Hurts too much to talk to him. Should I give up?

[JessR]

Due to long distance issues, my ex and I ended our relationship about six months ago. We were happily engaged, but we had one silly argument, he said the wrong thing, and I ended it forever. I wish I wouldn’t have. There’s more to the story, but it is irrelevant right now. …..

We are long past the NC period, and I finally decided to unblock him from Facebook, and send him a message. He was so happy to hear from me, told me he missed me, and loved me….BUT he has had a girlfriend for the past 4-5 months. Then he told me he bought her a car, and I saw him say “till death do us apart,” on her Facebook. I don’t know how he could move on so fast! Now I feel like I wasn’t really that special to him.

So we have just begun talking, but it hurts way too much. I can’t handle talking to him, thinking he loves her more than me. I asked him to not tell me he loves me, because it hurts to love him so much, but know he loves her more. Then he said “I love you” again, anyway. Of course he will always love me…but maybe not the way I want to be loved.

I don’t know if I should tell him I can’t handle the pain, and just give up(?), or if I should ask him to not mention her, and try to fight through the pain that is affecting me 24/7, to see what happens(?).

…I don’t know if he really does love her more…I just feel it wasn’t true love between us if he was able to move on so fast.

[kaila]

JessR i dont even know what to tell you. Just know I am wishing you the best and lots of strength

[JessR]

Thank you, but yeah, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if he is just trying to hurt me because he mentioned the gf and car, or if he is actually still in love with me, because of how many times he as already said “I love you.”

[JessR]

He wasn’t willing to talk with me on Skype, so I guess he doesn’t really love me that much. I think he loves her more….the NC period was too long. I gave him too much time to fall in love with someone else. Or maybe he just didn’t love me as much as he said he did. Or maybe she is just better than me.

[pineappleblue]

@jessR

She is not better than you. She may be different to you, but definitely not better! Please don’t put yourself down like that.. This is a time you need to truly believe in yourself!
And don’t blame yourself for him moving on, he made those decisions and by the sounds of it he made them pretty quickly..
You are in an awful predicament but it seems he is having his cake and eating it! Especially since, by telling you he loves you, you are more than friends! I think you need to back off and let him come to you if he loves you! I know how difficult that must be but if he’s going to come back, he has to come back ready to commit fully! You don’t deserve any less!
Please keep your chin up and focus on yourself for a while! x

[JessR]

Thank you. I think you’re right.
But…
I said I wanted to skype, and then I would leave him alone. He told me he couldn’t skype, he will miss me, and that he would leave ME alone….forever! ….He is willing to never talk to me again for the rest of his life!!
🙁 So I guess he loves her more.
So I wrote a letter that was probably too long, telling him I can’t speak to him anyway, because it hurts too much. It hurts he moved on so fast, and that he is so serious with another woman so soon.
I feel like he won’t even read my message. I hope he does, but I don’t think he will respond. I don’t think he will ever say anything to me again.
He used to tell me I was his one and only true love, and I know our love was amazing and real. I never stopped loving him for even a second.
…. I wish he loved me more than her.

[pineappleblue]

I’m so sorry! It’s the worst feeling in the world, especially when you’ve had all these promises of a ‘forever love’. Trust me, I know where you are coming from!
I think you need to start NC again and see where it gets you! People say and do things they maybe don’t mean when they feel they are being pressured! At the moment he can say those things because he knows that it won’t stop you from being there waiting for him.. Show him you can manage without him (you can, I promise, you just don’t want to) and it’ll make him sit up and think about the way he’s treating you!
It may not make him come back but it will give you the best chance at him doing so! x

[JessR]

I don’t know what to think. I can’t imagine him loving her more than he loved me, because we shared a love that was too amazing to find so easily with another. I really don’t think he does, but yet all the evidence nearly proves he loves her more than he EVER loved me. So I don’t know. I’m obviously confused, and I want to send him a million messages, but I know that would not be good. ….I feel like the messages I already sent, is enough reassurance for him, so he will never have second thoughts about choosing her over me. I feel like I messed up so badly, because he was talking to me, telling me he loves me, and I completely lost that in a few days.
On the first day, he told me that if I would have spoken to him sooner, then we would be together. So I was NOT calm, and I said way too much, and now he will not talk to me again. I know I messed up, but he has probably fallen in love too much now, to come back to me anyway.

