-
Posts
-
So before I start venting to you all, yes….I’m fully 100% aware that many people will believe me to be an asshole. It was a horrible and unforgivable thing to do to someone that you love. But I’m here seeking advice, so please keep the “you’re a dick”, “you deserve this”, etc…comments to yourself (or at least to a minimum).
Here goes, When I met my (now) ex, I had just gotten out of a very rocky and unhealthy 2 year relationship, one where I had almost no freedom because my then girlfriend was very controlling. Of course I was upset about the breakup at that time, but things had been bad for awhile and I saw it coming. So I was able to get over it rather quickly.
Now comes along the girl that I’m talking about in the title. We met on Facebook right around the time of my breakup, and we instantly hit it off. We started Skyping every Sunday, we texted and talked on the phone all the time…things were going great! And I really started to fall for this girl and wanted to be with her very badly…the distance sucked though. I’m in Nebraska and she’s in Florida. Eventually, I asked her to be my girlfriend…and agreed that our relationship would be exclusive. This is where my problem started. I started to feel as if I jumped the gun way too soon, since my last breakup was relatively fresh and I didn’t take the time to be single for a bit, so I started to get the urge to release some of this tension in order to clear my head. I felt that I was going to be in this for the long haul. So yes…I cheated, with multiple women. And no, not something that I am proud of, nor do I condone. I felt bad the first time, and after the next few times I said to myself “what the fuck am I doing?”…I had a beautiful and loyal woman that thought the world of me. And I led her to believe that I wasn’t doing these things.
So I quit that, immediately. I broke off all contact with anyone that I associated with and put all of my best efforts into making my girlfriend happy. Yet I couldn’t bare to tell her what I had done. I was scared to….I didn’t want to lose her. A few more months go by and we finally meet eachother in person when I fly down to Florida to see her. I was so nervous that I almost couldn’t kiss her when we met. She did the same thing though, which I thought was adorable. We spent a whole week together, and I can honestly say that it was, hands down, the best week of my life. I’ve never felt true happiness like that, that kind of love from someone else. It just made it worse when I had to leave her to fly back home…we were both crying messes at the airport. But I told her to stay strong, and that I would be back before you know it. We went back to our long distance routine of Skyping every Sunday, calling and texting, etc…we missed each other like crazy. And this is when we start talking about moving in together, and whether I was going to move there and she come live with me. There were some obligations that I had to get in order before moving like school, work, all that stuff. School was the biggest issue and it would have been a year before I would be ready, since almost no college down there would accept my transfer credits. A couple months go by and I fly back down to Florida to see her again (our greeting was much more romantic this time haha). We spent another week together, and the topic of moving kept coming up a lot. Neither of us wanted to be away from eachother anymore. Until I just straight up asked her, “Why not come back to Nebraska with me?” She was hesitant at first, but she eventually agreed. I bought another one way ticket for her to come back on my flight with me.
Once we were back, we began having quite a few problems with our roommates…none of them really liked me. I was the primary on the lease for the house we were living at, and wasn’t interested in making my home a frat house that parties all the time. That was what they wanted though. So our hostilities started from there. As well as the other girl that was living with us felt it was necessary to call my girlfriend “this bitch” or “this cunt” instead of calling her by her name (keep in mind, she has never spoken a word to or met her in her entire life). So stress at the house was obviously not easy on our relationship.
Now, my ex has trust issues. And there were a couple other things I did while she was still in Florida that made her start to question me. Things like liking other girls pictures on Facebook or playfully flirting in comments. But I stopped that as well and quickly apologized for my actions. That didn’t, however, ease her trust issues. She began checking my computer history and text messages on my phone to see if there wasn’t anything that I was hiding. I didn’t like the invasion of privacy, but I didn’t want her to feel like I was hiding anything. So I let her have access to that and my Facebook account. I guess there was a conversation with me and friend of mine talking about a girl that I had over one night. At that point she started making plans to go back to Florida.
I then thought to myself, “I love this girl more than anything. And I want nothing more than to have a life with her.” So…I bought her a ring. Not an engagement ring, those were not the circumstances I wanted to propose under. But a ring that would serve as a symbol of my devotion to her. I prepared a nice meal, bought candles, and wrote an apology letter before presenting her with the ring. She saw my regret in what I had done, I was damn near a sobbing mess. She agreed to give me another chance, but it’s obvious that I was on a short lease for that. Which I expected and was fine with. I committed the ultimate sin in a relationship, so I deserved that. A couple more months go by and we eventually make it to our anniversary, which was amazing. We rented a room at a wilderness lodge at a state park nearby where we lived, which I never knew existed until just before this. In the time between then and the time she discovered I cheated, we had our good and bad moments. Just like any couple. But what made our anniversary so special was the fact that, even with all of the bad things that had happened, we were still able to reach a milestone like that. We felt like our love could conquer anything, no matter what.
But shortly after this, things started to get worse with our roommates. My girlfriend became friends with my roommate’s (who was once my best friend) girlfriend. They hung out alot while I was at work or school, and naturally he would be with them sometimes as well. I don’t know what sort of fascination that he had with my personal business and life, but he felt it necessary to tell her about the other women that I had been with before meeting her in person. I’m not using this as an excuse to condone my actions, but I believe that people’s personal business should be their’s and their’s alone, unless the feel it necessary to disclose it. So she started making plans to go back home again….and it was a certain thing this time.
But we still had to live under the same roof, so I tried to do whatever I could to show her that I was serious about us and our relationship. A lot of time, we acted normally and did all the cute things we used to as if nothing had ever happened. Our sex life was active, we went out on dates, we spent quality time together. Of course arguments still came up though. But one thing that gave me a ray of sunshine happened one night when her, my roommate, and his girlfriend were all hanging out at her apartment. She had brought another guy over to introduce him to my girlfriend to try to get her to forget about me…almost as if they were pressuring her to have sex with the guy. She called me early in the morning to tell me what had happened, and that she did try to have sex with this guy, but couldn’t bring herself to fully go through with it. She asked me to come get her cause she was freaked out with the whole situation. I was out the door like my ass was on fire. We got back to our place and we had the most amazing love making we’ve ever had…never once had we ever felt that close to each other. In her words “being with me felt so right.”
Fast forward to today, and she is now back in Florida. About 2 months have passed since she left. At first she regretted going home, and said that she wishes she could come back, but now she’s saying that I’m a pathological liar, a cheater, that I’m never going to change, and that I don’t know how to make her happy. And everything that I have tried in order to win her back has been nothing but counterproductive (being overly affectionate, trying no contact, begging and bargaining, focusing on hobbies or trying to better myself, etc)…..nothing works. I know that she is who I want to be with and that she is the person that makes me happy. But now I’m worried that I’m about to lose her forever. I apologize for the novel of a post, but can anybody, ANYWHERE, give me any advice at all on what course of action I should take. I’m running out of time, and I’m to the point where I’ll try anything.You’ll hate to hear this. But with all of what I’m reading this relationship can’t be mend right now. The foundation is too horrible and it has way too much luggage.
If it’s meant to be it will happen but this is too heavily loaded to get fixed or mend by an NC of 1 month. I can’t tell you how long exactly but there’s so much work for you to do and you know it as well.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.