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Posts
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“Do you think he really though I would believe I had the wrong number??”NO HE DID NOT. HE did it to make you feel exactly like you are feeling now which is crap and you are giving him the control over you and letting him. And I mean you are letting him. You are better than this. You have said that sentence in almost every posting you made today. Myself and Dragongirl have told you over and over again his reason for doing it but you get back to that cycle and it is not good for you. You need to distract yourself for now. Write here as many times you need to but put the phone out of your vision. I need to go to sleep soon as I have to get up early but you need to start taking the responsibility here. But I am asking you to think two points I am going to bring up next. Number one if he wants to contact you not having your number in his work phone is not the only way, so if he wants it he will and can contact you. Right now that is not what he wants. Number Two why are you asking same question over and over again both of us answered to you but it is like that is not good enough and you dont believe that answer which is fine as using your own mind to decide what you accept is more than good but why do you keep working yourself into a frenzy in order to achieve what exactly? We said he is not ready to be in contact with you his response showed that so what makes you think he would contact you today? I know the answer because you want him to but you need to start accepting the fact you are broken up.As much as it hurts but right now you are no good for each other.
And yes you two know each other but it means you also know what buttons to push to get reaction or hurt one another and that is not healthy nor good for either of you when you have not resolved the personal issues. You are still trying to control him to come back to you because in your heart you think you can and he is angry with you and tries to get back at you right now. So just stay away, do not give him the power to get to you and start taking those little steps we talked about earlier instead of checking all possible social media pages he is on.
Ahhhh! Thank you for calling me out! I needed that! Yeah, last night it got me to contact him which even while showing me he has strong feelings still, I still found something to over analyze. lol oh man. Yeah you’re right about his instagram. Hopefully I can find one of the app blockers that dragongirl was talking about! Yeah I don’t even know if he saved my number or not…
However I think you’re right. Right now I am acting mostly how he expects me to act! Minus contacting him. Yeah, his phone is a minor detail. I took a nap and I feel better and more rested and rational. Some friends are coming over soon and I wanted to skip out and stay in my room *they’re making dinner* but maybe I should join them and my roomie… I should be excited because tomorrow is my last day of work at this terrible job!
Thank you again for being so frank with me. I guess I kept asking because both of you said he did it to upset me and I never got the direct answer to that question although I knew it indirectly. I think hearing it was what I was obsessing towards. Blah. And yeah, I’m sure he wanted to get me angry and hurt me because he is angry and hurt. He could have ignored me and/or told me to not text him and he wants nothing to do with me… he didn’t do that.
He did something immature that would cause me to become riled up! I am at least glad I didn’t blow up his phone and also you are right. I have been giving him the control over me today.Yeah thank you for saying I am better than this đ I am sure he will notice I do not blow him up. I have had a little bit of temptation to say something else today but I have decided against it as we both need time. He hasn’t said anything else. I kind of think he is waiting for me to say more stuff, and I will not. đ Thanks to your support! And Dragongirl’s as well1 My roomie and 2 friends are making dinner soon….I should join them and do something, clean my room a little more. Maybe pick out a last day for work outfit haha. I hope you get a good night sleep!
Yeah you are right. He has ample ways to contact me and even if he did not save my number when I texted him he could still contact me. And I have zero ways of knowing he did not save it so I need to stop stressing about an unknown. Based on what happened I do think he will contact me again, not today though. In a while. I think he still loves me and is still angry and the work cell prob frustrated him a bit more. I know if he didn’t want to hear anything from me he would have ignored it and/or said “go away please do not text me” etc.
Yeah I thought he may contact me today to respond to what I said back. But I guess you are right. I guess he will see I did not blow up his phone and he probably expects me to contact him again. Which I will not do. I wanted him to admit he loves and misses me and say he wants me back and right now, that is not gonna happen. I need to accept that. I’m scared he is viewing this as the very end but I don’t know… and I am not inside his head.YES. You are so right about the emotional hot buttons! We both have done that before. And that would just continue us in the old cycle so I am glad I didn’t respond to him as he was expecting đ I’m sure he probably felt a lot of emotion when he saw my text. And yes you are right. I was trying to control him and get him back sooner rather than later. I also keep wondering if he blocked my number now on work iphone but i really doubt it.
