How to get her back from her new man? (Not a rebound)

[JohnJ786]

@patricia12

Yes that’s the average life expectancy, I think there’s a new drug coming out that’s going to make things better too which is good.

But the thing with this condition is that, no matter what, it’s an illness which gets progressively worse as time goes on. And one random infection causing pneumonia could be debilitating and life-ending. She said he had pneumonia last summer and nearly died from it, he was in a bad way. It IS a life full up extreme ups and downs and I’m not sure if she will be able to handle it in the long run. Maybe it will make her stronger but I’m not sure she is strong enough right now to be able to handle that, you know?

As well, I don’t think he worries too much about his condition, which he really should, she said his mother has to force him to go to appointments and checkups when he feels something coming on etc

He had been in hospital the last day or two, being tested for coronavirus (as procedure) and he doesn’t have it but she was saying she was having severe anxiety all day

I asked her how she felt about everything since last time we talked, when she was contemplating ending it with him and she said that she feels more at peace with it now, and that she’s trusting the universe etc…

Time will tell I guess

[JohnJ786]

@patricia12

There are a lot of other problems with CF, such as infertility (needing IVF which costs 5,000 over here per procedure) and increased breathing issues, infections, treatments which will only increase, physiotherapy, problems with digestion leading to lactose-intolerance-like symptoms, etc

I guess if her heart is in for all that, good for her, but I know it is something that will cause her a lot of stress and heartache for the rest of her life which I think she does understand, but doesn’t want to think about or acknowledge right now. It’s not even been a week since we had that conversation anyway so she may feel different in a month about things if it gets too heavy for her

I know myself, and I dont think I would be able to stay strong with that if I’m completely honest

[patricia12]

@JohnJ786 Trusting the universe sounds like the law of attraction in the book entitled “The Secret” in that a person will receive the things thought about.. this is a cult type mentality which is delusional. Jodie Arias killed her on again-off again casual boyfriend Travis in 2008. She believed in the universe to bring Travis to her as a loving boyfriend, but he only used her for easy sex. When she realized he wasn’t interested in her, she killed him.

Positive thoughts are good, but to believe the universe will bring certain thoughts into reality is ridiculous!

Yes, time will tell what she will do..

[JohnJ786]

@patricia12

Yes, she’s a strong believer in the LoA, but more in a way where “your thoughts become your reality” or “everything happens for a reason” kind of way, so she is trying to keep her thoughts positive, and trusting that everything happens for a reason, which is why she is inthis situation as she feels the universe is trying to teach her something valuable like how to be more selfless and compasssionate ie a learning experience how her other relationships are too

Also, I forgot to mention, we had a convo the other night, she told me she doesn’t see me as someone who caused her pain, and when she thinks of me, the instant thoughts she gets is that she felt safe, cared for and so important, and someone who valued her thoughts and opinions and what she had to say at a point in her life where all of those things were lacking, she said her and her father have never had a great relationship and it felt nice to have a guy who treated her so amazingly like how I did (I’m paraphrasing but that’s the jist of it), and that I was so great to her and made her feel so nice and safe and important that it “makes her cry” when she thinks about it… but said that she just lost feelings for me and “that happens”.. i said I think it was bc of her instability at the time and stuf she was going through and she said” natural processes of life I guess idk”

So I think that is really great! Back in October, she had an outburst one morning @ me, and was angry about how I treated her back in 2017, she said her image of me in her mind had been “tainted forever” due to how I treated her.. and this kinda thinking carried on until she ended things with me end of 2019… now she is saying she associates me w feelings of safety, importance, etc. so basically good and positive feelings

[JohnJ786]

@patricia12

An update, on Wednesday she actually found out that her man was following/watching “sexy” girls on Instagram (models, gaming girls, random girls who post those kinda pics) and she was a little upset about it, but didn’t bring it up to him

On Thursday, she sent me a picture of a famous basketball player asking who it is, saying he’s hot and that she’d “climb him” … then she followed him.. it seemed kinda out of character for her to do this so I think it was retaliation from her boyfriend following hot girls on instagram..

On Friday, we were talking and she randomly sent me a screenshot of a Snapchat I sent her long ago calling her “my little person” and she said she found it cute that I called her that… I asked her if she still has all our old photos, she said she does but she “shouldn’t really but if my boyfriend wants to stare at other girls I can do what I want” …….

Then later on Friday, I was saying I find it funny that he is following those types of girls (seems like an immature thing to do – and im younger than him!) and she said “Yeah I find that so crazy” .. she then said that he is into the whole gaming scene as well and that when they were friends she found it funny but now that he’s her boyfriend, she finds it a little bit… strange? That’s not the word but you get what I mean. Like mildly upsetting I guess..

