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Hi patricia, would like your thoughts on something
I followed her on her tiktok, but she “removed” my follow and said that it wouldnt look good if her bf ever went to look at her tiktok page and saw her ex (me) was following her.. i said okay
Then she was telling me that I’m “the best friend she’s ever had”. “And sometimes im like should we have ever even got romantically involved, bc somehow I feel our friendship is tainted?”
I asked why she thinks its tainted and she said
“Like sometimes I just think to myself im so grateful youre in my life.. because you understand me youre always here for me and i feel like nothing we do will ever create a distance between us”
Then I said that we’re close because we got romantically involved and saw more of each other etc and she agreed
then asked me if I had feelings for her still to which I said that shes a nice girl, I like talking to her but I dont know bc I havent seen her in so long, “but I dont think I do” (which I know I do, but playing it cool)
She kinda glossed over it and said that she hasnt seen me in 6 months, but it feels like so much less.. she also agreed that all our nice memories from long time ago (last summer, and before) feel like a couple of weeks ago..
Then she asked me to watch a movie with her on Netflix which we ended up doing and just finished!
PS:
Lately, she has been asking me questions like “if i was still your gf..” and we were talking about a guy who tweets weird things on twitter and she said “if i got with you and saw you tweeted like that id run away” …
Then this day 3 years ago, we were hooking up in my room (when we first started dating in 2017), and my friend showed up and it was cut short — I also was in physical pain due to the nature of the intimate things we were doing (sorry if this is tmi).. we always joked about this in a flirtatious way like (remember that đ ) and I posted a picture of me and my friend from that day today and she replied to it laughing and saying “omg that was this day 3 years ago??” (referring to when I was in pain bc of us being sexual) and i joked saying “worst day of my life” and she said “oh stop hahahah”
But isnt that a little inappropriate to be joking about with your ex while you have a bf?
Sometime last week, I also joked about how she always takes good photos of me, and she said I’m easy to take photos of bc I’m goodlooking… as well on Friday we called and she said she wasn’t bothered calling anyone else but she would talk to me as we could just chill on the phone… I think all of these things seem a little inappropriate to be doing while IN a relationship…
She also said that her sisters really like me, and always say so as well. Then said that her sisters dont really like the new boyfriend… which was funny to me but at least i have some soldiers on the field lol
But anyway, I am half hoping that she realises slowly that she does like me still (due to the whole “you understand me, youre there for me, nothing can cause distance, youre my best friend” thing, i feel thats such a pure starting ground for a relationship and love, and imo, your s/o should be your best friend who you can say anything to, which I am for her..
Let me know what you think. Am i on the right track?
@JohnJ786 You missed an opportunity when she asked if you still have feelings for her! You should have said yes.. The truth is better than playing mind games (playing it cool). She might be ‘testing the waters’ so to speak, maybe because she doesn’t want to be the first one to say she still has romantic feelings about you OR she might be using you as a backup plan in case it doesn’t work out with him in the long run..
Are you the one who brought up the subject of the hook up day again? I don’t know if it’s inappropriate of her to be joking about it with you, but it is funny.
She contacts you and gives you compliments, but she’s still “with” James who she says is sweet and kind. It seems she doesn’t know how to set boundaries. She flirts with you while being involved with another man.
We actually ended up watching a movie together that night.. was very nice
Maybe a night or two later she thanked me for making her feel wanted ie I wanted her around
She also said âyouâre the best at making me happyâ
I told her one night a few nights ago how much I appreciate her and she said I make her feel really good and nice.. and that no one has appreciated her more than I do. She started crying so much when I said this to her… I feel like that might be a sign of feelings? Idk
The next few days, it has been very quiet with her.. 2 days ago she was complaining how her man got mad at her for not liking a show that he loves.. stupid argument and kinda childish of him. Then she was saying she felt weird as she thinks he might be bi (growing up in a conservative household, it was new to her thus made her feel a little weird – but she is okay with it)
She was also venting to me about how she knows when she tells her parents about him, that itâs gonna create a huge dent in her parents relationship with her. She said she plans on doing it after 2 years, but said âif it even lasts that long lolâ which was strange to me that she doubted it for a second
Yesterday, I sent her a video of me yawning and stretching in bed and she âreplayedâ it and âlikedâ the video, and called me âa big babyâ – all things sheâd do when she liked me
However, us talking at night is kinda over now, we barely talk anymore. Itâs kinda hard.. đ since April started she has been kinda distant with me
Last week, start of April, I went back and told her I think I do have feelings for her – but thatâs itâs okay and Iâm not hurting etc.
