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Also it means a lot that you have seen a change in me. I’m still really hurting though 🙁
Also one time he said I had expectations and constantly push them on him and we aren’t on the same page when it comes down to it???? That was a few weeks before breakup should that comment worry me?
I’m fighting my urge to contact him right nowWell he was right you were pushing your expectations and wishes on him. We have discussed this before that he cannot change to become a man you want . If /when he changes it is to what he wants to become. What he means in the same page only he knows.
I think instead of you going on about the phone not being on so you cannot contact him is why has he still not been able to pay his bill, hasnt it been almost month now? So how tight is he really? Just wondering so before you think he does not love you, nor miss you just step out of it for a second and put yourself in his shoes, he has two jobs, he has a son, maybe some financial troubles and he is for sure hurting about the break up and he was pissed of when wrote you ending it so even though this 20 to 21 days is eternity to you right now for him it is a situation of lots of things going on at the same time and remember me saying men can be good at compartmentalizing things when they need to so please do not think just because you have not heard of him that he has no feelings or he is not hurting. He is but will he want to get back together that is the question we cannot answer for you so put things in perspective and stop obsessing the phone being off because that is not the main point here. Just saying : ).
And to add above main point is not your ex either but you and your well being no matter what life throws at you : ).
@finntoga yeah I was, and it wasn’t fair. We didn’t ever effectively communicate our expectations though so that was mistake #1 -.-
I just want him back so much. I want him to miss me too. And yeah it’s been three weeks I’m hoping he gets paid today since it is Friday and then pays it. I need to stop checking his stuff tho bc its continuing my obsession. I guess it also goes to show that I don’t even trust him to come back! I am clearly assuming the worst in him bc I am assuming he does not miss or love me and never wants me again. I should not assume anything at this point all I know for fact is we are broken up and I need to keep focusing on myself. I start my new job next week I believe. Should be fresh start. I still want my ex though.::
And yeah I’m kind of relieved you think he seemed pissed off when he wrote the email bc I was fearing indifference. You don’t think he was indifferent? I know anger shows deep emotion and I’m just afraid he was indifferent :/ having a lot of body grimy thoughts today too so it’s overall a mess
I dunno I just feel like if he really loves me his heart couldn’t say nothing he would have to contact me 🙁 and he would believe in us… I guess I will see :/And yeah I guess we don’t know although I would feel better if he has contacted me! Bc him saying nothing makes me feel he doesn’t care. At least last time he liked Instagram pics and this time his phone isn’t even on. My anxiety about this is really high today. I feel more tempted to contact him than I have in a while. I would just feel so much better if I knew about that stupid phone lol bc then I would know he did not change his number or something crazy like that and I would be calmer .
And yeah I’m trying to take care of myself it’s hard though.
OMG I have been so caught up in my own anxiety that I realized that today is only day 20 of nc -.- tomorrow is day 21! Smh kinda funny tho
all of a sudden got really depressed and crying… I reread his break up emails… this second one really hurts me
“I rather not meet and just stop here. I know that I had previously told you that I would not just stop talking to you but I am giving you reasons to why we will no longer be together as well as a possibility of us speaking again in the future. Sorry, I will be logging off my personal email now.Have a good one.”
I feel like it seems so indifferent and also in past he had said “have a good one” when he was extremely pissed off. I guess analyzing doesnt help but should I be concerned by this
Ugh I keep looking at his stuff :/ I also saw he accepted one more follower on Instagram and idk how he’s getting in without her personal phone… Unless he got on work phone? But I’m flipping out now thinking he has a new number even though his normal number is still connected??? Maybe he is just not going to pay his bill and has a new number? Maybe I’m being irrational though? Am I being irrational? Is it likely he changed phone 🙁
Ok so now it’s back to saying he has 94 followers not 95 so who knows what happened. I just need to stop looking for my last part of nc.
