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Boards Not Your Ex he's my boyfriend but i told him that i cant marry you but i love him

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • #102751
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    Anne
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    • Total Posts: 9

    So I am really confused. I had a very harsh breakup 2 years back like really bad. It had destroyed me mentally. This year in 2018 I met this guy in office who really liked me. I thought like he’s the one who can make me a human again. I didn’t go into a rel since last two years. So I thought to give it a chance. We are now in a rel since 4 months. Everything was fine. I kinda was facing some issues cause of my rude behaviour. Cause of previous rel. My present boyfriend loves me a lot. But he has a damaged behaviour too. So he treated me badly at times. I have a bad behaviour but I never used it on him. So I am getting this feeling that we aren’t meant to be together. I love him no doubt. I care for him. But marrying someone takes something else. I feel like we are not compatible. His habits are alien for me. I am having a hard time making myself accustomed with his behaviour. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel bad I I don’t talk to him but I cant think of living with him. What should I do? Please anyone tell me. :'(

    #102754
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    patricia12
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 2342

    It’s good you recognize that you’re not a good match with him. It’s not a good relationship if you’re treating each other badly! I suggest you start psychological therapy or if you think there might be a slight chance to work through your issues together, couples counseling might help. Nobody can make you feel human again. It has to be you working to improve your own character traits and behaviors. A counselor can help guide you and identify your weak points.

    In a marriage, love has to be mutual. There has to be respect with kind interactions and a willingness to discuss and resolve problems together as they arise. Don’t ever marry anyone you have doubts about.

    #103078
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    Anne
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 9

    Hey @patricia12 thank you for the response.
    Yes. You’re right. He never abused me but was rude at times. Plus I talked with him about this. He said he will try his best to make me happy and be a better person. I love him but its hard for me to see us together in future. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m scared of marriage and stuff. We are talking normal like before. He said he wont force me for anything.
    I’m just keeping it low and waiting for the days to come and make things really clear. What’s your opinion?

    #103082
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    patricia12
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    • Total Posts: 2342

    Rudeness is a character flaw and it’s usually ingrained to such a degree as to be almost impossible to change. You’ve been in a relationship with this guy for 4 months and that’s too soon to consider marriage! You should wait at least a year or more to get to know him better and decide if you would marry. Don’t agree to marriage now and don’t let him talk you into it!! If he really cares about you, he will be patient. Closely observe his behaviors for change and improvement over time. Don’t let him fool you that he’s a better man until he has shown it over the next year or so. If you still have doubts by then, or he continues to be rude, break up with him.

    Counseling might help..

    #103740
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    Anne
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 9

    @patricia12 yes! I will implement the things you mentioned. Thank you. I will keep you updated.

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