Maybe that is why sheâs closed off with me more but everything I mentioned (apart from the movie thing) happened after I told her I liked her still
But I am feeling a little sad about things… she told me earlier that she FaceTimed him and met his brother… made me feel a bit strange still that she likes him that much as to FaceTime him and stuff all the time… I was reading over our old texts of when sheâd tell me Iâm the one for her etc and that she so sure etc and I just got sad comparing it to where we are today… going to take some space and ignore her for a couple days
I forgot to include, she was jokingly saying to me the other day âremember the night at the hotel… well I think Iâm pregnantâ … âremember we held handsâ (we got very intimate that night we spent at a hotel a couple days before she left – when she told me she loved me again)
It was a joke She was making that she got pregnant because we held hands.. but she said it quite randomly so she was thinking about that night…
@JohnJ786 This keeps dragging on and on with casual conversations and some statements by her that almost seem as though she’s flirting, but with nothing substantial said as to what it all means. It’s almost as if you’re the “friend” she can vent to.. You might consider no contact for awhile so she could start to understand what life would be without you. And it still seems as if she considers you an option in case things don’t work out with James. At any rate, I guess you will know more in August.
So not much happened since the last message, not sure if I mentioned but her and her man had a fight for like an hour bc he was mad she didnât like his favourite show
Then a couple days later told me he made a YouTube video about a certain artist, explaining why he likes him but it was a very strange long video and she said she doesnât know how to feel about it
But! Yesterday! She was upset about the current news etc and I comforted her, then she sent a voice message basically saying:
âIdk if itâs weird or if itâs even right for me to say this to u since I have a boyfriend or whatever tf, but you bring me so much comfort, like youâre the only person who brings me so much comfort. Whenever I feel sad I think how much comfort you bring me and any time I feel like my life is just sh*t I think that I have you as a friend and I honestly feel so so much betterâ
Although she said the âas a friendâ thing, she acknowledged that saying this to me may not be right as she has a bf, so she may have meant it in a âmore than friendsâ manner ….
And today! I replied to her story of a selfie of her calling her pretty and she actually laughed, playfully said thank you and called me pretty back! Then, we FaceTimed for 45 mins! I even talked to her sisters and we were talking and laughing and smiling the whole time it was really nice. Then afterwards she initiated convo with me again, thanking me for calling her and saying she laughed so much
Then she initiated convo again and I didnât reply till later in the night and we talked for a few hours. She was jokingly going through my old embarrassing Facebook posts and teasing me about them and laughing so much. It was really nice
Idk, but I just have this gut feeling shes starting to get some kinda feelings back for me… it doesnât seem like her and her bf are speaking a bunch as they would before as sheâs speaking to me a lot these days…
What do you think of these new updates? Whatâs your thoughts?
@JohnJ786 Sounds like more of the same sort of banter to me. Good luck..
You dont think her saying any of these things:
ie
âIdk if itâs weird or if itâs even right for me to say this to u since I have a boyfriend or whatever tf, but you bring me so much comfort, like youâre the only person who brings me so much comfort. Whenever I feel sad I think how much comfort you bring me and any time I feel like my life is just sh*t I think that I have you as a friend and I honestly feel so so much betterâ
Means anything? All of my friends are saying that no one says stuff like that to an ex.. especially when you have a boyfriend.. I insist to them that she says we’re only friends but they keep telling me she sees me as more. Shouldn’t her boyfriend be the one who makes her feel this way? She used to mention him everyday but she doesnt really mention him much anymore …
@JohnJ786 She has been giving you compliments all along.. it’s more of the same sort of banter, just different words.