Still upset tho bc I’m day 20 nc and haven’t heard a thing </3
I dont know if he changed numbers but why then keep the old one? I sounds bit silly. If he does not pay the bill doesnt it mean the phone company will go after him via debt collectors? Maybe mobile subscriptions are different in US or does he have pay as you go? If he does have a new number then it is because you contacted him a bit too much and he is worried about that and changed numbers but I doubt it seriously. His email was sent when he was angry and he does care because he would not have said those things about future being friends etc if he did not want that but it is angry email not indifferent. Don’t read too much into the email you got on a day he broke up with you. Once anger dissipates then you can be more clear what you feel about a person. I should know when my ex told me about moving in with the girl what got me mad was he wrote it like we were just friends and nothing else and also he wrote a line after telling me he has moved in with her after less than month and half (guy who took 9 months to figure out to should he get a new boiler for his house or find a place where it cn be repaired) he said he wonders what I think about it that maybe I am happy for him but he does not know how I feel. I was so angry of course he knew how I would feel but to say like that was soo insensitive towards my feelings but this type of things happen. People often just don’t think how their words and actions can hurt other person. But I needed to work past my anger for me because that anger was only hurting me not him since I stopped all contact. But my ex made biggest mistake of his life because he will never meet and get anyone like me and I was pretty darn great girlfriend. So instead of worrying about his phone and does he think of you. You say you felt loved when with him so therefore he does think of you. The only thing we don’t know is does he still want to be with you and time will tell that.You need to realize no one can give an answer to that question but him (no blog, advice column and no person) and you are not ready yet to contact him because these obsessive items show it. You are getting there but aren’t there quite yet.
You will miss him. love him and want him for long time. When love is strong it takes time recover if it is lost. And that is just way it is. There is no magical pill or cure you can take that would take the hurt away. I still have moments when I hurt or miss him so much and then I just tell myself stop it, no point he does not want you and focus on something else because life goes on you have to do it for you. And having plans for fun things help a lot. I am going to see my family in early June, applying for jobs, Got sailing course booked. Got my Uni exams next week and half so will be super busy with those. So think of what you got new job starting, go out with friends for dinner or cook dinner at yours to couple of friends and some wine and nice chats. World is out there with plenty of distractions on offer.
Why being a friends with that other guy is good idea is because you need some new people in your life to provide something else to think about and chatting to him in casual way is just that, also he might become good friend in time and having one of those is never wasted time spent, male friends if you are in need of harmless fun company are great for that with girls there is sometimes too much drama and also they can give you a great insight on the male thinking when you have problems in a relationship and you can help them in theirs so as long as you a firm that friendship is only thing you can offer. I find it annoying that there are people who think you cannot have male friends if you are in a relationship with someone else. To me it says there is no trust and the other person is insecure. I mean when my ex told me straight at the beginning that he was living with his ex in the same house because he did not want to kick her to street cos she was unemployed at that time and that benefit was quite small. I had no issue with it because I am not a jealous type, he told me that immediately so I trusted him for his word and until proven otherwise I give my trust despite being hurt in the past because he was not responsible for the hurt that someone else had caused me and that is what you need to separate. Not everyone is out to hurt you if you give them your trust and love. People just change in time and their feelings change and sometimes you grow together and sometimes you grow apart. For your ex and you it could have been two right people but it was wrong time. And only future can show if the right time comes but therefore you were not in right place. But you cannot worry about what will happen in ten or 20 days. What is the point to do that? Like both Dragongirl and I have said to you negative thinking feeds the situation. So work on the positive. You have made progress with your eating disorder, you are continuing work on it to ensure you stay healthy. You realize what your bad patterns are and you have made progress on those too. It is just that once you accept that there are things you cannot control and change , how to deal with situations becomes that much easier and you stop obsessing about it because there is nothing you can do when it comes to other peoples actions and decisions. You impact only you and the vibe you bring to a situation and how it turns if you believe he will hurt you, he does not love you then imagine what your meeting would be like? He says something you counteract with negative comment and then he gets frustrated and angry. Whereas think of this scenario you meet, you talk to him about all the positive work you have done on yourself how hard it was but how much better you feel, thank him for showing it to you even if it was the hard way and it ended up costing your relationship. If you keep it positive instead of hashing all the things you both did wrong and how you never would do it again and beg him back he would run a mile but there is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who is strong, beautiful inside and who is not pushing them getting back but makes it clear they are fine on their own. Because you are fine on your own and yes I know you want him back but that would not be something to be discussed then. This is just a example. Trying to counteract those negative thoughts with different more positive scenarios will help you going forward. And when you feel like crying cause you miss him then do it but after wipe your tears and give yourself a good kick in the backside and distract yourself. I mean what do you do at the moment go to work and what outside work? I hope you are going and doing things instead of sitting at home and wondering about his phone?