Yes, I will start taking those little steps đ I can do this I know I can. This is critical because it can remain a small slip up or I could make it a big one. And I want it to remain small!
Ah. now I feel anxious, nervous, and really missing him. Want to know what he’s thinking and if we ever have a chance. I know best is to wait but I wish I knew if I still have a chance :/ I also totally thought this would be enough time. Blah.
Ahh now I want to text and tell him I miss him and that part in my brain is like do it or else he will never come back but I don’t think that’s true I need to stay strong
Ugh I sent one more. Like an idiot
“Maybe last night I just should have said I miss you (his name). I can control my reactions &blowing up & Ed stuff now & quit my horrible job but the missing you stays. ”That is completely it. I wasn’t supposed to say that I know and before I seem needy and desperate I am going to live my life without him and be happy with or without him. I know I can do this. Hopefully this is still little slip. I know I can do this I can go no contact again I just need to believe in myself! You girls believe in me I can do it
Feeling more calm and more motivated now. I can do this. He is expecting me to continue contact. I will not! I will be strong and focus on me and new job and try to get a new dress or sketching for each week of nc?
My nc started and I sent another and now I am calm and I can do this. I thought about it more rationally. Essentially a friend said how did I know he still had feelings by his response so I texted him to “prove her wrong”
Immature of me. I need to drop my stubbornness
I am sure he is hurt angry sad and still loves me but is mad. I am prepared to make 30 days of nc at this point. I know I can maintain nc I just did 21 days! I can do this. I am powerful and strong and if he does not respond ever again he wasn’t the one for me. If he loves me truly he will not give up hope.Just give it some time, you got this. We all know you have the power to do stick it out.
If you find you still really struggle with texting him delete his number out of your phone, and give a copy of the phone number too your friend or roommate. That way you can’t text him when your tempted because your friend or roommate will be there for support. If it’s an emergency, she will have the number for you. I guess if you have it memorized though it probably won’t help haha. It’s better to use ur own will power but worst comes to worst that is an option
I hope you will stick with this time. I believe you can do it but right now it seems a bit that you are bent on self-destructing any future possibilities with him by trying to show others that you can get to him by sending another text. It was not about stubbornness but your need to still show that you can get him back and you can control him because he loves just like last time despite everyone telling you second time is not the same. Every time you send another messages is like mr. anderson said a bullet to move your target further so now it is time to prove yourself that you can do it. You only need to prove this to yourself not anyone else.
Morning.
Yeah I just woke up and feel refreshed and I will not be texting him.
I know he has feelings for me or else he would have ignored first text or told me to go away. He also has not blocked my iPhone either so there’s that. Today is my last day at this current job! I will try to not have my phone w me all the time or just listen to music and not look at it compulsively
Do you think that one extra text I sent him made my chances worse?I know sending more would. He needs space bc I believe he is still in angry and hurt phase and has not really worked on much from what I gathered
@mranderson
Thank you for saying that! I feel much better today đ I believe I can do this. I know that texting again is what he expects . He expects me to keep texting now. I will not. I will not return to neediness and blowing up his phone.
As a guy though what do you think of his reply?
He had done that one time when we were together and was angry and then I blew up his phone (this time I did not đ he prob thought I would though)
Do you think it was indifference or anger bc of strong feelingsI want to thank you finntoga and dragongirl for continuing to have faith in me đ
I plan to continue to work on my issues.I also have his contact into memorized. Blah. So it will take a lot of self control.
I want to prove to myself that I can do it.
I am a little sad and pretty anxious and down and I think continuing to contact isn’t good bc even if I got him back by doing that it would continue the unhealthy cycleUgh now I feel this anxious gut wrenching feeling đ I hope I will get him back but right now I feel like there’s zero chance bc he ignore my nice text yesterday after his immature reply and he also said who is this and I believe you have the wrong number and that really hurt me. I kind of hope that was to hurt me bc he is angry and hurt and wanted me to react and blow up. I did ready just didn’t let him know that and I didn’t blow him up.:
My roomie thinks he is now expecting me to text every day?