âLike sometimes I just think to myself im so grateful youre in my life.. because you understand me youre always here for me and i feel like nothing we do will ever create a distance between usâ
âyou understand me, youre there for me, nothing can cause distance, youre my best friendâ
She also said James is âso supportive and listensâ.
Until or unless she breaks up with James, you’re on the outside looking in. I don’t know why you continue to dissect and analyze her every word looking for signs/hope that she wants you more than James. I suggest if you want to continue friendly casual conversations, do it. But maybe nothing definitive will be known until August..
So not too much has happened since I last posted. Things got dry between us and she got a little unresponsive. One day 2 weeks ago, I was upset about something and she reminded me that I’m the only person who brings her comfort and calms her down, and she means it. Things were cool. We also watched a couple of episodes of a show she wanted to show me.
We had a small “argument” about her wanting space or something a few days ago – I wasnt in the wrong and she realised this and apologised profusely. The next day I woke up to a huge apology from her and I accepted it. The rest of the day, she was very sweet with me, for example:
1. I posted a pic on Instagram, one she took of me back when we would hang out in 2018 before we got together, and she replied to it saying “heyy this day was so fun. We should do it again for old times sake” … That day we went suit shopping, to a museum and had lunch and coffee after, it was so nice. She said the museum trip was short but she enjoyed the company (me). I said I always have a great time with her and she said “I could say the same”
2. Later on, I asked her if she’s free to watch a movie with me later, and she liked my message and said yes she is, we chose a movie and planned to watch it but rescheduled for the next day
3. The next day, we ended up not watching it as she was genuinely too tired and thats okay. Although, later in the night, she talked to me about something. She told me that she feels guilty sometimes for talking to me, because her boyfriend knows we’re friends and we talk, but he doesn’t know we’re good friends and that we talk as much as we do. She said she talks to me more than she talks to her boyfriend. I reassured her its cool and no big deal. She said her bf is cool with us being friends, but he doesnt know that we watch movies together and talk as much as we do..
4. She has been decreasingly responsive to me ever since that day she was being super sweet after our “argument” which she fessed up to. Today, she was saying that her bf asked her to marry him over facetime… I was shocked.. later she revealed it was a joke and she’s messing with me.. I’m a little confused as to why she would do this kinda joking with me? A few days ago she also “joked” that her bf was talking to other girls on Tinder and that she was hurt… Why jokes about him specifically.. We facetimed for 2 mins then earlier today and just waved at each other but she had to hang up as her mother walked into the room
5. I also learned that her best friend despises her boyfriend James. She told me months ago that her sisters aren’t too fond of him either. All of her friends like me a lot so I think that’s a plus in my column lol
I feel she is slowly and slowly warming up to me… She recognises that talking to me as much as she does is probably not right since she’s in a relationship with her new bf, but she still wants to do that, she still wants to watch movies with me and still wants to call me and stuff.
I think the “I talk to you more than I talk to him” thing is significant as It shows her and her bf don’t spend too much time “connecting” if that makes sense, especially while being long-distance, texting is important to keep that love alive. And I know the more she speaks to me, the more she becomes drawn to me as well.
In 2018, a couple days before her thing with the guy back then ended, she said the same thing, that she feels bad me and her talk more than she does with the guy she’s dating…
But the thing is, she doesn’t feel guilty or bad for texting me, she enjoys talking to me, but she feels bad as she’s worried how it might make her bf feel.
That’s all the updates for now. Currently I’m trying to get her to watch the movie we planned on watching together, and hopefully will get her on a facetime call pretty soon!
@JohnJ786 You have to ask yourself what type of woman wouldn’t be open and honest with her boyfriend James? It seems she’s messing with your emotions..
You’re still trying to analyze her every word and yet you still don’t know if she loves you or loves James.