Hi @finntoga thank you for your response.
Before I respond back, I want to process something. Currently overcome with anxiety. I have been so anxious about “does he have a new number” that I deleted him on snapchat to see if his name still came up under his normal number, it did. His current username is req.leo ; however, on IG in the past he has used the username leo.req so I looked that up on snapchat too!!! AND THERE WAS A FREAKING ACCOUNT. Then I lost it. I flipped out. Heart started racing. Mind was wondering if he had made another account or if it’s a huge coincident (unlikely coincidence bc it’s an unpopular username…?) so I added the mysterious leo.req username and sent a snap saying who is this and also saying sorry this name popped up and i didn’t know if it was someone i knew. The person (whoever it is) well their snapchat is private so they wouldn’t get my snaps unless they accepted me as a friend. I ended up blocking the person bc if it isn’t him, I need to calm down. And if it is, I also need to calm down. This paranoia about him never getting his normal number is increasing.
I also added his work email to my contacts. Turns out that his work phone (its an iphone) is connected to his work email so I could imessage through that… I did not, but I felt as if I broke NC or something (not sure if i did because idk if that was him and then i blocked it bc idk :/ ) so i almost texted his work phone…and am currently really tempted. One of my guy friends asked me why i’m still obsessing and i said i love him and think we can work things out and he said that’s naivete at this point. I’m really struggling 🙁
Idk why he still has the old one. Hopefully he will reactivate soon. I have a text constructed right now to send bc so tempted 🙁 He has service through a company called Cricket. It is a pay as you go plan. Once you miss your pay date you have 30 days before a reactivation fee and 60 days before your phone is cancelled altogether. I am trying to keep calm and control myself regardless of my friend Luke thinking my ex and i will not work and it’s over and i’m being naive.. that really hurt me.
Yeah, I guess his email was angry. I just wish he would have contacted me by now. I feel so desperate. Perhaps I should just think “it is over” bc feeling hopeless at this point. If he created a new snapchat account tho, he would need to have used his work cell number. Unfortunately I only know the email linked to it, not the number itself. I will try to not read too much into the email. It’s so hard. I also keep wondering wow what would he done had he not broken up with me!?!?!?!?! 🙁 Would I just be clueless as to his whereabouts? 🙁 i’m so hopeless right now. Wow. That was definitely a rude and insensitive email for you ex to say. Also why did he move in with this random girl so fast? It makes no sense :/ And yeah that’s true. I don’t think my ex thought of that when he was angry with me. I guess my intense anxiety, hopelessness and anger is also just hurting me. I think I was a good girlfriend too. I would go out of my way to do special little things for him. Sure I had my defects and I loved/love him with all my heart. According to my gay guy friend my ex doesn’t want to be w me…hopefully he is wrong, though 🙁 I almost contacted him just now and I am so motivated to go to day 30. at least. Did I break NC by adding that snap chat user that idk if it was a second username for him or just a random person? they were private so they hadn’t gotten what i sent bc they need to add me first then i blocked them..so hopefully it hides my tracks? Now i’m worried i broke nc 🙁
I definitely want him more than anything and love him with all of my being. I want us to work out so badly. I want nothing more than to cuddle with him and cry in his arms right now.