I won’t do it
But this is so hard I feel so out of control and powerless
Last time was so easy and I’m scared he meant it this time:( and never will want me againAlso my anxiety about his personal phone is that it is still not on. Was he keeping it off to avoid me or was it really financial? I mean I clearly have other ways to contact him and he should know that… Idk why he still hasn’t paid that stupid phone bill though … Like it’s been 3.5 weeks almost. And he is using his work cell obviously but is he using that as full out personal cell or just limited personal. Ugh sorry I’m just annoyed bc I think he was on Instagram on work cell too idk though maybe he used personal cell and connected via wifi
I guess I have no way to know and I need to focus on me and if he wants p talk to me he will
Also best I can do right now is not sending anything else to show him I am ok without himUgh so much anxiety
You are not powerless nor out of control. You can if you put your mind to it control your actions but you need to want to do it. But you still focus too much to irrelevant like his phone. If he has not paid his phone bill yet and reasons we do not know then he is forced to use his work cell more for personal stuff but it is till none of your business. The problem is you are still focusing constantly on him instead of yourself. I would have thought that it is enough for you for now that you know he still has feelings but you just moved it to obsessing about does he want you back and will he ever. Right now he does not so stop just stop. You want that moment to come so work on yourself, give him less power over your thoughts and actions and universe will respond but if you continue your the way you have you will blow it. So use the smarts you have and start taking control of you instead of trying to control him. Because when you try that then it means you have not gotten out of the behavioral patterns that have already broken you two up twice. So start focusing and distracting yourself from him when he starts taking over, work on to think of something else.Talk of something else. Only you can make this happen and I am only saying it because all of us who have been through that have to actively in the beginning to work on distracting our minds from the person we love, miss and who hurt us. Plans, objectives make those for yourself one day at the time.
Oh my goodness Brokenhearted. Stop with the texting and focusing on the phone. Your cell as well as his cell. Texting him when heâs not open to receive those kind of messages is doing a lot more damage than what you think. While you may think that letting him know you miss him is a positive step in the right direction-itâs actually taking the two of you backwards.
As hard as it is, you have to accept that your ex does not want you in his life at this moment. He does not want to be a part of your life right now. He is showing you this is true through his actions. Itâs a bitch to accept.
Your ex knows that you love him with all your heart and that you miss him because you were together for a long time. He knows that getting a message from him would make you the happiest girl in the world. He knows what he needs to do in order to get you back. And even though he knows all of this information, he doesnât make a move toward reconciliation even though more than 20 days have passed. The reason is because heâs still in the mindset that the negatives in the relationship are totally outweighing the positives. When he broke up with you, it wasnât because he didnât love you. Itâs because your relationship was too hard for him to continue.
One of the reasons that your relationship failed is because you donât respect his feelings. And you still donât respect them. Recognizing that you shouldnât have contacted him is one step but you still have a lot more work to do in that regard. Learning to respect his feelings is a fundamental skill in any relationship. If you donât learn this crucial skill, every single relationship that you have is doomed to fail.
At your weakest moments, take the battery out of the phone and give it to your roommate. She shouldnât give it back to you until the obsessive thoughts pass out of your head. FIND DISTRACTIONS. Every girl that has gone through a breakup has to motivate herself and find a way to not think of the ex. I know itâs easier to just sit and ruminate about all the things you miss about the relationship but that line of thought isnât doing you any good. The minute you begin to feel overwhelmed with thoughts of him or his phone, get up and do something.
When your ex walked away from your relationship, the decisions about what he does with his life is no longer your concern. It doesnât matter if he chooses never to turn his phone back on, itâs not your problem. For all we know, he could have gotten a new Instagram account and a new phone number. If he was tired of your relationship problems, he may be done with you forever. Yes I know thatâs hard to hear but itâs true. Your job now is to find a way to live without him. And it can be done. You have the power to get over this guy and work on yourself. Like I told you before, the universe wonât return him back into your life until you have made dramatic improvements about yourself. When you are finally at the mindset where Finntoga is, thatâs when you are ready to talk to him. Until then, absolutely continue NC.
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