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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #114984
    • Total Posts: 3

    Hi all,
    So i was with my ex for 3 years, we had a home together and things were going brilliant until his partying got a constant weekend thing!
    He worked away in the week then the weekend would come and I’d be left on my own while he would disappear. Ultimately this ended the relationship between us. I was the one to end it as I’d had enough of it.

    The split was fine he was upset but he moved out and we would speak about things to to do with the house ect. I checked in from time to time as I’d heard he was depressed and heavily drinking as I still did love him.

    Its 4 months on and recently we started talking again we both said we missed each other and this is where it gets messy.
    He asked to come see the dog so I reluctantly agreed (I did tell him no to start off with as I knew feelings would come flooding back)
    And well all my feelings did come back , he said the same..
    He told friends and family he still loved me and wanted to try again. We met a few times after for dog walks which did end up with him coming back for sex.
    He then started asking me for money ( this isnt uncommon he asked all the time while we were together)
    I did and I’ve still not had it back yet!
    Then all of a sudden after 5 weeks of things going well he decided he didn’t want me any more and he was too hurt when we split up in January and he isn’t prepared to go through this again, told me he still wanted to be friends though and continued to ask for money!
    Then to my surprise i get a call from a girl who he has been dating for 2 months!
    So he was seeing us both, apparently he has had 1100£ off her in the 2 months and has left her to go on benders ect.

    He has now blocked me and said he doesnt want anything to do with me and he is staying with her! I feel so confused and down as things were going well and he was telling me and people he wanted to try again. Has he just used me ?
    I know I ended it but his drinking at that time was put of control.
    I still love the guy so much. I just don’t know where to go from here really!

    • Total Posts: 2668

    @shell30 Yes, he used you for sex and money. He still has a drinking problem too. And you were wise to end the relationship! Unless he gets help (such as Alcoholics Anonymous) he won’t change..

    He dumped you, he’s with someone else, he’s blocked you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

    Apparently he didn’t love you as much as he said or that you believed. You say you love him, but perhaps you’re thinking more of the good times and not remembering how he disappointed you by drinking too much and leaving you alone on weekends. Don’t you deserve better?

    Go no contact until something changes.. IE: He gets sober and stable. He leaves the other woman. He pays back the money he owes you. He apologizes, wants to change to make you happy, and takes steps to try reconciliation. Unless this happens, I don’t see you having a good/happy future with him.

    Focus on yourself and do things you enjoy. I don’t know if you work or you’re in school, but focus on those type things. Visit or talk more with family & friends. We’re still in lockdown for the COVID-19 virus (maybe you are too) with a few exceptions so getting out might be a problem for you. Start a hobby if you don’t have one. And most important, don’t obsess about him! When you find yourself stressing by thinking too much about him, immediately divert your thoughts and attention to something else!

    You sound like a nice person and whatever happens, I hope things work out for the best.

    • This reply was modified 1 month ago by Avatarpatricia12.
    • Total Posts: 3

    Thankyou for the response!
    Yes you are completely right about him, I do deserve better, I think I am just over thinking all the good time rather than the bad. Makes it worse knowing he has “moved on”

    He actually unlocked me yesterday and text me asking to ring him! I’ve ignored it as my feeling is he is trying to play a game with me now ?

    Yes I work but at the moment no because of lockdown , but yes I will try take up some kind of new hobby to take my mind off him.

    Also found out yesterday that this new girlfriend lent him money to buy a van but he sold it to pay his debt off! So I’m guessing he owes money all over!

    • Total Posts: 2668

    @shell30 Don’t call him! There’s nothing good he could say at this point and most likely he wants to use you again for something.

    Think more about how he’s treated you badly recently and in the past. He said he doesn’t want anything to do with you and he’s with a new girlfriend! And he was obviously having sex with you and her too. He drank/drinks too much. And he’s borrowed money from her too. (how did you find out she loaned him money and sold a van?) Actually the fact that he’s moved on will make it easier for you to realize the kind of person he is and that he will bring you nothing but misery.. Life is too short to be miserable.

    I understand by thinking about the good memories that it makes you sad, but in time you will be okay, I promise.. Don’t hold onto negative thoughts too much and try not to hold resentments.

    • Total Posts: 3

    I get a feeling he will keep popping back up in my life to see if I’m still around!
    I’m trying so hard to remember the bad things rather than the good! I do know drugs play a part in his life aswell.

    I’m still really good friends with his brother and sister in law and she told me as we do speak alot. Non of his family can understand what he has done either, as he was telling them he still loved me and wanted to try again. They never knew anything about this new girl either.

    For some reason I dont actually think he has moved on, I think it’s more hes been caught out and the easier option is to block me and continue with someone new who doesn’t know what he fully like !

    • Total Posts: 2668

    @shell30 In addition to alcohol, is he also addicted to some other drug? Being friends with his family can put you in a precarious position as they will probably continue to inform you as to what he says and does, but also report back to him whatever you say. The ideal would be not to discuss your ex while still maintaining a good friendship with them. But human behavior being what it is, that will be difficult to maintain for all of you..

    He’s messed up and when she finally realizes it and dumps him, he will go on to the next one.

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