Wow! Those sound like fun things!! How long will you see your family? And wow good luck on the exams! And yeah I have a new job starting…it is hard to go out and do stuff though bc I still feel quite down and depressed.I see what you’re saying about the other guy. I think having a friend of the opposite sex while in a relationship is OK as long as the person has never had any feelings for you? Like I ddidn’t want my ex to hang out w girls that liked him…never asked him not to but he didn’t do it bc he wanted me. I miss him and want him so much. I just am really tempted to contact him today. Day 21 of nc and still nothing from the supposed love of my life. He said he loved me…would never just stop talking, and now I feel so betrayed.
Yeah I guess sometimes I think everyone just wants to hurt me, or worse that I deserve to be hurt. I hope my ex and I are right people and I’m getting so worried 🙁 like is he waiting for me to reach out or is he gonna or whatever bc both have happened in past :/ Yeah that’s true about recognizing and working on my shortcomings…i just sometimes feel i have such an infinite amount of them. Yeah that’s true. I have grown from this at the least i just want to know if he will want me back. I despise unknowns. Sorry I’m just really highly emotional right now and typing this so i don’t break NC. I think doing that could help though…keeping positive. I don’t want him to feel pushed away and I don’t want to beg from him back. And at the moment I don’t do much outside of work and treatment… blah :/ 🙁 </3
First of all you have no more shortcomings than the person next to you. I am sorry but I have lots of American friends and the one thing I have never gotten is this obsession of perfectness what is with you yanks and perfection? No one can be perfect so it is really stupid to say we had a perfect relationship, he is perfect for me, perfect couple. Bull crap say I : ). Honestly there is no way that nothing or no one is perfect because we are all wonderfully imperfect. It is okay to have male friends whilst in relationship if you dont have feelings for them and they know the situation but you cant control their feelings as long as they dont cross the line it is cool. Again you cannot control someone elses feelings and so what if they think you are amazing as long as you are honest of your feelings that it is friendship only then they are responsible for theirs. Simple.
This online thing is too much. People have way too many things and they become paranoid. I am not on twitter or instagram or snapchat because I want to have some privacy left and communicate with people on real level most times : ) I guess I am old fogy. But you really need to put the phone down for a second so you dont see it and take a breather because this is not good for you. Also you really need to start working with doing other stuff than just sitting in your room and letting the thoughts go around your head. You can distract yourself by getting involved with activities and keeping yourself busy if you just sit there nothing changes. It is up to you of course but really what is this helping. I really hope you dont break the nc and contact him. You dont want to to drive him away for good right? Just let him cool off it takes longer the second time and we talked about not comparing these times. We dont know will your ex want you back, Luke is right that right now he does want to be with you but Luke nor me or no one else knows is that permanent and there is the difference. So all hope is not lost but for now you need to accept that he is not with you and he has not contacted you because he is not ready for it. Time is a concept that is different for everyone.@finntoga, thanks for saying that.
I just got done crying to my roommate and am still crying. I don’t want it to be over. Given all we have been through I don’t want it to be over. I have loved him way too long for it to be over. I feel completely heartbroken. What my friend Luke said really hurt me…saying I’m naive for thinking we can work things out :/ I have just been trying to work on myself and him saying no way we could be together was really hurtful.