Couple days ago, she texted me as she was crying sad as she had a fight w her dad and I called her and comforted her. Later that night, we had a long talk about our relationship and what happened after our relationship etc. it got very heavy
We both felt weird the next 2 days and she text me last night saying she feels uncomfortable being close friends with me and just wants to be friends, that we dont have to talk everyday etc.
I made her communicate with me and tell me why she feels uncomfortable so I can alleviate anything. I reassured her I have no hidden agenda and that I only see her as a friend. She said she feels uncomfortable and confused as she likes and wants to be close with me, but knows that her bf would not be happy with it and that she feels uncomfortable hiding it from him, but also feels uncomfortable telling him about it too due to the fact he would be upset.
I asked if he said he isnt happy with us being friends what she would do and she said repeatedly that she doesnt know what she would do in that situation but that she wants to make her relationship work and she doesnt want to be in a position where she is closer with me and talks to me (her ex) more than her boyfriend. I feel like I already tick those 2 boxes thats why she is concerned very much about it
We talked and I calmed her down, and she said she feels better. Next morning (so today) she text me saying sorry and that she doesn’t know what BS she was on last night. Convo has been dry as I’ve been busy studying and we havent spoken much since.
My friend said that she is only feeling uncomfortable because she DOES have deeper feelings for me, more than she would like to admit to herself, because if she only saw me as a friend then she wouldnt be so upset about it. My ex said that if I we never dated then she would have no issue with being close with me, as she was reminded of our “baggage” the other night or something…
But I think I agree with my friend that she is only feeling uncomfortable as she has feelings for me, while being with her current boyfriend…
She told me “Never ever underestimate your value in my life”
What do you think about this?
@JohnJ786 ..OR she feels uncomfortable because she is texting with you more than her boyfriend and she feels guilty for not being honest with him.
You wrote:”I reassured her I have no hidden agenda and that I only see her as a friend”. We both know that’s a lie. Your agenda is to get her back and you want to be much more than friends.
Don’t initiate any texts and stop asking her how she feels!
The drama just keeps dragging on and on..
Ever since that talk (around 6 May?) she has texted me every single day at least once
She sent me a screenshot of a video of me that i sent her days ago, like a couple days after that talk
A couple days after, she said randomly âI canât believe Iâve seen your penisâ âthatâs so weirdâ
Then I sent her a meme about performing oral with teeth and she laughed a lot and said she was about to send me that. I said I canât believe Iâve seen her penis Then she said âmines prettierâ
Few days later, she randomly asked me âdo u think we were sexually attracted to each otherâ and was saying how we would have had to work on that part of our relationship due to our inexperience but agreed with me that we both knew what the other liked and did have sexual chemistry. She said she thinks we had great chemistry everywhere else but she doesnât know about sexually. Not sure why she brought this up lol. But i think we got to an agreement that we were sexually attracted to each other but didnt get many opportunities to explore etc (though we did explore a little bit)
Then proceeding that, she said this the following days:
– Said sheâs grateful Iâm her friend
– Said I have a comforting voice twice. I sent her a voice message and she said its comforting, then i sent another and she said its so so comforting
– I said the back of her head looked nice and she said âthe back of my head yesâ (meaning her ass)There was nothing ever since then, wchich was about 2-3 weeks ago. Then last night, we had a talk where she was basically saying how she wont be able to see me alone when she comes back as it would be inappropriate. She agreed it would be different between us as “I’ve always been yours” and that it would feel different. I said it was a bit sad as it felt like the girl I knew moved away forever when she left last October and she said that was sad too. She said that she would be okay with us hanging out with friends though. I have a friend who would always 3rd wheel w us and she said she would be okay with us hanging out that way and getting the odd coffee sometimes in college
I reallllyyy feel like once she sees me again that some of her feelings will spark back up for me as they always have. Only time will tell. Ive been trying to get closer to her recently but it hasnt really worked although we have texted at least once a day ever since that talk where she said she didnt want to talk everyday..
Ngl i have detached a little bit emotionally and its not been too difficult for me but I do miss being close to her and taking care of her etc so i will take things slow right now, i think time and space apart will help in us getting close again at some point!
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