Then on Saturday, she randomly asked me to CALL her while she was at work.. we had a 20min convo and we were laughing a lot. She also told me that her man got mad at her when they were talking on the phone, and she lied to her mother about who she was speaking to (she was speaking to James, but she said she was speaking to her friend Sophie — due to her parents being like “no talking to boys!” etc).. she said he got mad at her as he thought she was embarrassed of him, so she had to explain it to him, and that he understood but sometimes he says slight remarks like “Tell your mom Sophie said hi” etc to indicate it bothers him.. or something.. and she sounded like she was annoyed by this, and said “ugh I wish he wasn’t white sometimes” (not in a racist way – more of a “why wont he just understand my culture” way, if you get me?)

That was Saturday, then on Sunday, she cut her hair and I asked her to facetime me and show me, and she did! We talked for about 7mins but as soon as we saw each others faces, we were smiling a lot, it was very nice to see her again.. we had a fun conversation etc

Although all of this is happening, sometimes I am viewing these things as “signals” but I’m not sure If this is just her being friendly….

But on the other hand, she has a boyfriend, and is talking to her ex everyday, calling him and now even facetiming him and complaining about said boyfriend to him…

That’s another thing, she only seems to complain about him to me these days.. yesterday she even said his mother seems “scary” haha..

Let me know what you think of these updates

[patricia12]

@JohnJ786 How old is she? She seems immature and like she’s playing mind games with all of you..

[JohnJ786]

@patricia12

She is 21, turning 22 later this year.. I dont think she is doing anything out of malice. She was a little closed off with me today. Although I joked and said “I’d kms if we were quarantined together” and she replied by laughing and saying “I think it’d be fun, we’d make jokes about everyone and everything.. We’d end up turning evil” or something.. kinda strange ngl haha

I feel I am looking too much into this though

She said she still feels anxiety about him and his condition, etc. So I’m not where she is at mentally right now. But she obvioulsy does still like him

Tonight, she “complained” about him again, asking me do I put my dog to bed because her man puts his dog to bed every night and “idk how to feel about it” …

[patricia12]

@JohnJ786 How old are you? What does kms mean?

[JohnJ786]

@patricia12

It was a joke, I was saying I’d kill myself (kms) if I had to be quarantined with her (ie teasing her)

I’m 23 in a couple of months

[JohnJ786]

@patricia12

Hi, Im not sure if you are still following this post, but I will give this weeks update anyway

on St. Patrick’s day (tuesday), we were talking and I brought up how last St. Patricks day, we went out with my friends and she was saying that day was so fun and such fun times etc. She also got me to try this new japanese cake and she said it was “jiggly and squishy” and said “reminded me of you” (she would always call me squishy, and say she wants to “squeeze me” – in a cute way) and then said my cheeks are squishy (which they are..)
I then said theres a photo of us from that day that I cant find, but we both look really good and she told me to send it when I found it (I sent it and she agreed we did look very clean)

Wednesday we didnt speak too much, neither did we on Thursday, she seemed to have pulled back quite a bit.

Thursday night, she got more responsive. I was telling her about this hoodie that she hated when I wore it when I was with her, and she said “Remember when you visited me at work wearing ripped sweatpants” and I clarified it was bc I had gone out to do groceries and ran into her that day – so wasn’t prepared and she said “Hahahha I know, it was cute” … She said it was cute that I came to see her at work..? I wasn’t expecting this response but anyway. Later that night, she was venting to me about feeling “Sad and crazy” as she is in the new country, has no friends there, only sees her family, has no money, no car, no social life and feels so trapped – so this drives her to be sad and crazy. As well, the whole pandemic going on gives her a lot of anxiety as James (her boyfriend) has an underlying health condition which would make it very dangerous for him – so she constantly has that anxiety still. But she said sometimes she is happy but falls back into being sad and crazy.

As well as this, she said that she can’t talk about this with James either as he has his own problems and worries to be dealing with right now, but that he is “so supportive and listens” but she feels bad even complaining slightly to him – due to his own health issues and worries right now. Also said she appreciates me for letting her vent etc.

Then yeserday, I had a morning exam so was busy with that, but she texted me a new song called “Hardest to love” – which I dont want to make a huge deal about but the artist in the song talks about how he knows its hard for his girl to let go of him, regardless of how difficult it is to be with him etc. and she randomly sent it to me and said she thinks I will like it… and said she doesnt like that artist much but that song is a “vibe”.

