How can I (and should I) contact my ex after NC if I am still blocked?

[Gaea96]

Hey!
I commented the short version of my story under one of the articles, but since I got an answer to only one of my questions, let me repeat it here, with more details this time.

Me (23) and my boyfriend (22) were together for 6 months. We met in one game community, from the very first conversation we got along together great and two weeks later, we met in person already (we’re from neighbour countries, for the record). We seemed to get along just great, visited each other several times, met each others’ friends and families…
Then, after these six months, he suddenly started acting more distant. I thought he was just exhausted because of his new job, so I did not give it a second thought. I saw him once more in person and we had nice time together. Then, I came back to my country and three days later he broke up with me, using the classic “it’s not you, it’s me” and “I’m just not ready for relationship” lines. He wanted to stay friends, though.

Then, he acted hot and cold for nearly two months, making both me and our mutual friends totally confused. Sometimes he would openly admit that breakup was a mistake. He visited me for my birthday, assured that he still cares about me and got intimate with me (I did not really want it but he insisted). Then, he would go silent for a week without any explanation or lash out because of literally anything from my side. He once got angry because I asked “How are you?” – he explained I should know he is not feeling well after breakup so my question was “stupid”!

One of our mutual friends decided to take matter in his hands because he disapproved of the way my Ex behaved towards me in presence of others. Unfortunately, he also mentioned one personal thing I had confessed them – but he exaggerated it. To be more precise, I admitted to my mutual friend that I was a virgin when I met my ex and I had a feeling that we got intimate too soon. And he told my Ex: “you raped her”. Needless to say, my Ex got furious and reacted to it by blocking both him and me.

I made some serious mistakes then – I tried to contact him immediately on other available platforms to explain the situation and to assure him I had not said anything bad about him to others. He just blocked me everywhere. I asked other people to talk to him – he did not want to. I waited a week and sent an e-mail – nothing. Another mail a week later – nothing. I discovered on the third week there was one more platform he did not block me on – well, now I was blocked there as well.

At that point, I realized there was nothing I could do, but I still wanted to try something. So I started to search for the advice on the net and here I come. I read a couple of articles here and on other pages, watched some videos, and I understood I should start with NC. And of course I don’t just sit here and count the time – I made sure my schedule is busy and the things I do make me feel and look better. I had also realized my Ex may have felt unsure about our relationship because of my personal issues (my eternal pessimism), so I sought professional help.

Now comes this question…
As for day 21 of NC, I am still blocked on all the platforms. I am going for 45 days of NC but I already feel he is not going to reach out to me himself. What can I do then?
I’ve read somewhere that sending a handwritten letter after NC works – but would it be appropriate to send it if I am still blocked everywhere? We have one more mutual friend who is rather close to both of us, and he is willing to help me, he just admitted he does not know how.

[patricia12]

You could send a letter to his home address even if you’re still blocked via electronics. But it’s obvious he doesn’t want to hear from you, so don’t be surprised if he doesn’t respond. Do not get friends involved in contacting him! Handle it yourself like a mature person would.

[Seth]

There is no “After No Contact”. No Contact ends when your ex contacts you.
Don’t give up. Stay no contact. If you contact your ex, you will only set yourself back. Wait for him to contact you .

[Gaea96]

Thanks for the replies. I will stay in no contact just as you both advised – especially that I changed my mind about certain things.

Having been broken up and blocked everywhere was a sort of a blessing in disguise. I realized that my ex had actually abused my trust and lied to me for the whole time. In my country, losing one’s virginity is a big deal. While you won’t get killed for having premarital sex, it makes finding a future husband more difficult – the guys just prefer a “pure” bride. He knew about it, assured me that he thinks of me seriously so that I agree to sleep with him, and yet he decided to disappear the very moment things started to actually get serious (I was about to move to his country for good). I am already “ruined” for my countrymen but at least I don’t waste more time with a man like him. Hopefully, I can still go abroad once I’m done with university and still build my life. Alone.

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