[JessR]

A little while ago, I was asking a friend how my ex was doing. My friend said (exact words), “From what I heard from others, the break up hit him hard. They said that he hasn’t been the same as he was with you. One person told me that you two seemed to be made for one another. She noticed how you two were so happy together.”
My friend told me he also thought my ex seemed happier with me. That made me feel better, because I thought he must still love me.
I just want to ask him to honestly tell me if he loved me more, or if he loves her more than he ever loved me. …but I am too afraid of the answer.

[pineappleblue]

If your afraid of the answer you need to wait until your ready to accept it, either way. We cannot make them love us, you just have to remind them of why they did. And i’m betting begging, pleading and being an emotional wreck isnt one of the reasons. Be strong and independent and beautiful!
I know how hard that is, and to be honest, i should be taking a dose of my own medicine but it really is THE best way.

[JessR]

I don’t know how to remind him of why he loved me. Ive only been reminding him of the opposite. 🙁

[JessR]

I was so mad he said no to Skype with me, I said, “Talking to me on Skype is better anyway, because there is no proof of you saying things your gf might be upset about….for example, telling your ex you love her, and miss her.” …oops!!!! I’m sure blackmail and threats will not get him back. No wonder he won’t answer me. I feel terrible.

…I just can’t beleive he loves someone new so much already! I can’t believe he has completely gotten over me so quickly, and already wants to spend the rest of his life with this new girl, and already bought her a car! I’ve spent every night for the past six months crying over him, but he moved on just fine!

I feel he is happier with her, and I don’t think he will ever want me back. I guess I can live with that…. I think I’m just not letting go of the fact that he moved on so fast. That is what hurts me so much.
I thought she was just a rebound, but it’s more than that. Maybe he loves her more, all the evidence proves he does, but our love was too amazing for me to beleive he found better. I know he thought I was his true love at the time. I just need him to truthfully tell me how he feels now.
…maybe he does love me more, but he just doesn’t want me back. I could live with that. But if he does love her more, I will always wonder what is wrong with me.

[JessR]

Instead of answering me, he posted a picture of him and his gf on Facebook, with the caption, “My girl. You are an amazing woman. Love you forever and always.”
He used to say that to me, but he never put pictures of us on Facebook.
I think he loved me more, but I hurt him too much, and he knows he has to move on. I just wanted him to tell me his love for me was all true, and he regrets losing me. He wasn’t supposed to get over me so fast! I hate how he moved on so disgustingly soon, and it kills me that he wants to spend his life with HER now.
I’m hoping he will say something to me after sending him a long letter, pouring out all of my emotions to him (before I saw the picture). Bu I’m going to give up now. I have to. It’s over.
I know I will find love again, but I will always be hurt.

[pineappleblue]

I’m so sorry your having to go through this! It’s not fair and it sucks..
I think you need to let him get on with it! It appears that talking to him and telling him your feelings doesn’t seem to be working! Maybe now it’s time to try it the other way? If that doesn’t work either then you’ll know for sure! But for now just give him space! I know your worrying he’ll forget you or fall further in love with her, but you pushing him will actually make them closer believe it or not!
Keep your chin up and concentrate on yourself for a little while!

[kalicooldude]

On first paragraph you mentioned you broke up with him forever
Second when you felt good you unblocked him and tried to connect with him
When he has moved on you have any issues or problems with it.

So looks like you are working with your own flexibility and heart and you didn’t care about him that time,and now you want him to love you the same way he use to do it before.

So take it easy and be patient if he is interested he will come back and but if he doesn’t you were the one who ended the 1st time.

Right ?

[Author]

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