Then later yday, we called again! This time the call lasted 34 minutes! We were both very tired and lazy so there were a lot of silences and dull conversations but we did laugh at some points too. We went to the zoo for our 1-month anniversary in 2018, and I was telling her how we can live-stream the zoo now due to the pandemic and she said “why didn’t we do that back then, why did we pay to go see the animals” … then, I was telling her how i was upset that basketball is cancelled, and I would always tell her about updated when we were together and she said “Why didnt it get cancelled when we were together” as a joke which was funny.. but she brought up our old memories twice in that phone call, even subtly, as well as Thursday night, so she is thinking about them a lot.. But I am a little annoyed as the overall conversation was kind of boring and lazy. I hope that didn’t put her off. I apologised for sounding dull as I was tired, and she said I didnt at all, and thanked me for talking to her

Before the convo ended, she said James texted her earlier asking what’s up and she said nothing, then he asked whats her sisters up to, and she said “watching a movie” and he texted her while we were calling saying “Go join them I’d say” and she couldn’t stop laughing at that – probably due to the fact that it was a very “simple” and strange/boring reply.. she said “what’s wrong with him” in a funny tone while laughing and was saying “I dont mean to say whats wrong with him, hes a nice guy but what the hell” while laughing a lot… then she said she had to go nap and we hung up. But I noticed she didnt really go nap as she was still online lol for a little while lol. But we did talk on the phone, and again it was her asking me to call her!

I’m still sticking with the plan of letting go, and letting her come to me to “get her back” instead of chasing, which I think has worked ever since I switched my mindset last week – I’ve gotten 2 calls and a facetime call too! We would rarely call each other when we were “in love” late last year, probably due to the fact we would text all the time anyway

I apologise this is so long and I’m grateful if you read the whole thing, but I would appreciate if you would give me your opinion on all of this!

Namely, her bringing up our past memories together, calling them cute, calling me on the phone again, etc. and sometimes “complaining” or slightly “making fun” of her man to me

Today we didnt really speak too much.. which I expected anyway. She was napping earlier and she has left me on “unopened” now, but I dont doubt she is still speaking to her man, James. Which does hurt I wont lie, but I need to keep reminding myself that its only temporary

[patricia12]

@JohnJ786 Seems she’s initiating more which is nice. And you two are on good terms with casual discussions. I don’t know what it all means as she said she has no social life so she might be “talking” with you just vent and knows you will listen and be supportive to whatever she has to say. Bringing up past memories might be a way to keep you interested as her option.

Stay safe..

[JohnJ786]

@patricia12

Yeah the past 2 ish days she has been very unresponsive, has been leaving my messages on “seen” a lot and mainly texting during the night or end of the day. We didnt talk at all today, and she messaged me asking how my day was etc. then asked about something medical related (her boyfriend has an appointment and she is worried or something) but her contact toward me has gone kinda cold as of recent..

She is calling/facetiming her other friends though which is probably taking up most of her time, but I know that she is not so much going out her way to speak to me very much after our phone call 2 days ago..

Kinda strange that she has pulled back so drastically all of a sudden

[patricia12]

@JohnJ786 Well, if she’s calling/face-timing other friends it means she’s NOT socially isolated. She has other friends that she can contact and express her thoughts/feelings, and vent..

I guess you never did no contact or even limited contact. Some of your previous casual “conversations” have dragged on and on..

[JohnJ786]

@patricia12

So after she had pulled back last week, it went on for a couple days where we barely spoke, or really only spoke at night

She did her makeup one day to resemble a typical twitch girl or whatever, and kept sending me selfies (bc she thought she looked cute) and asked me “If I was still your gf and I dressed like this what would u do”… today we were talking about someone and she said “If I got with you and I saw you tweeted like him I’d run away” ….

Then we actually spoke on the phone on Friday, for about 20 mins, she told me earlier in the day she doesn’t want to call as she is too tired, but later called me bc she said she is too tired to talk to anyone but will talk to me bc she can chill or something. At the end of the convo, she gave the idea of watching netflix together, which we did for about 10 mins after the call ended, she had to get up
She then said we should continue it in the night and I should pick a movie but we ended up not watching anything together as she felt really sick due to cramps etc.

Then the next day (Saturday I think?) she was extremely closed off with me, didn’t messsage me until the night time. She told me she met her new bf’s dad over the phone for about a minute

She also told me during the week that she found him on twitter but isn’t going to follow him, he tweets weird things for someone his age, and is super into gaming and watches all the gaming youtubers etc… he just seems like an overall weird guy so it gives me a little hope lol

But yeah, that is this weeks update. Tomorrow or day after I will try and get her to call again. The convo on friday was very nice, we were laughing a lot and she got excited to watch a movie w me

[patricia12]

@JohnJ786 Sounds like you’re getting along well with each other. Good luck.

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