of how easy? If you think it’ll help, at least until me and her are able to reconcile.
You just have to keep busy. Keep yourself busy. That feeling of having a knot in your stomach will go away eventually. Does not mean it hurts any less or think about them any less..but for your own well being you have to keep your mind busy. I know how you feel trust me.
Hey John,
Regarding the article you read I guess I can’t give advise on that because even though these articles are written by experts everyone is an individual and doesn’t always play by the rules. I’ll give you an example of getting back an ex….I met a girl from another country (not too far away) she was absolutely EVERYTHING I was looking for in a women. I thought I picked her out of a catalog! We stayed in contact and started flying back and forth, we talked about one of us making the big move. I would have gladly made that leap because I adored her. Then one day she just went cold and said we don’t click, I don’t have feelings for you any more bla bla bla. I was devastated to the point I had to call in to work sick, I couldn’t look at anything that reminded of her. I’m not an over religious person but man did I pray! I just couldn’t function! After some time we got back in contact and started the cycle all over again. Oddly enough she pulled the exact same shit again. Once again I was devastated. Life was shit, work was shit everything was shit! Problem was I was not a confident person and I always thought what is she doing with me. Then I thought well she finally got her eye sight back and dumped me! My self esteem was just at an all time low. Moral of the story John, yes it’s ALWAYS possible to get your ex back but it’s not always the best for yo in the ling run. Funny enough a year after this girl I ended up meeting someone else which almost jump started my heart! Again she was great bla bla bla! And guess what! After a year and a half she dumped me! (reason why I’m here!) But to be honest I’m not as upset because I’ve been through this before (where you are now) and I’ll pull through.
Believe me John one day you could be renting a DVD or on a bus and you will just meet someone who you completely connect with and boom you realize there is more to life than the one who didn’t want a relationship.
I will say one thing about the article which is spot on. Don’t waste the 30 ways watching the calendar and waiting to contact her. Use it constructively, join a gym, take a cookery course (always women there), go on a holiday….even a weekend away. But enjoy life. Believe me when you look like you’re having fun again and doing stuff you will become more attractive. Like I said I’ve been doing alot of activities recently which were simple but I had so much fun and of course my mates posted pics on face book and my ex liked them all. I’m pretty sure she wasn’t expecting me to be doing as well as I am. But again it’s not for her it’s for me. John after 6 months of being by yourself you might eventually smell the coffee and think she wasn’t right for me after all.
Thank you both for responding. Well today is the day, I’m probably not going to go by her job. Thanks for all of the advice I’ll try to stay occupied and try her again on a later date. Hopefully this won’t go on to much longer because I have to leave town next month for about a month and she usually sends me off and we talk everyday until I get back. Hopefully it’s all better by then, wish me luck. Hope to have my girl and son back soon. Thanks for everything. Best of luck to y’all in your endeavors.
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