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Also last time I texted him on his bday and he told me he loved me and called me babe -.- so yeah wth that was after three weeks of NC and he had liked some photos of mine and I ignored it. This was in October
Yeah I don’t actually think he will rebound it is another of my irrational fears. He most likely is upset and sulking. As far as the texting patterns goes, it really changed and depended on how we were doing in our relationship and since we both had fallen back into our respective bad habits, him ignoring and shutting down and me ignoring, it was harder to tell. I think @finntoga is right in saying that he was too angry at that point to let me know about his phone. Besides stuff w me he had a new job, his gma died early much, he has a 5 year old, and apparently financial strain.
I do agree that it was jerky of him to not tell me AND he had gotten back to that point of anger frustration and shutting down. I think he wanted tYeah I don’t actually think he will rebound it is another of my irrational fears. He most likely is upset and sulking. As far as the texting patterns goes, it really changed and depended on how we were doing in our relationship and since we both had fallen back into our respective bad habits, him ignoring and shutting down and me ignoring, it was harder to tell. I think @finntoga is right in saying that he was too angry at that point to let me know about his phone. Besides stuff w me he had a new job, his gma died early much, he has a 5 year old, and apparently financial strain.
I do agree that it was jerky of him to not tell me AND he had gotten back to that point of anger frustration and shutting down. I think he wanted to see me get better and not blow him up bc I got worse before he went back into his ignoring that’s also why it’s harder than a normal situation to determine what he was really thinking. And you’re right speculating does not help me. I know he wanted to marry me and if that’s true and he still loves me he will come Back like he did last time.. I just really really hate unknowns@dragongirl sorry my phone cut my message off. And I meant his grandma passed away early March. And I also know that nc is probably my best option bc even if I could talk to him and get him back, (which I have been able to do in history minus the time in October) right now that would just keep us in the same cycle
I have to agree with dragongirl said. She says it so much better than me. What he did is jerky and what you did was bit out there with the obsessive behavior but relationship is not on healthy ground if you constantly break up or end with blow outs and the other one not talking and wanting to break up. Like everyone in similar situation only thing you can work on is you and getting yourself into the stage where you also believe in the fact that you are great person, there is nothing wrong with having issues as long as you work on those and that you are just as deserving of good things in life like rest of us and you are strong, smart and beautiful person. Crappy things happen to everyone because that is life. You have good days and bad ones.Just remember always what you and have and appreciate that as there are people always worse off than you.
You two cannot be together right now because it would be disaster you might get back together or not time will tell but no one can say that for now. Again I agree with dragongirl right now he is not in the mood for it and take his word from the email for now unles she says otherwise, he does care why else he would say someday he wants to be friends but right now he cannot do it. Will that change in time anything is possible and there is nothing wrong hoping that he would but you need to do things for you, plan for you and this nc is part of it that you do it for you to make sure that regardless will you two end up together or not you will always be just fine and there is happiness wit other people as well. We are capable of loving more than one person in this life time and even though you now feel like he is the only person you will ever love ,you are still very young and have plenty of happy years ahead : ).
@Finntoga … could you help me out?
Right, here’s the thread I opened https://www.forum.exbackpermanently.com/boards/topic/my-nc-experience-so-far/
Not every detail is on it because I didn’t want to overwhelm people on this thread with a wall of text … thanks!
@finntoga yeah I don’t know though given our history if he really means it . Is there any way I could tell? :/ and yeah that’s true about loving someone. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone though… :/
Also like I know it wouldn’t be healthy right now and I don’t want him to move on. I want him to want a break like last time. How will I know what he really wants? đ this is day 4 of nc and I haven’t heard a thing I feel like he does not miss me or something and I’m scared about his phone situation. My anxiety is pretty off the charts right now. I am trying to work on my issues and it is so hard for me without knowing if I will get my baby back and if he really meant what he said. The friends thing really annoyed me as did his email and I really do not know how to interpret itLike my anxiety is terrible and I wanna know what he is thinking and I know he is the only one who knows. I just am terrified I have lost him forever
You have to first accept that least for now you cannot have the answers to your questions and as much as you need and want to know this is the reality of the situation. Right now you are doing exactly the things what you need to work your way out off which is obsessing about two the three things that you cannot resolve this point nor control. What you can try to control is your thoughts running constantly on the same circle instead of you trying to change to what can I do next, can I make some fun plans for the weekend. Try new hairstyle or something that you like doing to get you from your room and your mind running this one circle off what did he mean what he wrote, will I gt him back etc. Have you thought about volunteering somewhere for one day a week or couple of hours. Just something to do to get to different gear and slightly more positive step.
I can see that you are trying to give yourself hope that this time was the same as last time. But you have to think of each break/breakup as an end to that particular relationship. Each time, you get back together-the old relationship is dead, itâs a new relationship. The reason is that after each break/breakup, the two of you grow as individuals. During that time, both of you do a lot of thinking and change as people in different ways. Does that make sense? You guys had a very dysfunctional relationship but you know that already. Itâs obvious you have been doing a lot of thinking on whether he planned or not planned the breakup. Whether he planned it or not, doesnât really matter. You know why? Because you would still be in the exact same place you are right now-Broken up and not talking.
I understand what you are trying to explain with the painful breakup/makeup pattern. The harsh reality is that these type of roller coaster relationships are emotionally volatile and frequently end with one person exploding out of anger. The two of you havenât learned how to work out your problems and each time you tried to make it work, the relationship failed. It takes two people to want to fix a relationship. One person doing all the work canât do it by themselves. And you canât convince an ex to want to work on the relationship. It has to come from within his own heart. If he doesnât want to, you have to respect that. If this guy isnât meant for you, itâs like trying to force a large square block into a tiny circular hole. No matter how much you try, it doesnât work. It sucks but itâs true.
No one can say whether your ex will come back because we arenât in his head. Your therapist should not have said that to you because it gives you false hope and thatâs wrong to do that to you. And it will hurt a hell of a lot more if he does not come back. Just take it moment by moment.
He may decide that the relationship pattern that you guys had was very UNHEALTHY and thatâs not how it should be. Iâm sure there were good times but honestly, your relationship sounds really hard and probably took a lot of energy to continue to try to fix the problems, on his part. If he has finally seen that a roller coaster relationship doesnât work and always fails without change, then he may decide to move on to another girl. Love shouldnât be that hard. Iâm surprised your ex put up with it for so long.
And even if he still loves you, he may move on because he knows that the two of you donât work well together. Sadly, sometimes love is not enough. In your mind, you think that a good talk will iron out the problems and the relationship can be salvaged. In his mind, he might be thinking that the two of you will keep repeating the same pattern and he does not want a part of that. But he may also miss you so much that he wants to give it another shot even if itâs a tough relationship.
For now, think of the breakup as final and focus on you. He may surprise you and come back. No one knows right now. Catsum is right-itâs a leap of faith. Both Finntoga and Cantsum are giving you great advice. As for it being hard to respect his decision, you have to go by what that last e-mail to you said. Until you hear otherwise, you donât have a choice.
You need to face your fears. So what happens if this guy never comes back? Be prepared because that is a possibility. But guess what? Your life will still go on and you will find love again.
Cantsum I didn’t see your posting until now-sry. I’ll check out your problem and see if I can help.
Thanks đ @Dragongirl
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