Thank you for saying that about the shortcoming. Sometimes I feel I am the most imperfect person of them all. I feel like I cannot succeed sometimes. I also am currently blaming this all on myself. If only I had professed my love for him sooner and had stopped shutting him down. That’s also why I am sooo much obsessing about the phone. In my mind if he turns off his phone and never turns it on that is communicating to me that he is completely finally done and he never wants to be with me or see me ever again. It communicates he is a complete jerk and doesn’t care at all. He didn’t change his number with any other exes…and I hope he does not with me. I am currently frantic and also keep crying. Today I feel like he is gone forever. I will never get him back. I heart yearns for him but I am alone, broken 🙁 I have been working on myself as much as possible and this anxiety around him thinking i’m not worth it and just leaving me is still there. I remember he told me it was so unlikely for him to just stop talking and never talk to me again and he assured me that was an irrational thought and would never happen. Then, he ignored for 10 days and I was completely clueless. Then he broke up w me via email and hasn’t replied since. I am just so devastated by that. I feel like by doing that he showed me he never loved me. Maybe I am overreacting but that is the root fear fueling my obsession. And yeah, I’m not sure about the American perfectionism thing…I know with eating disorders, it is also really common to have the perfectionism thing going on as well.Yeah that’s true. We are all imperfect. Only perfect person to walk this Earth was Jesus Christ in my opinion. Yeah, I see what you’re saying about male friends. I think it is just so hard for me to think of that right now bc I want my ex and only my ex forever and always :/
Yeah the online thing is too much. I don’t know if that was a snapchat of his or not. My old ex created separate accounts causing paranoia w that too. I have a twitter but don’t use it. Maybe I should delete my snapchat app for now… possibly my instagram too. At least until end of day 30?
Yeah I want to communicate on real level as well 🙂 And yeah I need to take a breather bc right now I am not in a good place. And yeah I watch tv but idk what else to do right now :/ I also really want to break NC and text him. Should I make it to day 30 and prove I can do it? Although if he hasn’t said antyhing by then i’ll be devastated. Last time he seemed angrier and it took 21 days of nc and on day 22 he told me he loved me , etc. But i guess I need to not compare the times. I hope he will want me back. I hope he misses me as much as I miss him because I can’t take this right now </3 I see couples and all I think about is how much I miss my ex.The jealousy about other girls all stems from your insecurities because you think you are not good enough but always keep in mind he chose to be with you and not those other girls so tryst is something you need to give in new relationship. People deserve clean slate and unless they prove they are not to be trusted then you should have faith in people. You should be flattered that others want your man and he wanted you instead of being jealous ,that is a characteristics that is quite unattractive in a man and a woman in my opinion. But I guess since I have never been jealous about people is bit alien thing for me.
Of course you feel depressed and sad and you dont need to pretend that you are something else but if you dont go out you cant possibly feel better either. GO out and you might end up having fun, concerts, events just go to them regardless how lousy you feel and you might end up having great time. You dont know if you dont try and you seriously need distraction from this phone business.
Also you put a lot of emphasis on what people say about you and your ex, none of us know we are using our own experiences and I dont know Luke but to call you naive and say it is totally over is bit incorrect because unless Luke has spoken with your ex only he knows that so listen to advice but keep an open and inquisitive mind about meaning you dont need to take all if to heart but use common sense : ). I mean I am not always right either so same applies to my advice use what makes sense to you and rest forget it.
Yes those negative feelings are hurting you more than anyone else and that is why it is good to get mad at your ex for his shortcomings on this relationship and not telling you about his phone and talking about the breakup but it is important to forgive and move over it because if he wants to try again how will you continue if there is still negative feelings and resentment left? Same with the old ex. He did nasty things but you survived it, you moved on and met a better guy so it is time to say what is done is done, you cannot change it , it hurt you but also made you stronger so that is it. He no longer matters and can hurt you, words are just words and he is really only expressing his own insecurities when he says awful things about you so forgive him and leave him behind and treat him as valuable lesson in life that he was. With current ex, you should think it is over for now and concentrate on you and keeping the nc. When you are ready then contact him to see where you are, if someone genuinely loves you, you cannot drive him away by giving them space to deal with their issues. And if it did then isnt it better that you know it at least? Of course all this hurt but you know what it wont hurt forever and you will be fine.
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